a moment, to put on her clothes, which before seemed to be rained upon her; for they hung upon her as if they were never formed to be friends. But alas! she has not time to pin her gown, she is hurried to death, and now it is certain another time will do to remedy the evil, for she cannot possibly rectify it at this instant, though she fidges from room to room. The loss of time becomes the mother of a thousand apoligies, which flow from her lips. "Bless me, you have caught me this time, I used to be as neat as any body, now I have to bustle through thick aud thin: but there is a great difference in husbands, you are fortunate in a good one that will help you, you always appear tidy, and you can go any where together, but my husband is a poor noodle, and always ready to start first, and has no compassion upon me. Though the tailor can fit his awkward shoulders, better than the mantuamaker can fit my straight back. Besides, my servant that should forward me, says every thing will do for to-day, so you see we are all in dirt and dust."

Who then will venture to declare

1

That man's, mistitled sorrow's heir?

Our friend is stuffed with apoligies, and the cloud of dust serves to escape almost unseen; for depend upon it my wife is so much in the habit of putting off the proper time, that she has no time, except to ill time every thing.

Deluded souls! that sacrifice

Most precious time below the skies.

The other day when we made an engagement to go by the mail to see a friend in the morning, to prevent all unnecessary bustle and confusion at an early period, I dared to assemble and adjust my wife's apparrel, after she had laid herself down, venturing to request her attention before sleep to the order of things in the morning but alas! in the morning the candle went out, no servants nor myself could be of any use, for she was so accustomed to a room strewed with clothes, that order to her seemed the greatest tumult. Confusion and scolding began the day; and circumstances furnished her with a long apology to the gentlemen in the mail, for keeping them waiting two minutes, when we were "up

an hour before the time of its arrival. I wished with all my heart, that the company would conduct me where good head-pieces were to be disposed of.

A gentleman congratulated me on the seasonable enquiry, for he had some first rate carefully packed; I meant for my wife; so did he; but yet we meant two things as different as brains, and a head-piece wrought by twisted thread, nimble fingers, and gingling bobius. I thought proper to turn the conversation into another channel, for it is a most unhappystation, to be boxed in a corner, unable to escape ones opponent, and fearful of uttering a word, when the toes are trampled upon, and the character is lowered. But I was the troubled husband at the end of the stage, for my wife had the discernment to read what our companion meant by beautiful, well wrought, and rich head pieces; the shew must take place, and I was compelled to pay smart for my jokes. It is hoped the reader will remember that a complicated sentence may create a double double expence of thought, words, and money.

I put down in my memory the propriety of giving my son the following coun sel when I retured from my journey.

European, never place your confidence in the person who selects the strongest side; never put your trust in one who will sacrifice almost any thing to appearance, because sometimes they may sacrifice every thing.Just so, son, I have felt for all my peace and comfort; and the happiness of my family was extirpated to make room for raucour." I saw the tear of filial sympathy roll, and I heard the sigh that ratified the truth, and responded with my own feelings, as we parted to pursue our avocations.

Every ladder has four sides, though the knowing may dispute this, my wife and I were always on the opposite side, upon the first stave of retort; and when I hoped my round was rising in forbearance and patience, I found hers rise as fast in the opposite. Sometimes I hoped I was rising in that grace which my wife and the world most despise. Nor could I but anticipate the thought that as she rose higher on the opposite

side, she would be blessed with a conviction that for once she was on the wrong side. However her name rose so high in my house, and in the whole town, that she might say and do what she pleased; for it became public opinion, that it was best not to contradict her.

I long'd to see her cast the chains away,
That held her wretched soul a slave.

The teasing anxiety I felt, exceeds the power of words to describe; for how exquisite the pain, to be tormented between two extremes; that is whether I should make a bold, a determined stand against my wife, or whether I should let her disturb others, and harrass myself, without restraint. I supposed it my duty to confine my mastiff, rather than let him follow his inclination to injure any person. But to put an absolute restraint upon one, who had a tongue to plead (that was her disposition) in extenuation of the whole mass of evil she created; to put an unqualified restraint upon a rational creature, governed by a disposition so