THE WITNESS WHO CAUSED AMUSEMENT IN COURT. Ν MORE "WITNESSES." IN discoursing concerning witnesses in a re cent Number of this Magazine, the theory was broached, that the givers of evidence in the courts of justice were so far like true poets as that they are born, not made. Testis nascitur, non fit. 66 The first person who steps into the box on the present occasion is a remarkable example in point. He is "the witness who causes considerable amusement in court." Some persons may be disposed to find fault with the reporter for his uniform adherence to the use of the word "considerable." Why not "much," or "great?" No; the reporter is right. Other persons might cause "much," or great," or "little" amusement; but "considerable" is the exact measure of this person's power of exciting risibility combined with perplexity and wonder. He does not do it intentionally; he does not know that he is doing it, and his fun is of a very dubious kind. Therefore the amazement which it causes is "considerable." Some laugh at him, others think him a fool; and the counsel who is cross-examining him is probably a little out of temper. This witness is not a complete success one way or another. He is neither a triumph to his own party, nor a defeat to the opposite side. All that he does in a definite way is to " cause considerable amusement in court." thing that is at all calculated to afford either amusement or instruction. He produces his considerable amusement (not with any design on his part, however) by means well known to the two end men in a band of nigger serenaders. Counsel screwing his glass in his eye, and putting on his most searching expression, says: "Now, Sir; on your oath, did you not know that the deceased had made a will?" The witness hesitates, and looks idiotic. "Answer me, Sir," roars the counsel, "and remember you are on your oath. Did you not know that the deceased had made a will?" The witness answers at last, "Well, Sir, I was;" which " causes considerable amusement in court," and greatly provokes the examining counsel. "Now, Sir, since I have been able to screw so much out of you, perhaps you will answer me this question: What did the deceased die of ?'" The witness does not appear to understand. "What did the deceased die of?" the counsel repeats. "He died of a Tuesday, Sir," says the witness, with the utmost gravity. And of course the audience go into convulsions, and the crier has to restore order in court. This witness is never of the slightest service in elucidating a case, and counsel are generally glad to get rid of him, except when the proceedings are getting flat and want enlivening. Some counsel like a butt of this kind to shoot the arrows of their wit at; just as wanton streetboys like to tease and make sport of an idiot. The odd, unique, and almost paradoxical thing about this witness is that he never causes amusement in any degree, considerable or otherwise, any where else. At home he is simply lumpy and stupid; abroad in the world, he is a heavy impediment in every body's way. He is a very unlikely flint indeed, and no one thinks of attempting to strike fire out of him. He is about as likely a medium for that purpose a charge sheet in himself, so expressive is he as a slice of Dutch cheese. It is only when in every feature, and in his whole style, of you pen him in a witness-box, and strike him a tipsy row in the Bowery, with beating of stupid with your legal eye, in presence of judge the police, and attempts to rescue from cusand jury, that you can make him yield any tody. It is quite unnecessary for the active The next witness who steps into the box is and intelligent officer to enter into details. We see the case at a glance. Mr. Slapbang has been making free. He has visited a music hall or two, where he has joined in the chorus; he has danced at a casino; he has partaken of deviled kidneys at a night supper-room; and visiting all these places in a jovial and reckless humor, he has disregarded that wholesome convivial maxim which says that you should never mix your liquors. Mr. Slapbang has mixed his liquors, the consequence being a disposition to beat his stick against lamp-posts, to wake the midnight echoes with "lul-li-e-ty," and to show his independence by resisting the authority of the police, and perhaps offering them that most unpardonable of all insults, known to the force-"voilence." When Mr. Slapbang appears in the dock he makes a great effort, conscious of the presence of his friends, to keep his courage up. The gloss and glory of his attire have been some to be contradicted, and who will not allow any authority to overweigh his own. I have heard him in the pride of his knowledge-for he pretends to know every thing-and in the fullness of his conceit, make a bet that "between you and I" is correct, and refuse to be convinced of his error, even when the decision has been given against him by a referee of his own choosing. This witness always enters the box with the fond idea that he will prove "too much" for the counsel, but in the end it generally happens that counsel prove too much for him. Conceit is like pride-liable to have a fall; but, unlike pride, it does not always feel the smart. has a thick skin. It what dimmed by a night's durance in the cells; the sort of person who likes to be an authorbut what he has lost in this respect he endeav-ity in a public-house parlor; who can not bear ors to make up for by a jaunty devil-may-care manner. He says he was "fresh," or "sprung," and "didn't know what he was doing," with quite a grand air, as if it were a high privilege of his order to get drunk and resist the police. His manner almost implies that it is quite a condescension on his part to come there and allow the magistrate to have any thing to say in the matter. There is not such a very great difference between the conduct of this gentlemanly offender and that of the hardened criminal who throws his shoe at the judge, or declares, when sentence is pronounced, that he "could do that little lot on his head." Mr. Slapbang throws insolent glances at the bench, and when he is fined, instantly brings out a handful of money with an air that says plainly -"Fine away; make it double if you like: it's nothing to me." When Mr. Slapbang "leaves the court with his friends," he is the centre of a sort of triumphal procession: you would not think that he had been subjugated to the authority of the law, but rather that he had triumphed over it. His "friends" are very like himself. In most cases they are the companions of his revelry, who have been more fortunate than Mr. Slapbang in eluding the clutches of the police. When Mr. Slapbang leaves the court with his friends, he usually proceeds direct to the first public house, where the company sarcastically drink to the jolly good health of the "M. P." In the police reports next morning he is described as "A young gentleman, a medical student, who paid the fine, and immediately left the court with his friends." The witness who insists that black is white is one of those self-conceited persons, who, when they once say a thing, stick to it at all hazards. He has no intention of being dishonest, or of saying that which is not true; but he has a great idea of his own infallibility, and a nervous dread of being thought the weak-minded person that he really is. He is The witness who expresses astonishment and indignation at the doubts which counsel throw upon his accuracy and veracity is a variety of the same type. He is also conceited, but he has, at the same time, an inordinate idea of his own importance. He is a man who studies coursed with bitter tears. When you are hard pressed by the opposing counsel begin to sob, and grasp the rail as if for support. You will then be accommodated with a scent-bottle and a chair; and the jury will think the cross-examining counsel a brute, and you an injured angel." appearances, and "makes up" for the character | see your pretty eyes red with weeping, and which he delights to enact through life. He your damask cheek blanched with anguish and loves to be grumpy and testy, and in his own sphere he is a sort of Scotch thistle who allows no one to meddle with him with impunity. Naturally when an audacious hand, gloved with the protection of the law, rudely seizes hold of him, and blunts the point of his bristles, he doesn't like it. He is an easy prey to counsel, as every witness is who stands upon his dignity or importance, and gets upset from that high pedestal. Observance of these directions by a young and interesting female never fails. She will get clear off, even if she have murdered her The young lady whose affections the defend-grandmother. ant has trifled with and blighted is generally In a simple case of blighted affection there of the order of female known as "interesting." is no need to take so much trouble. Only let And when she is interesting she always gains the lady be well dressed, and look pretty, and the day. A judge recently stated-almost com- it is obvious at once (to the jury) that the deplained that there is no getting juries to find fendant is not only heartless and cruel in the a young and interesting female guilty of any last degree, but utterly insensible to the charms thing-even when guilt is brought home to her of youth and innocence. Yet in nine cases out without the possibility of a doubt. Counsel of ten this interesting female who weeps and know this well, and, I am told, always instruct sobs, and uses her smelling-bottle, is an artful a young and interesting female how to comport schemer. Look at the gentleman who trifled herself so as to make an impression upon the with her affections. Is that the sort of person jury. to kindle in any female breast the devouring flame of love? Is he the sort of person to love any one but himself, or to cherish any thing but his whiskers. He is a trifler, it is true, but he has not trifled with that interesting and artful female's heart, because she has no heart to trifle with. She might sue him for wasting her time, but not for breaking her heart. The stage directions, I believe, are something like this. "Enter the box (or the dock, as the case may be) with your veil down. This gives me occasion to tell you to raise your veil and show your face to the jury. When you do this burst into tears and use your white cambric pocket-handkerchief. Then let the jury THE HOLIDAYS. 1.-CHRISTMAS TO NEW-YEAR'S EVE. the courses of the stars through an atmosphere so pure that the little moons of Jupiter are visible to the unassisted eye, gather imaginary ALFRED, the wiser and over all England, korovledge from the heavens, and calculate the kings, who first reigned over all England, and who truly deserved the title of "Great,' with a view to the welfare and happiness of his subjects, established a decree that thenceforth the holidays should begin with Christmas and end with Twelfth-Night, or the Epiphany. Although the laws of King Alfred were not as immutable as the laws of the Medes and Persians, his decree has remained operative longer than any of theirs; for even at the present time, when nearly ten centuries have glided by, thousands regard the twelve days included within the prescribed limits as par excellence THE HOLIDAYS. Habit, which soon establishes its authority, and exerts a strong influence over the ways of man in every nation, has doubtless rendered the posterity of King Alfred ready to "honor" the custom of the Saxon Monarch "in the observance;" and who have thus become to the manner born." It was a right good decree, however, of King Alfred, one well worthy to be honored among the noble laws which will be ever dear to Merrie England. In viewing the holidays and their associations the first day which naturally attracts our attention is Christmas. If it be true, as remarked by Cicero, that "the days of our preservation are not less illustrious than the days of our birth," with what unfeigned joy and gratitude should not the inhabitants of a Christian land hail the anniversary of the Nativity, the Birthday of the great Redeemer who came to Restore us and regain the blissful seat! When the foundations of the earth were laid the "morning stars sang together," and when the Saviour Christ was born the host of heaven joined in "angelic symphony." Christmas is a day in which all have a share, in which all can rejoice. Yet the emotions which it excites are peculiar. Surrounded by nothing that is attractive in nature, when No mark of vegetable life is seen, Save the dark leaves of some rude evergreen, it comes in the "Wintermonath"-a dreary month-of all the months the gloomiest of the year. There is, however, a joy within, inspired by the thoughts and associations to which the season gives birth, that triumphs over external nature, and often brings a ray of gladness even to those whose hearts are weary. Yes, on this festival we would all join in saying with honest George Wither: Without the door let sorrow lie; Reader, you have heard of the Magi," those wise men of the East, who, nightly watching * See ALFORD'S Greek Testament and TRENCH'S Wise Men. We are indebted to them and Mrs. Jameson for most of our information in regard to the Magi. horoscopes of men. Three of these sagesknown in legendary lore as Gaspar, Melchior, and Balthazar-warned by the conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn, which occurred upon the 20th of May, in the year of the world 4004,* and no doubt otherwise divinely instructed, left their distant homes to seek him who should be born King of the Jews, whose star they had seen in the East. They traveled toward the Holy City, and on their way, during the 27th of October, witnessed again the conjunction of the great planets. Reaching Jerusalem probably some time in November, they asked: "Where is he that is born King of the Jews?" It is worthy of note that the Magi did not inquire after the King of Israel-the theocratic name which our Saviour was afterward challenged to prove his right to by coming down from the cross-but after the King of the Jew's, thereby showing that they were Gentiles and ignorant of Israel. Herod the Great, who then reigned over Judea, being a usurper, was naturally alarmed at the question of the Magi: "Where is he who is born King of the Jews?" He immediately investigated the matter, and, in order that he might the more readily effect the destruction of the child, pretended to take a deep interest in the approaching monarch, and even expressed a desire to join in worshiping him. The Magi having ascertained that Bethlehem "The House of Bread"-was the City of David where Christ, the "Bread which cometh down from heaven," should be born, resumed their journey. On the 12th of November a third conjunction of the two great planets occurred, and as no conjunction in the science of astrology is of deeper import, they were confirmed in their previous convictions of the dignity and honor which must attach to the child whose house of life was thus singularly distinguished. They had seen his star in the East, and like Pharaoh's dream, a vision of it had been doubled to them by the way. On the 25th of Decembert the Saviour, "which is Christ the Lord," was born into the world. His mother while at Bethlehem was enrolled, and the record of her enrollment, as preserved in the Roman archives-“ Mary of whom Christ was born"-has fortunately been handed down to us by Tertullian. The exact time of the arrival of the Magi at Bethlehem is unknown. In all probability it This is the vulgar date. The true date, according to the latest chronological investigation, was A. M. 3098. After an exhaustive investigation Dr. Jarvis has proven that the Nativity took place on the 25th of December, A. M. 3098. We may say, therefore, in the words of the old carol: God rest you, merry gentlemen! to Cologne, and enshrined in gold. In Germany they were long honored and distinguished as "The Three Kings of Cologne;" and during the Dark Ages pilgrimages were constantly made to their tombs, which were held in equal estimation with those of the saints. took place shortly after the 25th of December. | removed to Milan by the Empress Helena, As soon as they reached the abode of Joseph whence they were transferred by Barbarossa and Mary they announced the object of their journey; and adoring the "heaven-born child" after the manner of the East, they presented their threefold offerings: gold, in homage to His Majesty as King; myrrh, as an anointing of Him who was appointed to die; frankincense, as an odor of sweet savor. We are indebted to tradition for this interpretation of the gifts of the Wise Men; it may be fanciful, but it is not the less beautiful, and certainly contains some truth. Their office performed and their duty discharged, the Magi returned to their distant homes, and thus escaped the snare which Herod had laid. We have alluded to the threefold conjunetion of the planets Jupiter and Saturn which synchronized with the then approaching birth of Christ, and the journey of the Wise Men from the East. The latter had "seen his star in the East." The coincidence is singular, especially as the Magi were both astrologists and astronomers, and must therefore have been cognizant of whatever portents appeared in the heavens, and certainly would have been influenced by them. We do not mean, however, to affirm that a supernatural star did not exhibit itself at that time. Our Lord's birth was miraculous, and may well have been attended by miraculous signs. We simply state the facts as curious and interesting. Who these Magi were is a question which has always excited a great deal of interest. "The most probable opinion is," says Doctor Jarvis, “that they were Persian priests, of the religion of Zoroaster, who combined with their worship the knowledge of medical botany and astronomy. Why they were chosen, among all the Gentiles, to have the first knowledge of the new-born Messiah, and how they came to Immediately in connection with the birth connect his birth with that extraordinary ap- of Christ occurred another sign too wonderful pearance in the heavens, are questions which to be forgotten-the manifestation to the shepcan not be fully solved. The prophecy of Ba- herds of the "heavenly host" heralding the adlaam (Numbers, xxiv. 17), "There shall come vent of the Saviour. As St. Matthew, alone a Star out of Jacob, and a Sceptre shall rise of the Evangelists, has recorded the visit of out of Israel," may have been widely known in the Magi, so St. Luke is the only one who the East, and from age to age perpetuated. It gives an account of that extraordinary scene bears an obvious relation to the prophecy, as-"by night" on the hills of Judea. The story cribed to Zoroaster by the Persians, concern-is too familiar to need repetition. Milton has ing Oshanderbegha, or the MAN OF THE WORLD, included it in his sublime "Ode on the Nawho should be born of a virgin; should cause tivity"-the stately preluding of the Paradise. the law of his Father to be received; and should In the early days of the Church the Nativity confirm it by his miracles and the eloquence was not observed as a regular festival. Acof his preaching. Another, but a Christian cording to Origen the great yearly festivals historian of the East, the celebrated Abulpha- celebrated at that time were the Passover or ragi, relates that Zoroaster taught the Persians Easter, and Pentecost or Whitsuntide. "The concerning the manifestation of Christ, and or- fundamental notion of the whole Christian life, dered them to bring gifts to him in token of which," says Neander, "referred every thing their reverence and submission. He declared to the suffering, the resurrection, and the glorithat in the latter days a pure virgin would con- fication of Christ," may, in some degree, furceive, and that as soon as the child was born a nish an explanation of this. We can not think, star would appear above the splendor of day. however, that the primitive Christians, who "You, my sons, will perceive its rising before all were so prompt to commemorate the weekother nations. When, therefore, you shall see ly recurrence of the day on which the Lord the star, go whithersoever it shall direct you. arose by a festival, which, analogously observed, Adore that child, offering him your gifts. He entirely supplanted the Sabbath, were indifis the Word which created the heavens." ferent to the Birthday of the Lord. Indeed Neander admits that we do "find one trace of Christmas as a festival. Its history is intimately connected with the history of a kindred festival: the festival of the Manifestation of Jesus in his character of Messiah, his consecration to the office of Messiah by the baptism of John, and the beginning of his public ministry, as the Messiah, which was afterward called the Feast of the Epiphany. We find in later times that these festivals extended themselves in opposite directions-that of Christmas spreading from the west to east, and that of the Epiphany from east to west. Whatever may be thought of these prophecies, which possibly come down to us through a distorting medium, it is certain, from the representations of Suetonius, and Tacitus, and the Fourth Eclogue of Virgil, that a very surprising and general expectation prevailed among the heathen of a great benefactor of the human race who was then to be made manifest. Tradition informs us that the Magi passed the residue of their lives in India, where they were baptized, at an advanced age, by St. Thomas, the apostle of the far East. The same authority likewise tells us that their bones were Mrs. Howitt informs us that the first church |