in public; and, when he is ill, their designs are very evident to all; but, all the same, they engage to offer a sacrifice if he should get better; and, altogether, the fawning of these gentlemen is of a somewhat subtle and complicated character. So let the one remain untouched by death, and let the others go off before him, while vainly gaping in affected admiration.

Hermes. They will suffer a ridiculous fate, rascals that they are. But he, indeed, charmingly cheats and buoys them up with vain hopes exceedingly; and, in a word, while always appearing like a corpse, he has far more strength than the young men. They, however, already have divided out the legacy among themselves, and are living upon it, promising to themselves a happy time of it.

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Pluto. Therefore, let him put off his old age and renew his youth like Iolaus; but as for them, in the midst of their hopes, leaving behind them the wealth they have been dreaming of, let them come here this moment, miserable wretches dying miserably.

Hermes. Have no anxiety, Pluto; for I will go after them for you at once, one by one in their order. There are seven of them, I believe.

Pluto. Drag them down. The old fellow shall follow each of them to the tomb, while he himself, from being aged, shall again be in the prime of youth.

1 The nephew and squire of Herakles, whose youth was renewed by Hebe. See Ov. Metam. ix. 394-401. Herakles sent him into Sardinia, and Iolaus, introducing civilisation to the inhabitants, was afterwards worshipped by them as a principal divinity.

VI.

TERPSION, A LEGACY-HUNTER, ACCUSES PLUTO AND THE FATES IN THAT, ALTHOUGH ONLY THIRTY YEARS OF AGE, THEY HAD CAUSED HIM TO PREDECEASE THE OBJECT OF HIS TENDER REGARDS, THE MILLIONAIRE NONAGENARIAN, THUKRITUS. PLUTO CONVINCES TERPSION OF THE INJUSTICE OF HIS ACCUSATION; AND THE LEGACY-HUNTER CONSOLES HIMSELF IN THE PROSPECT OF BEING SOON JOINED IN HADES BY HIS LATE RIVALS ON EARTH.

Terpsion and Pluto.

Terpsion. Is this just, Pluto, that I have died at the age of thirty years, while the old Thukritus, above his full tale of ninety, lives on?

Pluto. Very just, certainly, Terpsion, since he does not pass his life praying for the death of any of his friends, while you the whole time were plotting against him, and expecting his legacy.

Terpsion. Why, was it not fitting, old as he was, and no longer capable of using his wealth, he had departed from life and made way for the young?

Pluto. You lay down new and strange laws, Terpsionthat a man, who is no longer able to enjoy his money, should die! But Fate and Nature have ordered it differently.1

Terpsion. Then I blame them for that arrangement of theirs; for the business should have proceeded in some sort of order-the older should go first, and after him the next in age-and by no means have been reversed; nor should the man laden with years, with only three teeth still left in his head, seeing with difficulty, crouching and leaning upon the shoulders of four domestics, his nose stuffed with phlegm and his eyes with rheum, with no further perception of anything pleasing, a sort of living tomb, derided by the

1 Compare the scene in the opening of the Alkestis of Euripides, where an animated altercation is represented between Apollo and Thanatos, the latter claiming the young as his especial prey and privilege.

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young, remain alive, while the handsomest and most robust youths die off: for that is a case of the "streams flowing backward"; or, in the last resort, people ought to know when each particular old gentleman will certainly be on the point of going off, so that they would not fawn upon any of them to no purpose. Now, however, is the proverb verified, "the wagon drags the ox.

Pluto. These things, Terpsion, are much more reasonable than they seem to you to be. And you-what possesses you that you gape with open mouth after other people's possessions, and thrust and force yourselves upon childless old fellows? Thus it is you incur ridicule, when you are laid under ground before them; and the matter affords the greatest delight to most people, for, in proportion as you pray for their deaths is it a pleasure to all that you predecease them. Why, this is some new and strange art you have devised-to make love to old men and old women, most especially if they have no children; while those who are blessed with progeny have no lovers, as far as you are concerned. However, already many of the objects of your affection, understanding the rascality of your attachment, if they have children, pretend to hate them, so that they too may possess lovers; accordingly, they who long danced attendance, like a number of satellites, are excluded in the wills; while the child and Nature, as is just, possess everything, and these gentlemen grind their teeth at having been finely cheated.

Terpsion. True. Yet how many things of mine Thukritus devoured, while always seeming to be just at the last gasp, and (whenever I came into his house) groaning

1 Ανω γὰρ ποταμῶν. A Greek proverb, παγαί being understood. The full expression is found in the Medeia of Euripides :

̓́Ανω ποταμῶν ἱερῶν χωροῦσι παγαί.

"The springs of the rivers flow up" (i.e., in the contrary direction to their natural course). Cf. Lucian, Пɛρì Tv πi Miody Evvóvtwv; Ov. Tristia, ii. 8.

2 Ἡ ἄμαξα τὸν βουν. Sup. ἐκφέρει or ἕλκει. Erasmus, Adagia, explains this Greek Sprichtwort of the wagon dragging the ox backwards down a steep hill; but, as Hemsterhuis remarks, that great glory of his country is not always successful in adagiis explicandis.

and croaking, in a manner, in the very depths of his chest, for all the world like some unformed chicken from an egg; so that I, imagining him to be almost at the next moment ready to embark upon his bier, would send him a number of things, that my rivals in affection might not surpass me in the magnitude of their gifts. And often, kept awake by my anxious cares, I lay counting and settling each particular item. This, in fact, has been the cause of my death-sleeplessness and anxieties; while he, after having swallowed so large an amount of my bait, stood by as I was being buried the day before yesterday, laughing over me.

Pluto. Well done, Thukritus; may you live to the longest possible period, at once rich and having the laugh against such gentlemen ; and may you not die before, at least, you have dispatched all your fawning flatterers before you.

Terpsion. This, Pluto, to me, too, would be exceedingly delightful now-if Charcades, in fact, shall be going to his grave this instant before Thukritus.

Pluto. Keep up your spirits, Terpsion, for both Pheidon and Melanthus,' and, in fine, all of them, will precede him, brought here by the same cares.

Terpsion. That has my full approbation. Long life to you, Thukritus !

VII.

ZENOPHANTES AND KALLIDEMIDES, TWO PARASITES, BEWAIL ONE TO THE OTHER THEIR FATES, IN HAVING BEEN IN THE MIDST OF THEIR SCHEMING UNEXPECTEDLY DISMISSED TO HADES. KALLIDEMIDES, IN PARTICULAR, RECOUNTS THE PLEASANT MANNER IN WHICH HE BROUGHT ABOUT HIS OWN DEATH.

Zenophantes and Kallidemides.

Zenophantes. And you, Kallidemides, how did you come

1 If these are not the names of contemporaries of Lucian, they may be derived from the characters of the New Comedy.

by your death? For my part, you know that I, who was Deinias's parasite, was choked by gorging inordinately: for you were present at my death.

Kallidemides. I was so, Zenophantes. But my fate was a strange and unusual sort of one. You knew surely something of Ptoodorus, the old gentleman ?

Zenophantes. The childless millionaire, with whom I knew you as chiefly familiar?

Kallidemides. That's the very man I was always courting, who promised that he would speedily depart this life for my special benefit. When, however, the business was being protracted to an unconscionable length, and the old fellow was extending his life beyond the age of Tithonus1 himself, I devised an expeditious sort of road to the inheritance. Purchasing a poison, I induced his butler, as soon as ever Ptoodorus asked to drink-and he drinks pretty hard-to put it in his cup and have it ready to give to him; and, if he would do so, I pledged myself by oath to give him his freedom.

Zenophantes. What happened then? For you seem to be going to tell some very strange story.

Kallidemides. Well, when we had come from the bath, the lad with the two cups all ready, the one having the poison for Ptoodorus, and the other for me-by some blunder gave me the poison, and Ptoodorus the unpoisoned goblet. Accordingly he drank his harmlessly, while in a moment I lay an outstretched corpse, substituted in his place. Why do you laugh at this, Zenophantes? Surely it does not beseem you to mock at a gentleman and a friend. Zenophantes (laughing immoderately). Why, my friend Kallidemides, you experienced a comical sort of fate. But the old gentleman, what did he at this?

Kallidemides. At first he was somewhat disturbed at the

A Greek proverb analogous to our "as old as Methuselah," with the added notion of extreme decrepitude-a sort of Struldbrug. Tithonus (a Trojan prince, the brother of Priam), beloved by Eos, by her intercession was privileged to be immortal; but the Goddess of the Morning had omitted to demand from Zeus for her lover perpetual youth. At his earnest prayer, he was metamorphosed into a grasshopper. See Hor. Car. ii. 16, and Erasmus, Adagia. Athenæus (xii. 72) recounts a much less poetical history of the beloved of Aurora, the termination of which, unhappily, is lost.