MEMOIR OF SAMUEL HOPKINS, D. D. 197 prevent it, that I was not a Christian, until I should be converted. Brainard took his leave of me without bringing me to put off my reserve; and what he then thought of me, I know not; but believe he strongly suspected, if he did not without hesitation conclude, that I was not a Christian. My conviction fixed upon me. I saw I was indeed no Christian. The evil of my heart, the hardness and unbelief of it, came more and more into view; and the evil case in which I was, appeared more and more dreadful. I felt myself a guilty, justly condemned creature, and my hope of relief by obtaining conversion, failed more and more; and my condition appeared darker from day to day, and all help failed; and I felt myself to be nothing but ignorance, guilt, and stupidity. I now lost all desire to conceal my case from those whom I considered to be Christians; and freely opened it to some of them. They appeared particularly to interest themselves in my condition, and often conversed with me. Thus I continued for some wecks, generally retired, unless when I attended private meetings of young people for prayer, &c. which were frequent then in college and in the town. At length, as I was in my closet one evening, while I was meditating, and in my devotions, a new and wonderful scene opened to my view. I had a sense of the being and presence of God, as I never had before; it being more of a reality, and more affecting and glorious, than I had ever before perceived. And the character of Jesus Christ the Mediator, came into my view; and appeared such a reality, and so glorious, and the way of salvation by him so wise, important, and desirable, that I was astonished at myself that I had never seen these things before, which were so plain, pleasing, and wonderful. I longed to. have all, see and know these things, as they now appeared to me. I was greatly affected in the view of my own depravity, the sine fulness, guilt, and odiousness of my character; and tears flowed in great plenty. After some time I left my closet, and went into the adjoining room, no other person being then there. 1 walked the room, all intent on these subjects, and took up Watts's version of the psalms, and opened it at the fifty-first psalm, and read the first, second, and third parts in long metre with strong affections, and made it all my own language, and thought it was the language of my heart to God; I dwelled upon it with pleasure, and wept much. And when I had laid the book aside, iny mind continued fixed on the subject; and in the exercise of devotion, confession, adoration, petition, &c. in which I seemed to pour out my heart to God with great freedom. I continued all attention to the things of religion, in which most appeared more or less engaged. There were many instances, as was then supposed, of conversion. I felt a peculiar pleasing affection to those who were supposed to be Christians. But two things appear now to me remarkable, with respect to my views and exercises which I have just now mentioned: First, I had not then the least thought or suspicion that what I had experienced was conversion, or any thing like it, nor did such a thought enter my mind, so far as I can recollect, till near a year after this; or if any such thought was suggested at any time, it was immediately rejected. I had formed an idea in my mind of conversion,-what persons who were converted must be, and how they must feel; which was so entirely different from that which I had seen and felt, that I was so far from a thought that I was converted, that I thought I knew I was not, and made no scruple to tell my friends so from time to time. Secondly, I do not recollect that I said a word to any person living of these exer cises, or gave the least hint of them to any one for almost a year after they took place. I did not think they were worth speaking of, being nothing like conversion; and, by degrees, I ceased to recollect any thing of them, still hoping and looking for some thing greater and better, and of quite a different kind. When I heard Mr. Tennent, as mentioned before, I thought he was the greatest and best man, and the best preacher that I had ever seen or heard. His words were to me, "like apples of gold in pictures of silver." And I then thought, that when I should leave the college, as I was then in my last year, I would go and live with him, wherever I should find him. But just before the commencement in September, when I was to take my degree, on the seventeenth day of which month I was twenty years old, Mr. Edwards, of Northampton, came to New Haven, and preached. He then preached the sermon on the trial of the spirits; which was afterwards printed. I had before read his sermons on justfication, &c. and his narrative of the remarkable conversions at Northampton, which took place about seven years before this. Though I then did not obtain any personal acquaintance with him, any farther than by hearing him preach, yet, I conceived such an esteem of him, and was so pleased with his preaching, that I altered my former determination with respect to Mr. Tennent, and concluded to go and live with Mr. Edwards as soon as I should have opportunity, though he lived about eighty miles from my father's house. After I had taken my first degree, which was in September, 1741, I retired to my father's, in Waterbury; and, being dejected and very gloomy in my mind, I lived a recluse life for some months. Considering myself as a sinful lost creature, I spent most of my time in reading, meditation, and prayer; spent many whole days in fasting and prayer. My attention turned chiefly to my own sinfulness, and as being wholly lost in myself, of which I had an increasing conviction. But I also attended to the state of religion in the vicinity. There was a general and uncommon attention to religion, and much preaching by ministers, who went from to town; but opposition was made to the revival of religion, which now began to increase among ministers and MEMOIR OF SAMUEL HOPKINS, D. D. *199 people. Some considered it as an evil work, in the whole of it; others allowed there was some good attending it; but objected greatly to many things which took place, and were practised by the friends and subjects of the work, as imprudent and wrong. I was a strong advocate for the doctrines preached by the ministers who were instruments of promoting the revival, and for the practices of those who were the subjects of it, and were supposed to be converted. It is true, there were some things said and practised which I did not understand, nor fully see through. But as I considered them as Christians, and myself as not one, and consequently ignorant and incapable of judging, I concluded that they must be right. I spent days in fasting and prayer, seeking the promotion of that which, to me, appeared to be true religion; and the suppression of all opposition to it. I endeavoured to promote religion among the young people in the town; and encouraged them who were attentive and concerned to meet together for prayer, and to spend days of fasting and prayer together; especially those who were thought to be converted. When I saw persons whom I considered to be unconverted, I felt disposed to pray for them, that they might be con verted and saved; and felt great concern for some individuals of this character. In the month of December, being furnished with a horse, &c. I set out for Northampton, with a view to live with Mr. Edwards, where I was an utter stranger. When I arrived there, Mr. Edwards was not at home; but I was received with great kindness by Mrs. Edwards and the family, and had encourage ment that I might live there during the winter. Mr. Edwards was abroad on a preaching tour, as people in general were greatly attentive to religion and preaching; which was attended with remarkable effects, in the conviction and supposed conversion of multitudes. I was very gloomy, and was most of the time retired in my chamber. After some days, Mrs. Edwards came into my chamber, and said, As I was now become one of the family for a season, she felt herself interested in my welfare; and she observed that I appeared gloomy and dejected; she hoped I would not think she intruded, by desiring to know, and asking me what was the occasion of it; or to that purpose. I told her the freedom she used was agreeable to me; that the occasion of the appearance which she mentioned, was the state in which considered myself: I was in a Christless, graceless state, and had been under a degree of conviction and concern for myself for a number of months: had got no relief; and my case, instead of growing better, appeared to grow worse. Upon which we entered into a free conversation. And on the whole she told me, that she had peculiar exercises respecting me, since I had been in the family; and she trusted I should receive light and comfort; and doubted not that God intended yet to do great things by me, &c. This conversation did not sensibly raise my spirits in the least degree. My views of myself were such, and my prospect and hope of any good were so low, that I then paid no sensible regard to what she said. Religion was now at a lower ebb at Northampton than it had been of late, and than it appeared to be in the neighbouring towns, and in New England in general. In the month of January, Mr. Buell, my class-mate, whom I mentioned before, came to Northampton, having commenced a zealous preacher of the gospel; and was the means of greatly reviving the people to zeal in religion. He preached every day, and sometimes twice a day publicly, Mr. Edwards being out of town, preaching in distant towns. Professing Christians appeared greatly revived and comforted, and a number were under conviction; and I think there were some hopeful new converts. After Mr. Buell had preached in Northampton a week or two, he set out on a tour towards Boston, to preach in the towns in those parts; and I went with him. People crowded to hear him in every place; and great numbers were awakened, and many were thought to be converted. After continuing with him about two weeks, I returned to Northampton, when my exercises of mind were such, that I, for the first time, admitted a hope that they were really gracious; and my mind immediately recurred back to the time when I had those views and affections, almost a year before, which have been mentioned, and they appeared to me to be of the same kind with those which now possessed my mind; and that the course of exercises which I since had, did not differ in kind from the first, and from those which I now had, tho' I had within this time often said I was certain I had no grace; and never had for a moment, that I can recollect, entertained the least degree of hope that I was not in a state of nature. I now determined to make known the whole of my exercises to Mr. Edwards, as far as I could communicate them. I told him my present exercises, and those which I have related, which took place at college near a year before. When he heard me, he asked me, Why I had not told him these things before? I told him it was because I had no thought that such exercises were conversion, or Christian exercises, till very lately. He gave not his opinion expressly; nor did I desire he should; for I was far from relying on any man's judgment in such a case. But I supposed he entertained a hope that I was a Christian. From this time I turned my thoughts upon preaching the gospel and with a view to obtain a licence to preach, I left Mr. Edwards in the latter end of March, and went home to Waterbury; and in May following I applied to an association of ministers for approbation; which they granted, after I had passed an examination before them. (To be continued.) ON THE MEDIATION OF CHRIST. WITHOUT Some true knowledge of the nature and perfections of God our Creator, no part of our religious worship can be a reasonable service, nor come up before him with acceptance. Devotion paid to a God whose character is unknown by us, however pompous the rites, costly the sacrifice, and sincere the worshipper, must, in the nature of things, be mere superstition. But many there are who, rejecting the divine character as revealed in the Scriptures, impiously conceive of him as if he were a Being altogether such as themselves. While they admit the unity of the divine nature, the almighty power, unsearchable wisdom, and infinite goodness of the great and eternal God, yet, in their vain imaginations, they divest him of those essential and glorious parts of his character, holiness and justice. Such persons see no glory in Christ Jesus; and account his mediation altogether unnecessary, or at most a matter of trivial importance. But very different, indeed, are the sentiments of those whose understandings are enlightened by the Spirit of truth. They are enabled to view God their Creator, not only as wise and powerful, good and merciful, but also as a just and holy God, who hateth sin with infinite hatred. Impressed with a sense of their own guilt and pollution, they are convinced, that to draw near to the Most High in themselves, is to approach a consuming fire; and cry out, like the men of Beth-shemech, "Who is able to stand before this holy Lord God?" With this knowledge of the character of the great Creator, the news of a Mediator between him and our souls will be glad tidings of great joy indeed. What is a Mediator? A person that interposes between two contending parties, in order to reconcile thein: he is one who mediates between parties who have been at variance, to restore and establish friendship. Christ Jesus is the Mediator between God and man; as, in our stead, he obeyed the divine law, which we had transgressed; gave himself an atoning sacrifice, to satisfy divine justice, and thus to reconcile us to God; and as, on the ground of this sacrifice upon earth, he is now intercceding for us in the holiest of all above, perhaps the few following hints may be of some use, through the blessing of the Spirit, for explaining the nature, the necessity, and the glory of the Mediation of Jesus Christ : The very name Mediator, conveys the idea of two parties. "A mediator is not a mediator of one, but God is one*." God is one party; but, to render a mediator necessary, there must be another |