ufual health, and having to believe that I had finished the fervice required of me at this time, and had been directed and enabled to return as I went forth, in the Lord's own time and will, I bowed low in inward awfulness and proftration before him, once . more giving up and dedicating my life and my all to his fervice, in full faith and affurance that, if I rely wholly on him, and remain to be given up to be juft where and what he pleafes, go at his command, and come at his command, and at his command stand ftill, he will not fail or forfake me ; but will bear up, fupport, and preserve, through all toffings, tempefts, and dangers, both inward and outward; and that though the fig-tree fhould not bloffom, nor fruit be in the vine; though the labour of the olive fhould fail, the flocks be cut off 'from the fold, and no herd be in the ftall; though all earthly confolation fhould fail; yet ftill I may and if steadfastly patient and faithful, certainly fhall, amidst all conflicts, dangers, and toils, at times and feafons, rejoice in the Lord, and joy in the God of my falvation;'* and finally fing his praife for ever, in that habitation, the house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. 6 6 My dear wife and children, as alfo my friends, appeared glad of my fafe return to them again; and on my own part, I was truly glad once more to be favoured with their endeared company and converfation may we all fo abide in the holy root of life, and fo under the influence and direction of the inward light, as that we may be mutual helps and encouragements to each other, in the arduous path and pilgrimage of a truly christian life, through the remaining courfe of time allotted us in this vale of tears, this scene of viciffitudes, tribulations, and joys. about I was out on this exercifing journey a year and about fifteen days, and travelled, by computation, about five thoufand three hundred miles. And though my trials and inward exercifes have often been more deeply proving than I have words to convey to any who have not travelled a path of like painful experience; yet I have ever found, that as faith and patience have been abode in, and fufferings quietly fubmitted to, the result has been, a coming forth with fongs of praise and hallelujahs, into the victory and dominion of Truth, and the glorious liberty of the fons of God. And I think may fay, that through divine help, without which I know I can do nothing, I have been preserved through fome of the deepest probations, and tribulations of my life, in more conftant refignation to the divine will, than ever was for a like fpace of time, and under equal extremity of trial, and varied anxiety, my attainment and experience before !— Bleffed for ever, over all, be the great name of the Lord, and to him be all the praise. 'CHAP. CHAP. IX. An account of his wife's laft fickness and death-fome of her dying fayings, and his peculiar exercifes and trials at that time, and especially on that occafion. H AVING thus performed the fervice required of me in the fouthern ftates, I paffed near three years at and about home; and had, as ufual, many close trials and befetments to pass through from time to time, till in the 7th month 1791, it pleased the Moft High to prove me in a very near and heart-exercifing manner, in the removal by death of my dearly beloved wife. This trial came at a time when I was otherways deeply plunged into many probations, both inwardly and outwardly.. My ftate indeed to me bore a lively refemblance to that of Job of old-wave on wave, and forrow upon forrow, feemed almost ready to fwallow me up. But the Lord had an end in all my. forrows.-And had he not been with me in the deeps, and borne up my head above the waves, I had been fwallowed up fuddenly, and drowned in the mighty waters of affiction! I thought before my wife's fickness, it was very doubtful whether I fhould ever get fafely through my many befetments: but alas! in the midft of these trials, it pleased the Lord to take from me the dear partner of my joys, and fympathifer in my forrows. She was confined to her bed-chamber two weeks, during great part of which time, she was in exquifite bodily pain, which fhe bore with becoming patience. One day the lay ftill and quiet, as if fhe was in a flumber; but on hearing it remarkeđ at night, that it had been a favourable day to her as to pain, fhe faid, it had been a day of much pain to her, though the had not complained, for the felt no liberty to complain; but found it her place to bear U 2 all all that was laid upon her patiently. I kept an ac'count of divers lively expreffions which dropped from her in her fickness, and which abundantly evinced her refignation of mind and acquiefcence with the diviue will in regard to her approaching diffolution, which the feemed clearly fenfible of, and divers times fpake of; but what I wrote got miflaid, and I have not fince found it; I much regret the lofs of it, and especially because her advice to our dear children might have been very ufeful.-She alfo gave very fuitable advice to her brothers and fifters, and expreffed her thankfulness to her parents for their watchful and even reftraining care exercised towards her in her younger years, when the used to think a little more liberty would have been no harm; but now she saw she was then too ignorant of the dangerous tendency of thofe liberties, and rejoiced that they did not give way to her inclinations.-She preffed it upon her brothers and fifters to remember their parents in their old age-told them, they had done much for them when they were unable to help themselves that now they were growing old and feeble, they fhould be kind to them, and not forget them. She alfo defired them not to forget their brother, (meaning myself) faying, he will have many affictions to pafs through, with much care.-And likewife forget not thefe little children, they will • mifs their mother, and need the care of their un⚫cles and aunts.' And speaking to one of her fif ters, faid, thou haft done a great deal for them, • and must not think of doing lefs when their mo⚫ther is gone.' She charged it upon our children to be obedient to their father, loving to one another, and good to their aged grandfather.Two Friends coming in, who had both been widowers, after feveral other weighty expreffions, fhe defired them not to forget the afflicted-told them they knew fomething of fuch trials trials as her dear husband would be furrounded with, and that she hoped they would not be unmindful of him. I can fcarcely write this account without mourning the lofs of that I wrote from day to day. in her fickness. One day, after expreffing her entire willingnes to be taken hence at this time, fhe faid to me, but • I have feveral times thought I should have been willing to have taken the care of these dear children a little longer, if it had been the divine will and I have thought, if it might have been fo ordered, I could have given up every thing that might have been called for, even if it had been to give thee up to travel in truth's fervice, let the time be longer or fhorter: I have always given thee up with a good degree of cheerfulness, and have been fupported in thy abfence beyond my ⚫ expectation; and yet I have often thought, fince thy return from thy laft journey, that I did not know that I could ever give thee up again, or bear 6 6 in thy abfence; but in this ficknefs I have felt as though I could give up all, if I might be fpared a little longer to help along in the care of the children-it has feemed to me that I fhould give thee up, my dear husband, to go where-ever the Lord might lead thee-it has feemed fo, but may be it would not be fo with me, if I fhould be tried with it; and perhaps I fhall be taken away, 'that thou mayeft be fet inore fully at liberty to attend to the Lord's requirings, in whatever part of the world he may fee meet to employ thee.' Then the expreffed her deep fense of my kindness to her in her fickness, and her heart-felt fympathy with me in my trials, paft, prefent, and to come, and her living defires for my fupport and prefervation through all, to the end of my race, in fuch a moving manner, that the fresh fense thereof melts my heart when I recollect the time and fubftance of the converfation U 3 |