reign of Louis been tranquil, and had he ended his days in peace, what would have been his character with posterity? That of the most imbecile monarch that ever sat on the throne of France,―of a man without passions, affections, or capacity, sunk in sloth, and making the most frivolous amusements the occupation of his life. The Queen, too, how would she have been described? As vain, haughty, and imperious, the votary alternately of pleasure and of ambition, and dividing her life between dissipation and intrigue. Their faults were nourished, and their virtues blighted, by the at mosphere of the most corrupted court in Europe. The great and good qualities, of which they themselves were probably unconscious, and of which the world would never have been aware,-which in the season of prosperity were dormant and almost extinct, were roused into action by the rude hand of misfortune; and it was when this illustrious pair were "fallen from their high estate" that they presented one of the noblest as well as most affecting spectacles that ever has engaged the admiration and sympathy of the world.

BARON VON DULLBRAINZ.

THIS illustrious foreigner having arrived unexpectedly in London, and almost without letters of introduction, his reception amongst us must, unconditionally, be ascribed to the spontaneous and generous feelings with which John Bull extends his welcome, his hospitality, and his high consideration to strangers, from whatever country they come, who do him the honour of a visit. Yet it was fortunate for Von Dullbrainz that, in his passage from Ostend by the General Steam Navigation's splendid steamer, the Conglomeration, he scraped an acquaintance with Sir Timothy and Lady Showbody, whose mania for exhibiting lions is so well known to the society of the metropolis. Having succeeded in alleviating the workings of her ladyship's nau sea by diverting her attention to the pumping of the pistons; and also, the sickness of Sir Timothy, by expounding to him the grand principles of analogies upon which this effect was produced, Von Dullbrainz was, accordingly, at once pronounced to be Sir Oracle, and no bark on the sea was permitted to interrupt his dictatorship. Immediately on arriving in town the Showbodys opened their mansion to a distinguished and scientific company, to whom Von Duilbrainz was presented, as he had previously represented himself, as one of the loftiest philosophers and highest ornaments of the literature of Europe. Indeed, his universal genius was speedily made apparent and acknowledged by all the leading individuals who had the felicity and honour of any conversation with him; and, in the course of the morrow every club rung with his praises, and, throughout the week his assistance was respectfully solicited to every meeting for the promotion of science or literature in the capital. He was fated to be fêted in the most extraordinary manner, and with all the affability peculiar to exalted faculties and profound acquirements, he took his place instanter, and plunged, in medias res. His brilliant career it is out of our humble power to follow; but an account of a few of his glorious displays may be serviceable not only as proof of his supereminent qualifications, but of the extreme readiness with which the

people of Great Britain confess the superiority of foreigners, whilst native talents are left to be their own reward. In China, and other semi-barbarous lands, it may be the fashion to treat visiters with contumely and repulsion; but, in a beautifully civilized community like ours, nothing can proclaim the magnanimity of the nation so loudly as the decided preference given to Italians, French, Germans, Poles, Swiss, Hungarians, Netherlanders, Greeks, Yankees, and other extraneous personages.

At the first ensuing assembly of the Royal Society, the most noble the Marquess of Easthampton in the chair, Von Dullbrainz was seated on the right of the president; and appeared to pay very particular attention to the rattling of the ballot-box, which agreeably interrupted the reading of a paper in a way which could not be heard, by Doctor Toget. The essay, which was upon the use of gums in trees, having been properly mumbled, and the results of the elections declared, Mr. Talbot Foxhound offered some observations on the improvements in photogenic drawing, and Von Dullbrainz was respectfully requested by the noble president to favour the society with his opinions upon this novel subject!

Von Dullbrainz dissertates upon Photogenism or Daguerrotyperry.

"I am sorry," observed he, rising gracefully, and speaking in that placid tone of contradiction which is so gentlemanly and pleasing,"I am sorry," observed he, "dat de president of de grandest society of Grand Bretan should be so ignoramus as to call dis a novel subject. It is older dan de vorld, and as old as de sun himself; vich you vill all see if you vill read Genesis! (Murmurs of applause.) Den you shall trace de sdream of history of de earliest nation dat live in de old world, and de vorld new; not new because him not so old as toder, but new because we not knew him so sooner. (Applause.) In de first, mais à propos, can any members here read de langue Persian? (Cries of "No!") Den I can, and I vill tell you all. In de langue Persian, if vill read him vid me, you shall onderstand dat dere vas a peoples, call Gwybbers, who shall practise de art of sun-painting from de beginning of de earth. (Applause.) And so, by de fine principes of de system of analogues you shall find, dat in de oder continent, called by misdake new, dere vas de peoples, called Mechigans, who also paint de sun painting from de begin of de earth. But dey not alone paint de lanskip, de inorganic matter, de tings material, dey paint de living portrais, and you shall read and onderstand de langues Persian and Mechigan vid me, dat dey call dese portrais de sons of de sun; and all de royal familles so paint his children. (" Hear! hear !" from Mr. Children. Great applause.) At dis time of de night I shall not say no more about de sunshine; but vill conclude by say dat I am convince of vat I hear ven I say I am com to de Royale Societé, and ask mine Ost vere I lodge, vat mean de lettres F. R.S.? He tell me dey mean Fellow Remarkable Stupide; and, I tink, Sir President, as you not knew about de Persian and de Mechigan, you are most fit to be at dere head!" (Bowing very low to the noble Marquess, amid shouts of laughter and bursts of applause.)

The chairman having returned his grateful thanks for the compli ment, took Von Dullbrainz home with him in his carriage to an evening conversazione, where he was introduced to a number of the great and popular characters who are met with in, and adorn the upper circles

VOL. IV.

21

with their Corinthian capitals. Out of these acquaintanceships Von Dullbrainz widely increased the number of friends who solicited the honour of his company upon all lionizing occasions; the next exhibition we have to notice was at a dinner given by the Duke of Tumbleup, President R. I. The party was small, but select; and every syllable uttered by Von Dullbrainz was swallowed with an avidity and gusto almost equal to that with which he swallowed the good things set before him. On the removal of the cloth the conversation naturally turned on balls, the only forced meat that had been seen belonging to that nomenclature, and Von Dullbrainz, as usual, took the lead, and occupied the whole field of discussion in his own proper person.

Von Dullbrainz dissertates upon Balls.

"Balls, it shall please your Grace, are beyond more importance in England dan in no oder country Européean. Bot, de English philo. sophie hab neber yet discober it. Dey are, vat I shall modest say as foreigner (?) dey are stupide ignorants, and mitout no nous. But, ven I com to England, I discober all. I see de ball ebery ting for de religious, de politics, de wars, de trades, de rangs, de sports, and de pasYou speak de vords of de common adage mitout tinking vat it "keep up de ball;" and not perceive vat recondite sensefulness is under dat advice. It mean, I vill show you for first time, go on, prosper, succeed. Keep up de ball!

times.

mean.

You say,

"Balls, it shall please your Grace, (do, pray, attend à moi !)—balls are spheres or spherical bodies of differ material. Dey are symbolls— symbollik in language. Dey stand for every ting, any ting.

*

"In sport you shall have hands-ball and foots-ball, and hurley, and fives, and tens, and billiards, and milliards, for vat I gan tell. You shall hab a game of Scotland vich you call goff, or, go-off ball. You shall have quadrille, valse, cotillon, contre dance, gallop, all vich you shall call ball; and de little vones de ballet. So for your pastimes, den for your religion. You hab de Stone hinge on Salisberry plane, which is for vorship of Bal. You hab ball a-top of Saint Paul, I tink his right name Saint Ball. You hab Ball's Pond,-vich is secret mystery. You hab by traditions de season and de sacrifice, call Baltime. You hab no oder religion bot ball. Den for de wars, I need not point de balls for preserve balance of power, how good dey are! Den for de politic; you shall see all depend on de ball which shall be pot in de ballot-box. Den you shall hab universal sufferings, and no parliaments bot ver short, and many oder excellent ting; you shall hab no corn for de law, and no law for de corn; you shall hab de people's chatter, no vork, no noting at all but go play at ball. You shall hab, as de oder proverb say, de ball at your foots; and no sceptre tyrannique, wid de ball, over your heads. Den your rangs, vich are all made by the ball, shall be tomble down. Dere is the Marquess made by two balls, he shall tomble. Earl made by fives balls, he shall tomble. De Vis-compte made by sevens balls, he shall tomble. De Baron made by four balls, he shall tomble; and all de balls shall be put into de ballot-box for peoples to play wid, and sheat von anoder.

* Quære, tennis.-Printer's Devik

De

De pawn

"I hab splain, also, how de ball symbolls your trade. broker, who is between de marquess and de baron, and is made by tree balls; dat is trade ver high in dis countree. Den you send your

ship to the Ball-tick for commerce and credit; because your original peoples come from dat quarter. You see, it shall please your grace, I make out de proposition dat balls form and rule your religions, your wars, your rangs, your politic, your trade, and your sport and pastimes. Nobody English neber discober dis before me. I no boast; but I vill tell how your grace's rang hab no balls. tell."

I vill

"His grace has fallen fast asleep, as is his custom in the afternoon," observed Mr. Seemore; "will you help yourself to some of these strawberries, and leave off till he awakes."

Von Dullbrainz was indignant. It was a pity he did not wait till the Duke revived; for, though he had been dreaming the whole period of Von Dullbrainz's dissertation, he declared, when he woke up, that he was the most learned, most intelligent, and most wonderful man he had ever met with.

We next encountered Von Dullbrainz at the Geological Society, where it is not so easy to put down talking, and engross the arena. He, nevertheless, contrived to be oracular.

In the Geological Society there is a certain impatience of speechification when too long continued; and Professor Sledgeweak murmured at Von Dullbrainz, whom he designated a palæotherium ; which Greek compound for old beast, it must be confessed, the learned Von Dullbrainz did not understand; but Dr. Doeland

laughed.

Von Dullbrainz did not resume his discourse, but proceeded to the Astronomical Society, where Sir John Hershell received him with due honours, as the Continental Comet, who had come to throw a light upon every branch of science, letters, and philosophy.

In this manner the mighty Von Dullbrainz went from meeting to meeting, elucidating every inquiry, and with his most original ideas changing the entire face of science and scientific belief. Extraordinary as were the results, it is with sorrow that our report can only follow him briefly on other points, however important.

AT THE MECHANICS' INSTITUTE,

Von Dullbrainz dissertates upon Machinery.

"You hab (said he) a cleber mechanicien call Babbleage, who has construct a machine to calculate logartims, and reach de highest branch of mattymatics. You shall pehold dat dis] is bot small merit ; and dat, in fact, de machine is himself more cleber dan Mr. Babbleage. It is easy ting to make machine more cleber dan de maker. For example, I make a vheel; dat vheel is more cleber dan me, for, he can roll a hunder mile, and I gannot roll one! I make a cask,dat cask is more cleber as me, for he can hold tub of wine, and I gannot hold fives bottell! In every ting you make it is de same,-dat ting is more intelligent, more cleber, more powerful, more ability, more talent, more genus, dan de maker. I intend to let you see de improvements I shall make in Babbleage machine, to which I shall corporate Mr. Veetstone's speaking machine, and de two combine

shall not only calculate far better dan Mr. Babbleage, but speak more plainer and better English as me. You shall see.

AT THE STATISTICAL SOCIETY.

Von Dullbrainz dissertates upon sundries.

"He is goot to make de tables of every kind; and you shall not have gone enough. Vat shall it signify how many peoples in dis place, or in dat place live in cellars or garrets, or how mosh gin dey drink, and how mosh beer; how many nasty children dey hab, or how few; vether dey cut de droat, or only pike de pocket? It is all ver vell. Bot I shall make my statistic far beyond. Dere is my tables of classes, professions, and businesses, and my show how mosh dey differ in de lies, de fibs, de misrepresents, and de mistyfiecasions. exemple, dere is.

Par

Ven

"Dis shall be specimens of de statisque reduce to de finer data, in vich de economi of lying is expound. Den you shall know pretty vell vat you shall believe in perjury, and oder good affirmations. I shall come to my oder tables to exhibe de vealth of England, I shall make him a peer dat de turnspike rods, if continue in von line, vould go round de vorld, and turn back again; dat de canals vould go so long vay to Van Diamond's Land, vere de new company is selling savage bargains; and dat, not to mention tea-spoons, tablespoons, silver forks, plates, sugar-tongs, pots, salt and muster spoons, labels, toothpegs, sugar-basins, and many oder leetel artics in de precious metals, and all dese are de constitutes of national vealth,

dere is fifty-seven mile six forlong and a yard of gold and silver vatches in Great Bretan, all vich is vealth. Dus dere are 15,500,000 peoples. Of dese, 600,000, class I, hab gold vatch. Class II, von peoples in tree hab gold vatch=450,000 more. Class III, von peoples in den hab gold vatch=218,000. In class IV, von peoples in fifty-82,600. In lower classes, von peoples in 250-25,500 gold watches. I calculate same manner in silver vatch, and I find dat all