shall comfort me; but then darkness was as the shadow of death." I was often on the brink of despair. "He filled me with bitterness, he made me drunk with wormwood. He removed my foul far from peace; I forgat profperity. I faid my hope and my strength are perished from the Lord." I wondered that I was not confumed; and though I dreaded deftruction from the Almighty, yet I must have justified him if he had destroyed me. Thus I walked about dejected, weary and heavy laden; weary of my disease, and weary of my vain remedies; and utterly uncertain what to do next, or what courfe to take.

CHAPTER II.

Of his Deliverance from Temptations.

1. IT was in this extremity God ftepped in; he found me wallowing in my blood, in a helpless and hopeless condition. I was quite overcome, neither able to fight nor flee, when he Lord paffed by me, and made this time a time of love. Towards the beginning of February 1698, this seasonable relief came. I was then, as I remember, at fecret prayer, when he discovered himself to me, when he let me fee, that there are "forgiveneffes with him, and mercy, and plenteous redemption. He made all his goodnefs to pafs, and he proclaimed his name, the Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, long fuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity, tranfgreffion, and fin." This was a ftrange fight to one who before looked on God only as a confuming fire, whom I could not fee and live. He brought me from Sinai, and its thunderings, to mount Sion, and to the Blood which speaketh better things than that of Abel. I now with wonder beheld Chrift in his glory, full of Grace and Truth. I faw that He, who had before rejected all my offerings, was well pleased in the Beloved, being fully fatisfied, not only that there is forgiveness of fins, through the redemption which is in Jefus; but alfo, that God by this means might be just in justifying

even the ungodly that believe in him. How was I ravished with delight, to fee that fuch mercy might confift even with his inflexible juftice and fpotless purity! And yet more, when he let me fee, that to me, even to me, was the word of this falvation fent; that even I was ins vited to come, and take the water of life freely! Farther, he difcovered to me his design in the whole, even that no flefh might glory in his fight: that he might manifeft the riches of his grace, and be exalted in Thewing mercy. And when this ftrange discovery was made, of a relief which made full provifion both for God's glory and my falvation, my foul was fweetly carried out to reft in it, as worthy of God, and every way fuited to my neceffity.

2. All these discoveries were conveyed to me by his word; not indeed by one particular paffage, but by the concurring light of many of its teftimonies and promises, feasonably fet home, and plainly expreffing thefe truths: thus I found it to be the power of God unto falvation. But neither was it his word alone; for the fame paffages I had read before, and thought upon, without any relief; but now the Lord fhined into my mind by them. Before this I knew the letter only, but now the words were fpirit and life; a burning light by them fhone into my mind, and gave me not merely fome notional knowledge, but an experimental knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jefus Chrift. And vaftly different this was from all the notions I had before had of the fame truths. It fhone from heaven; it was not a spark kindled by my own endeavours, but it fhone fuddenly about me: it came by a heavenly means, the word; it opened heaven, and discovered heavenly things; and its whole tendency was heavenward. It was a true light, giving true manifestations of the one God, the one Mediator between God and man, and a true view of my state with respect to God, not according to my foolish imaginations. It was a diftinct and clear light, not only representing spiritual things, but manifefting them in their glory, and in their comely order. It fet all things in their due line of fubordination to God, and gave distinct views of their genuine tendency. It was a fatisfying

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light; the foul abfolutely refted upon the discoveries it made it was affured of them: it could not doubt if it faw, or if the things were fo as it represented them. It was a quickening, refreshing, healing light. It arose with healing in its wings. It was a powerful light; it diffipated that thick darknefs which overfpread my mind, and made all those frightful temptations, that before tormented me, inftantly flee before it. Laftly, it was a compofing light: it did not, like a flash of lightning, fill the foul with fear and amazement; but it quieted my mind, and gave me the full and free use of all my faculties. I need not give a larger account of this light, for no words can give a notion of light to the blind; and he that has eyes, (at leaft, while he fees it) will need no words to defcribe it. Proceed we, then, to its fruits, whereby the difference of it from all my former light will most evidently appear.

3. The first effect of it was an approbation of God's way of faving finners by Jefus Chrift; as a way of relief in all refpects fuitable to the needs of a poor, guilty, felf-condemned, felf-deftroyed finner, who is at length beat from all other reliefs, and hath his mouth entirely stopped before God. In this I refted as a way full of peace and comfort, and providing abundantly for all thofe ends I defired to have fecured.

And this approbation difcovered itself ever after in all temptations, by keeping up in me a fettled perfuafion, that "God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is only in his Son." And when afterwards I was under temptations, it still kept me firm in an abfolute determination utterly to reject all other ways of relief, whether I found prefent comfort in this or not. This was also my only fanctuary against guilt; "Let me be found in him, not having mine own righteoufnefs." And, whenever God gave me a fresh beam of this light, all difficulties vanifhed away; then I rejoiced in Chrift Jefus, and nothing was able to difturb me while it lafted; and ever after I was then only pleased, when I found my foul, in fome measure, moulded into a

compliance with the defign of the gofpel, emptied of myfelf, fubjected to God, and careful to have him alone exalted.

4. A fecond effect of this discovery was, my eye began to be fingle, looking, in all things, to the glory of God: I now defired that He alone, (which, before, I had no real concern for) might be glorified in my life, or by my death. I saw that shame and confufion belonged to me, and to Him only the whole glory of my falvation. I watched over the moft fecret actings of felf, labouring to renounce it utterly, looking on it as my grand enemy, on which I was always to have an eye, and counting the power it ftill had my greateft affliction. I never found comfort but when this idol was difcernibly abased: and whenever this light shone, in proportion to its clearness and continuance, the intereft of felf was weakened in my foul, and I fought not myself but Christ Jesus.

5. A third effect of this light was with respect to his commandments, which I now faw were not grievous, but right concerning all things. I owned his yoke to be eafy, and his burden light. Amidst all temptations, I knew the law was holy, juft, and good. I perceived too, that it was exceeding broad, extending even to the lighteft motion of the heart. The duties I was most averfe to before, were now easy, pleasant, and refreshing. I faw a peculiar beauty in thofe laws in particular that croffed the fins which had the firmest rooting in my temper. None were fo hateful to me; for none did I loath myself so much; none was I fo glad of a victory over. My mind was conti. nually engaged in contrivances for their ruin, which "formerly, I ftill fought to fpare. And would God have given me my choice, to have the laws against them blotted out, he knows I fhould not have chosen it, and that I fhould have thought his law lefs pleasant and lefs perfect, had thefe prohibitions been wanting. I took pleasure in others only fo far as there appeared in them any thing of a humble, felf-denying conformity to his law, and had a fixed diflike of the least in

conformity thereto, either in myself or others. In a word, I faw, that if I could reach holiness I fhould have pleasure, and peace, and liberty; that all wifdom's ways were ways of pleasantnefs: nor was any thing infupportable to me, but that remaining unfubdued corruption that would not stoop to put its neck under her yoke.

6. A fourth effect of it was, a right forrow for fin, flowing from a deep fenfe of my ingratitude, to provoke fuch a God, who had prevented, and ftill followed me with so much mercy. And this forrow filled my heart with love to God and his way, fweetened my foul, and endeared God to it. And the more God manifested his kindnefs, the more it increafed; when He was pacified, I was afhamed and confounded; nor was it a burdenfome, but a fweet and pleafant forrow, as being the exercise of filial gratitude. This fenfe of his kindness, when kept within, covered me with blufhes; and I was eafed, when God allowed me to vent my fense of it, and to pour it, as it were, into his bofom. It was likewife a fpring of activity in the way of duty; I was glad to be employed in the meaneft work, which might fhew how deeply fenfible I was of my former difobedience. It was not, as my late forrow, pregnant with pride, ftiffnefs, and unwillingness to fuffer any chastisement; but it humbled, foftened the foul, and made it willing to bear the indignation of the Lord, fince I had finned against him. In a word, I was glad when God gave me any measure of it, and grieved when I found it wanting, and I cried to the Prince exalted for it, as a neceffary help to the obeying 'his whole law.

7. A fifth effect of this light, was a comfortable >hope of falvation, rifing in ftrength, or growing more weak, as the difcoveries of the way of falvation were, more or lefs, clear and ftrong. I knew I could not fail of falvation, otherwife than by milling this way. Sometimes I doubted of myfelf, but not of the way; fo far as I walked in it, I was fweetly fatisfied that my expectation fhould not be cut off. And as this light