If this dread enterprize you would decline,
We'll send to treat, and ftifle the defign.
But, if my arguments had force, we'd try
To humble our audacious foes, or die :
Our fpite, they'll find, to their advantage leans;
The end is good, no matter for the means.
So modern cafuifts their talents try,
Uprightly for the fake of truth to lye.
He had not finish'd, till th' out-guards defcry'd
Bright columns move in formidable pride;
The paffing pomp fo dazzled from afar,
It feem'd a triumph, rather than a war.
Though wide the front, though grofs the phalanx grew, It look'd lefs dreadful, as it nearer grew.
The adverse host for action straight prepare ;. All eager to unveil the face of war.
What Stentor offer'd was by most approv'd:
But feveral voices feveral methods mov'd.
At length th' adventurous heroes all agree
T'expect the foe, and act defenfively.
Into the fhop their bold battalions move,
And what their chief commands, the reft approve.
Down from the walls they tear the fhelves in hafte,
Which on their flank for palifades are plac'd;
And then behind the compter rang'd they stand,
Their front fo well fecur'd, t' obey command.
And now the fcouts the adverfe hoft descry,
Blue aprons in the air for colours fly:
With unrefifted force they urge their way,
And find the foe embattled in array.
Their chiefs lace on their helms, and take the field,
And to their trufty Squire refign the shield:
To paint each knight, their ardour and alarms,
Would ask the Muse that fung the frogs in arms.
And now the fignal fummons to the fray;
Mock falchions flash, and paltry enfigns play.
Their patron God his filver bow-ftrings twangs;
Tough harness ruftles, and bold armour clangs;
The piercing cauftics ply their fpiteful power;
Emetics ranch, and keen cathartics, fcour;
The deadly drugs in double dofes fly;
And peftles peal a martial fymphony.
Now from their level'd fyringes they pour
The liquid volley of a miffive shower.
Not ftorms of fleet, which o'er the Baltic drive,
Push'd on by northern gufts, fuch horror give.
Like fpouts in fouthern feas the deluge broke,
And numbers funk beneath th' impetuous stroke.
So when Leviathans difpute the reign
And uncontrol'd dominion of the main;
From the rent rocks whole coral groves are torn,
And ifles of fea-weed on the waves are borne;
Such watery stores from their fpread noftrils fly,
'Tis doubtful which is fea, and which is sky.
And now the staggering braves, led by Defpair,
Advance, and, to return the charge, prepare.
Each feizes for his fhield a spacious scale,
And the brass weights fly thick as fhowers of hail.
Whole heaps of warriors welter on the ground,
With gally-pots and broken phials crown'd;
Whilft empty jars the dire defeat refound.
Thus when fome ftorm its cryftal quarry rends, 260 And Jove in rattling fhowers of ice defcends;
Mount Athos shakes the forefts on his brow,
Whilft down his wounded fides fresh torrents flow,
And leaves and limbs of trees o'erfpread the vale
But now all order loft, promifcuous blows
Confus'dly fall; perplex'd the battle grows.
From Stentor's arm a mafly opiate flies,
And ftraight a deadly fleep clos'd Carus' eyes.
At + Colon great Sertorius Buckthorn flung,
Who with fierce gripes, like thofe of Death, was ftung;
But with a dauntless and difdainful mien
Hurl'd back fteel pills, and hit him on the spleen.
Chiron attack'd Talthibius with fuch might,
One pafs had paunch'd the huge hydropic knight,
Who straight retreated to evade the wound,
But in a flood of apozem was drown'd.
This § Pfylas faw, and to the victor said,
Thou fhalt not long furvive th' unwieldy dead,.
Thy fate fhall follow; to confirm it, swore,
By th' image of Priapus, which he bore:
And rais'd an eagle-ftone, invoking loud!
On Cynthia, leaning o'er a filver cloud:
Great queen of night, and emprefs of the feas,
If, faithful to thy midnight mysteries,
* Dr. Goodall against Dr. Tyfon.
+ Dr. Birch.
Dr. Gill against Dr. Ridley.
Dr. Chamberlain.
If, still observant of my early vows,
These hands have eas'd the mourning matron's throws,
Direct this rais'd avenging arm aright;
So may loud cymbals aid thy labouring light.
He faid, and let the ponderous fragment fly
At Chiron, but learn'd Hermes put it by.
Though the haranguing God survey'd the war,
That day the Mufes' fons were not his care;
Two friends, adepts, the Trifmegists by name,
Alike their features, and alike their flame;
As fimpling near fair Tweed each fung by turn,
The liftening river would neglect his urn.
Those lives they fail'd to rescue by their skill,
Their Mufe could make immortal with her quill;
But learn'd enquiries after Nature's state
Diffolv'd the league, and kindled a debate.
The one, for lofty labours fruitful known,
Fill'd magazines with volumes of his own.
At his once-favour'd friend a tome he threw,
That from his birth had flept unfeen till now;
Stunn'd with the blow, the batter'd Bard retir'd,
Sunk down, and in a fimile expir'd.
And now the cohorts shake, the legions ply,
The yielding flanks confefs the victory.
Stentor, undaunted ftill, with noble rage
Sprung through the battle, Querpo to engage.
Fierce was the onfet, the difpute was great,
Both could not vanquish, neither would retreat;
Each combatant his adverfary mauls,
With batter'd bed-pans, and ftav'd urinals.
On Stentor's creft the useful crystal breaks,
And tears of amber gutter'd down his cheeks:
But whilst the champion, as late rumours tell,
Defign'd a fure decifive ftroke, he fell:
And as the victor hovering over him stood,
With arms extended, thus the fuppliant sued :
When honour's loft, 'tis a relief to die ;
Death's but a fure retreat from infamy.
But, to the loft if pity might be shown,
Reflect on young Querpoïdes thy fon;
Then pity mine, for fuch an infant grace
Smiles in his eyes, and flatters in his face.
If he was near, compaffion he'd create,
Or elfe lament his wretched parent's fate.
Thine is the glory, and the field is thine ;
To thee the lov'd Dispensary I refign.
At this the victors own fuch extafies,
As Memphian priefts if their Ofiris fneeze :
Or champions with Olympic clangor fir'd;
Or fimpering prudes with fprightly Nantz infpir'd;
Or Sultans rais'd from dungeons to a crown;
Or fafting zealots when the fermon 's done.
Awhile the chief the deadly ftroke declin'd,
And found compaffion pleading in his mind.
But whilft he view'd with pity the distress'd,
He spy'd * Signetur writ upon his breast.
Then tow'rds the fkies he tofs'd his threatening head, And, fir'd with more than mortal fury, faid:
*Thofe members of the college that obferve a late ftatute, are called by the apothecaries "Signetur men.”
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