NONGTONGPAW.

A NOBLE of Windsor enjoying a stroll,
One day when the evening was fine,
Met one of his people, a right jolly soul,
Now rather elated with wine.

REELING.

"Ah! sir," said the latter, a little dismayed, "To see me you wonder, no doubt;

I've stayed over long with my friend, I'm afraid-
Indeed we've been spinning it out."

"From your manner of walking, your tale I don't
doubt,
Though 'tis wrong
in these follies to roam;

I see," he replied, "you've been spinning it out,
And now you are reeling it home."

WHY ENGLISHMEN ARE BELOVED UPON THE CONTINENT. BECAUSE they always are so careful to abstain from either word or action which, in any way, might hurt the feelings of a foreigner.

Because they never institute odious comparisons between things in general abroad and those they've left at home, unless indeed it is to the disparagement of the latter.

Because they never brag about the "freedom of a British subject," in countries which are under a despotic form of government.

Because they speak so fluently in any continental language, and always are so affable when publicly accosted by a stranger, and so ready at all times to enter into conversation with those they may be travelling with.

Because they don't bawl for beer at a first-class table d'hôte, nor make wry faces at the wine as though it disagreed with them.

Because they never in the least let trifles put them out, and however much they are annoyed, they do their utmost to conceal it, instead of (as has been maliciously asserted) seizing with delight on every opportunity to give their temper vent, and express themselves dissatisfied with everything that's done for them.

Because whatever provocation they may think they have received, they are so careful not to let strong language pass their lips; and, so far from making extracts from the Commination Service, are never heard to use an exclamation more forcible than "Dear me!" or "Now really, how provoking!"

Because they always pay such nice attention to their dress, invariably appearing in what is most becoming to them, and never coming out in what, if seen in London, would be followed by the street-boys as a fancy-ball costume.

Because, when they happen to have caught a smattering of what they conceive to be the foreign mode of swearing, they do not practise it habitu

ally on every possible occasion, just to show off their proficiency and knowledge of the language.

Because they never hold themselves aloof from other tourists, and evince such pleasure always when they find another party wishes to join company.

Because by no chance do they ever disturb a table d'hôte by their grumbles at the cookery, and what they puzzle waiters so by calling "furrin kickshaws." Nor, if the beefsteaks, which they will persist in ordering, are brought a trifle overdone, do they threaten the poor garsong with the terrors of our consul, or the Foreign Office.

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Because, when they are inspecting churches, palaces, or picture galleries, they never strut about as though the places all belonged to them, and everybody else were seeing them on suffrance; nor, generally, do they demean themselves as though they were the monarchs of all that they surveyed, and as if their survey were an act of the extremest condescension.

HOW TO MAKE LIFE EMINENTLY DISAGREEABLE.
BY A STRONG-MINDED MARRIED WOMAN.

ALWAYS provide for everything beforehand. As
things are sure to turn out differently from what
you have arranged, this will familiarise you with
disappointment.

Always go back upon a mistake or a misfortune, and so take the opportunity of proving how much better things would have been if something had

been done that hasn't.

Never give way in trifles, as there is no saying how soon you may be called upon to give way in matters of more importance.

A mistress may talk at her servants, but should never lower herself so far as to talk to them.

Never dress for your husband, which will teach him to value you for your gifts of mind, not your attractions of person.

Never give expression to your affections, as there is no saying how soon they may alter, and you may thus be guilty of great inconsistency.

Never consult the taste of your husband, or he will in time come to look on his house as a club, where all is comfort and self-indulgence.

PEOPLE OF NOTE.

A MAN'S OPINION OF HIMSELF.

I'm the yellow blossom! I can lick any man slick and smooth from Georgia to Maine. I've got the handsomest wife, the pootiest sister, the straightest shootin' rifle, and the quickest horse for a quarter; can out-walk, out-jump, and out-steam the Great

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Western; can blow up, pull down, set straight, put together, and fine-draw the four quarters of the 'tarnal universe to sitch a degree, that you must get a 140 horse-power telescope to diskiver the seams.

THE young gentleman who flew into a passion, has had his wings clipped.

THE man who ate his dinner with the fork of a

THE man who wrestled with adversity, wore out river, has sprained his foot while attempting to his silk stockings and got worsted.

THE man who jumped up on the spur of a moment, was soon glad to sit down again.

spin a mountain-top.

THE man who was "taken by surprise" has come back.

THE man who attempted to whistle a bar of soap, has injured his voice by trying to sing a stave off a barrel.

THE lawyer who filed a bill, shaved a note, cut an acquaintance, split a hair, made an entry, got up a case, framed an indictment, empanneled a jury, put them into a box, nailed a witness, hammered a since laid down law and turned carpenter.

THE Dampshire editor who wrote his editorials with chalk on the soles of his shoes, and went bare-judge, and bored a whole court, all in one day, has foot while the printers set up the copy, has purchased a ream of second-hand envelopes, and engaged a girl to turn them inside out.

THE man who plays at once on the trump of fame and the horn of a dilemma, got his first ideas of music on hearing a hay-cock crow, while he was tying a knot in a plank of wood.

THE youth who cut open the bellows to see where the wind came from, is now trying his hand at fattening greyhounds.

THE last Yankee invention is a new-fashioned travelling-bag in which a man can stow himself upon a journey, and travel without the knowledge of such sponges as dun a man for his fare. He places himself in the bag, and, taking it in his hand, passes for baggage.

A MAN in Missouri planted some beans late one afternoon, and next morning they were up-thanks to his hens.

THERE is a man, somewhere in America, who is so tall that he is obliged to run up a ladder every time he brushes his hair.

THERE is a man in the West, who has moved so often, that whenever a covered wagon comes near his house his chickens all march up and fall on their backs, and cross their legs, ready to be tied and carried to the next stopping-place.

THE man who painted the "signs of the times" is in want of a job.

THERE is a chap out West with hair so red, that when he goes out before day he is taken for sunrise, and the cocks begin to crow.

THERE is a grocer up-town who is said to be so mean that he was seen to catch a fly off his counter, hold him up by the hind-legs, and look in the cracks of his feet to see if he hadn't been stealing some of his best sugar.

THE Woodman who spared that tree came near THE swell of the ocean is said to be a dandy freezing to death the past winter, on account of the midshipman. scarcity of wood.

TOOTHACHE.

To have it out or not? that is the question-
Whether 'tis better for the jaws to suffer
The pangs and torments of an aching tooth,
Or to take steel against a host of troubles,
And, by extracting, end them? To pull-to tug!
No more: and by a tug to say we end
The tooth-ache, and a thousand natural ills
The jaw is heir to. 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished! To pull-to tug!-

The pangs of hope deferred, kind sleep's delay;
The insolence of pity, and the spurns,
That patient sickness of the healthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
For one poor shilling? Who would fardels bear,
To groan and sink beneath a load of pain ?-
But that the dread of something lodged within
The linen-twisted forceps, from whose pangs
No jaw at ease returns, puzzles the will,

To tug-perchance to break! Ay, there's the And makes it rather bear the ills it has

rub,

For in that wrench what agonies may come,
When we have half-dislodged the stubborn foe,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes an aching tooth of so long life,
For who would bear the whips and stings of pain,
The old wife's nostrum, dentist's contumely;

Than fly to others that it knows not of.
Thus dentists do make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of fear;
And many a one, whose courage seeks the door,
With this regard his footsteps turns away,
Scared at the name of dentist.

NOTHING TO WEAR.

BY WILLIAM

MISS FLORA M'FLIMSEY, of Madison Square,
Has made three separate journeys to Paris;
And her father assures me, each time she was there,
That she and her friend, Mrs. Harris
(Not the lady whose name is so famous in history,
But plain Mrs. H., without romance or mystery),
Spent six consecutive weeks without stopping,
In one continuous round of shopping;
Shopping alone, and shopping together,
At all hours of the day, and in all sorts of weather;
For all manner of things that a woman can put
On the crown of her head or the sole of her foot,

ALLAN BUTLER.

Or wrap round her shoulders, or fit round her waist,
Or that can be sewed on, or pinned on, or laced,
Or tied on with a string, or stitched on with a bow,
In front or behind-above or below:
For bonnets, mantillas, capes, collars, and shawls;
Dresses for breakfasts, and dinners, and balls;
Dresses to sit in, and stand in, and walk in;
Dresses to dance in, and flirt in, and talk in;
Dresses in which to do nothing at all;
Dresses for winter, spring, summer, or fall;
All of them different in colour and pattern-
Silk, muslin, and lace, crape, velvet, and satin;