trefs and enmity of heart did I feel. I faw that I was dead in trefpaffes and fins, and eternal mifery appeared before me as my 'portion.

nefs and obftinacy of my heart. Yet fo inconfiftent was I as to continue ftriving to do something for myfelf-rather than fubmit to I was fenfible that God. Thus I continued a subChrift was able and ready to fave'ject of various and confused exerthat he flood inviting and en- cifes, and in great agony of mind, treating me in the most carneft 'for many hours. At length I and tender manner, to come un-began to forget my diftrefs. My to him and find reft. But my 'mind was wholly abforbed in a heart was as hard as a stone, and 'view of the character of God and refused to afk, or accept mercy. 'Chrift. My heart feemed to be I felt as if I had rather perifh 'drawn out in love to the Saviour, than to ask for mercy or accept who now appeared excellent and the Saviour and give myfelf up glorious, the chief among ten to God in the way of the gospel. thoufands. The views I now I was alfo confcious that for this had of God and myself were veobftinacy I was vile and criminal, ry different from what I had a and that I justly deserved the little before. I was aftonifhed mifery I dreaded. And yet my that I could have entertained a proud and obftinate heart rofe against God for leaving me in this ⚫ituation. Sometimes I regret ⚫ted that I had put myself fo much in the way of conviction, and

thought of attempting, as I had 'done that day, to make myself 'better, or do any thing to recommend myself to the favor of God.

I now realized my own infufficien

⚫ tho't I would endeavor to throwcy, and that I was poor and

⚫ off all thoughts of religion, that wretched and miserable and blind

I might be as eafy as before. And yet no fooner did I perceive fuch thoughts rifing in my mind than it filled me with trembling, being fenfible of the dreadful fit⚫uation I fhould be in, if left to fall into my former ftupidity.

In this diftrefs, a friend, perceiving it, tenderly enquired the State of my mind and propofed joining in prayer. I confented in words, but not in heart. I had no difpofition to pray. While apparently joining in the duty, I ' was full of enmity and heart-rifings against God-and felt difpofed to ridicule and mock my friend who was pleading for me at the throne of grace. I now ⚫ thought that I was a fingular inftance of depravity, and was feelingly fenfible that nothing but the Almighty power of God, was able to break down the hard

and naked. But I faw a glori

ous fulness in Chrift, and that nothing was required but a broken and contrite heart. The 'world appeared nothing worth.-I thought I could part with every thing for the enjoyment of God. Then I could kneel at the feet of Jefus and adopt the prayer of the humble Publican, "God be merciful to me a finner." I rejoiced that there was fuch a being as God at the head of the universe, who had the disposal of all things. I rejoiced to be in the hands of fuch a Being, and felt a fweet willingness to refign myself up to fuch a good and glorious God, though I knew not how he would difpofe of me. But I knew he would be just and glorious, if he should caft me off forever--and my defire was, that the will of the Lord might be done, what

< ever became of me. The next day I had fears that the peace and joy I had experienced were from delufion; and that I was given up ⚫ to the influence of Satan to be ⚫ deceived and deftroyed by him. But fuch was the fenfe which I • foon had of the beauty and ex'cellency of the divine character,

just and glorious, should he leave them in ftupidity. Yet it dif treffed me greatly to fee them going on careless and thoughtless, to appearance, plunging them'felves into endless ruin, and wounding and crucifying the Son of God, who died for them, and in whofe merits there was a fuffi

that the joy of my mind rofe ftillciency for all who would come higher than before. At the fame ⚫ time I felt humble and more mean and vile than the duft: And I ⚫ wondered that God fhould condefcend to notice fuch a vile, ⚫ finful wretch, who was fo inca'pable of making any fuitable return, or being of any fervice to his caufe. I rejoiced however in the thought that God knew his own defigns, and wife and ' gracious plans-and that he knew how mean and vile I was, before choofing me, and how little I ⚫ could or should do for his glory.

Soon after this, my mind was ⚫ turned upon the perifhing ftate of finners; and efpecially those who ' were my acquaintance, and near 'friends and relatives O what 'anxiety and pain did I feel for them! I attempted to reafon and plead with them not thinking, at first, but that the things which now appeared fo important to me, would equally engage their attention. But finding myself in a great measure difappointed, I was 'furprised and grieved.—I had no refort but to Him with whom

6

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unto him. I thought I could almoft wish to fuffer for them, if I might but fee them praise God. It feemed to me that their falvation was much more important ' than mine, and that it was of but little confequence what became of me, a mean vile finner, whose proper place was hell, if my friends and acquaintance, and oth'ers might be brought to praise God and enjoy him forever.-But under all my concern for others, as well as for myfelf, it gave me great confolation to reflect that all things were in the hand of God, and that he would effect his own wife purposes, and never, in any thing, be disappointed. After a little time, when my mind had become more compo'fed I began to contemplate more attentively, my fituation, and to look forward upon what was probably before me in life. It seemed as if I had just begun to live in the world, and that I knew nothing as I ought, and had every thing to learn-having spent 20 years of the prime of my life, in

was the refidue of the fpirit-vain, and worfe than in vain, in and I poured out my heart for them, in prayer, and with ma'ny tears. But this, again, upon * reflection, caused me much dif. trefs. I feared that my tears for

the fervice of fin and fatan, and in a moft criminal neglect and ignorance of God and divine things. I had now a defire, if I was not deceived, to be devoted to God,

'them were finful that they pro-and to redeem time for his fervice.

'ceeded from an unrefigned will, with respect to their being at the fovereign difpofal of God. I knew indeed that he would be

I had a great fenfe however of my weakness and infufficiencyand the need of looking to Chrift for ftrength. My experience to

fpeak of them as hopeful converts

We doubt not that they have been fubjects of deep conviction, and that many of them have experienced inexpreffible diftrefs, while in the dreadful wickedness and oblinacy of their hearts, they have refifted the thrivings of God's Spirit. It is evident alfo that they are now relieved from this diftrefs. whether their prefent relief and hope are the confequence of a renewed, humble heart, or of their being left to blindness and felf-deception, muft be decided by their

the prefent day, has taught me more and more, the neceflity of and we are bound in charity to this. 'My only hope of perfeve do fo, as long as they do not conring, then was, and ftill is, in tradict their profeffion by their exthe power and grace of God.ternal conduct and deportment. To him therefore will belong all" But the Lord trieth the hearts." the glory, and let it be given to Him, for He is infinitely worthy.' With refpect to the experiences of thefe perfons, I defire it may be remembered, that they are not given to be a teft by which others are to try themselves. There is a great diverfity in the operations of the Spirit in awakening and converting finners, and we have no ftandard to which we are to bring ourselves but the word of God. It is by no means fuppofed that all whofe hopes are well founded muft have experienced the fame degree of dif-life and converfation, and the light trefs, defpair of mercy, and horror of mind, with thefe above mentioned. Much lefs is it fuppofed that fuch things as feme which are there related are right, or to be approved of. They are expreffions of the most dreadful enmity and hardncís of heart, and therefore moft abominable in the fight of Ged. They are to be confidered as remarkable inftances-fuch instances, however, as infinite wifdom many times fuffers to take place, to fhow the awful depravity of the human heart-and that it may appear from fact, that finners are capable of refifting the clearest light and conviction, and will refit it in full view of the awful confequences, until God in fovereign mercy fubdue and humble them by the renewing influences of his fpirit.

I would remark further, with refpect to the perfons whofe expe

of the great day. As yet we have not been pained with any inftances of fpecial declenfion or apoftacy. But it is not improbable, that, among fuch a number, fome may hereafter prove to be of the charafter of the ftony ground hearers. It certainly becomes all to give diligence to make their calling and election fate, and to be circumfpect and prayerful. This is important both as it refpects themselves, and the caufe which they have folemnly engaged to fupport. They are as a city fet on an hill, which cannot be hid; and the eyes of all are upon them. May God, who alene is able, keep them from falling, and ftrengthen, itablish, fettle them, that they be not moved away from the hope of the gospel, and that they may adorn the doctrine of God our Saviour in all things.

It is now, at the date of this letter, more than a year and an riences have been now related-half fince the awakening commenand all who entertain a hope, and have been refpected in this narrative, that after all, it is very poffible they may be deceived. We

ced. It continued about 7 or 8 months without any evident declenfion. After this there were but very few new inftances of con

viction. But the attention to the things of religion continued, and ftill continues to be much greater than before the late awakening. And tho' the ardor and fervency which at first appeared, have confiderably abated, yet the ferious people, in general, appear engaged refpecting religion, and very defirous to grow in the knowledge of the fcriptures. Our lectures

and conferences are about as frequent as they have been at any time (excepting the public lectures at the meeting-houfe) and they are full, and appear folemn.

Since the number mentioned in

my laft, nine have been added to the church, making in the whole, an addition of 70, in a little more than one year.

fally-and "do good in his good
pleafure unto Zion."

I am, Gentlemen, yours, &c.
JOSEPH WASHBURN.
Farmington, Dec. 1800.
(To be continued.)

A Narrative of the Converfion of
a Family in the State of Dela-

ware.

(Continued from page 393.)

B the reader of God's conduct

OUT it is time that I inform

with the other part of the family. This youbgeft brother, after his converfion, was very earnest to convince his elder brother and fifof their loft and ruined flate by ter, refiding under the fame roof, nature, and the neceflity of the fpecial fovereign grace of God to change their hearts. Upon converfation the youngest brother, foon found, by experience, the truth of this facred paffage, "A man's foes fhall be they of his own household." All the ties of friendship, which were drawn by natural affection and the force of a felfrighteous education, were bicken in a moment. When the youngest brother began to realize and feck the fpiritual good of the cider brother and fifter, they defpifed him for bis love, and treated all his friendly advice and admonitions with contempt and fcorn. But the falvation of their fouls was fuch an important object in his view, that they always came to remembrance at the throne of grace, in his retirement, when the eye of no being but God was upon him. Tho repeatedly frustrated in his at

In view of what has taken place in this fociety, we have abundant occafion for gratitude, and humility. "The Lord hath done great things for us." From fcenes of ftrife and unhappiness we have been brought to a flate of peace and great enlargement. Within about five years we have experienced two feafons of revival, by means of which about 160 have been added to the church, in the whole time, and the number of profeffing Chriftiars more than doubled. At the fame time, we have occafion for trembling in view of the unhappy fituation of many amongst us, to whom the kingdom of God has been brought nigh, but who are fill far from being awake and attentive to the things which belong to their peace. And we have reafon to fear, left by the un-tempts to convince his kindred acfuitable returns of God's people, cording to the flesh of their difeafe as well as others the Holy Spirit and remedy, yet he did not give may be grieved, and depart from over the purfuit. Sometimes, he us.May the Lord quicken us, had a gleam of hope, that the for his name's fake; and revive a Lord would convert his brother fpirit of prayer, here, and univer- and fifter; and femetimes he was

fo difcouraged that he was tempted | it, because true religion infpires to think that fuch a defirable event with feelings which I have never would never take place. But a experienced? She was, fhortly, confideration that they were in the after this taken with an indifpofihands of God, and that God tion of body, though not appawould glorify himself in refpect rently dangerous; but the diftrefs to them, raised him above all his of her mind, under a view of her difcouragements. When he was danger of perifhing forever, was * talking, one day, to his fifter of much more keen than any bodithe undone state of man by nature, ly pain. The younger brother, and the neceflity of fovereign grace who but a little before, was treatfor falvation, the fifter, with ed by this fifter with contempt, is warmth, replies, that fhe had not now reforted to for counsel and committed fins enough to condemn direction concerning her eternal her, that he always lived a good welfare. She at first appeared to moral life, and therefore it would be in great dread of future mifery, be unjust in God to deftroy her, but her conviction of fin was very and that she was not afraid of it. fmall, for the only felt guilty for Thus matters went on for about her external gaiety. Her younger twelve months, when one day, brother endeavored to convince her in the afternoon, at the table, in that she had no thorough convicthe prefence of his elder brother tion of fin. He endeavored to and fifter, the youngest brother convince her of the exceeding depth made fome obfervations on the hap- of wickedness and depravity of her pinefs of heaven, in giving all hon-heart. The firft discovery which or and glory to God, and in feel. ing the divine glory to be the very good enjoyed in heaven. Upon thefe reflections, the elder brother, in a rage, threatened violence, if his younger brother did not hold his tongue. The younger brother turned with an affectionate, folemn countenance, and faid, "brother, I am not angry with you." The enraged brother faid no more, but appeared to be condemned in the view of his own confcience for his treatment of one whom he had the greatest reafon to believe fought his good. This conference, in which love was manifefted on the one part and enmity on the other, made a fenfible impreffon on the comfcience of the elder fifter of both parties. She began thus to reafon, what can be the caufe when our younger brother is treated with fach hatred and contempt, that he fill appears to treat his elder brother with kindness and affection? Is

fhe gave him of her genuine con. viction of fin, which was a few weeks after her first distress of foul, he gave him the great joy of having reafon to hope that fhe was truly converted.--She frankly told him her whole heart, and how the felt towards him, while fhe was under diftrefs. She faid that the wanted him to give her comfort; but that every repeated converfa. tion filled her mind with more keen diftrefs than fhe had before.-She faid fhe viewed him in time past as very cruel in talking to her of her wickedness and ill-defert and the reasonableness of cordially acknowledging the juftice of God in her eternal damnation; but now the viewed all fuch converfations as the effects of loving kindness ; for fhe felt that she was a vile and hell-deferving creature.-She fremed now to be pleased with divine fovereignty, with particular election, with God's univerfal providence,