1685.

fome pretending to be Religious: And, generally fpeaking, more Sin and Evil is committed in this Time, than in the like space of Time in all the Year befides ; fo that the Devil is ferved inftead of honouring Chrift. From this Meeting at Wanstead, I went to the House of my Relations, where the Parson of the next Parish lodged that Night, who used to play at Cards with them fometimes; and the Time drawing near that we were to go to our Games, my Uncle called to the Doctor, (as he called him) to me, and to my Coufin, to come and take a Game at Cards; at which Motion I had strong Convictions upon me not to do it, as being Evil; and I fecretly cry'd to the Lord to keep me faithful to him; and lifting up my Eyes, I faw a Bible lie in the Window, at the Sight of which I was glad. I took it, and fat down, and read to myself, greatly rejoicing that I was preferved out of the Snare. Then my Uncle called again, and faid, Come, Doctor, you and I, and my Wife and Daughter, will have a Game at Cards, for I fee my Coufin is better difpofed. Then he looked upon me, and faid, He was better difpofed alfo. So their Sport for that Time was spoiled, and mine in that Practice for ever; for I never (as I remember) play'd with them more, but as foon as I came Home, offer'd my new and untouch'd Pack of Cards to the Fire. And of this I am certain, the Ufe of them is of evil Confequence, and draws away the Mind from Heaven and heavenly Things; for which Reason all Chriftians ought to fhun them as Engines of Satan: And Mufick and Dancing, having generally the fame Tendency, ought therefore to be refrain'd from. The Sentiments of the Waldenfes, a People in great Efteem among Proteftants, are worthy the Confideration of all true Proteftants and Chriftians; which were "That as many Paces, or Steps, as the Man "or Woman takes in the Dance, fo many Paces or Steps they take towards Hell."

I very well remember the Work of God upon my 1685. Soul, when I was about ten Years of Age; and particularly at a certain Time when I had been rebelling againft God and my Parents, in Vanity and Lightness: And as I had offended both, fo I was corrected by both: For I had not only the Anger of my Parents, but the Lord frown'd upon me, infomuch that I trembled exceedingly, and was as tho' I heard a vocal Voice fay to me, What will become of thee this Night, if I fbould take tby Life from thee? At which I was amazed, and in great Fear. Then I covenanted with God, that if he would be pleased to fpare my Life (for I thought God would have taken my Life from me that very Moment) I would be more fober, and mind his Fear more than I had done before.

Nevertheless I broke Covenant with God my Maker, my Adversary tempting me so to do, telling me I was but a Child, and that it was natural for Children to be brisk and to play, and that God would wink at my Childhood and Youth, and it was time enough for me when a Man, to become religious. But ftill God followed me with his chastifing Rod, and often put me in Mind of my Covenant that I made with him in my Diftrefs; and that he had granted my Request which I then made to him; and unless I would take up a Crofs to my own corrupt Will and Inclinations, he fhould take me out of the World. Then, Oh then! I cryed, Lord belp, or I die! Save me, or I perif for ever! I cannot keep thy Covenant, nor do thy Will, without thy Help and Affiftance! And indeed if the Lord had not helped, I had been undone for

ever.

So I continued bow'd down in my Mind, calling on the Lord; thinking and meditating on Heaven and heavenly Things: But, as I am fenfible, I had an inward Enemy that always fought my Hurt and Overthrow, I have Cause to blefs God, who by his Grace (as mine Eye was turned to it) helped me to do his

1685. Will, as he was pleased to manifeft it to me, fo that thereby fome Change was wrought on me, both inwardly and outwardly.

And I then began to delight in Reading and Sobriety, which before were irkfome to me: And when I read the holy Scriptures, I defired that God would open them to my Understanding, which he did to my Edification many Times. I alfo begged earnestly of the Lord, that he would be pleas'd to be with me, and make me like to thofe his Children and Servants, of whom I read in the holy Scriptures, who faithfully ferved him all their Days. And when I read of the Crucifixion of our bleffed Lord and Saviour JESUS CHRIST, it would break my Soul into Tenderness. I thought it was enough to awaken and humble any Soul that was well-meaning, and had any Senfe of the Power, Love, and Grace of Chrift. Thus I went on for several Years, feeling that Peace which paffeth natural Understanding, which many Times accompanied my poor and needy Soul: And being advanced 1690. to about 14 or 15 Years of Age, I remember that I used to fhun the Cross of speaking in the plain Language (which I always read in the holy Scriptures) Southwark, to those whom I converfed with, except my Father and Mother, who would not allow me to speak otherwife: I was convicted in my Confcience that it was not right to play the Hypocrite after that Manner; and on a certain Time I had Occafion to speak with an Officer, a great Man in our Neighbourhood, and my Heart moved within me for fear I fhould fhun the Cross of Chrift; For it was Chrift's Language to all, as we may read in the New Teftament; and the Scriptures, from Genefis to the Revelations, fpeak Thee and Thou, to a fingle Perfon in a general Way.

Shad

Thames,

So I took up the Crofs, and faid Thee to him; and he was much affronted, and faid, Thee! what doft thou Thee me for? I foberly afked him, if he did not say Thee to his Maker in his Prayers? and whe

ther

ther he was too good, or too great, to be spoke to 1690. in the fame Language in which he addrefs'd the Almighty? Unto which he made no Reply, but feem'd to fall from his Paffion into Admiration, as one fmitten in himself. And he bore me Refpect ever after; and I greatly rejoiced that I was preferved faithful. Tho' it may look like a little Thing to fome, yet I found it good (as the Scripture faith) not to defpife the Day of fmall Things.

About the twentieth Year of my Age, I was pref- 1694. fed and carried aboard a Veffel belonging to a Man of War. I was put down into the Hold in the Dark, not having any Thing to lie upon but Cafks; and what made it worfe to me, I was among wicked, debauched Men; and as we were fhut up in Darkness, fo was their Converfation dark and hellish. In the Morning (for which I longed more than the Watchmen) the Lieutenant called us up on Deck, and examined us whether we were willing to ferve the King. He called me to him, and asked me, If I were willing to ferve bis Majefty? I anfwer'd, that I was willing to ferve him in my Business, and according to my Confcience; but as for War or Fighting, CHRIST had forbid it, in his excellent Sermon on the Mount; and for that Reason I could not bear Arms, nor be inftrumental to deftroy or kill Men. Then the Lieutenant looked on me, and on the People, and faid, Gentlemen, what shall we do with this Fellow? be fwears be will not Fight. The Commander of the Veffel made Anfwer, No, no! he will neither Swear nor Fight. Upon which they turn'd me on Shore. I was thankful that I was delivered out of their Hands; and my tender Parents were glad to fee me again.

Now as I grew in Years, the World began to take too much Root in me; and my unwearied Enemy would tell me that it was lawful enough (and indeed I fee that he hurts many with lawful Things, with

B

whom

1694. whom he knoweth the unlawful Things will not take) and here I had been loft if God had not been gracious to me. But he, in whofe Prefence I delighted, withdrew, and deprived me of that Enjoyment which was graceful and comfortable above all Things to my Soul. Then did I pray, with Tears, O that it might be with me as it was at other Times before! and I was willing to let the World go, rather than Grace and God's Glory. The Pfalmift faith, No good Thing will be with bold from them that walk uprightly, Pfal. lxxxiv. Verse 11.

1695. About this Time there was a great Concern on my Mind, rightly to diftinguish between the Voice of Chrift, and the Whifperings of Satan, and thus it open'd to me: That Chrift, the Truth, always fpeaketh Good, and for a good End, and that there is divine Life to the Soul in this Speaking; but the Devil never peaks Good, unless fometimes for a bad End, and then not Good in Reality, only colour'd with a good or fair Shew.

And keeping under this Exercise, the Lord appear'd to me again, and many Times refresh'd my Heart with his Goodness. And when I was in my Business amongst Men, I did witness the holy Ghoft, the Comforter, to be near me; which was more to me than all the World, or the Riches, Glory, and Beauty of it; the Love of God being fo fweet to my Soul and Spirit, my Breathings, Prayers, and Supplications, were to the Lord, that my Neighbours, Acquaintance, and Relations, might alfo partake of the like precious Faith and Love which I enjoy'd; and that the Children of Men might anfwer that great and good End for which the Lord did create them; which is, that Glory, Honour and Praise, might afcend and be given to him.

I had fuch a Sense and Fear of Difhonouring God, that I often, with Tears, cry'd, Never let me live to difhonour Thee. Oh! it had been better for me, that