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to turn. The wrath of an offended long-fuffering God feemed clofing upon me on every fide.-I felt myself in thraldom, and almost without hope. I knew myself a prifoner, and yet I hugged my

chains.

GHAP.

CHAP. II.

His exercife continued, and particularly about using the plain fcripture language. Of Ifrael's wilder nefs travel, and the forerunner. Reference to the feafons and book of Job. On humility, and his entrance into the work of the ministry, and confiderations thereon.

1770.

TH

HUS I continued ftill in vanity and folly, with intervals of deep distress and mourning, a fhort space longer, that is, until about nineteen years old, when I became more fully and clearly convinced, and that very much by the immediate operations, illuminations, and openings of divine light in my own mind, that this inward fomething, which had been thus long and powerfully ftriving with me, disturbing my every falfe reft, confuting every falfe and finflattering imagination of flesh and blood, or of the grand adverfary, and enjoining it upon me to give up all, and walk in the ways of virtue and true felf-denial, was the true and living spirit and power of the eternal God; the very fame that ftrove with the old world, influenced the patriarchs, prophets, and apostles; and vifits, ftrives with, and at feasons more or less influences, the hearts of all mankind. I now faw this the only principle of all true converfion and falvation; that fo long as this was refifted and rejected, feparation muft infallibly re main between God and the foul; but that, whenever this is received and in all things thoroughly fubmitted to, a thorough reconciliation takes place.

Some may think this doctrine robs Chrift of the honour of our redemption and reconciliation; but I apprehend none can think fo who understand the doctrine of falvation by Jefus. It was through the

eternal

eternal Spirit, this very Spirit that vifits and ftrives with all, that Chrift offered up that prepared body. It is through, and only through, the influence of the fame Holy Spirit, that any foul was ever converted to God, or savingly benefited by the redemption that is in Jefus. Whatever way, O foul, or by whatever means thou art benefited in a fpiritual sense, it is by this Holy Spirit, that is, the immediate operative power and principle within thee.

Having thus at length become livingly convinced, that it was nothing fhort of the eternal Power and Spirit of God that fo forcibly wrought in me, in order for my deliverance from the power of darkness and feduction, I gave up to the holy requirings of God, as inwardly made known to meand clearly known were many things thus made. Nothing else could ever so have opened my mind, and made known my duty to me. The Scriptures, other good books, religious converfation, contemplation upon the works of creation and providence ; all these are very good means of information; but none of them, nor even all of them, without the Holy Spirit's fealing operation and evidence upon the mind, can ever make a man fure of his duty to God in any one thing. He may reafon, and fet up many rules, measures, and standards of duty, and morality; but certainly he never will arrive thereat, without the help of that which in itself is certain, It may be faid the fcriptures are certain. Very well, but what certifies thee that they are certain, or that thou knowest their meaning? Do not the profeffed masters in reasoning widely differ upon many paffages in the facred writings? they all fay they have reafon on their fide. But believe them not: nor believe that any thing is or can be certainly known to man, of the divine authority of the fcriptures, without the light and evidence of the Holy Spirit.

But

But to proceed:-I gave up very fully to ferve the Lord in the way of his leadings; I forfook rude and vicious company, withdrew into retirement, attended the meetings of Friends, and often fought the Lord, and waited upon him in folemn, reverential filence alone, for his counfel, direction, and preservation; and he was graciously pleased to point out and caft up the way for me, one thing after another, with fufficiency of clearness. First, he

fhewed me negatively, what I ought not to do in various particulars, breaking me off from my vicious practices and affociations. This was for faking evil. And then he taught and enjoined me the practice of feveral things pofitively, wherein he engaged me to choose and cleave unto that which is good. I faw clearly it was his will, and my indifpenfable duty, reverently to affemble for divine worship, and therein to wait upon him, draw inwardly near unto him, and according to the apoftle's language, feel after bim, in order to find and enjoy him. I alfo found it my duty often to wait upon him alone, in awful filent retirement, not approaching him in fupplication, but when he influenced my heart thereto, with the true fpirit of prayer and interceffion. He also fhewed me, that religion was an internal life in the foul; that great attention, fincerity and punctuality was neceffary to the growth and profperity of it; that I must not be content with attending meetings, and fitting in filence, though ever fo reverently and properly; I muft live continually in an inward watchfulness and dedication of heart; watch all my thoughts, words and actions, and know all brought to judgment; and allow nothing to pass unexamined, nor willingly unapproved: that I muft obferve the moft upright honefty and fincerity in my dealings among men, as in the prefence of God. He taught me that men generally rely too much on external performances; and thus guarding my mind against thinking too much of any thing outward. He

opened

opened my understanding to behold my duty, in regard to outward plainnefs; that a plain, decent, and not coftly drefs and way of living, in all things, was most agreeable to true chriftian gravity and selfdenial that rich, fhowy, or gaudy drefs, house, food, or furniture, fed and foftered pride and oftentation; robbed the poor, pleased the vain, and led into a great deal of unneceffary care, toil, and folicitude, to obtain the means of this way of life and appearance; that it could not afford any true and folid fatisfaction; but muft unavoidably divert the mind from inward feeling watchfulness; retard the work of mortification and true self-denial; and facilitate unprofitable affociation and acquaintance with fuch as would rather alienate the affections from God, than unite the foul to him.

Thus inftructed, I bowed in reverence; and as it became from time to time neceffary to procure new clothing, I endeavoured to conform my outward appearance in this refpect to the dictates of truth, in which I found true peace and fatisfaction. Alfo he inftructed me to use the plain fcripture language, THOU to one, and you to more than one. The crofs greatly offended me in regard to these things. This of language in particular, looked fo trifling and foolish to the worldly wife part in me, and the fear of the world's dread laugh,' fo powerfully oppofed it, that it was very hard and trying to my natural will to give up to this duty. I thought if my right hand would excufe my compliance, I would gladly facrifice it, or yield it up, rather than give up to ufe fuch a defpifed language, and fubmit to be laughed at, as viewing religion concerned in fuch things as these. This may feem incredible to fome, but it is true, and as freth with me as almost any paft exercise. This exercife befet me day and night for fome time, during which I had many forrowful and bitter tears, pleaded many excufes, and

greatly

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