A TALE of a TUB. SECT. I. THE INTRODUCTION. WHOEVER hath an ambition to be heard in a croud, muft prefs, and fqueeze, and thruft, and climb, with indefatigable pains, 'till he has exalted. himself to a certain degree of altitude above them. Now in all affembles, though you wedge them ever fo close, we may observe this peculiar property, that over their heads there is room enough, but how to reach it is the difficult point; it being as hard to get quit of number, as of bell; evadere ad auras, Hoc opus, hic labor eft. To this end the philofopher's way in all ages has been by erecting certain edifices in the air: but, whatever practice and reputation these kind of ftructures have Formerly poffeffed, or may ftill continue in, not excepting even that of Socrates, when he was fufpended in a barket to help contemplation; I think, with due fubmiffion, they feem to labour under two inconveniences. First, That the foundations being laid too high, they have been often out of fight, and ever out of hearing. Secondly, That the materials, being very tranfitory, have fuffered much from inclemencies of air, especially in thefe north-west regions. Therefore, towards the juft performance of this great work there remain but three methods, that I can think on; whereof the wisdom of our ancestors being highly fenfible, has, to encourage all afpiring adventurers, thought fit to erect three wooden machines for the use of thofe orators, who defire to talk much without in * But to return, and view the chearful skies; terruption. These are, the pulpit, the ladder, and the Stage-itinerant. For, as to the bar, though it be compounded of the fame matter, and defigned for the fame ufe, it cannot however be well allowed the honour of a fourth, by reafon of its level or inferior fituation expofing it to perpetual interruption from collaterals. Neither can the bench itfelf, though raised to a proper eminency, put in a better claim, whatever its advocates infist on. For, if they please to look into the original defign of its erection, and the circumftances or adjuncts fubfervient to that defign, they will foon acknowledge the prefent practice exactly correfpondent to the primitive inflitution, and both to anfwer the etymology of the name, which in the Phenician tongue is a word of great fignification, importing, if literally interpreted, the place of fleep; but in common acceptation, a feat well bo fiered and cushioned, for the repofe of old and gouty limbs fenes ut in otia tuta recedant. Fortune being indebted to them this part of retaliation, that, as formerly they have long talked, whilst others flept, fo now they may fleep as long, whilft others talk. But if no other argument could occur to exclude the bench and the bar from the lift of oratorial machines, it were fufficient, that the admiffion of them would overthrow a number, which I was refolved to establish, whatever argument it might coft me; in imitation of that prudent method obferved by many other philofophers and great clerks, whofe chief art in divifion has been to grow fond of fome proper myfical number, which their imaginations have rendered facred, to a degree, that they force common reafon to find room for it in every part of nature; reducing, including, and adjutting every genus and Species within that compass, by coupling fome against their wills, and banishing others at any rate. Now, among all the reft, the profound number THREE is that, which hath moft employed my fublimeft fpeculations, nor ever without wonderful delight. There is now in the press, and will be published next term, a panegyrical effay of mine upon this 2 number, number, wherein I have by moft convincing proofs not only reduced the fenfes and the elements under its banner, but brought over feveral deferters from its two great rivals, SEVEN and NINE. Now, the first of thefe oratorial machines in place, as well as dignity, is the pulpit. Of pulpits there are in this ifland feveral forts; but I efteem only that made of timber from the fylva Caledonia, which agrees very well with our climate. If it be upon its decay, it is the better both for conveyance of found, and for other reafons to be mentioned by and by. The degree of perfection in shape and fize I take to confift in being extremely narrow, with little ornament, and beft of all without a cover (for, by antient rule it ought to be the only uncovered veffel in every affembly, where it is rightly ufed) by which means, from its near refemblance to a pillory, it will ever have a mighty influence on human ears. Of ladders I need fay nothing: it is obferved by foreigners themselves, to the honour of our country, that we excel all nations in our practice and understanding of this machine. The afcending orators do not only oblige their audience in the agreeable delivery, but the whole world in the early publication of their fpeeches; which I look upon as the choiceft treafury of our British eloquence, and whereof, I am informed, that worthy citizen and bookfeller, Mr. John Dunton, hath made a faithful and a painful collection, which he fhortly defigns to publish in twelve volumes in folio, illuftrated with copper-plates. A work highly useful and curious, and altogether worthy of fuch a hand. The laft engine of orators is the age-itinerant, cerected with much fagacity, † fub Jove pluvio, in triviis &quadriviis. It is the great feminary of the two former, and its orators are fometimes preferred to the one, and sometimes to the other, in proportion to their Is the mountcbank's flage, whole orators the author deter mines either to the gallows or a In the open air, and in ftreets where the greatest refort is. J 14 defervings, |