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be of great affiftance towards extending this preface into the fize now in vogue, which by rule ought to be large, in proportion as the fubfequent volume is Small; yet I fhall now difmifs our impatient reader from any farther attendance at the porch; and having duly prepared his mind by a preliminary difcourfe, fhall gladly introduce him to the fublime myfteries that enfue.

A

A TALE OF A TUB *.

SECT. I.

The INTRODUCTION†,

W

37

HOEVER hath an ambition to be heard in a croud, muft prefs, and fqueeze, and thruft, and climb, with indefatigable pains, till he has exalted himself to a certain degree of altitude above them. Now, in all affemblies, .though you wedge them ever so close, we may obferve this peculiar

*The Tale of a Tub has made much noife in the world. It was one of Swift's earliest performances, and has never been excelled in wit and fpirit by his own, or any other pen. The, cenfures that have paffed upon it are various. The moft material of which were fuch as reflected upon Dr. Swift, in the character of a clergyman, and a Chriftian. It has been one of the misfortunes attending Chriftianity, that many of her fons, from a mistaken filial piety, have indulged themselves in too reftrained and too melancholy a way of thinking, Can we. wonder, then, if a book compofed with all the force of wit and humour, in derifion of facerdotal tyranny, in ridicule of grave hypocrify, and in contempt of flegmatic ftiffness, should be wilfully mifconftrued by fome perfons, and ignorantly miftaken by others, as a farcafm and reflection upon the whole. Christian church? Swift's ungovernable spirit of irony has fometimes carried him into very unwarrantable flights of wit. In the style of truth, I muft look upon the Tale of a Tub as no intended infult against Christianity, but as a fatire against the wild errors of the church of Rome, the flow and incomplete refor mation of the Lutherans, and the abfurd and affected zeal of the Presbyterians. Orrery.

+ The Introduction abounds with wit and humour. But the author never lofes the leaft opportunity of venting his keenest fatire against Mr. Dryden, and confequently loads with infults the greateft, although the leaft profperous of our English poets. Yet who can avoid fmiling, when he finds the Hind and Panther as a complete abstract of fixteen thousand fchoolmen, and when Tommy Pots is fuppofed written by the fame hand, as a supplement to the former work? I am willing to imagine, that Dryden, in fome manner or other, had offended Swift, who, otherwife, I hope, would have been more indulgent to the errors of a man oppreffed by poverty, driven on by party, and bewildered by religion

peculiar property, that over their heads there is room enough; but how to reach it, is the difficult point; it being as hard to get quit of number, as of hell :

evadere ad auras,

Hoc opus, hic labor eft *.

To this end, the philofopher's way in all ages has been by erecting certain edifices in the air. But, whatever practice and reputation these kind of ftructures have formerly poffeffed, or may ftill continue in, not excepting even that of Socrates, when he was fufpended in a basket to help contemplation; I think, with due fubmiffion, they feem to labour under two inconveniencies. First, That the foundations being laid too high, they have been often out of fight, and ever out of hearing. Secondly, That the materials, being very tranfitory, have fuffered much from inclemencies of air, efpecially in these northwest regions.

Therefore, towards the juft performance of this great work, there remain but three methods that I can think on; whereof the wifdom of our ancestors being highly fenfible, has, to encourage all afpiring adventurers, thought fit to erect three wooden machines for the ufe of thofe orators, who defire to talk much without interruption. These are, the pulpit, the ladder, and the flage itinerant. For, as to the bar, though it be compounded of the fame matter, and defigned for the fame ufe, it cannot, however, be well allowed the honour of a fourth, by reafon of its level or inferior fituation, expofing it to perpetual interruption from collaterals. Neither can the bench itself, though raised to a proper eminency, put in a better claim, whatever its

ligion- -But although our fatirical author, now and then may have indulged himself in some personal animofities, or may have taken freedoms not fo perfectly confiftent with that folemn decency which is required from a clergyman; yet, throughout the whole piece there is a vein of ridicule and good humour, that laughs pedantry and affectation into the lowest degree of con. tempt, and expofes the character of Peter and Jack in fuch a manner as never will be forgiven, and never can be answered. Orrery. * But to return and view the chearful skies; In this the task and mighty labour lies.

advocates

advocates infist on. For, if they please to look into the original design of its erection, and the circumftances or adjuncts fubfervient to that defign, they will foon acknowledge the prefent practice exactly correfpondent to the primitive inftitution; and both to answer the etymology of the name, which, in the Phoenician tongue, is a word of great fignification, importing, if literally inter preted, the place of fleep; but, in common acceptation, a feat well bolstered and cushioned, for the repofe of old and gouty limbs: Senes ut in otia tuta recedant: Fortune being indebted to them this part of retaliation, that, as for. merly they have long talked, whilft others flept, so now they may fleep as long, whilft others talk.

But if no other argument could occur, to exclude the bench and the bar from the lift of oratorial machines, it were fufficient, that the admiffion of them would overthrow a number, which I was resolved to establish, whate ever argument it might coft me; in imitation of that prudent method obferved by many other philofophers and great clerks, whofe chief art in divifion has been to grow fond of fome proper mystical number, which their imaginations have rendered facred, to a degree, that they force common reafon to find room for it in every part of nature; reducing, including, and adjusting every genus and fpecies within that compa's, by coupling fome against their wills, and banishing others at any rate. Now, among all the reft, the profound number THREE is that which hath most employed my fublimeft fpeculations, nor ever without wonderful delight. There is now in the prefs, and will be published next term, a panegyrical effay of mine upon this number; wherein I have, by most convincing proofs, not only reduced the fenfes and the elements under its banner, but brought over feveral deferters from its two great rivals, SEVEN and NINE.

Now, the first of these oratorial machines in place, as well as dignity, is the pulpit. Of pulpits there are in this island several forts; but I esteem only that made of timber from the fylva Caledonia, which agrees very well with our climate. If it be upon its decay, it is the better, both for conveyance of found, and for other reafons to be mentioned by and by. The degree of perVOL. I.

D

fection

fection in shape and fize, I take to confift in being extremely narrow, with little ornament, and best of all without a cover, (for, by ancient rule, it ought to be the only uncovered vessel in every affembly, where it is rightfully used) by which means, from its near refemblance to a pillory, it will ever have a mighty influence

on human ears.

Of ladders I need fay nothing. It is obferved by foreigners themselves, to the honour of our country, that we excel all nations in our practice and understanding of this machine. The afcending orators do not only oblige their audience in the agreeable delivery, but the whole world in the early publication of their fpeeches; which I look upon as the choiceft treasury of our British eloquence, and whereof, I am informed, that worthy citizen and bookfeller, Mr. John Dunton, hath made a faithful and a painful collection, which he fhortly defigns to publifh in twelve volumes in folio, illustrated with copper-plates: A work highly ufeful and curious, and altogether worthy of fuch a hand.

The laft engine of orators is the ftage-itinerant *, erected with much fagacity, fub Jove pluvio, in triviis et quadriviis t. It is the great feminary of the two former, and its orators are fometimes preferred to the one, and fometimes to the other, in proportion to their defervings, there being a strict and perpetual intercourfe between all three.

From this accurate deduction it is manifeft, that, for obtaining attention in public, there is of neceffity required a fuperior pofition of place. But although this point be generally granted, yet the caufe is little agreed in; and it seems to me, that very few philofophers have fallen into a true, natural folution of this phænomenon. The deepest account, and the moft fairly digefted of any I have yet met with, is this, That air being a heavy body, and therefore, according to the fyftem of Epicurus, continually defcending, muft needs be more fo, when loaden and preffed down by words; which are al

Is the mountebank's ftage, whose orators the author determines either to the gallows or a conventicle.

† In the open air, and in streets where the greatest resort is. Lucret. lib. 2.

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