FROM this brief furvey of the falling state of ears in the laft age, and the fmall care had to advance their antient growth in the prefent, it is manifeft, how little reafon we can have to rely upon a hold fo fhort, fo weak, and fo flippery; and that whoever defires to catch mankind fast, must have recourse to some other methods. Now, he that will examine human nature with circumfpection enough, may difcover feveral handles, whereof the fix * fenfes afford one a-piece, befide a great number that are screwed to the paffions, and fome few riveted to the intellect. Among thefe laft, curiofity is one, and, of all others, affords the firmeft grafp; curiofity, that fpur in the fide, that bridle in the mouth, that ring in the nofe of a lazy, an impatient, and a grunting reader. By this handle it is, that an author fhould feize upon his readers; which as foon as he hath once compaffed, all refiftance and ftruggling are in vain; and they become his prifoners as clofe as he pleases, till wearinefs or dulnefs force him to let go his grip.

AND therefore I, the author of this miraculous treatise, having hitherto, beyond expectation, maintained, by the aforefaid handle, a firm hold upon my gentle readers; it is with great reluctance that I am at length compelled to remit my grafp; leaving them in the perufal of what remains to that natural ofcitancy inherent in the tribe. I can only affure thee, courteous reader, for both our comforts, that my concern is altogether equal to thine, for my unhappinefs in lofing, or miflaying among my papers, the remaining part of thefe Memoirs; which confifted of accidents, turns and adventures, both new, agreeable, and furprifing; and therefore calculated, in all due points, to the delicate tafte of this our noble age. But, alas! with my utmost endeavours, I have been able only to retain a few of the heads. Under which there was a full account, how Peter got a protection out of the King's-bench; and of a reconcilement between Jack and him, upon a design they had in a certain rainy night to trepan brother Martin into a spunging-house,

Including Scaliger's.

and

and there ftrip him to the fkin*; how Martin, with much ado, fhewed them both a fair pair of heels; how a new warrant came out against Peter; upon which, how Jack left him in the lurch, fole bis protection, and made use of it himself. How Jack's tatters came into fafhion in court and city; how he got upon a great horset, and eat custard. But the particulars of all thefe, with feveral others, which have now flid out of my memory, are loft beyond all hopes of recovery. For which misfortune, leaving my readers to condole with each other, as far as they fhall find it to agree with their several conftitutions; but conjuring them by all the friendship that hath paffed between us, from the title-page to this, not to proceed fo far as to injure their healths, for an accident paft remedy: I now go on to the ceremonial part of an accomplished writer; and therefore, by a courtly modern, leaft of all others to be omitted.

G

THE CONCLUSION.

OING too long is a cause of abortion as effectual, tho' not fo frequent, as going too fhort; and holds true especially in the labours of the brain. Well fare the heart of that noble Jefuit | who first adventured to confefs

In the reign of King James II. the Prefbyterians by the King's invitation joined with the Papifts against the church of England, and addressed him for repeal of the penal laws and test. The King, by his difpenfing power, gave liberty of confcience, which both Papifts and Prefbyterians made ufe of; but upon the Revolution, the Papifts being down of course, the Prefbyterians freely continued their affemblies, by virtue of King James's indulgence, before they had a toleration by law. This, I believe, the author means by Jack's stealing Peter's protection, and making ufe of it himself.

Sir Humphrey Edwin, a Prefbyterian, was fome years ago Lord Mayor of London, and had the infolence to go in his for malities to a conventicle, with the enfigns of his office.

Custard is a famous dish at a Lord Mayor's feast.
Pere d'Orleans.

fefs in print, that books must be suited to their several feafons, like drefs, and diet, and diverfions: and better fare our noble nation, for refining upon this, among other French modes. I am living faft to fee the time, when a book that miffes its tide, fhall be neglected, as the moon by day, or like a Mackarel a week after the feafon. No man hath more nicely obferved our climate, than the bookfeller who bought the copy of this work. He knows to a title what subjects will best go off in a dry year, and which it is proper to expose foremost when the weather-glafs is fallen to much rain. When he had feen this treatise, and confulted his almanac upon it, he gave me to understand, that he had manifeftly confidered the two principal things, which were, the bulk and the subject; and found it would never take, but after a long vacation; and then only in cafe it should happen to be a hard year for turnips. Upon which I defired to know, confidering my urgent neceffities, what he thought might be acceptable this month. He looked westward, and faid, "I doubt we shall have a fit of bad "weather; however, if you could prepare fome pretty "little banter (but not in verfe), or a fmall treatise upon theit would run like wild-fire. But if it hold "up, I have already hired an author to write fomething against Dr. B-tly, which I am fure will turn to "account *."

46

Ar length we agreed upon this expedient, That, when a customer comes for one of these, and defires in confidence to know the author; he will tell him very privately, as a friend, naming which ever of the wits shall happen to be that week in the vogue; and if Durfey's laft play fhould be in courfe, I had as lieve, he may be the perfon as Congreve. This I mention, because I am wonderfully well acquainted with the prefent relifh of our courteous readers; and have often obferved, with fingular pleasure, that a fly driven from a honey-pot will immeVOL. I. diately

N

When Dr. Prideaux brought the copy of his Connexion of the Old and New Teftament to the book feller, he told him, it was a dry fubje&, and the printing could not fafely be ventured, unless be could enliven it with a little humour.

diately with very good appetite alight, and finish his meal

on an excrement.

I have one word to fay upon the fubject of profound writers, who are grown very numerous of late; and I know very well the judicious world is refolved to lift me in that number. I conceive therefore, as to the business of being profound, that it is with writers as with wells ; a perfon with good eyes may fee to the bottom of the deepest, provided any water be there; and that often when there is nothing in the world at the bottom, befides dryness and dirt, tho' it be but a yard and half under ground, it fhall pafs however for wondrous deep, upon no wifer a reason than because it is wondrous dark.

I am now trying an experiment very frequent among modern authors; which is, to write upon nothing: when the subject is utterly exhaufted, to let the pen still move on; by fome called, the ghost of wit, delighting to walk after the death of its body. And to say the truth, there feems to be no part of knowledge in fewer hands, than that of difcerning when to have done. By the time that an author has writ out a book, he and his readers are become old acquaintance, and grow very loth to part; fo that I have sometimes known it to be in writing, as in vifiting, where the ceremony of taking leave has employed more time than the whole converfation before. The conclufion of a treatise resembles the conclufion of human life, which hath fometimes been compared to the end of a feaft; where few are fatisfied to depart, ut plenus vitæ conviva: for men will fit down after the fulleft meal, tho' it be only to doze or to fleep out the rest of the day. But, in this latter, I differ extremely from other writers; and fhall be too proud, if by all my labours I can have any ways contributed to the repose of mankind, in times fo turbulent and unquiet as thefet. Neither do I think fuch an employment fo very alien from the office of a wit, as fome would fuppofe. For among a very polite nation in Greece, there were the Jame temples built and confecrated to Sleep

This was writ before the peace of Ryfwick, which was figned in Sept. 1697. Treze.., Paufan. 1. 2.

fleep and the mufes, between which two deities they be lieved the ftricteft friendship was established.

I have one concluding favour to request of my reader, that he will not expect to be equally diverted and informed by every line or every page of this discourse; but give fome allowance to the author's fpleen, and fhort fits, or intervals of dulnefs, as well as his own; and lay it ferioufly to his confcience, whether, if he were walking the streets in dirty weather or a rainy day, he would allow it fair dealing in folks at their eafe, from a window, to critic his gate, and ridicule his dress at such a juncture.

In my difpofure of employments of the brain, I have thought fit to make invention the mafler, and to give method and reafon the office of its lacqueys. The caufe of this diftribution was, from obferving it my peculiar case, to be often under a temptation of being witty, upon occafions where I could be neither wife nor found, nor any thing to the matter in hand. And I am too much a fervant of the modern way, to neglect any fuch opportunities, whatever pains or improprieties I may be at to introduce them. For I have obferved, that, from a laborious collection of feven hundred thirty eight flowers and fining hints of the best modern authors, digefted with great reading into my book of common places, I have not been able, after five years, to draw, hook, or force into common converfation, any more than a dozen. Of which dozen, the one moiety failed of fuccefs, by being dropped among unfuitable company; and the other coft me fo many ftrains, and traps, and ambages to introduce, that I at length refolved to give it over. Now, this difappointment, (to discover a fecret) I must own, gave me the first hint of fetting up for an author; and I have fince found among fome particular friends, that it is become a very general complaint, and has produced the fame effects upon many others. For I have remarked many a towardly word to be wholly neglected or defpifed in difcourfe, which hath paffed very smoothly, with fome confideration and esteem, after its preferment and fanction

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