IV

Then, holding the spectacles upto the court,
"Your Lordship observes they are made with a
straddle,

As wide as the ridge of the Nose is; in short,
Designed to sit close to it, just like a saddle.

V

"Again, would your Lordship a moment suppose—
'Tis a case that has happened, and may be again—
That the visage or countenance had not a nose,
Pray who would, or who could, wear spectacles then?
VI

"On the whole it appears, and my argument shows,
With a reasoning the court will never condemn,
That the spectacles plainly were made for the Nose,
And the Nose was as plainly intended for them."
VIL

Then, shifting his side, (as a lawyer knows how),
He pleaded again in behalf of the Eyes;

But what were his arguments few people know;
For the court did not think they were equally wise.
VIII

So his Lordship decreed, with a grave, solemn tone,
Decisive and clear, without one if or but,

That whenever the Nose put his spectacles on--
By daylight or candle-light-Eyes should be shut.

-CowPER.

A FINE TRICK.

A noble lord gave his friend a golden snuff-box in the cover of which an ass's head was painted. Not much flattered by this present, and wishing to turn the tables on the author of the joke, the recipient took out the ass and inserted instead the portrait of the lord.

The next day at dinner he, as if by accident, put his box upon the table. The lord who wished to amuse his guests at the expense of his friend made mention of the snuff-box, and aroused the curiosity of those around him. A lady asked to see it, and it was passed to her. She opened it and exclaimed, "Perfect, it is a striking likeness. Indeed, my lord, it is one of the best portraits of you that I have ever seen. The lord was naturally much embarrassed at the joke, which he thought was so hard on him. While he was reflecting upon the offensiveness of it, the lady passed the box to her neighbour who made similar rem rks upon it. The box thus went round the table, each one expatiating upon the resemblance. The noblemin was much astonished at this course of things, but when it came to his turn to look, had to join in the laughter too, and confess that his friend had got the best of him.

A gentleman made his wife a present of a drinking cup with an angel at the bottom, and when he filled it for her, she used to drain it to the bottom, and he asked her why she drank every drop. "Because," she said, “I long to see the dear little angel." Upon which he had the angel taken out and had a devil engraved at the bottom, and she drank it off just the same, and he again asked her the reason. "Why," replied his wife, "because I won't leave the old devil a drop."

A nervous man whose life was made miserable by the clattering of two blacksmiths, prevailed upon each of them to remove by the offer of a liberal pecuniary compensation. When the money was paid down, he kindly inquired what neighbourhood they intended to remove to.

"Why, sir," replied Jack, with a grin on his face, "Tom Smith moves to my shop and I move to his."

Two countrymen took lodgings at one hotel, and fared sumptuously, drinking 3 bottles of wine everyday. The last day before they had paid off their bill, a dispute arose about the speed of their horses. They at last settled upon a race, and appointed the landlord their judge; when they were ready, the judge gave the words, "one, two, three" and "off." Away they went, and were neither seen nor heard of since.

CURIOUS DETECTION OF A CRIMINAL.

There occurred in Prussia one of those cases of detection of crime by scientific means, which interest a large and intelligent class of readers. A quantity of gold, packed in boxes, was despatched by a railway train. On arrival at its destination, it was discovered that the gold had been stolen from some of the boxes, which were refilled with sand, to make up for the deficient weight. Measures were at once taken for the discovery of the thief, and that no chance might be lost, Professor Ehrenberg was requested to make a microscopic examination of the sand. The professor (a member of the Academy of Sciences at Berlin, well-known for his researches into minute objects and his comparisons of volcanic dust from all parts of the world) asked that a quantity of sand from every station by which the train had passed should be sent to him. Examining these one after another, he at last came to a sand which was identical with that found in the gold boxes. The name of the station whence this sand had been collected was known; inquiries were set on foot at that station, and among the persons there employed, the thief was detected.

་

A rich man made his will, leaving all he had to a company of his fellow-citizens to dispose of, but reserving to his right heir "Such a portion as pleaseth them." The heir having sued the company for his share of the property, the judge inquired, whether they wished to carry out the will of the testator, and if so, what provision they proposed to make for the heir. "He shall have a tenth part," said they, "and we will retain for ourselves the other nine. " "Take then," said the judge "the tenth part to yourselves, and leave the rest to the heir, for by the will, he is to have what pleaseth you.

"

A woman whose wealthy husband died without making a will, desirous of securing the whole of the property, concealed her husband's death, and persuaded a poor shoe-maker to take his place while a will could be made. Accordingly he was closely muffled in bed, as if very sick, and a lawyer was called in to write a will. The shoe-maker in a feeble voice bequeathed half of all the property to the widow. "What shall be done with the remainder," asked the lawyer. "I give and bequeath to the poor little shoe-maker across the street who has always been a good neighbour and a deserving man. The widow had to assent, and did not dare to expose the fraud.

CURIOUS WILL.

The following singular will was made by a miser in Ireland:

I give and bequeath to my sister-in-law Mary Denis four old worsted stockings, which she will find underneath my bed.

To my nephew Charles, two other pairs of stockings, lying in the box where I keep my linen.

To Johnson, my only pair of white cotton-stockings, and my old scarlet great coat.

To Hanah Burke, my housekeeper, in return for her long and faithful services, my cracked earthen pitcher.

Hannah in high wrath told the other legatees that she resigned to them her valuable share of the property. In equal rage Charles kicked down the pitcher, and, as it broke, a multitude of guineas burst out, and rolled along the floor. This fortunate discovery induced those present to examine the stockings, which to their great joy were crammed with money.

A gentleman was always complaining to his father-inlaw of his wife's temper. At last, papa-in-law becoming very wearied of these endless grumblings, and being a bit of a wag, replied, "Well, my dear fellow, if I hear of her tormenting you any more, I shall disinherit her." The husband never again complained.

"Make way, gentlemen," cried a representative to the populace in a procession. "Make way, we are the representatives of the people "Make way yourself," replied a sturdy member of the throng, "we are the people themselves."

In the garden of a certain nobleman's country-house, there happened to be fixed up at different spots painted boards with this request, "Please not to pick the flowers without leave." Some one got a paint brush, and added an "s" to the last word.

A man purchased a quantity of sugar, and found it sadly adulterated with sand. Next day he inserted the following paragraph in a local paper: