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THERE is a great Refemblance in their Genius, but the Critick and Mifer are only Ridiculous and Contemptible Creatures, while the Free-thinker is also aFernicious one.

N° 84.

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Wednesday, June 17.

Hor.

Non miffura cutem nifi plena cruoris hirudo.
To the Honoured NESTOR IRONSIDE, Efq;

SIR,

P

Middle-Temple, June 12.RESUMING you may fometimes condefcend to take Cognifance of fmall Enormities, I here lay one before you, which I proceed to without farther Apology, as well knowing the best Compliment to a Man of Business is to come to the Point.

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THERE is a filly Habit among many of our Minor Orators, who display their Eloquence in the feveral • Coffee-houses of this fair City, to the no fmall An'`noyance of confiderable Numbers of her Majesty's fpruce and loving Subjects, and that is a Humour they have got of twisting off your Buttons. Thefe inge'nious Gentlemen are not able to advance three Words till they have got faft hold of one of your Buttons; but as foon as they have procured fuch an excellent handle for Difcourfe, they will indeed proceed with great Elo'cution. I know not how well fome may have escaped, but for my part, I have often met with them to my Coft; having. I believe within these three Years laft paft been argu'd out of feveral Dozens; infomuch that I have for fome time ordered my Tailor to bring me home with every Suit a dozen at least of spare ones, to fupply the place of fuch as from time to time are 'detach'd as an Help to Difcourfe, by the vehement Gentlemen before-mentioned. This way of holding a • Man in Difcourfe is much practised in the Coffee houfes ⚫ within the City, and does not indeed fo much prevail at the politer end of the Town. It is likewife more ⚫ frequently

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frequently made ufe of among the fmall Politicians, than any other Body of Men: ; I am therefore fomething 'cautious of entring into a Controversy with this Species of Statesmen, efpecially the younger Fry; for if you offer in the leaft to diffent from any thing that one ⚫ of these advances, he immediately fteps up to you, takes hold of one of your Buttons, and indeed will foon convince you of the Strength of his Argumentation. I remember upon the News of Dunkirk being delivered into our hands, a brisk little Fellow, a • Politician and an able Ingineer, had got into the middle of Batfon's Coffee-house, and was fortifying Graveling for the fervice of the moft Chriftian King, with all imaginable Expedition. The Work was carried on with fuch Succefs, that in lefs than a quarter of an • Hour's time he had made it almost impregnable, and, in the Opinion of feveral worthy Citizens who had gather'd round him, full as ftreng both by Sea and Land as Dunkirk ever could pretend to be. I happen'd, however, unadvisedly to attack fome of his Out-works; upon which, to fhew his great Skill likewife in the Offenfive Part, he immediately made an Affault upon one of my Buttons, and carried it in lefs than two Minutes, notwithstanding I made as handfom a De'fence as was poffible: He had likewise invested a fecond, and would certainly have been Mafter of that too in a very little time, had not he been diverted from this Enterprise by the Arrival of a Courier, who brought Advice that his Prefence was abfolutely neceffary in the Difpofal of a Beaver; upon which he ⚫ raised the Siege, and indeed retired with fome Precipitation. In the Coffee houses here about the Temple you may Harangue even among our Dablers in Politicks for about two Buttons a day, and many times for less. I had yesterday the good Fortune to receive very confiderable Additions to my Knowledge in State Affairs, and I find this Morning, that it has not flood me in above a Button. In most of the eminent Coffeehoufes at the other end of the Town, for example, to go no farther than Will's in Covent Garden, the Company is fo refin'd, that you may hear and be • heard and not be a Button the worse for it. Befides

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⚫ the Gentleman before-mentioned, there are others who are no less active in their Harangues, but with gentle • Services rather than Robberies. Thefe, while they are improving your Understanding, are at the fame ⚫ time fetting off your Perfon; they will new pleat and adjust your Neckcloth.

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• BUT tho' I can bear with this kind of Orator, whe is fo humble as to aim at the Good-will-of his Hearer by being his Valet de Chambre, I must rebel against ano⚫ther Sort of them. There are fome, Sir, that do not • ftick to take a Man by the Collar when they have a ⚫ mind to perfuade him. It is your Bufinefs, I humbly prefume, Mr. Ironfide, to interpofe, that a Man is not brought over to his Opponent by force of Arms. It were requifite therefore that you should name a certain • Interval, which ought to be preserved between the Speaker and him to whom he speaks. For fure no Man has a Right, because I am not of his Opinion, to take any of my Clothes from me, or drefs me according to his own liking. I affure you, the most ⚫ becoming thing to me in the World is in a Campaign • Periwig to wear one Side before and the other caft up' on the collateral Shoulder. But there is a Friend of • mine who never talks to me but he throws that which I wear forward upon my Shoulder, fo that in reftoring it to its Place I lose two or three Hairs out of the Lock upon my Buttons; though I never touched him in my whole Life, and have been acquainted with him this 6 ten Year. I have seen my eager Friend in danger • fometimes of a Quarrel by this ill Custom, for there are more young Gentlemen who can feel than can underftand. It would be therefore a good Office to my good Friend if you advised him not to Collar any Man but one who knows what he means, and gives it him as a standing Precaution in Converfation, that none but a very good Friend will give him the Liberty of being feen, felt, heard and understood all at once.

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I am, SIR,

Your most humble Servant,
Johannes Mifochirofophus.
P. S. I

- P. S. I have a Sifter who faves her felf from being handled by one of these manual Rhetoricians by giving him her. Fan to play with; but I appeal to you in the behalf of us poor helpless Men.

I

June 15, 1713. AM of Opinion, that no Orator or Speaker in Publick or Private has any right to meddle with any Body's Clothes but his own: I indulge Men in the Liberty of playing with their own Hats, fumbling in their own Pockets, fettling their own Periwigs, toffing or twifting their Heads, and all other Gefticulations which may contribute to their Elocution, but pronounce it an Infringement of the English Liberty for a Man to keephis Neighbour's Perfon in Cuftody in order to force an Hearing; and farther declare, that all Affent given by an Auditor, under fuch Conftraint, is of it felf void and of no Effect.

NESTOR IRONSIDE.

CreestanGDYNIAD Thursday, June 18.

N° 85.

Sed te decor ifte, quod optas,·

Effe vetat, votoque tuo tua forma repugnat.

T

Ovid.

O fuffer Scandal (fays fomebody) is the Tax which every Perfon of Merit pays to the Publick; and my Lord Verulam finely obferves, that a Man who has no Virtue in himself, ever envies Virtue in others. I know not how it comes to pafs, but Detraction, thro' all Ages, has been found a Vice which the Fair Sex too eafily give into. Not the Roman Satyrist could use them with more Severity than they themselves do one another. Some audacious Criticks, in my Opinion, have lanched out a little too far when they take upon them to prove, in Oppofition to Hiftory, that Lais was a Woman of as much Virtue as Beauty, which violently difpleafing the Phrynes of thofe times, they fecret

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ly prevailed with the Hiftorians to deliver her down to Potterity under the infamous Character of an extorting Prostitute, But tho' I have the greatest Regard imagi nable to that softer Species, yet am I forry to find they have very little for themselves. So far are they from being tender of one another's Reputation, that they take a malicious Pleasure in destroying it. My Lady the other Day, when Jack was asking who could be fo base to fpread fuch a Report about Mrs. anfwer'd, None, you may be fure, but a Woman: A little after, Dick told my Lady, that he had heard Florella hint as if Cleora wore artificial Teeth; The Reason is,. faid fhe, because Cleora firft gave out, that Florella ow'd her Complexion to a Wash. Thus the industrious pretty Creatures take Pains, by Invention, to throw Blemishes on each other, when they don't confider that there is a profligate Set of Fellows too ready to taint the Character of the Virtuous, or blast the Charms of the blooming Virgin. The young Lady, from whom I had the Honour of receiving the following Letter, deferves, or rather claims, Protection from our Sex, fince fo barbarously treated by her own. Certainly they ought to defend Innocence from Injury, who gave ignorantly the Occafion of its being affaulted. Had the Men been lefs Liberal of their Applaufes,the Women had been more fparing of their calumnious Cenfures.

SIR,

To the GUARDIAN.

sago,

Don't know at what nice Point you fix the Bloom of a young Lady; but I am one who can just look 'back upon Fifteen. My Father dying three Years left me under the Care and Direction of my Mother, ' with a Fortune not profufely great, yet fuch as might ⚫ demand a very handfom Settlement, if ever Proposals ⚫ of Marriage fhould be offer'd. My Mother, after the ⚫ ufual time of retired Mourning was over, was fo affectio⚫nately indulgent to me, as to take me along with her in all her Vifits; but ftill not thinking fhe gratified my Youth enough, permitted me further to go with my Relations to all the publick, chearful, but innocent • Entertainments, where fhe was too reserved to appear her felf. The two first Years of my Teens were easy, • gay

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