myself favorably known to some of the most respectable newsmongers by bawling out louder than any of my competitors, "Great news from Sebastopol," or some other famous place. On one of these occasions-the Legislature being in sessionmy good genius, to whom I can not express my obligations for various kind offices, inspired me to pay a visit to that hallowed spot where all the collected wisdom, not to say virtue, of the State is congregated. I don't remember in what way exactly, but some how or other, I insinuated myself into the lobby of the House, where, seeing a man staring at me rather equivocally, I presented him with a copy of each of my assortment of papers, and declined taking payment. This proved a lucky hit, for the gentleman was a member of the House, and did me several good offices afterwards, as will appear in the sequel.

And here I must take leave to digress a moment, for the special benefit of my young readers, who have doubtless been stultified by ignorant parents, and still more ignorant pedagogues, with various panegyrics on modesty and all that sort of nonsense. Now, if I had not intruded, as these thickskulled moralists call it, into the sacred precincts consecrated to the wisdom and virtue of the State, I might, in all probability, have remained a crier of newspapers all my life, and never furnished materials for an auto-biography. I maintain, and appeal to my own experience, that there is not in this world so great an obstacle in the way of rising in life, especially if a man means to do it by head work, as that sneaking quality which has some how or other got the reputation of a virtue. Modesty is only another name for cowardice; and to be ashamed is to be afraid of doing a thing. How often do we lose a benefit by being too modest to ask for it, or from the fear of being denied? And how often do we see that pitiful fellow called Modest Merit entirely overlooked in the distribution of the loaves and fishes, because forsooth he is pleased to think he is not qualified to do the duties of some office, which, if only let alone, will discharge themselves? And how is the world to know a man's merits or qualifications, unless he proclaims them from the house-tops or subsidizes a trumpeter to do it for him? Did my young readers ever happen to see a modest man become distinguished in any profession, especially that of a trading politician? Did they ever meet with a lawyer who was perpetually exhibiting his consciousness of deficiency by blushing, or one ever suspected of modesty that had reached the lowest steps in the ladder of exaltation, or established an incontestable right not only to brow-beat witnesses,

but to insult the bench and the jury? I could easily cite the other liberal professions as examples of the pernicious influence of modesty in obstructing the fortunes both of men and women, were it not for the apprehension of being tedious, and shall therefore content myself with appealing to my own experience. I never, to the best of my recollection, lost any thing by neglecting to ask for it, except on two occasions, for which I have not forgiven myself to this day, not because I have not done much better, but because, for these times only, I became the dupe of that great enemy of man called modesty. One of these was declining to become a candidate for a professorship of languages in a college that had just received a donation of two hundred thousand acres of land, merely because I understood only English; the other, refusing the appointment of judge, because I knew nothing of law at that time, though I flatter myself at this present writing there is no man living who can go nearer the net of the law without being caught in its meshes than myself. But, not to dwell too long on this topic, I shall conclude by solemnly warning my young readers against modesty, that great and insurmountable obstacle to "progress." Let them beware of blushing, which is the infallible sign of a guilty conscience, and stick fast to the maxim that men should never be ashamed of any thing they have not been ashamed to do. I now return to my narrative, from which I have been diverted by perhaps an over-zealous desire to benefit my young readers. It may have been from having discovered, through that instinct or freemasonry which is said to draw certain classes of people together, that I had got among kindred spirits, or from my hav ing, as before stated, been born with a silver spoon in my mouth; but so it was, I at once found myself quite at home. I was impelled, as it were by an irresistible impulse, to hover perpetually about the hallowed precincts of legislation, and having, through favor of my friend the member I had conciliated as aforesaid, obtained the entrée of the lobby, I spent most of my time there to good purpose. Being naturally observant of what was going forward, and apt at drawing conclusions, I soon came to comprehend the whole art and mystery of legislation according to the latest modern improvements.

In this I was greatly aided by a man I met every day in the lobby, whisking about, tizzy-whizzying, taking the members by the button as they passed to and fro to the bar outside-it was before the triumph of the liquor law-whispering in their ear, winking, blinking, squinting, and making all sorts of strange faces. To say the truth, he looked as much like a rogue as any

you might see going in and out of the legislative hall; but I found him an honest man who lived altogether by head-work, which he practised principally on the honorable members of the Legislature.

I shall not mention his name, not having his permission to do so, (occasional fits of modesty being his only weakness,) but designate him as the Lobby Member. As I always allowed him to look over my budget of papers free of cost, he took a great liking to me, and we often had long conversations together, until by degrees he became quite communicative if not confidential. "Ichabod, my lad," at length he said to me one day, "this hawking about newspapers is but a poor business for a boy of your talents; for I see you are very clever, and are qualified for head-work. Now, you must know. I am a Lobby Member, as the phrase is-that is to say, an outside member of the Legislature, whose special business is to enlighten those within."

I told him that though I had some.vague idea of the matter, I did not exactly comprehend what a Lobby Member meant. Whereupon he took me aside into the recess of a window, and addressed me in a confidential tone as follows: I devoured every word with both ears, for I soon found I had fallen into the hands of a consummate teacher.

"You must know, Ichabod-you will allow me to call you by your Christian name, for, to say the truth, your other is rather unseemly-you must know, Ichabod, that there have of late years been great improvements in the science of government, and most especially in legislation. Formerly, it was supposed that the great business of legislators was the enactment of general laws for the security of person and property, which should operate as far as possible equally on all, and give no individual, or class of individuals, advantages over any and all others. But the enlightened spirit of the age has discovered that this system of legislation does not keep pace with the march of mind and the progress of improvement. The new, and no doubt correct theory is, that the government occupies towards the people a position precisely similar to that of the head of a family in relation to his children. In fact, it is now settled that every government, especially every free government, is patriarchal. Do you understand what a patriarchal government is, Ichabod ?"

To this I replied, that I had a sort of confused recollection of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, Hagar in the wilderness, and To

bit and his Dog; but I should be glad he would be a little more particular.

"Very well. What is meant by a patriarchal republican government is, one that exercises all the functions of the head of a family; meddles with the business, controls the amusements, directs the actions, and metes out the indulgences of every member just as he pleases, and without any regard to the pretended right of all his children to be dealt with equally. A patriarchal government, such as we have recently had the happiness to live under, in like manner assumes a complete discretion in dealing with the different members of the great family placed under its protection. It is a sort of universal almoner, not only giving to and withholding from whom it pleases, privileges, immunities, and benefactions, but actually benefiting one at the expense of another. It keeps a wary eye on all innocent amusements and indulgences; and, if one in a hundred carries them to excess, the other ninety-nine are very reasonably prohibited from enjoying them in moderation. Like the patriarch Jacob, it has its favorite Josephs, on whom it bestows the splendid coat of many colors; and has always some pet bantling, such as banks, railroads, manufactures, or some other species of corporate body, which for the time being is the recipient of all its bounties. It is to be observed that most of these pets are selected from one class, or I should say, two classes-to wit, the moneyed men and the men of political influence, which is both natural and proper, since it requires money, or at least credit, to set up a bank, build a railroad, or establish a manufacturing corporation, and political influence to gain a seat in the Legislature. But I will dilate no more at present on this branch of the subject. If you accept the offer I shall presently make, you will have ample opportunity of acquiring an experience that will infallibly lead you to the acquisition of a fortune."

Here I pricked up my ears, and earnestly begged him to proceed.

"The great difficulty," continued the Lobby Member, "the great difficulty in carrying out this new and improved system of special legislation, as it is called, is in the proper selection of objects for the receipt of the national, or I should rather call it, legislative bounty, which, as a general rule, should always be equally advantageous to the giver and receiver. It can not be supposed that the members of a legislative body are always qualified to make a judicious selection of proper objects for public charity, or to weigh the claims of the respective appli

cants; and out of this difficulty has arisen the necessity of a different order of legislators, called Lobby Members, because they are not admitted on the floor of the House, except the last night of the session-though between ourselves, friend Ichabod, they have quite as much influence there as the privileged gentlemen inside.

"The business of a Lobby Member is to enlighten the Legisla ture, by pointing out proper subjects for legislative patronage; for, wise as the members undoubtedly are, they can't be supposed to know every thing by instinct; and, as for studying a particular subject, or making themselves acquainted with the general principles of legislation, that is quite out of the question with men who have always some special object of their own to accomplish. And here commences the proper business of a Lobby Member, whose first object is to find out what each individual member comes here for most especially, and of course what he is most desirous of obtaining for his own benefit, and sometimes that of his constituents. If both can be combined, so much the better; but, if not, the general rule is to take care of number one.

"For the proper discharge of this duty, it is of course indispensable that the Lobby Member should cultivate an intimate acquaintance with those whom it is his business to enlighten; to pry into their private affairs, study their tempers, and worm out of them all their secrets, that he may be the better able to enlighten them. He watches the arrival of every member; inquires into his character and pecuniary affairs, with a view to judge whether he may be successfully approached' as we delicately call it-and dogs him incessantly from his lodgings to the House, and from the House back again. By these means, if he understands his business, he can not fail of sounding the member to the very bottom, and acquiring a perfect insight into the best mode of converting him into an instrument for his particular purpose.

"Until lately I have been able to attend to all this business myself; but the increasing number of the members, and more especially the improvements in the science of legislation, and the multiplication of private objects to which it is applied, and the consequent scramble of conflicting Lobby Members, each one representing some particular interest which is a candidate for legislative patronage-all these have so complicated the duties of a Lobby Member, that I find it impossible to attend to them so as to do justice to all my employers. Now Ichabod, my friend, I have an idea, if you consent, of choosing you for