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There's John Haff, and Ben Bailly, and
Christian, and Bracket, Only think what fine music must come
from their throats ! Colonel Warner calls Clinton a "star in
the banner," Mapes swears by his sword-knot he'll
ruin us all; While Meigs flashes out in his fine classic
manner, “The meteor Gorgon of Clinton must
This point being fixed, we must, I think
sir, Proceed unto the second part, Entitled Grog-a kind of drink, sir,
Which, by its action on the heart, Makes men so brave, they dare attack
A bastion at its angle salient; This is a well-established fact
The very proverb says-pot-valiant. Grog—I'll define it in a minuteTake gin, rum, whiskey, or peach
brandy, Put but a little water in it,
And that is Grog-now understand me, I mean to say, that should the spirit
Be left out by some careless dog,
It is plain water, and not Grog. Having precisely fixed what Grog is (My reasoning, sir, that question set
tles!) We next must ascertain what Prog is,
Now Prog, in vulgar phrase, is victuals: This will embrace all kinds of food, Which on the smoking board can charm
ye, And by digestion furnish blood,
A thing essential in an army! These things should all be swallowed
warm, For heat, digestion much facilitates; Cold is a tonic, and does harm;
A tonic always, sir, debilitates. My plan then is to raise, as fast
As possible, a corps of cooks, And drill them daily from the last Editions of your cookery-books !
Done into English and likewise into verse by H. and D. The New York Evening Post, Apr. 10,
TO XXXX, ESQUIRE Come, shut up your Blackstone, and
sparkle again The leader and light of our classical
revels; While statues and cases bewilder your
brain, No wonder you're vexed and beset with
blue devils. But a change in your diet will banish the
Then come, my old chum, to our ban Preferring the wit-blighting "Spirit of quet sublime;
Laws" Our wine shall be caught from the lips To the spirit of verse, is poetical treaof the Muse,
son! And each plate and tureen shall be hal Judge Phæbus will certainly issue his writ, lowed in rhyme.
No quirk or evasion your cause can
make good, man; cott, from old Albin, shall furnish the Only think what you'll suffer, when sendishes
tenced to sit With wild-fowl and ven'son that none And be kept broad awake till you've can surpass;
read the Backwoodsman ! And Mitchili, who sung the amours of the
The New York Evening Post, Apr. 16, Shall fetch his most exquisite tomcod 1819.
TO MRS. BARNES
The Actress to cheer; And Wordsworth shall bring us whole Dear Ma'am-we seldom take the pen bowls of molasses
To praise, for whim and jest our trade Diluted with water from sweet Winder is;
We're used to deal with gentlemen,
To spatter folly's skirts, and then
We dare not take so much upon us; And Montgomery bring (to consumptives But merely wish, in phrase concise, a happy sight)
To beg you, Ma'am, and Mr. Price, Tepid soup-meagre and “l'eau capil For God's sake, to have mercy on us ! 10
laire;" George Coleman shall sparkle in old bot Oh! wave again thy wand of power, tled cider,
No more in melodramas whine, Roast-beef and potatoes friend Crabbe Nor toil Aladdin's lamp to școur, will supply;
Nor dance fandangoes by the hour
Think, Lady, what we're doomed to feel
By Heaven! 'twould rouse the wrath Mr. Tennant-free, fanciful, laughing, and of Stoics, lofty,
To see the queen of sorrows deal Shall pour out Tokay and Scotch In thundering "lofty-low" by Shiell, whiskey like rain;
Or mad Maturin's mock-heroics.
A purer spell be thine to win us;
While gentle Pity weeps in bliss, Refined by long keeping, rich, spark And hearts throb sweetly sad within us.
ling, and pure; And Moore, “pour chasse café," to each Or call those smiles again to thee one shall bear a
That shone upon the lip that wove them, Sip-witching bumper of parfait amour. Like sun-drops on a summer-sea,
When waters ripple pleasantly Then come to our banquet-oh! how can To wanton winds that futter o'er them.
you pause A moment between merry rhyme and When Pity wears her willow-wreath, dull reason?
Let Desdemona's woes be seen;
But thanks to those who always have
been known To love the public interest, when their
ownThanks to the men of talent and of trade, Who joy in doing well when they're well
paidAgain our fireworn mansion is rebuilt, Inside and outside, neatly carved and gilt, With best of paint and canvas, lath and
plaster, The Lord bless Beekmana and John Jacob
Astor! As an old coat, from Jennings's patent
screw, Comes out clean scoured and brighter
than the new ; As an old head in Saunders'3 patent wig, Looks wiser than when young, and twice
as big; As Mat Van Buren in the Senate-hall, Repairs the loss we met in Spencer's fall; As the new Constitution will (we're told) Be worth, at least, a dozen of the old, So is our
new house better than its brother, Its roof is painted yellower than the
other, It is insured at three per cent. 'gainst fire, And cost three times as much, and is six
AN ADDRESS 1 For the opening of the new Theatre, Sept.
1, 1821, to be spoken by Mr. Olliff LADIES AND GENTLEMEN: Enlightened as you were, you all must
know Our playhouse was burnt down some time
ago, Without insurance. 'Twas famous
blaze, Fine fun for firemen, but dull sport for
plays; The proudest of our whole dramatic corps Such warm reception never met before. It was a woeful night for us and ours, Worse than dry weather to the fields and
flowers. The evening found us gay as summer's
lark, Happy as sturgeons in the Tappan Sea; The morning, like the dove from Noah's
ark, As homeless, houseless, desolate as she. 1 This amusing burlesque address, first published in the New-York Evening Post, was in: cluded in a small volume containing the Rejected Addresses, together with the prize address, writ. ten by Charles Sprague, and spoken by Edmund Simpson, on the reopening of the Park Theatre, September 1, 1821.
'Tis not alone the house—the prompter's
clothes Are all quite new, so are the fiddlers'
bows; The supernumeraries are newly shaved, New drilled, and all extremely well be
haved (They'll each one be allowed, I pause to
mention, The right of suffrage by the new Con
vention). We've some new thunder, several new
plays, And a new splendid carpet of green baize. So that there's naught remains to bid us reach
41 The topmost bough of favor, but a
speechA speech, the prelude to each public meet
ing, Whether for morals, charity, or eating
2 Messrs. John K. Beekman and John Jacob Astor were joint proprietors of the Park Theatre, The former, from his love of theatricals, was familiarly known as “Theatre Jack."
3 Isaac Jennings was a well-known dealer in old clothes, and George Saunders was a fashion. able wig.maker.
A speech, the modern mode of winning
hearts, And power, and fame, in politics and arts.
What made the good Monroel our
President? 'Twas that through all this blessed land
he went With his immortal cocked hat and short
breeches, Dining - wherever asked—and making speeches.
50 What, when Missouri stood on her last
legs, Revived her hopes? The speech of Henry
Meigs. 1 The President, James Monroe, had a short time previously made a tour through the Middle and Eastern States.
: Henry Meigs, when a member of Congress, had advocated the admission of Missouri into the Union, on Southern terms.
Shaming all English rivals, men
madams? The “Fourth of July" speech of Mr.
Adams. Yes, if our managers grow great and
rich, And players prosper, let them thank my
speech, And let the name of Olliff proudly go With Meigs and Adams, Mitchill and Monroe!
The New York Evening Post, Aug. 21,
They never saw a steamboat, or balloon,
Velocipede, or Quarterly Review; The first forty-three stansas deal with the commercial successes of Fanny's papa-from Chat
Or wore a pair of Baehr's black satin ham Street to Hanover Square by way of Pearl breeches, Street-and the day dreams of Fanny. It is to Or read an Almanac, or
Clinton's the father that Ambition "in fashion's elegant
Speeches. undress" appears.
XLVIII (American Culture)
In short, in every thing we far outshine
Art, science, taste, and talent; and a But Miss Ambition was, as I was saying, stroll
“Déshabillée"-his bedside tripping near, Through this enlightened city would reAnd, gently on his nose her fingers lay fine them ing,
More than ten years' hard study of the She roared out “Tammany!" in his whole frighted ear.
Their genius has produced of rich and The potent word awoke him from his nap, And then she vanished, whispering ver
God bless the Corporation and the Mayor ! bum sap.
In sculpture, we've a grace the Grecian
master, hension, For he had left off schooling, ere the
Blushing, had owned his purest model Greek
We've Mr. Bogart in the best of plaster, Or Latin classics claimed his mind's at
The witch of Endor in the best of wax, tention :
Besides the head of Franklin on the roof Besides, he often had been heard to
Of Mr. Lang, both jest and weatherspeak
proof. Contemptuously of all that sort of knowl
edge, Taught so profoundly in Columbia Col And on our City Hall a Justice stands; lege.
A neater form
never made of
Holding majestically in her hands We owe the ancients something. You
A pair of steelyards and a wooden have read
sword; Their works, no doubt—at least in a And looking down with complaisant civiltranslation;
I scorn equivocation or evasion,
In painting, we have Trumbull's proud
chef d'auvre, XLVII
Blending in one the funny and the fine : 'Twas their misfortune to be born too His "Independence” will endure forever, soon
And so will Mr. Allen's lottery-sign; By centuries, and in the wrong place, And all that grace the Academy of Arts, too;
From Dr. Hosack's face to Bonaparte's.