Page images

ing the use of all polite behaviour. He takes advantage of the restraint good-breeding lays upon others not to offend him, to trespass against them, and is under the man's own shelter while he intrudes upon him. The fellows of this class are very frequent in the repetition of the words rough and manly. When these people happen to be by their fortunes of the rank of gentlemen, they defend their other absurdities by an impertinent courage; and, to help out the defect of their behaviour, add their being dangerous to their being disagreeable. This gentleman (though he displeases, professes to do so; and knowing that, dares still go on to do so) is not so painful a companion, as he who will please you against your will, and resolves to be a wit.

This man, upon all occasions, and whoever he falls in company with, talks in the same circle, and in the same round of chat which he has learned at one of the tables of this coffee-house. As poetry is in itself an elevation above ordinary and common sentiments; so there is no fop so very near a madman in indifferent company as a poetical one. He is not apprehensive that the generality of the world are intent upon the business of their own fortune and profession, and have as little capacity as curiosity to enter into matters of ornament or speculation. I remember at a full table in the city, one of these ubiquitary wits was entertaining the company with a soliloquy, for so I call it when a man talks to those who do not understand him, concerning wit and hu

An honest gentleman who sat next me, and was worth half a plum,* stared at him, and observing there was some sense, as he thought, mixt with his impertinence, whispered me, “ Take my word for it, this fellow is more knave than fool.” This was all my good friend's applause of the wittiest man of talk that I was ever present at, wbich wanted

* Fifty thousand pounds.



nothing to make it excellent, but that there was no occasion for it.

The pedant is so obvious to ridicule, that it would be to be one to offer to explain him. He is a gentleman so well known, that there is none but those of his own class who do not laugh at and avoid him. Pedantry proceeds from much reading and little understanding. A pedant among men of learning and sense, is like an ignorant servant giving an account of a polite conversation. You may find he has brought with him more than could have entered, into his head without being there, but still that he is not a bit wiser than if he had not been there at all.

N° 245. THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 1710.

From my own Apartment, November 1. The lady hereafter mentioned, having come to me in very great haste, and paid me much above the usual fee, as a cunning-man to find her stolen goods, and also having approved my late discourse of advertisements, obliged me to draw up this, and insert it in the body of my paper.

ADVERTISEMENT. *** Whereas Bridget Howd'ye, late servant to the lady Fardingale, a short, thick, lively, hardfavoured wench of about twenty-nine years of age, her eyes small and bleared, her nose very broad at bottom, and turning up at the end, her mouth wide, and lips of an unusual thickness, two teeth out before, the rest black and uneven, the tip of her left ear being of a mouse colour, her voice loud and shrill, quick of speech, and something of a Welsh accent, withdrew herself on Wednesday last from her ladyship's dwelling-house, and, with the help of her consorts, carried off the following goods of her said lady, viz. a thick wadded calico wrapper, a musk-coloured velvet mantle lined with squirrelskins, eight night-shifts, four pair of silk stockings curiously darned, six pair of laced shoes, new and old with the heels of half two inches higher than their fellows; a quilted petticoat of the largest size, and one of canvass with whale-bone hoops ; three pair of stays, bolstered below the left shoulder, two pair of hips of the newest fashion, six round-about aprons with pockets, and four striped muslin nightrails very little frayed; a silver pot for coffee or chocolate, the lid much bruised : a broad-brimmed flat silver plate for sugar with Rhenish wine; a silver ladle for plum-porridge; a silver cheese-toaster with three tongues, an ebony handle, and silvering at the end; a silver posnet to butter eggs; one caudle and two caudle-water cups, two cocoa-cups, and an ostrich's egg, with rims and feet of silver, a marrow spoon with a scoop at the other end, a silver orange-strainer, eight sweet-meat spoons made with forks at the end, an agate-handle knife and fork in a sheath, a silver tongue-scraper, a silver tobaccobox, with a tulip graved on the top; and a Bible bound in shagreen, with gilt leaves and clasps, never opened but once. Also a small cabinet, with six drawers inlaid with red tortoise-shell, and brass gilt ornaments at the four corners, in which were two leather forehead cloths, three pair of oiled dog-skin gloves, seven cakes of superfine Spanish wool, half a dozen of Portugal dishes, and a quire of paper from thence: two pair of bran-new plumpers, four black-lead combs, three pair of fashionable eye-brous, two sets of ivory teeth, little the worse for wearing, and one pair of box for common use; Adam and Eve in buigle-work, without fig-leaves, upon canvas, curiously wrought with her ladyship’s own hand; several filligrane curiosities; a crotchet of one hundred and twenty-two diamonds, set strong and deep

in silver, with a rump-jewel after the same fashion ; bracelets of braided hair, pomander and seed pearl ; a large old purple velvet purse embroidered, and shutting with a spring, containing two pictures in miniature, the feathers visible; a broad thick gold ring with a hand-in-hand engraved upon it, and with this

poesy, “ While life does last, I'll hold thee fast;" another set round with small rubies and sparks, six wanting; another of Turkey-stone, cracked through the middle; an Elizabeth and four Jacobus's, one guinea, the first of the coin, an angel with a hole bored through, a broken half of a Spanish piece of gold, a crown-piece with the breeches, an old nine-pence bent both ways by Lilly the almanack-maker for luck at langteraloo, and twelve of the shells called blackmoor's teeth ; one small amber box with apoplectic balsam, and one silver-gilt of a larger size for cashu and carraway comfits, to be taken at long sermons, the lid enamelled, representing a Cupid fishing for hearts, with a piece of gold on his hook; over his head this rhyme, “ Only with gold, you me shall hold.” In the lower drawer was a large new gold repeating watch made by a Frenchman; a gold chain, and all the proper appurtenances hung upon steel swivels, to wit, lockets with the hair of dead and living lovers, seals with arms, emblems and devices cut in cornelian, agate, and onyx, with Cupids, hearts, darts, altars, flames, rocks, pickaxes, roses, thorns, and sunflowers; as also a variety of ingenious French mottos; together with gold etuys for quills, scissars, needles, thimbles, and a sponge dipped in Hungary water, left but the night before by a young lady going upon a frolic incog. There was also a bundle of letters, dated between the years one thousand six hundred and seventy, and one thousand six hundred and eighty-two, most of them signed Philander, the rest Strephon, Amyntas, Corydon, and Adonis; together with a collection of receipts to make pastes for the hands, pomatums, lip-salves, white-pots, beautifying creams, water of talc, and frog spawn water; decoctions for clearing the complexion, and an approved medicine to procure abortion.

Whoever can discover the aforesaid goods, so that they may be had again, shall have fifty guineas for the whole, or proportionably for any part.

N.B. Her ladyship is pleased to promise ten pounds for the packet of letters over and above, or five for Philander's only, being her first love. “My lady bestows those of Strephon to the finder, being so written, that they may serve to any woman who reads them.”

P.S. As I am a patron of persons who have no other friend to apply to, I cannot suppress the following complaint :

« Sir,

“ I am a blackmoor boy, and have, by my lady's order been christened by the chaplain. The good man has gone further with me, and told me a great deal of good news: as, that I am as good as my lady herself, as I am a Christian, and many other things: but for all this, the parrot, who came over with me from our country, is as much esteemed by her as I

Besides this, the shock-dog, has a collar that cost almost as much as mine. I desire also to know, whether, now I am a Christian, I am obliged to dress like a Turk, and wear a turbant.

“ I am, Sir,
" Your most humble servant,


[ocr errors]
« PreviousContinue »