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A rich man made his will, leaving all he had to a company of his fellow-citizens to dispose of, but reserving to his right heir "Such a portion as pleaseth them." The heir having sued the company for his share of the property, the judge inquired, whether they wished to carry out the will of the testator, and if so, what provision they proposed to make for the heir. have a tenth part," said they, "and we will ourselves the other nine. " "the tenth part to yourselves, and leave the rest to the heir, for by the will, he is to have what pleaseth you.'
retain for "Take then," said the judge
A woman whose wealthy husband died without making a will, desirous of securing the whole of the property, concealed her husband's death, and persuaded a poor shoe-maker to take his place while a will could be made. Accordingly he was closely muffled in bed, as if very sick, and a lawyer was called in to write a will. The shoe-maker in a feeble voice bequeathed half of all the property to the widow. "What shall be done with the remainder," asked the lawyer. "I give and bequeath to the poor little shoe-maker across the street who has always been a good neighbour and a deserving man. The widow had to assent, and did not dare to expose the fraud.
The following singular will was made by a miser in Ireland:
I give and bequeath to my sister-in-law Mary Denis four old worsted stockings, which she will find underneath my bed.
To my nephew Charles, two other pairs of stockings, lying in the box where I keep my linen.
To Johnson, my only pair of white cotton-stockings, and my old scarlet great coat.
To Hanah Burke, my housekeeper, in return for her long and faithful services, my cracked earthen pitcher.
Hannah in high wrath told the other legatees that she resigned to them her valuable share of the property. In equal rage Charles kicked down the pitcher, and, as it broke, a multitude of guineas burst out, and rolled along the floor. This fortunate discovery induced those present to examine the stockings, which to their great joy were crammed with money.
A gentleman was always complaining to his father-inlaw of his wife's temper. At last, papa-in-law becoming very wearied of these endless grumblings, and being a bit of a wag, replied, "Well, my dear fellow, if I hear of her tormenting you any more, I shall disinherit her." The husband never again complained.
"Make way, gentlemen," cried a representative to the populace in a procession. "Make way, we are the representatives of the people "Make way yourself," replied a sturdy member of the throng, "we are the people themselves."
In the garden of a certain nobleman's country-house, there happened to be fixed up at different spots painted boards with this request, "Please not to pick the flowers without leave." Some one got a paint brush, and added an S to the last word.
A man purchased a quantity of sugar, and found it sadly adulterated with sand. Next day he inserted the following paragraph in a local paper:
Notice--I bought of a grocer in this town seven pounds of sugar, from which I extracted one pound of sand. If the rascal, who cheated me, will send to my address seven pounds of sugar (the Scriptural measure of restitution) I will be satisfied. If not, I will expose him.
The next day nine seven pound packages of sugar were left at the advertiser's house, there being nine grocers in the town, and each supposing himself to have been detected.
-AN AMERICAN PAPER.
A lot of minstrels went to a town, and advertised to give performance for "the benefit of the poor, tickets reduced to six-pence." The hall was crammed full. The next morning a committee for the poor called upon the treasurer of the concern for the amount the said benefit had netted. The treasurer expressed astonishment at the demand. "I thought," said the chairman of the committee, "you advertised this concert for the benefit of the poor!" Replied the treasurer, "did we not put the tickets down to sixpence so that the poor could all come?" The committee vanished.
A College professor was being rowed across the stream in a boat. Said he to the boatman, "Do you understand philosophy?" "No, never heard of it." "Then one quarter of your life is gone." "Do you understand geology?" "No." "Then one half of your life is gone," "Do you understand astronomy?" "No." "Then three quarters of your life is gone," but presently the boat tipped over, and spilled both into the river. Says the boatman, "Can you swim ?" "No". "Then the whole of your life is gone.
In the middle ages, a fool had so bitterly angered his sovereign by some of his pointed jests, that the
monarch passed sentence of death upon him, but permitted him to select the manner in which he would die. "Then I choose to die of old age, was the ready reply.
"I wonder," says a woman of humour, "why my husband and I quarrel so often, for we agree uniformly on one point, he wishes to be master and so do I."
A person looking over the catalogue of professional gentlemen of the bar, with his pencil wrote against the name of one, who was of the bustling order, "has been. accused of possessing talents." Another seeing it, immediately wrote under, "has been tried and acquitted.'
I saw a rich man's son seated at the head of his father's grave, and engaged in a dispute with a poor man's son, saying, "My father's sarcophagus is of stone, and its inscription is coloured, and a flooring of marble is laid (for the foundation), and bricks of the colour turquoise have been used (for the super-structure); what is there like this in thy father's grave? A brick or two have been brought together, and a handful of earth sprinkled over them." The poor man's son heard him, and said, "Ere thy father stir himself under the heavy weight that is on top of him, my father will have reached paradise." -SADI'S GULISTÂN.*
Thackeray tells us of an Irish woman, begging alms from him, who, when she saw him put his hand in his pocket, cried out, "May the blessing of God follow you all your life," but, when he only pulled out his snuff-box, added, "and never overtake ye."
* Translated by Platts.
A man with one eye laid a wager with another man, that he the one-eyed person saw more than the other. The wager was accepted. "You have lost," says the first, "I can see the two eyes in your face, and you can only see one in mine."
One man was trying to impress upon another some argument, but the other man appeared rather dull of apprehension; at length the former being slightly irritated, exclaimed, "why, sir, it is as plain as A. B. C." "That may be," quietly replied the other, "but I am D. E. F."
A gallant old gentleman of the name of Page, finding a lady's glove on a watering place, presented it to her with the following words:
"If from your glove, you take the letter G,
Your glove is love, which I devote to thee." To which the lady returned the following neat answer, "If from your Page, you take the letter P,
Your Page is Age, and that won't do for me."
"Don't you understand me ?" thundered an old man, "why, you must be quite a fool !" "True," meekly replied the other, "I am very near one.”
There is a good deal of the brute in man; for example, he is generally dogmatic, often pusillanimous, and sometimes easily cowed: occasionally categorical and is always ready to be made a lion of.
The difference between Love and Law is this. In love the attachment precedes the declaration; in law the declaration precedes the attachment.