ing and important exercife and duty. It is in this way alone, that perfons can determine their own fpiritual ftate. They can, in no other way, arrive to a knowledge of it. If perfons deceive themfelves here, they will be deceived refpecting their fpiritual ftate. Every one fhould examine himself, with all the impartiality, with which he will be tried, when he comes to appear at the bar of the final Judge. EUSEBIUS. An Account of a work of Divine grace in a Revival of Religion, in a number of Congregations in New England, in the years 1798 and 1799, in a feries of Letters an opportunity to be fo far, a fpectator of the work, and to hear and judge for himself. I have accordingly adopted this method, and fe lected the following cafes. As The firft, is of a man about 30 years of age; of a religious family and a good understanding. He was in the view of the world a good man-a praying man; and one who was not confidered by any who were acquainted with him, as inclined to be enthufiaftic, or fubject to any uncommon dejection, or gloominefs of mind. he had enjoyed fpecial advantages, by means of a religious education, to know himself, and be influenced to his duty; fo he was allo called upon, and peculiarly tried by dif treffing and alarming providences --particularly by the very fudden death of his two only fons, within a few days of each other, in the fall of 1798. This diftreffing cene awakened him to fome concern and attention at first; but it very foon paffed off and he became Greeable to the intimation as carelefs and inattentive as ever given in my first letter, Iliving, however, as before, in now refume the fubject of the late the formal obfervance of family rerevival of religion among the peo-ligion and external morality. ple of my paftoral charge. to the Editors. [Continued from page 386.] LETTER XVIII A GENTLEMEN, In this letter, I purpofe to give you a fummary account of feveral particular cafes. Tam induced to this from a belief, that it will give variety to the fubject and render it more interesting to many-and a hope that it may be of fpecial advantage to individuals in fimilar circumftances with thofe refpect ed, if, as is not improbable, this narrative should ever fall into the hands of fuch. The moft eligible method, it is conceived, of doing this, is to introduce the perfons themselves to repeat their own exercifes, in the firit perfon, and, as far as practicable, in their own language. This gives the reader At length in the month of February following, God was pleafed, by his Almighty fpirit, to fix that conviction of fin and fenfe of guilt on his mind, which the most powerful means and awakening calls of his providence and word, had not been able to do. From this time I fhall give the exercifes of his mind as I took them and committed them to writing from his mouth, chiefly in his own language, and in fome places, verbatim. His narrative, which I found to be the fame he had given me long before, when he had no idea of its being made public, was as follows: I was first awakened at a lee ture which I attended in a nigh boring fociety. The truths which I then heard had a very powerful effect on my mind. I was in great distress under a fenfe of fin and guilt, and my diftrefs continued and encreafed for two or three weeks, when I found a fer'mon by Dr. Doddridge upon the diverfity of the operations of the fpirit. Before this I had no idea that I had experienced any thing mind that I had better wholly avoid them. About the first of April my diftrefs of mind was fo great that I had no appetite for food, and could get but little reft by night or day. For about two months I rarely flept more than half an hour or an hour in a night. In feveral inftances I spent the whole night without fleep, in great ago and another for relief. of true religion; but after readingny of mind, looking one way that book I began to feel more ⚫ealy. For feveral days I thought At one of thefe times, among other things I loved to pray and to read themy mind turned upon the fubject fcriptures. But the next fabbath I heard a difcourfe which in fome 'measure confounded me. The defign of it was to defcribe the nature of true religion, and dif < of the truth of the fcriptures. I queried with myself whether 'there were not fome ground to hope that the bible would prove. to be falfe. It appeared that if tinguish it from that which origi-I could believe there was, it nates in felfifhnefs. The obfer vations appeared to be just and fcriptural, and yet to be againft 6 me. A few days after this I began to have heart-rifings against God, and was filled with pain and oppofition, whenever I faw others appear to delight in God and religion. After this I had a greater fenfe of the plague of my heart ⚫ than ever before. My mind had ⚫ been more fixed before this, upon particular curbreakings of fin. But now I was led to a fight and ⚫ fenfe of the fountain of wickednefs within me, from which all had flowed-and I was convin. 'ced that I was an enemy to God. Before this, when I tho't or fpoke of my fins, I often fhed tears, but now I was unable to would give me relief- but I could not for a moment. I knew and felt it to be the truth and the word ' of God, tho' I had no love for it. 'I could therefore find no relief; but was filled with fuch an apprehenfion of the miferies of the damned, that I thought I should lofe my reafon. 6 My health was now bro't fo low, by means of the anguish of my mind, and want of refl, that I was obliged entirely to defift from labor, and apply to a phy 'fician. And as I viewed myfelf one of the greatest finners in the world, I tho't it likely 'God was about to take me cut of the world, and destroy me as an example and warning to othIndeed my diftrefs was fo great that I did not wish to live and I began to be under temptations to deftroy myself. 6 ers. Being at this time unable to attend public worship, I did not regret it for preaching or religious converfation, or whatever 'bro't up the character of God, was exceedingly painful to me. 'feet into the fire, and held then there, and borne the pain easier than to bear what I did in my ' mind. I was unwilling alfo, that my wife or friends fhould attend meeting And I endeavored to prevent them as far as I poffibly ⚫ could with decency; or fo as not to have my motives difcovered. For I could not endure to have < them, or any others, enjoy any comfort and fatisfaction in religion. The happinefs of othersful ftruggle in my mind, I was in religion, and the fervice of God, was a fource of torment 'to me. I found alfo, as I tho't, that I did not love my friends; ⚫ and that I had not that regard and tenderness for my wife and child which I used to have. whenever I heard of any per And In the month of July, my defpair and diftrefs continuing, the 'dreadful temptations to fuicide, ' which I had before refifted, overpowered me. During the dread fon's being of a good difpofition,templating would fix me in end 'given ten thousand worlds, if it'ject the offers of falvation, and After giving an account of his yielding to temptation, and, in feveral inftances, making actual preparation to accomplish his dreadful refolution; and of the proviIdential circumftances by which be was very remarkably prevented, when fully refolved, and on the very point of executing his purpofe-he proceeded: had been in my power, to have been deprived of my reafon. My confcience ftung me fo, that I should have been willing to change circumstances with a toad, or the meaneft and vileft creature that ever was. I would have given any thing to be put out of existence. I tho't that if I knew that thoufands of years would end the miferies of hell, it would give me fone relief. tho't if I could but juftify my. ⚫ felf and caft the blame upon God, this would relieve my diftrefs. But I felt this to be impoffible; and I faw my heart fo oppofed to God that I concluded I was left by his fpirit, and was in an un* pardonable state. A great part of the time I was in total def pair, and I tho't I felt as mifera. ble as the damaed. No one who has not experienced, can have 6 And now reflecting how many times, and how providentially I had been prevented from accom. plishing fo dreadful a purpose, the query rofe in my mind, wheth er it was not poffible that I might yet be brought to repentance, and 'be made a monument of the al an idea of the diftrefs I endured.mighty power and grace of God. I don't think but that I could have fat down and put both my And being at the fame time bled if ever-he replied, I cannot: And I have often great 'fears that I have never been truly humbled. But at times if my ' heart does not deceive me, I feel a happiness in meditating on the 'character of God, and in the thought that I am in his hands, and that all things are at his wife difpofal. And tho' for the most part I derive a hope in his mercy through Jefus Chrift, yet I am fenfible that in myself I am infi fo much from feeling direct enmi-nitely unworthy and ill-deferving: ty towards God, as from view-And that it would be perfectly ing myself as one of the greatest of finners, in having thus refifted the ftrivings of his Spirit, and an apprehenfion that I must have my portion with the fearful and unbelieving, which I was fatisfied • would be just. juft and righteous in God to caft me off. And if this fhould be my portion, and it should finally appear that I had been left, for my great wickednefs, to deceive myfelf with a falfe hope, I could have nothing to say.' I continued in this ftate of Upon being asked what his premind, from the forepart of Au- fent feelings were, towards care'guft 'till the latter part of Sep lefs, impenitent finners, he replied, temper or beginning of October. I feel that they are to be pitied. It About this time I began to en'feems when I reflect upon it, as tertain fome hope that I was reif I could not bear the thought conciled to God. I thought I • of any one's going on, and final'could take pleature in meditatingly fuffering fuch a hell as I have ' on the divine character, and thofe tafted. An eternity of fuch diftruths and doctrines of the gof-trefs and torment as I experienpel which had once been fo pain-ced for a time in my breast, by a 6 ful. 'view of the divine character, and the happiness of others in ferving God, would be intolerably dread It appeared that all God's ways were right and all his requirements reafonable; and that it would be the greatest happinessful.' " to be able to ferve him. Soon after I heard a Sermon from the words, "My grace is fufficient "for thee." It was a text and fubject which came with great power and comfort upon my mind, and it appeared now more than ever, to be reafonable and defirable, to fubmit my felf into the hand of God, to be difpofed of by him as he pleafes.' With refpect to the dreadful degree of enmity, terror and defpair, which this perfon was the fubject of according to his account, I would remark, that his appearance, at the time, was fuch as abundant. ly confirms it. It appeared to his friends, in the time, that if his fenfe of guilt and danger fhould be encreafed or continued much longer, and his heart remain unhumbled, he could not live.-They trembled left they should fee in him the awful example of a finner 6 I was unwilling alfo, that my wife or friends fhould attend meeting: And I endeavored to prevent them as far as I poffibly ⚫ could with decency; or so as not to have my motives difcovered. For I could not endure to have them, or any others, enjoy any comfort and fatisfaction in religion. The happiness of others in religion, and the fervice of God, was a fource of torment to me. I found alfo, as I tho't, that I did not love my friends; and that I had not that regard and ⚫ tenderness for my wife and child which I ufed to have. And whenever I heard of any per. fon's being of a good difpofition, it would cause my heart to boil with a kind of envy. . After I had arrived at this pitch, 1 would willingly have feet into the fire, and held them there, and borne the pain easier 'than to bear what I did in my 'mind. In the month of July, my defpair and diftrefs continuing, the ' dreadful temptations to fuicide, which I had before refilled, over'powered me. During the dreadful ftruggle in my mind, I was 'confcious that I was guilty of 'the most heinous wickedness, ia harboring for one moment, fuch 'fhocking temptations. The 'words of the fixth commandment were in my mind and I often repeated them," thou fbalt not • kill." I knew what I was coatemplating would fix me in endlefs mifery. But this reply was fuggefted, that endless mifery would certainly be my portion; and that the longer I lived to re given ten thousand worlds, if it'ject the offers of falvation, and had been in my power, to have been deprived of my reafon. My confcience ftung me fo, that I should have been willing to change circumstances with a toad, . or the meaneft and vileft creature that ever was. I would have given any thing to be put out of <existence. I tho't that if I knew that thoufands of years would end the miferies of hell, it would give me fome relief. 6 I tho't if I could but juftify my. felf and caft the blame upon God, this would relieve my diftrefs. But I felt this to be impoffible; and I faw my heart fo oppofed to God that I concluded I was left by his fpirit, and was in an unpardonable fate. A great part of the time I was in total def pit, and I tho't I felt as mifera. ble as the damaed. No one who has not experienced, can have an idea of the distress I endured. I don't think but that I could • have fat down and pat both my |