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ley between two hills, where I believed no soul could hear me, and there I roared out like a raging bear bereaved of her whelps; nay, I had hard work to keep from tearing the very hair from my head. I roared and wept while I had power to weep. Then the devil set on with all his hellish spleen, and worked up such infidelity in my heart, that I never can express a thousandth part of it. Now," says he, "what do you think of the Bible? do you think it is true? Have you not prayed for this place hundreds of times; and have not floods of tears flowed from your eyes for it? And does not this Bible say, 6 He that soweth in tears shall reap in joy?' but you have sowed in tears, and reap in sorrow. And does not the Bible tell you that whatsoever you asked, it should be given you? but you have asked, and you believed that you should have the place, and have been denied. There is no God, and the Bible is nothing but priestcraft, and all your preaching and religion is nothing but an empty farce." I roared out again, "O that I could but die! O that I could but sink out of existence!" And such hatred and such awful blasphemies rose up in my heart against God, that I felt, if it were possible, I could have pulled him from his throne, and stamped him under my feet. O how I struggled till the sweat ran down my wretched face, to keep my mouth from uttering what boiled up in my heart! At last, I got to my lodging, but could not sit down, for I was in such a state that I could hardly speak, and my face was foul with weeping. I desired the mistress to give me a candle, and said I would go to bed, for I was very bad. She tried all she could that I would let her make something for me that would do me good, but I told her that I wanted nothing but rest; so I took the candle, and into my bed-room I went. And O the tossings to and fro! sometimes in bed, and sometimes walking the room, till about four or five o'clock in the morning, till I verily thought that my natural senses were going, and felt quite confident that a mad-house would be my place. But as to pray, to hope, or ever think it possible for me to preach again, I could as soon blot out the sun with my hand as do any of them. But I shall

never forget the sound of those words, that dropped like rain, and did indeed distil like the dew: "What I do thou knowest not now; but thou shalt know hereafter." (John xiii. 7.) O the softness these words produced in my heart in a moment! The beasts of the forest all gathered themselves into their dens, my soul sprang up like a bird that had broken out of the snare, and I cried out, "It is the voice of my Beloved." O how my poor soul was melted down at his blessed feet! I covered my shameful face, and could neither look nor speak for wonder and astonishment at what it could all mean. How sweetly did he draw me forth by his blessed words of peace, "Let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely." (Sol. Song ii. 14.) My soul was so drawn out and encouraged that I went down on my knees, and felt just like a child. "Lord, how is it, and why is it that my prayers are not answered? O, dear Lord, do show me how it is, and why it is! Thou knowest that I cannot tell how it is, nor why it is. Do, my dear Lord, show thy poor, ignorant, sinful, and helpless child; do, my dear Jesus, show me." And O with what light, life, and power did he speak these words into my heart that settled the thing in a moment, and showed me the why and the how; "Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts." (James iv. 3.) O how clearly did I see it was all my own fleshly planning and contriving, and that it was to gratify my own fleshly pleasure. O how sweetly could I give it all up into the hands of my covenant God! Never did I go and preach a sermon in my life with more peace and love, than my last in Pool Moor chapel. How I could pray that, if it were the Lord's will, he would bless them in their choice of a minister. So that what I expected would have been to me nothing but death and destruction, was turned into the greatest blessing that I ever had in all my life. O the use I have found it to me hundreds of times since! O the numbers of times I have blessed God for it! But my soul was knit to a few of them, and they were knit to me in love that was never dissolved, and never will be, neither in

time or to all eternity. After a time, a few of them separated and took a room, where I went occasionally to supply them for many years, and God owned my poor labours amongst them.

About this time I was invited to go and preach to a few people that had been separated from Mr. Littlewood's church at Rochdale, for going to hear Mr. Gadsby, who then came once a month to preach at Rochdale, on a week evening. They had taken a room to meet in, and after a few times I engaged to go regularly every Lord's day, for which, if I remember aright, they engaged to give me six shillings a time. I had nine miles to go, and I think I went regularly for about twelve months, when, as the place was increased, they gave me a call, which I accepted. This was either in the year 1809, or 1810. And here I met with many comforts and many sorrows, and some downright real friends as well as some downright real enemies, who appeared, when I first went amongst them, as though they would have pulled out their eyes, and given them to me; but I found in the end their language was, "Crucify him, crucify him!" Truly it is "through much tribulation we must enter into the kingdom of heaven." But notwithstanding all, "The righteous shall hold on his way, and he that hath clean hands shall wax stronger and stronger." (Job xvii. 9.) The Lord hath said that "surely the wrath of man shall praise him, and the remainder of wrath he will restrain;" (Psa. lxxvi. 10;) and so have I many times found it, to the honour of his name. O the miserable journeys I had sometimes, for about two years, from the place where I then lived to Rochdale, which was about eleven or twelve miles distant. I have many times left home with neither money nor provisions in the house, over head and ears in debt, full of carnal reason and unbelief, and not able to see how ever I could escape bringing a reproach upon the cause of God and truth. O how my poor soul has roared out like a bear, and mourned sore like a dove, when I have been passing through the lonely fields on my way on a Saturday night, or sometimes on a Lord's day morning, many times without a text, all my debts staring me in the

face, no appearance of getting through a single week, and all our clothes nearly worn out. O the many times I have roared out in the fields, "What a fool I must be to go on attempting to preach when every thing is so completely against me!" How many times did I tell the people that I must give it all up, for I was confident that I should never be able to get through with honour to the cause of God and truth. But they only laughed at me, and told me that if I knew nothing of these trials I should not do for them, and they were at a point that I was in the best school God could put me in for the pulpit. How often my soul exclaimed, "Miserable comforters are ye all!" (Job xvi. 2.) I was confident that, if it were the best school, it was a very hard one to flesh and blood. Nevertheless, I always found in the end that they told the truth, and I am as confident of it as I am of my own existence, that there has been a "needs be" for every trial which my dear God and Saviour has sent me, and not one too many. They have been all in their place, in the hands of God, to empty me and strip me of all my human props, and bring me to God as "my all and in all." And I have ever found it, that when I have been set fast, and could not turn to the right or to the left, it was generally the case with me, fool-like, to fly to God as the last spot. When every other refuge failed, I was obliged to roll my burden upon him. How many times have I wept, and thought that he never could have patience with me long, and that I should tire him

out.

But bless his precious name, I have ever found him both able and willing to sustain me. Let me be sunk into whatever difficulties I might, however trying they might be, I have always found that there were no impossibilities with him, nor any thing too hard for him to manage. How often have I come home to an empty house, and brought with me just the very things we needed; so that we kept just getting through one trial after another, as it were by the skin of our teeth. One time we were set completely fast to make up the rent. We had some how or other got it up save one guinea, and that we could not get from any source we could tell of. But a thought struck my mind that I

would try the next Lord's day to borrow it of one of my friends at Rochdale, who I expected would lend it me. as the following Monday was the day to pay my rent. O the journey I had to Rochdale of prayer to God that he would open the way! I told him that I had no where else to go but unto him who had ever been my present help in all times of trouble. "O do, dear Lord, open the heart of some one to lend it me, and I will bless thee as long as I live." I felt sweet access to him, and really believed that he heard my prayers, and that I should bring the money home. But how my poor soul was disappointed! For after I had done preaching on the Lord's day, I mentioned the affair to one who, I thought, could do it; but he had it not at that time in his power. O how I sunk down in my feelings, and set off home miserable enough, and verily believed it was now all over, and in such darkness, and unbelief, and carnal reasoning, until I was almost distracted. But when I came to a village called Heywood, through which I had to pass on my way home, it just struck my mind that I had to call to leave a message from Mr. Gadsby, at an old lady's who lived there, that he was coming over on such an evening. I rapped at the door, and told the servant my message, and the old lady being in the parlour, heard me, and insisted that I should come in and have some refreshment. I wished to be excused as I had a long way to go home, and it was getting late. Besides, I was so miserable, that I thought ladies would be no company for me. But she would have no denial, and said I must come in. So in I went and sat down. And how it was I cannot tell, but so it was that the moment I sat down I forgot my rent and all my misery, as if it had taken wings and flown away: and there being a young lady there who was keeping her company, I began to talk of the things of God with such freedom that I was astonished at my feelings. The young lady burst into tears, and said, "These are the very things I have been exercised with in my mind. Are these the feelings of Christians?" At which my very soul was melted down in a moment, and my mouth was so opened that I began to speak of the way in which the Lord had led me, with such sweetness and