same design, as a known court practice, to grease my fist that I might keep silence. These are great offences, contrived on purpose to corrupt my integrity. And besides I apprehend that if I should wait on you to return my thanks, you will deny that the pig and butter were any advances at all on your side, and give out that I made them first; by which I may endanger the fundamental privilege that I have kept so many years in two kingdoms, at least make it a point of controversy.

However, I have two ways to be revenged: first, I will let all the ladies of my acquaintance know, that you, the sole daughter and child of his Grace of Dublin, are so mean as to descend to understand housewifery, which every girl of this town, who can afford sixpence a month for a chair, would scorn to be thought to have the least knowledge in, and this will give you as ill a reputation as if you had been caught in the fact of reading a history, or handling a needle, or working in a field at Tallaght. My other revenge shall be this: when my Lord's gentleman delivered his message, after I put him some questions, he drew out a paper containing your directions, and in your hand; I said it properly belonged to me, and, when I had read it, I put it in my pocket, and am ready to swear, when lawfully called, that it is written in a fair hand, rightly spelt, and good plain sense. You now may see I have you at mercy; for, upon the least offence given, I will show the paper to every female scrawler I meet, who will soon spread about the town that your writing and spelling are ungenteel and unfashionable, more like a parson than a lady.

I suppose, by this time, you are willing to submit, and therefore, I desire you may stint me to two china bowls of butter a week; for my breakfast is that of a sickly man, rice gruel, and I am wholly a stranger to

tea and coffee, the companions of bread and butter. I received my third bowl last night, and I think my second is almost entire. I hope and believe my Lord Archbishop will teach his neighbouring tenants and farmers a little English country management; and I lay it upon you, Madam, to bring housewifery in fashion among our ladies, that by your example they may no longer pride themselves on their natural or affected ignorance. I am, with the truest respect and esteem, Madam,

Your most obedient and obliged, etc.

I desire to present my most [humble respects] to his Grace and the ladies.

SIR,

SWIFT TO EATON STANNARD

Deanery House, April 11, 1735.

I believe you may possibly have heard from me, or public report, of my resolution to leave my whole fortune, except a few legacies, to build an hospital for idiots and lunatics in this city, or the suburbs; and, after long consideration, I have been so bold to pitch upon you as my director in the methods I ought to take for rendering my design effectual. I have known and seen the difficulty of any such attempt, by the negligence, or ignorance, or some worse dealing by executors and trustees. I have been so unfortunate, for want of some able friend of a public spirit, that I could never purchase one foot of land, the neighboring country squires always watching, like crows for a carcase, over every estate that was likely to be sold, and that kind of knowledge was quite out of the life I have led, which, in the strength of my days, chiefly passed at Courts, and among Ministers of State, to my great vexation and disappointment, for which I now repent too late. I therefore

humbly desire that you will please to take me into your guardianship, as far as the weight of your business will permit. As the city hath agreed to give me a piece of land, my wish would be to make the Lord Mayor, Recorder, and Aldermen, my trustees, executors or governors, according as you shall please to advise, and out of these, committees may be appointed to meet at proper times. My thought is, that the city will be careful in an affair calculated wholly for the city's advantage. If you would favour me so much as to fix any day during this vacation to dine at the Deanery, I shall be extremely obliged to you, and give you my very crude notions of my intentions. I am, with great esteem, Sir,

Your most obedient and obliged servant,

JONATH. SWIFT.

SWIFT TO ALEXANDER POPE

February 7, 1735-6.

It is some time since I dined at the Bishop of Derry's, where Mr. Secretary Carey told me, with great concern, that you were taken very ill. I have heard nothing since, only I have continued in great pain of mind, yet for my own sake and the world's more than for yours; because I well know how little you value life, both as a philosopher, and a Christian, particularly the latter, wherein hardly one in a million of us heretics can equal you. If you are well recovered, you ought to be reproached for not putting me especially out of pain, who could not bear the loss of you; although we must be forever distant as much as if I were in the grave, for which my years and continual indisposition are preparing me every season. I have stayed too long from pressing you to give me some ease by an account of your health. Pray do not use me so ill any more. I look upon you as an estate from which I receive my

Mr.

best annual rents, although I am never to see it. Tickell was at the same meeting under the same real concern, and so were a hundred others of this town who had never seen you.

I read to the Bishop of Derry the paragraph in your letter which concerned him, and his Lordship expressed his thankfulness in a manner that became him. He is esteemed here as a person of learning, and conversation, and humanity; but he is beloved by all people. He is a most excessive Whig, but without any appearing rancour, and his idol is King William; besides three thousand a year is an invincible sweetener.

My state of more or less

I have nobody now left but you. Pray be so kind as to outlive me, and then die as soon as you please, but without pain; and let us meet in a better place, if my religion will permit, but rather my virtue, although much unequal to yours. Pray let my Lord Bathurst know how much I love him. I still insist on his remembering me, although he is too much in the world to honour an absent friend with his letters. health is not to boast of; my giddiness is too constant; I have not an ounce of flesh between skin and bone; I sleep ill, and have a poor appetite. I can as easily write a poem in the Chinese language as my own. I am as fit for matrimony as invention; and yet I have daily schemes for innumerable essays in prose, and proceed sometimes to no less than half a dozen lines, which the next morning become waste paper. What vexes me most is, that my female friends, who could bear me very well a dozen years ago, have now forsaken me, although I am not so old in proportion to them, as I formerly was, which I can prove by arithmetic, for then I was double their age, which now I am not.

Pray put me out of fear as soon as you can, about

that ugly report of your illness; and let me know who this Cheselden is that has so lately sprung up in your favour. Give me also some account of your neighbour who writ to me from Bath. I hear he resolves to be strenuous for taking off the Test, which grieves me extremely, from all the unprejudiced reasons I ever was able to form, and against the maxims of all wise Christian governments, which always had some established religion, leaving at best a toleration to others. Farewell, my dearest friend, ever, and upon every account that can create friendship and esteem.

END