these dear children a little longer, if it had been the Divine will; and I have thought, if it might have been so ordered, I could have given up every thing that might have been called for; • even if it had been to give thee up to travel in 'truth's service, let the time be longer or shorter. I have always given thee up with a good degree of cheerfulness, and have been supported in thy 'absence beyond my expectation; and yet I have often thought, since thy return from thy last journey, that I did not know that I could ever give thee up again, or bear up in thy absence. But in this sickness, I have felt as though I could give up all, if I might be spared a little longer to help along in the care of the children. It has seemed to me that I should give thee up, my dear husband, to go wherever the Lord might lead thee; it has seemed so, but may be it would not be so with me, if I should be tried with it; and perhaps I shall be taken away, that thou mayest be set more fully at liberty to attend to the Lord's requirings, in whatever part of the world he may see meet to employ thee.' Then she expressed her deep sense of my kindness to her in her sickness; and her heart-felt sympathy with me in my trials, past, present, and to come; and her living desires for my support and preservation through all, to the end of my race; in such a moving manner, that the fresh sense thereof melts my heart, when I recollect the time and substance of the conversation; and I trust I shall not soon, if ever, forget the endearment and solemnity attending it. On my going into the room very shortly before the scene was closed with her here, she expressed great gladness at seeing me, and that she had been desiring me to come. I believe she was sensible her end was just approaching. She expressed great thankfulness to her dear young friend A. A. for the great care she had taken of her through the night. All that was alive in me was moved at this time, for I saw she was just going. Oh! how expressively she looked upon me! how endearing her expressions! But she was soon past conversation; and resigned her soul up to Him who gave it, on the morning of the 5th of the Seventh month, 1791, dying of a putrid disorder; and was buried the 6th, in Friends burying-ground in Providence. Through divine help my mind was pretty well stayed, though deeply affected and tenderly moved through her sickness, death, and burial. And through all, and after all, I have this consolation, that her soul was centred in divine love, and sweetened with a fore-taste of heavenly enjoyment. And though painful to me the separation, and trying in many of my lonely moments; yet in God I have confidence and hope of consolation, and I dare not do any other than bless his Holy Name in every trial: and if he but preserve my soul alive in him, and faithful in his covenant, all else I yield to his all-wise disposal. Many a mournful day and anxious night did I pass through, in this my lonesome condition, and in a deep-felt sense of the buffetings of Satan within, and certain outward probations, in wisdom suffered to beset me. I saw clearly I must be redeemed from many things wherein some are taking satisfaction, if I would live wholly unto God. I saw also that he suffered me to be many ways afflicted, in order that I might be so redeemed. Sometimes it seemed as if I could scarcely live through my inward baptisms, and outward besetments; yet still I pressed forward, until, in a time of deep distress, I found relief and consolation, in remembering that some of the most distressing mornings of my life, have been followed by some of the most happy and joyful evenings; and some of the most melancholy evenings, by mornings of most substantial gladness; therefore I drew the following conclusion; I will strive to moderate my joy in the moment of prosperity; and in the hour of adversity, I will endeavour to hope; for though sorrow may remain for the night, yet 'joy cometh in the morning.' * Psalm xxx. 5. CHAP. X. Extracts from his Diary, and an Account of his Visit into Connecticut. Seventh mo. 12th, 1791. FEEL that I stand in need of a renewal of my strength, in regard to religious life and progress, and am afresh confirmed that a Christian's life is, as he minds his proper business, a continual warfare. O, my soul, watch and pray continually, and think not to get forward rightly by an intermitting watch; a watch sometimes pretty well maintained, and anon, almost or quite neglected: for be assured the enemy will make an inroad upon thee, if thou thus neglect the watch. O, Holy Father, and Fountain of light, life, and strength! I pray thee, enable me to watch and pray without ceasing. 16th day. Afflicted and not comforted; yet I dare not let go my hold, nor look out to visibles for enjoyment. My state seemed that of almost total abstinence. 23d. Humbled and bowed in grateful prostration and reverence, in contemplating the wonderful goodness of God to mankind through all ages, especially in opening and revealing, by his Holy Spirit, the deep things of his heavenly kingdom, to poor frail man. 27th. A day of great deliverance and enlargement in gospel authority in the ministry and doctrine of Christ; and some faithful labours for the good of“ the brethren, in a more private way. 28th, Sat under my own vine and fig-tree, where none could make afraid. 29th, I find yet need of dying daily, and have in good degree submitted to it this day. Lord! let not thy hand spare, nor thine eye pity, till thou bring forth judgment unto victory in me. 5th of Eighth month. I feel that my God has greatly weaned, and is weaning me; but I want to be able to say, through and with my Saviour; I have overcome the world.'* I greatly desire fully and unreservedly, to die to every thing that is not of the Father; whether it be of the world, the flesh, or the devil; in short, to know an overcoming of all evil, and all evil motions and desires, so as that they may die at the root. And, indeed, this is the only true and effectual overcoming; for now also the axe is laid unto the root of the tree,'+ not to the branches only, to lop and crop them; but to cut up the tree at the very root. And talk what men will of imputation, none are those overcomers to whom the promise is made, and will be performed, that they shall' • eat of the hidden manna;‡ have a right to the tree of life;' receive a white stone and a "name;' 'enter in through the gates into the 6 city,' and be made pillars in the temple of * John xvi. 33. + Mat. iii. 10. Rev. ii. 17. N |