CHAP. V.

Extracts from a Diary kept after his Removal to Kettering, beginning April 11,

1784.

AN interval of more than two years took place, between the close of the former diary and the commencement of this. It is believed Mr. Fuller himself destroyed another volumé, which comprehended this period.

On the 30th of April, 1784, he wrote

"I earnestly desire, these papers and books, if I should not burn them in my life-time, may never be shown, except to very few persons, after my death; for such a life as mine I wish never to be imitated. When I read the life of one whom I think to have been a good man, I feel apt to account his acquisitions nearly the utmost that can be attained in this life. The fear lest any one should think thus of mine, makes me write this desire."

On this paragraph, I would make two or three remarks, previously to my inserting any extracts from this volume.

1. I am strongly persuaded, that I am one of those few whom he would not have

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precluded from the sight of these papers. And I find sufficient evidence in this very manuscript of his affectionate regard for me, and his sympathy with me, under trials of my own, to confirm this opinion, if it needed confirmation.

. 2. That I wish, according to what I suggested in the former chapter, (p. 121.) to guard against the abuse of his many complaints and conficts.

3. That, all things considered, I found more to humble me on the perusal of the whole, than to administer that despicable and pernicious comfort, which we both feared some professors would be tempted to extract from it.

4. That I sincerely wish, as I am sure he would still more earnestly than 1, to beware of any attempt to make others think more highly than they ought to think of my dear departed friend; or to lead them to imagine that he was "exempt from the common infirmities of our corrupted nature." A sinner ready to perish, but saved by marvellous grace, was the only light in which he wished to be viewed, or in which I have attempted to exhibit him. 1 only add,

5. That I have made such a selection, according to the best of my judgment, as I thought would tend to the honour of his blessed Lord, and to the benefit of candid

and intelligent readers; inserting nothing which I conceived he would have objected to insert, had he been the biographer of just such another man.

Many things which indicate his pastoral watchfulness I have omitted, lest any one should guess at individuals whose conduct gave him pain. It must be supposed that he had some trials of this sort at Kettering, as well as at Soham: since, as the great Mr. Howe observes, "The true, the proper, and right notion of the Christian church, or the churches of Christ in general, is, that they are hospitals, are rather one great hospital, wherein are persons of all sorts under cure. There is none that is sound, none that is not diseased, none that hath not wounds and sores about him." He was, however, anxious for them, and for others of his acquaintance, that they might not only adhere to the truth, but be sanctified by the truth.

As to himself, it appears that he watched continually over the state of his own soul, both in private, and in the discharge of his public work. I had thought of dividing these two particulars; but after transcribing them separately to the close of this year, I found them so interwoven together, that I concluded it would be better to let them

Works, VI. 177.

remain united.

I have only kept distinct the account of the exercises of his mind respecting his own publications which I shall give afterwards.

His humility and godly jealously appear continually. While others admired his zeal and diligence, he was perpetually bewailing his lukewarmness, inconstancy, and inactivity, and dreading lest he should prove an idol shepherd,' who fed not the flock. Since I wrote the preceding chapter, I found among his papers a letter from a friend, which he had folded up, and written on it the writer's name and the date, Oct. 5, 1783. and added beneath, "O may I never forget the hints in this letter!" On opening it, a similar wish I found had been written by him under the original direction. This excited my curiosity to examine what these hints were; and I found it came from one to whom he had made some heavy complaints of himself, just before his settlement at Kettering; who thus replied: "I love you, but 1 do not greatly pity you: I am glad you feel as you do. When I am weak, then am I strong.' God almighty keep us from ever being great men, or rather from thinking ourselves so! O it requires numberless miracles to get any man to heaven; perhaps I might say especially a minister! You will do, as long as you, feel vile, and foolish, and weak. I had rather

preach your funeral, than live to see you good, and wise, and great, and strong!" This was the sort of friendship my dear brother valued, more than what would express itself in compliment and flattery.

Extracts from his Diary for 1784.

"April 11.-A tender forenoon in public prayer. My heart aches for the congregation, young and old, especially for some who seem to be under concern. O that Christ may be formed in them! But I am so carnal, that I fear God will never do any thing by me. Had a pretty good forenoon, in preaching on being sick; but a poor afternoon, on Christ's being the great physician.

"22.-Visited by Mr. Robert Hall, sen. and Mr. Joshua Symmonds. The former preached from,- Be ye also ready.' I had a very solemn, painful, and yet pleasurable time. O how far am I from being ready! how little disengaged from what I must shortly leave! how little prepared for a better world!

"25,-A very good forenoon, both in prayer and in preaching on walking by faith. Poor afternoon: no savour at the Lord's supper. In the evening, expounded Matt. iv. on Christ' temptation. Noticed it's importance, time, circumstances, nature, and issue. At the close inferred, As Christ did not run into temptation,