« PreviousContinue »
"No!" she added, "it was nothing in me. The Lord saw the wickedness of my heart, and that nothing short of this affliction would subdue it. I see it is all love." She would frequently attempt to reconcile her dear mother to the prospect of her decease, by reminding her of the happy circumstances attending it. "You will have four children in heaven," she once said, when speaking of the expected event, "the less to leave when you are removed. Suppose the Lord had called me away in my sins, before this affliction, what would your trial have been then! Now you may say with David, 'I shall go to her, but she will not return to
Once, the bright scenes that she contemplated, were clouded with doubts as to her acceptance when she should reach the presence of her Judge. Her past sins stood in array before her, and she feared she should be frowned away from Him for ever; but she repaired again to the cross, and saw that full satisfaction had been made by Him who was suspended upon it, and felt a sweet and peaceful assurance that her sins had all been washed away. Her nights were often long and sleepless, but she did not complain; and, on one occasion when her mother entered her room during the dark and tedious hours, to comfort her, she said, "I am very happy; I was just thinking I should soon see a denying Peter. Some time ago, I was very much like him, ashamed to own the Saviour, but I trust I am now, like the returning prodigal, longing for my Father's house. Oh! what joy there will be in heaven when I arrive there. There a crown and a harp are prepared for me." She would often exceed her strength in exhorting and advising those who needed it, to flee for pardon and safety where alone it could be obtained. Once, when she had passed a restless night, owing to previous exertions of this nature, her mother gently cautioned her against the effects of such efforts in her weak state, she exclaimed, "Oh, mother, I should like to tell all the world what Christ has done for me; and although I have had little sleep, I have had a very happy night, for God has been with me." She appeared to possess perfect acquiescence in the divine will, and to lie entirely passive in His hands who orders all things according to infinite wisdom. Her mother once ventured to express a wish that she was restored to health, and she immediately replied, "Oh! my dear mother, that is murmuring. Did you not one day say to aunt Ann, that if the lifting your hand would alter this dispensation against the will of God, you dare not do it! I can now say that this chair-this room-the event that detains me-are all ordered by unerring rectitude, and therefore cannot be wrong-and if the lifting my finger would alter it, I could not do it." Medical skill was now no longer available, and it became necessary to communicate to her this opinion upon her case. She received it with unruffled composure, and said, "Why should I doubt His love at last," &c. "If this ends in death, I know that the sting is removed, and I shall see my Saviour." She shortly afterwards
received another visit from Mr. Steane. It seemed to revive her, and she conversed freely and cheerfully upon the state of her mind-told what doubts and fears had agitated and perplexed her, and where she had found peace and consolation. On his asking her how she regarded the result of this affliction, she replied, "that she was not anxious about the termination; that when absent from the body, she felt a sweet assurance she should be present with the Lord."
She now appeared rapidly sinking, and sleep was frequently denied her; but she would often exclaim, on seeing her mother in the morning, "Oh! what a happy night this has been-all is peace." And seldom was this disturbed. She once had a short struggle with the enemy, that
goes about as a roaring lion;" but faith prevailed, and after her father had prayed for her, she said, "I am quite happy, he will worry, but he cannot devour." On her father entering the room, she said, "Oh! my dear father, I am going to Jesus; I have nothing to do but to die. And is this dying! how delightful! death is not here!" She then spoke with great affection to her eldest brother, and gave him her pocket bible, and told him she had prayed to God to bless the reading of it to the salvation of his soul; and entreated him for her sake not to neglect it. She men tioned the rest of her family, and hoped, that when they came to die, they would have the same Rock to lean upon that supported her. She continued to converse at intervals during the night, breathing the language of her heart, in the prayer of the publican-the 23rd Psalm and other passages of scripture, which, she said, were very precious to ber. Towards morning she felt inclined to doze, and requested her father to leave her, that he might take some rest, assuring him, he should be called, if a change took place. A momentary convulsion took place, after which she exclaimed, "Oh! my mother, I am now going to Jesus! let my father be called." When he entered, she told him she was just going, and added, "do not fear to die!" Her breathing then became very difficult, and she requested to be raised up, and asked her father to pray that He would come quickly. She reclined again, and smiling on all around, said, "farewell!-farewell!" After reposing tranquilly, a short time, she repeated, with great solemnity the prayer of the publican, "God be merciful to me a sinner!" and wished it might be her last. A little refreshment was offered her, but she declined, saying, I shall take no more till I am " in the kingdom of my Father." She then took her father's hand in her's-closed her eyes, and said, "Father, into thy hands, I commit my spirit! All is well!"-She lay with a sweet and expressive smile upon her countenance, for some minutes, when her father said to her-" If the Lord Jesus is still precious to you, my dear, if you cannot speak, give me a sign." She instantly raised her dying hand, with a vigorous effort, as if the music of that name impelled it; breathed two gentle sighs, and yielded up her spirit to Him who had redeemed her.