THUS much, I think, is fufficient to ferve by way of Addrefs to my Patrons, the True Modern Criticks, and may very well atone for my paft Silence, as well as That which I am like to obferve for the future. I hope I have deserved fo well of their whole Body, as to meet with generous and tender Ufage at their Hands. Supported by which Expectation, I go on boldly to pursue those Adventures already fo hap pily begun.

SECT.

I

SECT. IV.

A TALE of a TUB.

HAVE now with much Pains and Study, conducted the Reader to a Period, where he muft expect to hear of great Revolutions. For no fooner had Our Learned Brother, fo often men tioned, got a warm House of his own over his Head, than he began to look big, and to take mightily upon him; infomuch, that unless the Gentle Reader out of his great Candour, will please a little to exalt his Idea, I am afraid he will henceforth hardly know the Hero of the Play, when he happens to meet Him; his part, his Dress, and his Mien being so much altered.

HE told his Brothers, he would have them to know, that he was their Elder, and confequently his Father's fole Heir; Nay, a while after, he would not allow them to call Him, Brother, but Mr. PETER; And then he must be ftyled, Father Peter; and fometimes, My Lord Peter. To fupport this Grandeur, which he foon began to confider, could not be maintained with

out

out a Better Fonde than what he was born to; After much Thought, he cast about at laft, to turn Projector and Virtuofo; wherein he fo well fucceded, that many famous Discoveries, Projects and Machines, which bear great Vogue and Practice at prefent in the World, are owing entirely to Lord Peter's Invention. I will deduce the beft Account I have been able to collect of the Chief amongst them, without confidering much the Order they came out in; because, I think, Authors are not well agreed as to that Point.

I hope, when this Treatife of mine fhall be tranflated into Foreign Languages, (as I may without Vanity affirm, That the Labour of collecting, the Faithfulness in recounting, and the great Ufefulness of the Matter to the Publick, will amply deserve that Juftice) that the worthy Members of the feveral Academies abroad, efpecially thofe of France and Italy, will favourably accept thefe humble Offers, for the Advancement of Univerfal Knowledge. I do alfo advertise the most Reverend Fathers the Eastern Miffionaries, that I have purely for their Sakes, made ufe of fuch Words and Phrafes, as will beft ad

mit

mit an eafie Turn into any of the Oriental Languages, especially the Chinese. And fo I proceed with great Content of Mind, upon reflecting, how much Emolument this whole Globe of Earth is like to reap by my Labours.

THE firft Undertaking of Lord Peter, was to purchase a large Continent, lately faid to have been discovered in Terra AuStralis incognita This Tract of Land he bought at a very great Penny-worth from the Discoverers themselves, (tho' fome pretended to doubt whether they had ever been there) and then retailed it into feveral Cantons to certain Dealers, who carried over Colonies, but were all Shipwreckt in the Voyage. Upon which, Lord Peter fold the faid Continent to other Cuftomers again, and again, and again, and again, with the fame Success.

THE fecond Project I fhall mention, was his Sovereign Remedy for the Worms, especially thofe in the Spleen. The Patient was to eat nothing after Supper for three Nights: as foon as he went to Bed, he was carefully to lye on one Side, and when he grew weary, to turn upon the other:

He

He muft alfo duly confine his two Eyes to the fame Object; and by no means break Wind at both Ends together, without manifeft Occafion. These Prescriptions dili gently obferved, the Worms would void infenfibly by Perfpiration, afcending thro' the Brain,

A third Invention, was the Erecting of a Whispering-Office, for the Publick Good and Eafe of all fuch as are Hypochondriacăl, or troubled with the Cholick;, as likewife of all Eves-droppers, Phyficians, Midwives, small Politicians, Friends fallen out, Repeating Poets, Lovers Happy or in Defpair, Bawds, Privy-Counfellours, Pages, Parafites and Buffoons; In fhort, of all fuch as are in Danger of bursting with too much Wind. An Affe's Head was placed fo conveniently, that the Party affected might cafily with his Mouth accoft either of the Animal's Ears; which he was to apply clofe for a certain Space, and by a fugitive Faculty, peculiar to the Ears of that Animal, receive immediate Benefit, either by Eructation, or Expiration, or Evomition.

ANO.