CHAPTER VIII.

Activity.-Proposed for the itinerant work.-Enlarged sphere of action.-Cotton Mather's "Directions."-Desirous of a chapel at Barwick.-Severe mental exercises.-Doubts.-Mr. Barber. -A. Mather's Life.-Bunyan's "Grace Abounding."— Indiscreet praise.-Pride and humility.—Sensibility.—Perplexity.— Appointed by Conference to a circuit.—Declines travelling.Dissimulation and sincerity met by the providence of God.Mr. Bramwell.—Visitations from above.—Paradoxical character of Christian experience to the world.—Expense in dress.—Prosperity of the work of God.-W. E. Miller.-High_rents.— Feasts.--Secrets.-Unpleasant forebodings.-Natal anniversary. -Death of William's grandmother.--Ground bought at Barnick, and a chapel in the course of erection. -Mr. Bramwell leaves the circuit.-Reflections upon it.

NOTWITHSTANDING William Dawson's elevation in the sphere in which he moved, he ascended by degrees to the point which he attained; and with the exception of his non-admission to holy orders-which was no discredit either to himself or others, the ladder never once broke beneath him to throw him back, and so render additional ascent laborious. Besides the many rare and curious pieces of "mathematical motion" in the soul, common to all, he had a spring of action within which would never allow him to stand still. Piety and genius were constantly sowing their

seeds, and he was as invariably indulged with the honour which springs from them. Whatever may be the truth of the sentiment, when generally applied,that every man has a portion of rust about him at the beginning, and that in England it accompanies a man to the grave-not even daring to pen a hic jacet to speak out for him after his death, William Dawson was an exception. Of his spirit, it might have been said,

"Strong as necessity, it starts away,

Climbs against wrongs, and brightens into day."

The ennui, or wearisomeness of inaction, was unknown to him; and he was so generally approved for piety, talent, and zeal, that Mr. Barber proposed him for the itinerant work, March 29, 1802, at the Leeds quarterly-meeting, when he was unanimously approved by his brethren.

His matter, manner, and Christian spirit, attracting general attention in the societies, led him to take a still more extensive range of country; and not only did he visit places, which to him were new, but greater demands were made upon his labours in the large chapels in Leeds and elsewhere. There was no diminution of attention, with this additional toil, to the wants and interests of his own immediate neighbourhood. He was ready to every good word and work throughout the week; preserving the same anxious solicitude for the welfare of the sick-the poor inmates of the workhouse--and the life of God in the classes; not omitting his accustomed fasts, saying, with the apostle, "I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection; lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway."

K

He was quickened in this work, and at the same time humbled, by reading Cotton Mather's "Directions to a Candidate for the Ministry."

Though persecution was never rampant and cruel in the district in which he was resident, he was subject, occasionally, to annoyances of a different character from any that have been noticed. While preaching in the house of John Robinson, of Garforth Moor, some young men crept softly to the top of the roof,-the house being low and thatched, and dropped a dead goose down the chimney, whose feathers swept the flue as it descended, and covered the people and the room with soot. On another occasion, the same disturbers placed a large piece of turf on the top of the chimney; and the good man of the house supposing that the chimney had lost its draught, opened the door and the window, to promote a freer circulation of air. But on finding no alteration, and the soot and smoke rendering the place insupportable, he ascended the roof, and ascertained the cause. These are specimens of the art of war carried on against the peaceable worshippers of God.

A chapel being much wanted at Barwick, and there being no immediate prospect of obtaining ground and materials for one, he earnestly addressed himself to God on the subject; and observes, that he "dedicated part of a day in prayer, on account of a preachinghouse." *

While thus caring for the churches, it was one of the severest years for mental suffering, he had ex*This was the name originally given to places of worship among the Wesleyans, by the Church party, and sanctioned by Mr. Wesley.

perienced since the time he first escaped from spiritual bondage. Such expressions as these are employed :— "The devil is determined to ruin my peace, my happiness, my soul."—"Heavy in heart and mind."—"My soul feels the want of true religion. I am afraid it is too much in the head; and the reason is, I think, if it were not, there would be greater pleasure and weight in private prayer."-"My spirits are depressed while reflecting on my past life. God raise me up! I would not sin against thee. My heart seems to say, though I may not wish what is said,-I would rather be in hell without sin, than be in heaven with it." "Religion has not been felt this week in its power, in the way I have sometimes experienced it; and I am dispirited in consequence."-" At private prayer, I am much resisted by the flesh and Satan.". "My soul lies humbled before God. Oh, that it were more so! Let me die, O Lord, rather than live to grieve thee, or bring the slightest stain upon my soul." "Lord, am I given up by thee for not doing thy will?". 66 Afraid, lest I should prove a castaway after all!""Nearly in despair."

The doubts entertained of the genuineness of his experience in seasons of depression, are not at all remarkable. A strong prejudice exists in the minds of some people, against that state of the understanding termed doubt; but a little reflection will soon convince one, that on a subject that admits of strong probabilities on both sides, doubt is as appropriate a state of mind, as belief or disbelief on others. It has been properly argued, that there are doctrines, propositions, and facts supported and opposed by every degree of evidence, the proper effect of which is, to leave the

In

mind in an equipoise between two conclusions. these cases, either to believe or disbelieve would imply that the understanding was improperly affected. Doubt, therefore, is the appropriate result from which there can be no reason either to shrink, or over which to utter the loud lament. If this is the case in matters purely speculative, it is still more difficult, without the direct witness of the Spirit, to arrive at correct conclusions in things experimental, in moments of depression, when the light is transmitted, as it were, through the medium of stained glass, rather than immediately from the sun; for the soul, on such occasions, enclosed within the narrow circle of its own orbit, feels nothing strongly but what acts within that circle; and the present disposition, fear, or desire, throws its own colouring on surrounding objects.

On these occasions---feeling so much of his own imperfection, he could scarcely assume sufficient courage to reprove sin-to enter into the pleasures of social life, or proceed in the free and full discharge of the various duties connected with family religion. Hence, his personal upbraidings;-"Hurt in hearing a man swear, and not reproving. Oh, may I learn wisdom by experience!" "I did quite wrong in stopping so long at Sturton."-"My mind was remarkably solemnized in reading Baxter's 'Directory.' I must,—I must speak more to the family. Part of the day has been devoted to private prayer, to plead for more of the power of religion. I want it to take full possession of my soul. Oh, where is the melting heart? Where the humility and brokenness of spirit that ought to possess me? Give it, thou Prince of peace!" He had his siftings also, as on a previous