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Are the next fights you must expect,
But do not think they are my neglect.
Ah that these evils were the worst!
The parlour still is farther curst.
To enter there if you advance,
If in you get, it is by chance.
How oft by turns have you and I
Said thus-"let me-no-let me try-
"This turn will open it I'll engage"-
You push me from it in a rage.
Turning, twisting, forcing, fumbling,
Stamping, ftaring, fuming, grumbling,
At length it opens-in we go-
How glad are we to find it fo!
Conquefts thro' pains and dangers please,
Much more than those attain'd with ease.
Are you difpos'd to take a feat ;
The inftant that it feels your weight,
Out go its legs and down you come
Upon your reverend Deanship's bum.
Betwixt two ftools 'tis often faid,
The fitter on the ground is laid;
What praise then to my chairs is due,
Where one performs the feat of two!
Now to the fire, if fuch there be,
At prefent nought but smoke we see.
Come, ftir it up-ho-Mr. Joker,
How can I ftir it without poker?
The bellows take, their batter'd nofe
Will ferve for poker, I fuppofe.
Now you begin to rake-alack
The grate has tumbled from its back-
The coals all on the hearth are laid-
26 Stay, Sir-I'll run and call the maid;
"She'll make the fire again complete-
"She knows the humour of the grate.
Pox take your maid, and you together-
This is cold comfort in cold weather.
Now all is right again-the blaze
Suddenly rais'd as foon decays.

Once

Once more apply the bellows-" So-
"Thefe bellows were not made to blow-
"Their leathern lungs are in decay,

They can't even puff the fmoke away.'
And is your Reverence vext at that?
Get up in God's name, take your hat;
Hang them, fay I, that have no shift;
Come, blow the fire, good Doctor Swift.
If trifles fuch as these can tease you,
Plague take those fools that strive to please you.
Therefore no longer be a quarr'ler
Either with me, Sir, or my parlour.
If you can relifh ought of mine,
A bit of meat, a glass of wine,
You're welcome to it, and you fhall fare
As well as dining with the Mayor.
"You faucy fcab-you tell me fo-
"Why booby-face, I'd have you know
"I'd rather fee your things in order,
"Than dine in ftate with the Recorder.
"For water I muft keep a clutter,
*Orchide your wife for stinking butter.
"Or getting fuch a deal of meat,
"As if you'd half the town to eat.
"That wife of your's, the Devil's in her,
"I've told her of this way of dinner,
"Five hundred times, but all in vain-
"Here comes a rump of beef again :
"Oh that that wife of your's would burst
"Get out, and ferve the boarders firft.

"Pox take 'em all for me-I fret

"So much, I fhall not eat my meat-
"You know I'd rather have a flice."
I know, dear Sir, you are not nice ;
You'll have your dinner in a minute;
Here comes the plate and flices in it-
Therefore no more, but take your place→→→
Do you fall to, and I'll fay grace.

MEMOIRS

1

MEMOIRS and ANECDOTES of SWIFT, extracted from the former Publications, by Dr. DELANY,

and others.

AS Swift had been charged by many with want of

religion, Voltaire, and other Free-thinkers, wifhing to have a man of his genius inrolled in their clafs ; Doctor Delany enters into a juftification of him in that respect. Among other paffages to this effect, are the following: As to his religion, I myself have obferved many strong indications and proofs of his fincerity in it, befide those now mentioned. His faying Grace, both before and after meat, was very remarkable. It was always in the fewest words that could be uttered on the occafion, but with an emphasis and fervour which every one around him faw and felt, and with his hands clasped into one another, and lifted up to his breast, but never higher. The Religious and Christian form. of his laft will, and the many prayers compofed, and conftantly offered up by him in Mrs. Johnfon's ficknefs, are strong proofs to the fame purpose.

There was no vice in the world he fo much abhorred as hypocrify; and of confequence nothing he dreaded fo much as to be suspected of it. This naturally led, to make him verge fometimes too much to the other extreme; and made him often conceal his piety with more care, than others take to conceal their vices. I have been affured by Doctor Delany, who lived for a confiderable time in his house, that he refided with him for more than fix months, before he knew, or fo much as fufpected that he ever read prayers to his family. Which nevertheless he conftantly did, at a fixed hour every night in his own bed-chamber, to which the fer

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vants regularly and filently reforted, at the time appointed, without any notice from a bell, or audible call of any kind, except the ftriking of a clock. And I am well affured, that when he lived in London, his conftant way was to go to early prayers, and facrament; which he thought made him lefs diftinguished in his devotions. But though in his private capacity he indulged himself in his own method of paying his devotions, yet when his duty called on him either as a parish Prieft, or Dean, no one performed all the functions of that facred office in a more exemplary manner, because in this cafe nothing of oftentation could be imputed to him. Of this Doctor Delany gives feveral inftances, and concludes with a very remarkable one, where he fays, after a good deal of meditation upon Swift's character, as a man of true religion, I think I have found out one proof of it fo clear and inconteftable, as may well fuperfede the neceffity of any other. His Cathedral of St. Patrick's, is the only church in that city, wherein the primitive practice of receiving the facrament every Lord's day, was renewed, and is ftill continued; and to the beft of my remembrance and belief, renewed in his time. At least, as he was Ordinary there, it could not be continued without his confent; and it is most certain that he conftantly attended that holy office; confecrated and adminiftered the Sacrament in perfon. Nor do I believe he ever once failed to do fo, when it was in his power; I mean when he was not fick, or abfent at too great a distance.

His attention to the economy of his Cathedral was fuch, that he would not fuffer a fhilling of its revenues to be alienated from its proper use, even for the purposes of charity. If any thing of that kind was propofed, his answer was, that this money was appropriated, but he would give out of his own pocket, in

proportion

proportion to his income, as much towards any charitable purpose, as any of them would in proportion to theirs. Then turning to the person who made the proposal, "You, Sir, declare, upon your confcience, that the perfon you now folicit for, is a proper object of Chriftian Charity. My Deanery is worth feven hundred pounds a year; your Prebend, worth two; if you will give two fhillings to this charity, I will give feven, or any greater fum in the fame proportion.

ter.

His strict religious attention to the revenues of the Deanery, was fo great, that he never failed to fecrifice his own present emoluments, to the reafonable profpects of a future fufficient maintenance for his fucceffors and chapOne inftance of this appeared moft remarkably in the great decline, and almoft total decay of his understanding. He had resolved many years before, never to renew a certain leafe of lands belonging to the Deanery, without raising the rent thirty pounds a year. The tenant had often applied to him for a renewal upon other terms, but to no purpose. And finding now that Swift's understanding was in the decay, and his avarice remarkably predominant; he thought this the proper feafon to make his laft effort for a renewal, and tempt him with fuch a fine, as he was fure the Dean could not resist in thofe circumstances. Accordingly he made his attempt; but to as little purpose as ever he had done before, the Dean remaining immoveable. He refused a large fine, at a time when he loved money incomparably beyond any thing else in the world, and raised the rent, as he had long fince refolved to do. I visited him the next day after the renewal of this leafe, and enquiring after his health, he told me in a tone of heavy complaint, that his memory was almoft totally gone, and his understanding going; but that he had yesterday done fomething for the benefit of his fucceffor, but he had forgot what; but DocCc 2

tor

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