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C O N T E N T S.
BOOK THE FIFTH.
I. Messrs Yahoo and Fitz-Snooks versus Titmouse ; and Gammon
versus them all, II. Tippetiwink; and Titmouse become a great lion, III. The Marquis Gants-Jaunes de Millefleurs; and the Reverend Mor
phine Velvet, IV. Mr Titmouse presented at Court; after a slight accident to the Earl
of Dreddlington, V. A drop of the golden shower falls on Mr Tag-rag, who receives pro
motion, VI. Mr Titmouse receives the Earl of Dreddlington and Lady Cecilia, the
Marquis Gants-Jaunes de Millefleurs, Mr Venom Tuft, and Mr
Gammon, at Yatton,
macy in favour of one of them,
BOOK THE SIXTH.
I. Mr Aubrey in the deep waters, where he meets with a companion,
Gammon, and Snap,
and how Mr Titmouse courted the Lady Cecilia, V. Mr Titmouse stands for the borough of Yatton, but unexpectedly en
counters a formidable opponent,
BOOK THE SEVENTH.
I. The great game at chess, between Mr Gammon and Mr Crafty; which
typifies an English election, and how it is lost, and won, II. The day of battle arrives, III. The fight waxes hot; and, after surprising fluctuation, a glorious vic
tory is gained, IV. Serious incidents for the consideration of the victors; who have also
to fight another battle on new ground,
auspices of Dr Diabolus Gander ; performs scientific experiments
BOOK THE FIFTH.
MESSRS YAHOO AND FITZ-SNOOKS V. TITMOUSE ; AND GAMMON V. THEM ALL.
We must now return to Yatton, where | Titmouse, and Fitz-Snooks would pass matters had occurred, not unworthy a great deal of their time. Then they of being recorded. Though Mr Yahoo would have tables and chairs, with paid anxious court to Mr Gammon, cards, cigars, and brandy-and-water, who was far too much for him in placed upon the beautiful “soft, every way, 'twas plain that he dreaded smooth-shaven lawn," and sit there and disliked, as much as he was de- playing ecarté, at once pleasantly spised by, that gentleman. Mr Gam- soothed and stimulated, for half a day mon had easily extracted from Tit- together. Then Yahoo got up fre. mouse evidence that Yahoo was en- quent excursions to Grilston, and even deavouring, from time to time, artfully to York; where, together with his to set him against his protector, the two companions, he had “great aforesaid Mr Gammon. This was sport,” as the newspapers began to something; but more than this-Ya- intimate with growing frequency and hoo, a reckless, rollicking villain, was distinctness. Actuated by that exeobtaining a growing ascendancy over crable licentiousness with reference Titmouse, whom he was rapidly initi- to the female sex, by which he was ating into all kinds of vile habits and peculiarly distinguished, and of which practices; and, in short, completely he boasted, he had got into several corrupting him. But, above all, Gam- curious adventures with farmers'girls, mon ascertained that Yahoo had al- and others in the vicinity of Yatton, ready commenced, with great success, and even amongst the female memhis experiments upon the purse of bers of the establishment at the Hall; Titmouse. Before they had been a in which latter quarter Fitz-Snooks week at Yatton, down came a splen- and Titmouse began to imitate his did billiard-table with its appendages example. Mr Gammon had, for these from London, accompanied by a man to and other reasons, conceived a horrid fixit-as he did–in the library, which loathing and disgust for the miscreant he quickly denuded of all traces of its leader into these enormities; and, former character; and here Yahoo, but for certain consequences, would
have despatched him with as much to—a nonsuit. While they were conindifference as he would have laid versing in this friendly way together, arsenic in the way of a bold voracious it suddenly occurred to Gammon that rat, or killed a snake. As it was, he there was another service which he secretly caused the Yahoo to expe- could render to Mr Yahoo, and with rience, on one or two occasions, the equally strict observance of the in. effects of his goodwill. Yahoo had junction, not to let his left hand know offered certain atrocious indignities to what his right hand did; for he loved the sweetheart of a strapping young the character of a secret benefactor. farmer ; whose furious complaints So he wrote a letter to Snap, whom he coming to Mr Gammon's ears, that knew to have been once treated insogentleman, under a pledge of secresy, lently by Yahoo, desiring him to go gave him two guineas to be on the to two or three Jew bill-brokers and look-out for Yahoo, and give him the money-lenders, and ascertain whether best taste he could of a pair of huge they had any paper by them with the Yorkshire fists. A day or two after- name of “Yahoo" upon it :—and in wards, the Satyr fell in with his the event of such being discovered, he unsuspected enemy.
Yahoo was a was to act in the manner pointed out strongly-built man, and an excellent by Gammon. Off went Snap like a bruiser; but was at first disposed to shot, on receiving this letter; and the shirk the fight, on glancing at the first gentleman he applied to, viz. a prodigious proportions of Hazel, and Mr Suck'em Dry, proved to be pos. the fury flaming in his eyes. The sessed of an acceptance of Yahoo's for instant, however, that he saw the £200, for which Dry had given only fighting attitude into which poor Ha. twenty-five pounds on speculation. zel had thrown himself, Yahoo smiled, He readily yielded to Snap's offer, to stript and set to. I am sorry to say give him a shy at Mr Yahoo gratisthat it was a good while before Hazel and put the document into the hands could get a blow at his accomplished op- of Snap; who forthwith delivered it, ponent; whom, however, he at length confidentially, to Swindle Shark, gent., began to wear out. Then he gave the one &c., a little Jew Attorney in Yahoo a miserable pommeling, to be Chancery Lane, into whose office sure; and finished by knocking out with a due understanding as to the five of his front teeth, viz. three in the division of profits) the dirtier work upper, and two in the under jaw- of Quirk, Gammon, and Snap was beautifully white and regular they swept-in cases where they did not certainly had been; and the loss of choose to appear. I wish the muti. them caused him inconceivable afflic-lated Yahoo could have seen the tion on the score of his appearance, mouthful of glittering teeth that were and also, not a little interfered with displayed by the hungry Jew, on rethe process of cigar-smoking. It would, ceiving the above commission. His besides, have debarred him, had hé duties, though of a painful, were of a been so disposed, from enlisting as a brief and simple description. 'Twas a soldier, inasmuch as he could not bite plain case of Indorsee v. Acceptor. The off the end of his cartridge : wherefore, affidavit of debt was sworn the same it would seem, that Hazel had com- afternoon; and within an hour's time mitted the offence of Mayhem.* Mr afterwards, a thin slip of paper was Gammon condoled heartily with Mr delivered into the hands of the UnderYahoo, on hearing of the brutal attack Sheriff of Yorkshire, commanding him which had been made upon him; and to take the body of Pimp Yahoo, if as the assault had not been committed he should be found in his bailiwick, and in the presence of a witness,t strongly him safely keep-out of harm's wayrecommended him to bring an action to enable him to pay £200 debt to of trespass vi et armis against Hazel, Suck'em Dry, and £24, 6s. 10d. costs which Gammon undertook to conduct to Swindle Shark. Down went this
* See APPENDIX.