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for the glory of God, and the good of his church and people, I could cheerfully submit to an afflicted and conflicting life, if I might be assisted and accepted herein. But sometimes, last week in particular, under a sense of the violent efforts of the powers of darkness, my own extreme vileness and weakness, as tow before the flames, or as a leaf shaken by the wind, I am fearing whether it was not from the pride and naughtiness of my heart, that I submitted to conflicts. Whether it was not like the aspiring disciples, when Christ asked them, Are ye able to drink of the cup, &c.? I had, through pride and arrogance, been saying, I am able.

"Under these views of myself, I have been much dejected, afraid to move or stir. And now, my dear sir, if you have the least suspicion, at any time, of my acting from this hateful, detestable principle, pray speak freely and plainly. For, though I think my heart does not condemn me, as being wholly under its reigning power; yet I find it still works, to bring forth fruit unto death. I think, if I know any thing about myself, I have been, and am devoted to God; all I am, have, or can be, and do, to his glory and that my own comfort and happiness, is no farther so to me, than as it promotes that: and that to be a consecrated vessel, though of the meanest use, is my highest wish, prayer and pursuit. I think I know no interest, but his. Yet, I am not with a proud presumption to touch the sacred ark, lest I do it to my own confusion. I know I am to pray for the peace and prosperity of Zion; but the doubt is, whether I am called, in that particular manner, to take its concerns on me, so as to make it the business of my life; or whether to endeavor to escape with my own life, or to work out my own salvation, &c. is not the province God has called me to act in; so poor, so weak and polluted a worm as I am. Yet, I know I feel, whatever I am called to, I must love this Mount Zion, and must prefer the prosperity thereof above my chief joy."

The attentive, judicious reader of this, will not be at a loss, it is presumed, about the answer, which she received from her friend. The invisible tempter, who hates prayer, and especially those who live most in the

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sincere, engaged practice of it, took advantage of her sense of her own meanness, weakness, unworthiness and depravity, to suggest that she had, in all her engagedness in this duty, and in the manner in which she had devoted herself to it, aspired to that which did not become her, from the pride of her heart, aiming, hereby, to distress her, and discourage her from proceeding in this way. His hand was very apparent in these exercises of hers.

It will be observed, by those who shall peruse her writings, which are to be transcribed, that she considered the hand of satan to be apparent in many suggestions, which were made to her mind; and while she ascribed many things of this kind to him, she considered herself to be wholly to blame for every wrong voluntary exercise of her heart, or the least compliance with such suggestions, and as much so, as if the tempter had no hand in them. And that this was not owing to mere fancy and superstition, or was in the least unreasonable, or inconsistent with the Bible, all must be sensible, who properly attend to the matter, and ubserve that the scriptures represent satan as an adversary to all christians, a roaring lion, walking about seeking whom he may devour.


they are said, in their christian warfare, to "wrestle against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." And are called upon to put on the whole armor of God, in order to withstand the wiles of the devil. And David and Peter, and many others, were assaulted and tempted by this adversary. No wonder then, that when this person, in her youth, was disposed to renounce the devil and his service, and turn to the Lord, and seek him with engagedness of mind, satan should so bestir himself, and exert all his power and cunning, to deceive and destroy her, and take all the advantage he could of her youth, want of experience, and small degree of doctrinal knowledge. And it is reasonable to suppose that a person so eminently devoted to religion and prayer, in opposition to satan and his interest, as she was in the after part of life, should be, in a peculiar manner and degree, ́as

saulted by the wiles of the devil; especially, considering her situation and circumstances of body and mind. They, who are most eminent in christian exercises, and constant and engaged in watching and praying, are not only exposed to opposition from satan, in a peculiar manner; but doubtless are commonly discerning and sensible of his suggestions and assaults.

These observations have been made, supposing they may be of use to some who may read the following sections, especially that which now offers itself to the candid reader.


Containing an account of the first part of her life, written by herself, in the 28th year of her age.

"SOME observable passages in my life, especially the first seventeen years of it; which I have collected from some memorandums, and by the help of my memory; and now set them down, that I may with more ease peruse them. And as they are designed for my own use, I am no ways solicitous to omit any thing that may look trifling, if I think the recording it may serve to animate me, and excite that praise in my soul, which is everlastingly due to the great author and finisher of my faith. A desire to revive a sense of this in my soul has led me to review what I had formerly written; and to recollect what my memory did retain ; and now to put them together in the order of their dates, so that being in this compass, I might readily look over them, when I inclined, or needed it. And here I have begun from my early days. O, may that same divine Spirit, which has worked all my works in

ever excite the warmest sentiments of gratitude, love and wonder, whenever I review these records of the divine, unmerited displays of his grace!"

I WAS early taught to love, fear and serve the Lord. My dear mother took great pains to form my

mind for God. And, blessed be God, who, by his Spirit, followed the good advice, counsels and warnings; early convincing me of my sinful state, and of the corrupt fountain in my soul. The first sin that I remember to have been convinced of, was pride: and this I saw to be in my heart, and from thence it had proceeded into act. I think I was then between five and six years old. And I remember I was very anxious to know whether, if I grew good then, God would forgive me and inquired of some of my friends, as to this matter. In general they resolved my question, and read the eighteenth chapter of Ezekiel to me. This put me

working with all my might; and keeping up good resolutions. But conviction wore off, and I remember but little of these concerns, until I was about seven or eight years old. Then conviction did revive. I saw more of the sinfulness of my heart; but had no clear knowledge of the way of salvation by Jesus Christ. I knew Christ died for sinners; but how we became interested in his death, I was confused. I had, though young, a set of notions of my own, and was excessively superstitious. I worked hard. I quarreled with the sovereignty of God. I remember, I felt my heart rise, and my enmity worked violently, to find there was more joy over one sinner that repenteth, than over ninety and nine just persons; for I had worked up myself into such a good conceit of myself, that I really thought I was one of the just persons. O shocking ignorance and presumption! But God, who, I trust, was determined to bring me home, would not suffer me finally to persist in this scheme: but did multiply conviction. I forsook God, and fell into sins, and was roused again by convictions.

But, as to the particular circumstances of a change, which I suppose to be about this time, I cannot remember them. The most that I can remember is, that I was in great distress about my soul; that I saw the insufficiency of any thing I could do to save me. And, about this time, had my heart much carried out after Christ, and the way of salvation by him. And I remember to have been filled with comfort and joy in religion. I should not think these things were sufficient evidences

that I had experienced a work of grace in my soul, had I experienced nothing more since that time but what I trust I have since known of a work of God in my soul inclines me to think my soul was then brought home to God; that I then had true faith in God, if I now have. I can much better remember the effects, than the circumstances of these things. And they were such as these: knowledge, faith and love, and hatred of sin.

As to my knowledge, though to this day I have reason to be humbled to the dust that I know no more; and am often ready to cry out of my ignorance, that I am ignorant as a beast before the Lord. Ah! woe is me, that I know no more of God, and divine, spiritual things. Yet my knowledge, however weak, is an evidence to me, that God did then work a work of grace in my soul. For now I began more clearly to see my wretched state by nature and practice; my need of a Savior, and the way of salvation by him. My mind was enlightened, and drank in many of the precious truths of the gospel, about this time. And from this time I had a clearer knowledge of Christ as mediator, one chosen by the Father for sinners, than before.

As to my faith, which is an evidence of my change. After this time, which I suppose to be about the eighth or ninth year of my age, I did frequently endeavor to give myself up to God, casting all my concerns on him; embracing Christ as my only Redeemer; resting on him as my only high priest before God the Father. And though, at this age, and under some disadvantages, I had not a thorough doctrinal knowledge, which renders my experiences, at this time, far less clear, than otherwise they might have been, yet the actings of my soul towards God, appear since to me, as far as I can discern, to be the real actings of true faith.

Again, as to my love. Now was my soul taken up in admiring the glorious way of salvation by Christ. He appeared truly amiable, as the Redeemer of lost man. Nor was the Father's love less wonderful, in giving his Son to die. I can remember to have been even wrapped up in ecstasy of love and wonder. For some time my thoughts seemed only to dwell and live

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