Why, say seven."

« Το

This was agreed to, and the stranger wrote with a pencil. meet at seven," upon a card, on which was engraved, "Colonel Palmer," and presented it to Stanley.

He then drew out his purse, and Stanley produced his.

"No-no," said the Colonel; "this is mine. You shall pay for the next ;" and, having settled the amount, they rose to quit the hotel."

"By the way," said the Colonel, as they descended the stairs, were you ever in one of the salons about here?"

"No," said Stanley. "Are there many of them?"

"There used to be several; but I have not been in one of them for years. They were the places for those who wished to see life! What say you ? Shall we step into one for five minutes?"

"It is so very late," urged Stanley.

"So it must always be to see them to advantage. But, come; now we are here, five minutes can be of no importance. They are places which every man of the world ought to see. I pledge you my honour I'll not stop long."

Stanley could not resist. He thought, indeed, of his promise to Amelia; but held the fact of his having broken that promise already to be a sufficient excuse for going at once with the Colonel.

They had scarcely walked three hundred yards, when they stopped at a gaily-painted door, and, having knocked, were admitted by a peculiarly ill-looking fellow, who had previously withdrawn a slide, and examined them through a hole about six inches square, with a singularly scrutinizing aspect. They then ascended a flight of gaudy gingerbread stairs, and entered a room, in which about forty persons were assembled, the majority of whom were females, dressed in a style the most attractive and superb. Several of these creatures ran up to the Colonel, with the apparent view of addressing him with the utmost familiarity, but a peculiar look from him at once repulsed them, which Stanley thought strange, although, instead of inducing the slightest suspicion, it tended to convince him still more of the superiority of the man.

66

Well," said the Colonel, "we must have a glass of negus, and then we 'll be off."

The negus was ordered and produced, and they seated themselves to contemplate the gay scene before them; but the moment they had done so, a finely-formed girl, who appeared to be very young, really very handsome, came and sat beside Stanley.

"How can you be so selfish?" she playfully observed. "The idea of you two gentlemen drinking alone, when I am dying to wet my lips."

"Drink, my girl-drink!" said Stanley, passing the glass. "It is not very good."

"

The girl nearly finished the glass before she ventured to pronounce her unbiassed opinion. She then declared that it tasted like mahogany and water, and suggested, in addition, that if she chose the chances were that she could get a glass nearer the mark.

"Well, do so," said Stanley, as he placed half-a-crown in her hand; "let us see the extent of your influence."

"No, no," said the Colonel; "we had better be off.

have no more. I feel stupid already."

Come, let us

"You need have no more, you know, Colonel," said the girl, who received a withering scowl for her pains.

"Oh! oh!" exclaimed Stanley, "you are recognised!

come, one more, and then."

Well,

The Colonel now suddenly and very unaccountably exhibited striking symptoms of intoxication. Stanley could not at all understand it. 66 My good fellow," said he, "why, how is this? You were very well just now."

"I have a very poor head," replied the Colonel,tunate head. I can scarcely stand anything at all."

a most unfor

The girl now returned with the "negus;" and having carefully put her lips to it, and said that it was different stuff altogether,which was in reality a fact, she gave it to Stanley, who drank of it with more than usual freedom, although it appeared to him to have a most remarkable flavour. Without, however, mentioning this, (for he did not pretend to understand much about it, he handed the glass to the Colonel, who would not touch a drop, for his symptoms of inebriety continued to increase, and he pronounced himself to be "too far gone already."

Stanley was now entertained by the female.

She had a brief tale to tell of every person in the room, and succeeded in occupying his attention until his articulation became somewhat indistinct, which the Colonel no sooner perceived than he cried, "Come, finish your glass and let us be gone. I never felt so queer in my life."

Stanley himself now began to feel somewhat confused; and, as he had an unnatural thirst at the moment, he at once emptied the glass; but he had no sooner done so than the room seemed to whirl round and round with great velocity. He attempted to rise. The effort made him worse. He sank down again on the instant.

"Hollo!" cried the Colonel. "What, have you caught it too? Well, never mind, old boy! we can't laugh at each other." From that moment Stanley became insensible.

THE ILLUMINATION.

A TALE OF ALMA MATER.

Palsatus rogat, et pugnis concisus adorat,
Ut liceat paucis cum dentibus inde reverti.

PREFACE.

JUVENAL, iii. sat. 300 v.

The subject of the following tale is matter now of History,

But shrouded, to avoid offence, in due poetic mystery;

And I assure my readers all, in cottage, hall or palace, Sirs,

That, though I "nought extenuate," I "nought set down in malice," Sirs.

AIR-Guy Faux.

A tragi-comedy I sing; three "grave and Reverend signors
Who sallied forth one luckless night, with dignified demeanours,
To send home all their College men, on pain of rustication,
Whom they found joining in the row at last Illumination!

For sundry graceless Undergrads, with wine somewhat “promiscuous,"

From flooring bumpers to "The Queen" (such power good port and whisky has!) A Gown-and-town row had got up to testify their loyalty,

By "milling" well all Rads and Cads and other foes to Royalty!

At length the streets, "at noon of night," had grown a little quieter,
For one by one had dropped off home each capless, gownless rioter,
On which our heroes, satisfied with this consoling knowledge, Sirs,
And thinking all their labours o'er, were hastening back to College, Sirs!
When, just as they had turned into the Lane of classic "Simmary,"
They fell among a mob of cads, assembled there in grim array,
Who set upon them, blacked their eyes, and mauled them so confoundedly,
That one of them, "intirely kilt" and bleeding on the ground did lie!

As he lay groaning o'er his wounds, in sad and doleful barytones,
There chanced to be among the crowd some modern "good Samaritans,"
Who pitying sore his hapless plight, with love quite Demiurgical,†
Conveyed him home, where he was forced to send for aid chirurgical!

The "Sawbones" came, with visage long, and shook his head mysteriously,
Says he, "The patient has, I fear, been damaged very seriously,

But trust my skill-(on frailer hopes doth oft the life of man turn, Sirs,)They haven't quite put out the light, though they've sorely smashed the lantern, Sirs!"

Some drugs were sent instanter by this son of Esculapius;

"Hanc lotionem applices, et huncce haustum capias!"

But, through his stupid scout's mistake, being addled most infernally,

He swallowed up the lotion and applied the draught externally!!

By gnawing pains, ere long, was rack'd his stomach magisterial,
Which made him dread his latter end and inquest Coronerial;

"Quick, fetch a stomach-pump!" he groan'd, "with strong emetics cram me well!

I've been and done it'-'tis a case of— 'pison yourself, Samiwel!""

A stomach-pump was quickly brought, and "all hands" set to work at it,
And speedily they clean'd him out!-let no one smile or smirk at it!
His life was saved; but, to this day, (of that night's row the last trophy)
That stomach-pump "sticks in his throat!" Thus euded this catastrophe!

MORAL.

Be warned, ye Dons, for Gown-town rows, like matrimonial quarrels, Sirs,
Produce for those who interfere more broken heads than laurels, Sirs!
But if you will thus waste the breath, which was to "cool your porridge" meant,
You'll meet with many a "heavy blow, and very sad discouragement !"

Sage counsel would I likewise give to each bold Under-graduate

Experto crede"-brothers all, when in a row a cad you hit,

The chances are, that, though you win, you'll find it bad economy

To carry home a tattered gown and battered physiognomy!

Oxford, 19th February, 1840.

* St. Mary Hall.

A. R. W.

+ For the enlightenment of my unlearned readers, I have the honour to inform them that the Demiurgus was the deity of the Platonists, and by them regarded as a Being of pure love and benevolence.