THERE are certain common privileges of a writer; the benefit whereof, I hope, there will be no reason to doubt; particularly, that, where I am not understood, it shall be concluded, that fomething very useful and profound is couched underneath; and again, that whatever word or fentence is printed in a different character, shall be judged to contain fomething extraordinary either of wit or fublime.

As for the liberty I have thought fit to take of praifing myfelf, upon fome occafions or none, I am fure it will need no excufe, if a multitude of great examples be allowed fufficient authority. For it is here to be noted, that praife was originally a penfion paid by the world: but the moderns, finding the trouble and charge too great in collecting it, have lately bought out the fe-fimple; fince which time the right of prefentation is wholly in ourselves. For this reafon it is, that when an author makes his own elogy, he uses a certain form to declare and infift upon his title; which is commonly in these or the like words, I speak without varity: which, I think, plainly fhews it to be a matter of right and juftice. Now, I do here once for all declare, that in every encounter of this nature, thro' the following treatife, the form aforefaid is implied; which I mention to save the trouble of repeating it on fo many occafions

'Tis a great eafe to my confcience, that I have written fo elaborate and useful a discourse without one grain of fatire intermixed; which is the fole point wherein I have taken leave to diffent from the famous originals of our age and country. I have obferved fome fatirifts to use the public much at the rate, that pedants do a naughty boy ready horfed for difcipline: firft, expoftulate the cafe, then plead the neceffity of the rod, from great provocations, and conclude every period with a lafh Now, if I know any thing of mankind, thefe gentlemen might very well spare their reproof and corection: for there is not thro' all nature another fo callous and infenfible a member as the world's pofteriors, whether you apply to it the toe or the birch. Befides, most of our late fatirifts feem to ly under a fort of mistake, that because nettles have the prerogative to fting, therefore all other weeds muft do fo too. I make

not

not this comparison out of the least design to detract from thefe worthy writers: for it is well known among mythologifts, that weeds have the pre-eminence over all other vegetables; and therefore the first monarch of this ifland, whofe taste and judgment were so acute and refined, did very wifely root out the roles from the collar of the order, and plant the thiftles in their stead, as the nobler flower of the two. For which reason it is conjectured by profounder antiquaries, that the fatirical itch, fo prevalent in this part of our island, was first brought among us from beyond the Tweed. Here may it long flourish and abound.. May it furvive and neglect the fcorn of the world, with as much ease and contempt as the world is infenfible to the lashes of it. May their own dulnefs, or that of their party, be no difcouragement for the authors to proceed: but let them remember, it is with wits as with razors, which are never fo apt to cut those they are employed on, as when they have loft their edge. Befides, thofe whofe teeth are too rotten to bite, are best of all others qualified to revenge that defect with their breath.

I am not like other men, to envy or undervalue the talents I cannot reach; for which reafon I muft needs bear a true honour to this large eminent fect of our British writers. And I hope, this little panegyric will not be offensive to their ears, fince it has the advantage of being only defigned for themselves.. Indeed, nature herself has taken order, that fame and honour should be purchased at a better pennyworth by fatire, than by any other productions of the brain; the world being fooneft provoked to praise by lashes, as men are to love. There is a problem in an antient author, why dedications, and other bundles of flattery, run all upon ftale mufty topics, without the smallest tincture of any thing new; not only to the torment and naufeating of the chriftian reader, but, if not fuddenly prevented, to the univerfal fpreading of that peftilent difeafe, the lethargy, in this island: whereas there is very little fatire which has not fome. thing in it untouched before.. The defects of the former are ufually imputed to the want of invention among those who are dealers in that kind: but, I think, with

D 2:

a great deal of injuftice; the folution being eafy and natural: for the materials of panegyric, being very few in number, have been long fince exhaufted. For, as health is but one thing, and has been always the fame, whereas diseases are by thousands, befides new and daily additions; so all the virtues that have been ever in mankind, are to be counted upon a few fingers; but his follies and vices are innumerable, and time adds hourly to the heap. Now, the utmost a poor poet can do, is, to get by heart a lift of the cardinal virtues, and deal them with his utmoft liberality to his hero or his patron. He may ring the changes as far as it will go, and vary his phrafe till he has talked round; but the reader quickly finds it is all pork *, with a little variety of fauce. For there is no inventing terms of art beyond our ideas; and when our ideas are exhausted, terms of art must be fo too.

BUT, tho' the matter for panegyric were as fruitful as the topics of fatire, yet would it not be hard to find out a fufficient reafon, why the latter will be always better received than the firft. For, this being beftowed only upon one or a few perfons at a time, is fure to raife envy, and confequently ill words, from the reft, who have no fhare in the bleffing. But fatire being levelled at all, is never refented for an offence by any; fince every individual perfon makes bold to understand it of others, and very wifely removes his particular part of the burden upon the fhoulders of the world, which are broad enough, and able to bear it. To this purpose, I have sometimes reflected upon the difference between Athens and England, with refpect to the point before us. In the Attic commonwealth, it was the privilege and birthright of every citizen and poet, to rail aloud and in public, or to expofe upon the ftage, by name, any person they pleased, tho' of the greatest figure, whether a Creon, an Hyperbolus, an Alcibíades, or a Demofthenes. But, on the other fide, the leaft reflecting word let fall against the people in general, was immediately caught up, and revenged upon the

Plutarch.

Vid. Xen.

authors,

66

66

authors, however confiderable for their quality or their merits. Whereas, in England, it is juft the reverse of all this. Here, you may fecurely display your utmost. rhetoric against mankind in the face of the world; tell them, "That all are gone aftray; that there is none "that doth good, no not one; that we live in the very dregs of time; that knavery and atheism are e-pidemic as the pox; that honefty is fled with Aftræa;" with any other common places equally new and eloquent, which are furnished by the Splendida bilist. And when you have done, the whole audience, far from being of fended, fhall return you thanks, as a deliverer of pre-cious and useful truths. Nay, farther, it is but to venture your lungs,, and you may preach in Covent-Garden against foppery and fornication, and fomething elfe ; a gainst pride, and diffimulation, and bribery, at Whiteball: you may expofe rapine and injuftice in the inns of court chapel; and in a city pulpit be as fierce as you please against avarice, hypocrify, and extortion. Tis but a ball bandied to and fro, and every man carries a› racket about him to ftrike it from himfelf among the reft of the company... But, on the other fide, whoever should miftake the nature of things fo far, as to drop but a fingle hint in public, how fuch a one starved half the feet, and half poisoned the reft; how fuch a one, from a true principle of love and honour, pays no debts but for: wenches and play; how fuch a one has got a clap, and runs out of his eftate; how Paris bribed by Juno and Venus, loth to offend either party, flept out the whole cause on the bench; or how fuch an orator makes long speeches. in the Senate with much thought, little fenfe, and to no purpofe: whoever, I fay, fhould venture to be thus particular, muft expect to be imprifoned for fcandalum magnatum; to have challenges fent him; to be fued for defamation; and to be brought before the bar of the Houfe.

+ Hor: Spleen.

D 3

BUT

Juno and Venus are money and a miftrefs; very powerful bribes to a judge, if fcandal fays true. I remember fuch reflexions were caft about that time; but I cannot fix the perfon intended here,

BUT I forget that I am expatiating on a fubjec wherein I have no concern, having neither a talent nor an inclination for fatire! On the other fide, I am fo intirely fatisfied with the whole prefent procedure of human things, that I have been fome years preparing materials towards A Panegyric upon the world; to which I intended to add a second part, intitled, A modeft defence of the proceedings of the rabble in all ages. Both thefe I had thoughts to publifh by way of appendix to the following treatise; but finding my common-place book fill much flower than I had reafon to expect, I have chofen to defer them to another occafion. Befides, I have been unhappily prevented in that defign, by a certain domeftic misfortune: in the particulars whereof, tho' it would be very seasonable, and much in the modern way, to inform the gentle reader, and would alfo be of great affiftance towards extending this preface into the fize now in vogue, which by rule ought to be large, in proportion as the fubfequent volume is fmall; yet I fhall now difmifs our impatient reader from farther attendance at the porch; and having duly prepared his mind by a preliminary difcourfe, fhall gladly introduce him to the sublime mysteries that enfue.

any

A TALE