The World of Wit and Humour, Volume 1

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George Manville Fenn
Cassell, Petter, & Galpin, 1899 - 480 pages

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Page 364 - Now in building of chaises, I tell you what, There is always somewhere a weakest spot, In hub, tire, felloe, in spring or thill, In panel, or crossbar, or floor, or sill, In screw, bolt, thoroughbrace, lurking still, Find it somewhere you must and will, Above or below, or within or without, And that's the reason, beyond a doubt, That a chaise breaks down, but doesn't wear out. But the Deacon swore (as Deacons do, With an "I dew vum...
Page 365 - Little of all we value here Wakes on the morn of its hundredth year Without both feeling and looking queer. In fact, there's nothing that keeps its youth, So far as I know, but a tree and truth.
Page 133 - Take care of the pence and the pounds will take care of themselves is as true of personal habits as of money.
Page 40 - The school-boy whips his taxed top ; the beardless youth manages his taxed horse with a taxed bridle, on a taxed road ; and the dying Englishman, pouring his medicine, which has paid...
Page 365 - Fifty-five! This morning the parson takes a drive. Now, small boys, get out of the way! Here comes the wonderful one-hoss shay, Drawn by a rat-tailed, ewe-necked bay. "Huddup!" said the parson. Off went they. The parson was working his Sunday's text, Had got to fifthly, and stopped perplexed At what the -Moses - was coming next. All at once the horse stood still, Close by the meet'n'-house on the hill First a shiver, and then a thrill, Then something decidedly like a spill.
Page 364 - He would build one shay to beat the taown 'n' the keounty 'n' all the kentry raoun' ; It should be so built that it couldn' break daown: " Fur," said the Deacon, " 't's mighty plain Thut the weakes' place mus' stan' the strain ; 'n' the way t' fix it, uz I maintain, Is only jest T' make that place uz strong uz the rest.
Page 215 - Then Abner Dean of Angel's raised a point of order when A chunk of old red sandstone took him in the abdomen, And he smiled a kind of sickly smile, and curled up on the floor, And the subsequent proceedings interested him no more.
Page 12 - But the hands that were played By that heathen Chinee, And the points that he made, Were quite frightful to see; Till at last he put down a right bower, Which the same Nye had dealt unto me. Then I looked up at Nye, And he gazed upon me; And he rose with a sigh, And said, "Can this be? We are ruined by Chinese cheap labor," And he went for that heathen Chinee.
Page 393 - LITTLE I ask ; my wants are few : I only wish a hut of stone (A very plain brown stone will do) That I may call my own ; And close at hand is such a one, In yonder street that fronts the sun. Plain food is quite enough for me ; Three courses are as good as ten ; If Nature can subsist on three, Thank Heaven for three. Amen ! I always thought cold victual nice ; My choice would be vanilla-ice.
Page 105 - THE BALLAD OF THE OYSTERMAN IT was a tall young oysterman lived by the river-side, His shop was just upon the bank, his boat was on the tide ; The daughter of a fisherman, that was so straight and slim. Lived over on the other bank, right opposite to him. It was the pensive oysterman that saw a lovely maid, Upon a moonlight evening, a-sitting in the shade ; He saw her wave her handkerchief, as much as if to say, " I 'm wide awake, young oysterman, and all the folks away.

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