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My father's permission was asked and arms to save myself; some one caught obtained, to my great delight; and my hold of me, and I was borne to the bank. kind aunt, who had now won my heart, My aunt was dreadfully frightened ; I carried me off to her house in the Frau- was wet and cold. They took every care, enplan. She had no children, and her but, in spite of the warm summer air, I husband, Count von P-, was rich. My caught cold, and was sent home to be aunt wore wore a gold watch with a mas- nursed by my mother. As may well be sive chain, and my uncle had a gold snuff imagined, I had a great deal to recount, box, which he almost always carried in and this, my first visit from home, was his hand. After dinner, coffee was brought the origin of much amusement. I tried in on a shining tray, and my aunt told me to act "Die Fischerin.” Veronica was the it was real silver; I had never seen any lost maiden, and I hid her under one of thing so beautiful before, and touched it the green-baize chairs, whilst I went with the points of my fingers to see what about seeking every where for her. My it felt like.
sister was a bright, happy child, with Seckendorf visited my uncle. He was large, roguish eyes peering out from a reckoned a great musician, and I looked mass of glossy curls, which bung all round up to him with awe. I remember, too, her neck. Ida loved her, and would even seeing a strange-looking gentleman one now creep away from me to play with her. day walk down the street with a cup of I watched them, and sometimes wished I coffee in his hand. My aunt laughed had been born a girl. when I asked who it was, and said: “Oh! Thus the happy years of childhood that is Musæus, a lover of flowers.” glided by, and I linger over them with a
Now came the grand event of my child- fond remembrance. How strange that I hood, the drama at Tiefurt. It was a fine could have enjoyed such and such things; summer evening, and the piece was to be but so it was, and so it will never be performed in the park. I did not close again. iny eyes the night before, so great was The bright mystic vail that fascinated my excitement, and the reality surpassed the child, making the commonest objects all I had anticipated. The Count von new and curious, disappears. I
grew P-, my uncle, took me on the bridge older, different thoughts, different pleathat arches over the river, that I might sures, a different world opens, and yet it see better. The crowd of spectators was is not the world I live in now; I had to very great, and they pressed me so much pass through several stages of existence that my uncle took me up on his shoulder. ere I reached my present age. This is
The river Ilm was illumined with count- very strange and incomprehensible to us, less lamps and flaring torches, and I yet it is the common course of that mysthought their reflections were real lamps terious thing called life! under the water. On the bank, beneath. the trees, were huts, boats, nets, and fishing tackle. There was a fire, too, burning, and my uncle told me it was supposed to be Dortchen's, and that Corona Schröter, a very clever person, acted that cha- “I am twelve years old,” thus I wrote racter. Ỉ did not know what acting in my journal.
i I shall soon be a man meant, and thought it was all real. Pre- and go to college; my father teaches me sently the fishermen put off in their boats now, but then I shall do what I like. to look for the maiden who had been lost, They tell me I am to be a doctor. Time and the flicker of lights upon the river will show. But I do not like the idea ; I and the rippling water was very beautiful. would rather be a preacher. If my father I clapped my hands with delight, but oh! says a thing, he means it; so I suppose I more people came crowding to the wooden had better learn to like the profession." bridge. I heard a crack; some one called It was my habit to put down my thoughts out that the bridge was falling; a rush on every birthday, and I found the above was made to get away, but in vain. in an old desk amongst my other journals. Crash! crash ! followed by a loud scream, My father took great interest in scientific in which I felt my voice mingle; then the matters, and I remember hearing him water rippled round me; I put out my speak of Semler's imaginary discovery of
gold that grew in a certain atmospheric I suppose I looked distressed, for she salt when kept moist and warm. I did turned away, and though she played a not understand exactly what it meant, but careless flourish with her left hand, I I remember ever after looking with eager saw the color mount to her smooth cheek. curiosity into the salt I eat at dinner, in Why are you so cruel to me now, hopes by some lucky chance I might find Ida ?" I asked. “You were not before
» gold in it.
Science has much to teach you went to Frankfort.” us; a great deal has been found out, but “ I am older and wiser now, I suppose,” the undiscovered is a boundless ocean,” she replied. my father said; and I thought, if I could “That ought not to make any differonly find out something new and lessen ence,” I said reproachfully. the wide ocean of the unknown, I should “Of course it must." be as happy as a king.
What, when you know how much I Several clever men frequented our love you ?" house; among them was Wieland. I re- She jumped up, and, before I had time member very little of him, as my mother to stop her, she was out of the room. always took me away when he came to From that moment no persuasions, either see my father. She had a great anti- on my part or on that of any one else, pathy both to his works and to his person. would induce her to play the duet with
Herder used to visit us very often, and me, and we were forced each to have a was a welcome guest of my father's. He solo allotted to us instead. was then court preacher to the Duke, and, The night of the concert arrived. It though an old friend of Goethe, some- had been a sultry day, and the windows what bitter against him. He generally were wide open when the company came. called whilst I was at my lessons with my Ida was amongst the last arrivals. She father, and I enjoyed listening to this gave me a slight nod of recognition, but clever man, although he frightened me. avoided saying a word to me the whole Herder was very sarcastic, and had, in night. consequence, few friends; but I never Seckendorf, the musician, came with my knew him quarrel with my father. They aunt and took an active part in the amuse seemed to agree on most points, especially ment of the evening. I had performed about the poet Goethe.
my task, and it was now Ida's turn. She We had musical parties every now and rose from the chair on which she had sat then, to which all our friends were in- as if riveted since her arrival, and I am vited. My mother did every thing in her ashamed to confess I felt somewhat pleased power to increase my love for the art, and when I saw her tremble and hesitate to I had the best master Weimar could go alone to the instrument. My mother afford. It was in the summer of 1788 went up to her, took her by the hand, and that we gave our largest and best con- said a few encouraging words. Ida cert. Ida Hannemann had returned from smiled faintly, and sat down with evident Frankfort, where she had been at school reluctance, and a pang shot to my heart. for the last year, and it was arranged she I listened breathless. For a few moments should play a duet with me. I was de- the sound went on, then it lingered, each lighted at the thought, but she only pouted note sounding uneven, and at last it ceased. her pretty lip when I tried to make her I heard a sob, and, turning round, I say she was glad, and ran away to Ver- saw Ida with her head buried in her hands, onica. One day we had had a rehearsal crying bitterly. Some one near me said, of our part, and having persuaded Ida to " Poor child, she is too young to play all practice a difficult passage after the music alone;" and, without waiting an instant, master had left us, we found ourselves I sprang forward to Ida, but she slid past alone. Ida was in a willful mood, and me, and flew like a frightened fawn out of would not put down the right notes. I the room. Veronica had gone to bed, so looked up beseechingly into her face my mother made a sign to me to follow saying:
her, which I gladly did, and after a brief “Oh! do please try, for my sake.” search I found the little runaway seated
She stopped playing, and confronted on the bottom step of the staircase. I me with mock solemnity.
went gently up to her, and said : “For your sake?” she repeated. “If I “ Why will you not let me speak to do try, it will certainly not be to please you." | you, Ida ?”
“ It is all your own fault,” replied she, master to the Emperor Joseph,” remarkrather pettishly.
ed another; and then a harsh voice join" What is ?" I asked, without attempt- ed in : ing to console her, as she had so repulsed “Some men easily mount the ladder of me before.
fame, and get more than their deserts. “ You should not ask-you know very Look at Goethe, for instance.” well what I mean.”
I felt very angry at this speech, and “No, I do not. We certainly might peeped into the room to see who could have played a duet together.”
thus dare to talk slightingly of so great a “And it was all your fault we did man; but I did not distinguish the speaknot."
er; he must have moved away to another “My fault ?" I repeated.
part of the room. I had just read “Yes, because you were so foolish.” Werther,” and may almost say that I
“ And said, I loved you? Was that it, adored the writer, so great was the imIda ?"
pression the book made upon me at thirShe looked up at me through her tears, teen years age. and perceiving something ludicrous in my A monotonous life of study, without expression, she burst out laughing, and, companions, now comes before me. Vercatching the infection, I joined in her onica was constantly with my aunt, and merriment, and we were friends such as Ida returned to Frankfort. I was forbidwe had always been. For some time we den to mix with boys of my own age, or, sat chattering on the stairs, and Ida forgot indeed, to quit the house without giving her troubles till a soft strain of music good reasons for my doing so. Two floated up to where we were.
hours of recreation were allotted to me, “How foolish I was !” said she. “Peo- one of which I spent in walking with my ple will think I am quite a baby; to be father, who generally lectured me on some sure, I am only twelve.”
scientific subject during the time, that my “Never mind now, but let us go back, thoughts might not be left in idleness. That is Seckendorf playing, I am certain." He forgot that it was possible for boys to
And putting my arm round her waist, have thoughts of their own, apart from we approached the room where the com- mischief and play; and he forgot, too, pany were assembled. Ida would not go that when the mind is habitually accusin, so we stood by the door and listened. tomed to be directed, it loses its self-deIt was one of Mozart's sonatas that Seck- pendence, and imagination is lost. Noendorf was performing, and the glorious thing was ever permitted to interfere with composition sent a longing through my the daily routine of my life; from the brain-a longing to excel
, to be something moment I left the nurser my father suabove the masss who die and are forgot- perintended every thing I did. Fond of ten. I thought of the marvelous child- following those studies which my inclinahood of that great man, and how from his tion pointed out, I should have found this seventh year he had gained a celebrity, yoke intolerable had I not discovered a which many might yearn after but never means of escape, for a few hours at least, hope to attain. Then the music ceased, from my father's surveillance. At eight and the applause which greeted the per- o'clock in the evening I wished my parents former, banished my day-dream. I heard “Good night,” and retired to my room to some one ask if Seckendorf could play any prepare the numerous lessons I had been of the airs from the opera “Don Giovan- set for the next day. At nine o'clock my ni,” which came out the year before. He father passed my room, and inquired if I said he knew many of them by heart; and had finished all I had to do. My answer again I was enraptured by tones which to this was simply “Yes,” and he was genius had imagined and art brought content, troubling me no more till morn. forth in their most enticing forms. “Won- ing. This last visit was always greeted derful !” “Bravo!” were the exclamations by me with pleasure, for I knew it was uttered on all sides.
the last, and considered myself free from “ What a marvelous mind Mozart must that moment. have,” said one.
Now, at my music-master's house I had “ Yes, indeed; no worldly honors could formed an acquaintance with a young be too great for him. I suppose you man of the name of Burkhardt. He had know he has just been appointed chapel- a great deal of talent, although, unfortu
nately for him, it showed itself in no moonlight, to hear the night breeze
at that hour.
Each day sooner had my father paid me his last is alike; my studies are advancing, my visit than I let myself down upon this, midnight rambles the same. I am a slim and, running round it, dropped into the youth of sixteen, rather grave for my age, narrow, deserted little street below. and having all the ways and manners of a Here Burkhardt met me, and we directed young man. My aunt often laughed at our steps either to his lodging, where he me for my peculiar dress. She called me taught me the use of the sword, and we a book-worm, and, strange to say, by some practiced music together, drank beer and unusual power of persuasion, she made smoked, or (but this was not often) he my father think I wanted change, and led me to some night revelry, for which I needed the society of young men of my never had a taste. I was not naturally own age to make me like the rest of the wild, nor did I exercise this deceit on my world. It was settled I should become a parents for love of adventure; I wanted member of the university at Jena in the recreation and liberty, and this was my following year, there to pursue my medionly means of obtaining it. I never cal studies, and, till then, I was to mix looked upon the part I was acting as more in society and be my own master wrong; and if it did by chance occur to during the day. This sudden liberation me, I smoothed over my conscience by was hard to understand ; but it had one saying, that the hours of dark were at my bad effect, and that was, I never opened own disposal, and if I did not choose to a book from the moment of my freedom spend them in sleep I was at liberty to go being granted to the day I quitted where I liked. Little did my discipline- Weimar to become a student. loving father know where his son was, “You are a lazy fellow, Hans,” said and if he had, he would never have blamed my father sharply; " I thought better of himself for being the cause of this want of you; my lessons have been entirely trust in me. Burkhardt was confessedly thrown away. You will never do any an Atheist; and though his views and good.” opinions had little weight with me, he “Pardon me, father," was my rejoinder. was the first to show me disbelief was “When I am at college I shall be numpossible, and the simple, unquestioning bered among the hard workers.” faith with which my mother had striven He looked incredulous, and was vexed to inspire me from my birth, received a with me, but my mother understood all shock whilst I listened to his wild, unrea- that was passing in my mind, and smiled soning theories, from which it was des approvingly, though she warned me, at tined never to recover.
the same time, not to let my holiday exIt happened sometimes that Burkhardt tend too far. was unable to keep his appointment. I Now that I was at liberty to choose my would then stroll out of the town to the own companions, I openly avowed my acbanks of the little river Ilm; it was my quaintance with Burkhardt. For some delight to see the water sparkle in the weeks my father took no notice of our
intimacy, but one morning I was about to thought my blue coat half so comfortable leave the breakfast-table, pleading, as my as I did the day after my first dissipaexcuse, an appointment I had made with tion. him.
Ida now lived at home, her education “I tell you what, young man,” said my was completed, she had grown up even father, in his sharpest tone, “ if you make more fascinating in outward appearance such friendships your ruin is not far off.” than she promised to be as a child. All
I felt very angry, but perceiving a look the force of my childish affection returned of deep distress on my mother's face, I when I met her again, not as a child now, forebore to open my lips, and left the room, but as a woman full of grace and beauty. telling myself that I was unjustly treated, Whenever I could invent an excuse suftiand had always been so. There is no cient to pay the Hannemanns a visit, I thing that galls a youth's pride more than was sure to be found with Ida. She to be told, when he is just verging into treated me with the cordiality of an old manhood, that he does not know how to friend, but preserved her maidenly dig. take care of himself. Burkhardt encour- nity, which I then misconstrued into coldaged me in these rebellious feelings against ness, so little do men know of the shades my father. He laughed at the idea of my of feeling within a woman's heart. Every being led about in leading-strings all my thing is open with us; we are not bound life, and jeered me for having endured it to conceal our passion, whilst a woman so long. At first, I thought him in the must guard her every look and movement right; but he carried his joke too far, and lest inadvertently she should betray what it became an insult to myself which I re- is passivg in her breast. sented hotly; he turned upon me again, İda loveil me, and this I learned to my and each grew warm. My eyes opened inexpressible joy on the morning of the to his real character, and from that time 10th of November, 1792. I was to quit the friendship which had existed for so Weimar on the following day, and went many years was dissolved. I no longer to bid her good-by; she was seated by sought his society as a privilege, but, on the window arranging some wild autumnthe contrary, avoided him as much as pos- al flowers in a little vase; there was no sible, and if by chance we met, it was but one else in the room, and I stole unperto exchange a few words and pass on. ceived to her side. In the month of August of this year,
"Like their mistress,” said I, alluding Count von P— treated me to a redoute. to the flowers, “they are modest and It was the first I had ever seen, and my beautiful.” astonishment was great.
The Duchess Ida started up. “O Hans! how you Amalia was dressed en reine grecque, and frightened me !" displayed jewels of what to me appeared Did I?” I said, stooping to pick up fabulous value; she danced with any mask the blossoms she had let fall in her alarm. who had courage sufficient to ask her, “Yes, you should have knocked at the and staked dollars and half-louis at the door." faro-table. The ball was very successful; "I will go and do it now. They say it every one seemed happy ; but as I had is never too late to mend.” never learned to dance, and felt very Ida put out her hand to take the flowers, uncomfortable in my Savoyard dress and laughed, and called me a foolish fellow. mask, I did not altogether enjoy myself. “Let me keep these flowers,” I said. Some students from Jena were there; “ I am going to Jena to-morrow.” they seemed much at their ease, and “Going! Are you really ?” asked she; wholly independent in their manners. and a shade of melancholy passed over The costumes were dazzling: masks as her face. Fire, Love, and Zephyr passed me, and men “Yes, I want a keepsake from you. I dressed as women with their hair curled. may keep them, may I not ?”
We staid till the last, although I was "Certainly, but they will fade;" and tired out long before Count von P she blushed as soon as she had given her proposed returning home. The cool air permission. Gaining assurance from her was refreshing after the close, heated manner, I approached nearer, and said atmosphere of the ball-room. I felt like with a beating heart: a bird escaped from its cage, and rejoiced “ There is one keepsake I aspire to in my accustomed clothes. I never which would never fade."