That I rob'd him-Well done in troth.
When b' has confest, he stole my Cloak,
And pick'd my Fob, and what he took,
Which was the cause, that made me bang him,
And take my Goods again—marry hang him:
Now whether I should, before hand
Swear he rob'd me? I understand,
Or bring my Action of Conversion
And Trover for my Goods?
Or if 'tis better to indite,
And bring him to his Trial?.
Prevent what he designs to do,

Ab Whorson.

-Right,

And swear for th' state against him?—True.
Or whether he that is Defendant

In this Case, has the better end on't;
Who putting in a new cross-bill,
May traverse th' Action- -better still.
Then there's a Lady too. I marry,
That's easily prov'd accessary.
A Widow, who by solemn Vows,
Contracted to me, for my Spouse,
Combin'd with him to break her word,
And has abetted all-Good Lord,
Suborn'd the aforesaid Sidrophel,
To tamper with the Dev'l of Hell.
Who put m'into horrid fear,

Fear of my Life, Make that appear.
Made an assault, with Fiends and Men
Upon my body. -Good agen.

And kept me in a deadly fright
And false Imprisonment all Night,

Mean while, they rob'd me, and my Horse,
And stole my Saddle,- -worse and worse;
And made me mount upon the bare-ridge,
T'avoid a wretcheder miscarriage:

Sir, quoth the Lawyer, not to flatter ye,
You have as Good, and Fair a Battery,
As heart can wish, and need not shame,
The proudest Man alive to claim.

For if th' have us'd you, as you say,
Marry, quoth I, God give you joy,
I would it were my Case, I'd give,
More than I'll say, or you'll believe.
I would so trounce her, and her Purse,
I'ld make her kneel for bett'r or worse;
For Matrimony, and Hanging here,
Both go by destiny so clear,

That you as sure, may Pick and Choose,
As Cross I win, and Pile you lose.
And if I durst, I would advance
As much, in Ready Maintenance;
As upon any Case I've known,
But we that practice dare not own,
The Law severely contrabands,
Our taking business off Mens hands;
'Tis Common barratry, that bears
Point blank an Action 'gainst our Ears,
And crops them, till there is not Leather,
To stick a Pin in, left of either;
For which, some do the Summer-sault
And ore the Bar, like Tumblers, vault.
But you may swear at any rate
Things not in Nature, for the State :
For in all Courts of Justice here
A Witness is not said to swear,
But make Oath, that is, in plain terms,
To forge whatever he affirms:

(I thank you, quoth the Knight, for that,
Because 'tis to my purpose pat-

-)

[F]or Justice, though she's painted blind,
Is to the weaker side enclin'd

Like charity, else right, and wrong,
Could never hold it out so long,

And like blind Fortune, with a slight,

Conveys Mens Interest, and Right,
From Stile's Pocket, into Nokeses:

As easily as Hocus Pocus.

Plays fast and loose, makes Men Obnoxious,
And clear again, like Hiccius-Doctius.

Then whether you would take her life,
Or but recover her for your Wife:
Or be content with what she has,
And let all other matters Pass,
The Business to the Law's alone,
The proof is all it look's upon.
And you can want no Witnesses,
To swear to any thing you please.
That hardly get their meer Expences
By th' Labor of their Consciences,
Or letting out to hire, their Ears,
To Affidavit-Customers:

At inconsiderable values,

To serve for Fury-men, or Tales,
Although retain'd in th' hardest matters,
Of Trustees, and Administrators:
For that, quoth he, let me alone,

W have store of such, and all our own;
Bred up and tutor'd, by our Teachers,

The ablest of Conscience-stretchers.

That's well! Quoth he, But I should Guess,

By weighing of Advantages.

Your surest way is first to Pitch

On Bongey, for a Water-witch:

And when y' have hang'd the Conjurer,
r' have time enough, to deal with her.
In th' Intrim; Spare for no Trepans,
To draw her Neck, into the Banes:
Ply her with Love-Letters, and Billets,
And Bait 'em well, for Quirks, and Quillets
With Trains t' inveigle and surprise,
Her Heedless Answers, and Reply's:
And if she miss the Moustrap-Lines,
They'll serve for other By-Designs:
And make an Artist understand,
To Copy out her Seal, or Hand :
Or find void Places in the Paper,
To steal in something to Intrap her.
'Till with her worldly Goods, and Body,
Spight of heart, she has indow'd ye.

Retain all sorts of Witnesses,

That ply ith' Temples, under trees.

Or walk the Round, with Knights [o'th'] Posts :
About the Cross-leg'd Knights, their hosts,
Or wait for Customers, between

The Piller-Rows in Lincolns-Inn.
Where Vouchers, Forgers, Common-bayl,
And Affidavit-men, ne'r fail

T'expose to Sale, all sorts of Oaths,
According to their Ears, and Cloaths.
Their only Necessary Tools,

Besides the Gospel, and their Souls.
And when y'are furnish'd with all Purveys
I shall be ready, at your service.

I would not give, quoth Hudibras,
A straw to understand a Case,
Without the admirabler skill

To Wind, and Manage it at Will:
To Vere, and Tack, and stear a Cause,
Against the Weather-gage of Laws;
And Ring the Changes upon Cases,
As plain, as Noses upon Faces.
As you have well instructed me

For which you have earn'd (here 'tis) your Fee,
I long to practice your advice,
And try the subtle Artifice:
To bait a Letter, as you bid,
As not long after, thus he did,
For having pump'd up all his Wit,
A[n]d hum'd upon it, thus he Writ.

An Heroical Epistle of Hudibras to his Lady.

I

Who was once as great as Cæsar,

Am now reduc'd to Nebuchadnezar.

And from as fam'd a Conqueror,

As ever took degree in War,
Or did his Exercise in Battel,

By you turn'd out to Grass with Cattel.
For since I am deny'd access

To all my Earthly Happiness.

Am fallen from the Paradise

Of your good Graces, and fair Eyes.
Lost to the World, and you, I'me sent

To Everlasting Banishment

Where all the Hopes I had, t' have won

Your heart, being dash'd, will break my own.
Yet if you were not so severe

To pass your doom, before you hear,

You'll find, upon my just defence,

How much y' have wrong'd my Innocence,
That once I made a Vow to you,

Which yet is unperform'd 'tis true;
But not, because it is unpaid,
'Tis Violated, though delay'd:
Or if it were, it is no fault

So hainous, as you'ld have it thought,
To undergo the loss of Ears,
Like vulgar Hackney Perjurers,

For there's a difference in the case
Between the Noble, and the Base:

Who always are observ'd t' have don't,

Upon as different an account:

The one for great, and weighty Cause,
To salve in Honour ugly Flaws.

For none are like to do it sooner,

Than those, who are nicest of their Honour.
The other, for base Gain, and Pay,
Forswear, and Perjure, by the Day;