To domineer, and to control,
Both o'er the body and the soul,
Is the most perfect discipline
Of Church-rule, and by right divine.
Bel and the Dragon's chaplains were
More moderate than these by far:
For they (poor knaves) were glad to cheat,
To get their wives and children meat;
But these will not be fobb'd off so ;
They must have wealth and power too :
Or else with blood and desolation
They'll tear it out o' th' heart o' th' nation.
Sure these themselves from primitive
And Heathen priesthood do derive;
When Butchers were the only clerks,
Elders, and Presbyters of Kirks,
Whose directory was to kill,
And some believe it is so still.
The only difference is, that then
They slaughter'd only beast, now men.
For then to sacrifice a bullock,
Or, now and then, a child, to Moloch,
They count a vile abomination,
But not to slaughter a whole nation.
Presbytery does but translate
The Papacy to a free state;
A commonwealth of Popery,
Where every village is a See
As well as Rome, and must maintain
A tithe-pig metropolitan ;
Where every Presbyter and Deacon
Commands the keys for cheese and bacon;
And every hamlet's governed
By's Holiness, the Church 's head,
More haughty and severe in 's place
Than Gregory or Boniface.
Such Church must (surely) be a monster,
With many heads; for if we conster1
What in th' Apocalypse we find,
According to th' Apostle's mind,
'Tis that the Whore of Babylon
With many heads did ride upon;
Which heads denote the sinful tribe
Of Deacon, Priest, Lay-elder, Scribe.
Lay-elder, Simeon to Levi,
Whose little finger is as heavy
As loins of Patriarchs, Prince-prelate,
And Bishop-secular. This zealot
Is of a mongrel, diverse kind,
Cleric before, and lay behind;
A lawless linsey-woolsey brother,
Half of one order, half another;
A creature of amphibious nature,
On land a beast, a fish in water;
That always preys on grace or sin,
A sheep without, a wolf within.
This fierce inquisitor has chief
Dominion over men's belief
And manners; can pronounce a saint
Idolatrous, or ignorant,
When superciliously he sifts
Through coarsest boulter others' gifts:
For all men live and judge amiss
Whose talents jump not just with his.
He'll lay on gifts with hands, and place
On dullest noddle Light and Grace,
The manufacture of the Kirk.
Those pastors are but th' handy-work
Of his mechanic paws, instilling
Divinity in them by feeling;
From whence they start up Chosen Vessels,
Made by contact, as men get measles.
So Cardinals, they say, do grope
At th' other end the new-made Pope.
Hold, hold (quoth Hudibras), soft fire,
They say, does make sweet malt. Good Squire,
Festina lente, Not too fast;
For haste (the proverb says) makes waste.
The quirks and cavils thou dost make
Are false, and built upon mistake:
And I shall bring you, with your pack
Of fallacies, t' Elenchi 1 back
And put your arguments in mood
And figure to be understood.
I'll force you by right ratiocination
To leave your vitilitigation,"
And make you keep to the question close,
And argue dialecticos.
The question then, to state it first,
Is, Which is better or which worst,
Synods or Bears? Bears I avow
To be the worst, and Synods thou.
But to make good th' assertion,
Thou say'st th' are really all one.
If so, not worse; for if they're idem,
Why then tantundem dat tantidem;
For if they are the same, by course,
Neither is better, neither worse:
Elenchi:' a logical figure.-2 Vitilitigation:' a perverse love of wrangling.
But I deny they are the same,
More than a maggot and I am.
That both are animalia,
I grant, but not rationalia:
For though they do agree in kind,
Specific difference we find;
And can no more make Bears of these
Than prove my horse is Socrates.
That Synods are Bear-gardens too,
Thou dost affirm; but I say, No:
And thus I prove it, in a word,
Whats'ever assembly's not empower'd
To censure, curse, absolve, and ordain,
Can be no Synod: but Bear-garden
Has no such power, ergo 'tis none;
And so thy sophistry's o'erthrown.
But yet we are beside the question,
Which thou didst raise the first contest on ;
For that was, Whether Bears are better
Than Synod-men? I say, Negatur.
That Bears are beasts, and Synods men,
Is held by all they're better then ;
For Bears and Dogs on four legs go,
As beasts; but Synod-men on two.
'Tis true, they all have teeth and nails;
But prove that Synod-men have tails;
Or that a rugged, shaggy fur
Grows o'er the hide of Presbyter ;
Or that his snout and spacious ears
Do hold proportion with a Bear's.
A Bear's a savage beast, of all
Most ugly and unnatural,
Whelp'd without form, until the dam
Has lick'd it into shape and frame :
But all thy light can ne'er evict,
That ever Synod-man was lick'd,
Or brought to any other fashion.
Than his own will and inclination.
But thou dost further yet in this
Oppugn thyself and sense; that is,
Thou wouldst have Presbyters to go
For Bears and Dogs, and Bearwards too :
A strange chimera of beasts and men,
Made up of pieces heterogene ;
Such as in Nature never met
In eodem subjecto yet.
Thy other arguments are all
Supposures, hypothetical,
That do but beg, and we may choose
Either to grant them, or refuse.
Much thou hast said, which I know when
And where thou stolest from other men
(Whereby 'tis plain thy Light and Gifts
Are all but plagiary shifts):
And is the same that Ranter said,
Who, arguing with me, broke my head,
And tore a handful of my beard.
The self-same cavils then I heard,
When, being in hot dispute about
This controversy, we fell out;
And what thou know'st I answer'd then
Will serve to answer thee again.
Quoth Ralpho, Nothing but th' abuse
Of human learning you produce;
Learning, that cobweb of the brain,
Profane, erroneous, and vain ;
A trade of knowledge as replete
As others are with fraud and cheat;
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