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To the EDITOR of the POLITICAL REGISTER.

SIR,

As it feems to be the bufinefs of your Register to expose to the ind gnation of your readers, every fpecies of tyranny and oppreffion, whether of a public or private nature; you may not perhaps think the enclosed letter altogether unworthy of your notice, It is the genuine production of an injured Female, who has felt all the infolence of office, and been perfecuted with worse than Star-chamber malice and fury. It is animated with a pure fpirit of liberty; and breathes an honeft indignation against general warrants, and the exercife of cruel and tyrannical laws, that are abhorrent to the freedom and mildness of our excellent conftitution.

I am, Sir,

Your very humble Servant,

LIBERTAS OXONIENSIS,

I

SIR,

AM informed that you and Mr. S have taken the trouble to visit Woodstock, on my account and have been very particular in your enquiries, which I think extremely unneceffary, as you could expect to hear nothing more than the old ftory, viz. that I was vifited by gentlemen, which is a truth I never attempted to deny. Perhaps, fir, you don't know that I am entitled to the company of gentlemen, and that I never did, nor ever will keep any other company of the male kind, but that of gentlemen. If you are ignorant of thefe things it is very proper that I fhould inform you. You will perceive that your proofs of vifitors to me are quite needlefs, and as to other proofs (of which you vainly boafted to Mr. M-) I fet you and your whole armada at defiance; not that I defpair of finding people in canonicals capable of bribery and corruption now, any more than on a former occafion.

I am very forry to accufe a clergyman of telling an untruth, but I know not what politer term to give your account to our mayor; you told him that I hide myself when I go to Oxford, that you had fearched for me but never could find me: For fhame, Mr. A—y, how will this found at Oxford, where it is well known that I always appeared in the moft confpicuous manner? It is very well known that I have been at the King's-arms, three, four days together-appeared conftantly in the parlour-at the window-walked about the ftreets-and went in and out of

town

town in the most public manner. You can't furely have the affurance to say, that you ever came to ask after me; is it not very well known that I was at Stevens's lecture? went from that to the inn, fupped, flept, and stayed there till the next evening? Why did not you come to me then? I was capable of anfwering your interrogations, and fhould fcorn to hide myself from any, even my greatest enemy. And pray who are you that I fhould be afraid of you? You are an arbitrary monarch over schoolboys and vagabond women. Your mighty power don't reach me, who am as well born and as well bred, (allowing for the difadvantages of a female education) as yourself, I can't help laughing at the number of great and learned men at Oxford, who are inceffantly puzzling their pates for ways to conquer poor little me. On hearing all this ftir, a stranger to me muft fuppofe 1 was fomething more than woman, fome fupernatural being; no one common woman could be supposed of fuch vaft confequence to this great and learned body of people. It is a pity methinks their attention is not a little more diverted from one fubject, by a proper vigilance where there is more real danger. Pray why don't your great zeal for the healths and morals of your pupils, take you to Nettle-bed? There perhaps you may ftretch your power, and ftrike a dreadful awe with the tremendous name of proctor; there you may find something in the form of females more attractive to Oxford than I am; something exactly fuited to the meridian of Oxonian taste. I really think you all have fome obligations to me for endeavouring to polish the manners of your young gentlemen, and reconciling them a little to the converfation of a decent well-bred woman; a character little known to them during their time at Oxford, which I believe to be the chief fource of ruin and disgrace to many of them and their families. They vifit me some of them, 'tis true, and more of them than I wish for, thanks to my little friend the Pn of B- who fet me on the wings of fame, but for very little more than to fay they had feen me, and to look at me as at any other fuch ftrange phenomenon. This palpable neglect of your real duty in one part of Oxfordshire, almost tempts me to a quotation from the daily prayer, "He has left undone thofe things, &c. &c. &c. And I am forry, fir, you have provoked me to this freedom; it was what I did not expect, as I always took the greatest care not to give offence at Oxford, by any action that might be looked upon as an outrage to, or difregard of your rules; not from any motive of fear I affure you, I am a ftranger to that impulfe, and nothing less than the reproaches of my own heart could make me

for

for one inftant a coward; all the powers of your university cannot, fhall not, intimidate me for one moment, though a woman, whilst I am pleased with the rectitude of my own actions, and convinced of the baseness of your unwarrantable proceedings. You have taken a trip to Woodstock to propagate a malicious falfhood, and prejudice my neighbours against me, but it will never fucceed. Mr. A I affure you, you'll find to your confufion, that I can produce as good character now as when at B- -n, tho' the devil and the P- joined to traduce me. What infinite obligations I have to the C-! They left no villainy unpractised to fcandalife and expofe me, and then perfecute me for the natural confequence of diftinguishing me. Is it poffible that I live in a proteftant country? that you are all proteftant cler gymen? No, it can't be, this fpirit of perfecution, tyranny and oppreffion, favours too much of popery, and I really believe you to be all rank papifts in your hearts, and that you would make excellent officers of an inquifition. It is fomething odd that I should always be perfecuted by the worthy members of ————— C. The pretty little P-n of Bis of C--C——, and makes fuch a refpectable figure in hiftory, that it's no wonder another member of CC fhould be fired with emulation, at fo great, fo glorious an example; and I think Mr. A- cannot close his memorable reign with greater eclat, than by one great effort to conquer me, and join his name to that of the inimitable P of B—, who has hitherto been looked upon as an original, and will have no objection to be kept in countenance by fo defirable an auxiliary. You informed my neighbour that your last lawfuit was ill conducted (that of L-) which I readily allow you, and fo I believe will any other that you conduct against me. You say that the V. C. will take me in hand-Bid him beware of burning his fingers. Here I am, ready to answer his mandate. Tell him he need not send a warrant-I will attend him on the receipt of a card. I have overlooked one illegal warrant; as I really believe the person who granted it was impofed upon, and I don't inherit one popifh principle. I have just heard, you boaft of proofs against me of receiving men all hours of the night; furely Mr. A- if you believe this you think me a great ideot-nay I must be ftupid to the laft degree to practise fo little decorum in fuch a neighbourhood as mine to give my Oxford friends (who are conftantly on the watch to gratify their spirit of revenge, by taking advantage of one false step) any handle by an imprudent conduct-noI have all my wits about me, I promise you. But perhaps

you

you begin to fear I may be forgot at Oxford-and you kindly want to bring me once more into fashion-well fo be it-If I must be popular, even begin and give me a fecond opportunity to perpetuate my memory, and to celebrate the name of

Your moft obedient fervant,

MH

For the POLITICAL REGISTER.

Chrift-Church, Great Tom, and Great Tom of ChriftChurch.

Magna licet componere magnis

UOTH Ralph, who loves his joke,
Drolling to Peter,

(Comparison more juft, who ever spoke
In metre?)

Yon lofty dome,

Where elegance and grandeur ftrike the eye
With beauty, ftrength and harmony,
Is tenanted by Tom*.
Come Dennis, flipfhoed mufe inform us,
How this exalted poft he gain'd,

This fize enormous,

How attain'd

Thro' various plaftic moulds, in due gradation
His ductile metal flow'd in glittering ftream,
Pafs'd, ftrange to tell, thro' many a transformation.
Like rod of Mofes,

Chang'd oft as he could with who broach'd the dream,
Metempsychosis.

Once in war's rude alarms he bore a share,
Rolling his thunders o'er th' affrighted plain
Thro' quivering air,

Yet like the peaceful train

Of city-knights, this all his art of war,
Employ'd to noble ufe,

For 'twas his care,

To fwell proceffions and announce good news.
Soon from terrific gun

Reduc'd to his first fluid mass,

He rifes now a bell huge and fonorous,

Drowns

*Thomas Clufius, the great bell of Christ Church.

Drowns with his din the heroes of the glafs,
Fellows of higheft fun,

All in full chorus.

To Chrift Church he was brought thus form'd anew,
Christ Church, a magazine of fcience,
Where, if fickle fame fay true,

On whofe reports I place but fmall reliance,
Each ftudent muft become an humble fuitor
For one poor annual lecture from his tutor.
Sufpended there aloof,

We hear Tom's pious call,
Shaking the roof,

He tolls the droufy canon to his ftall.
Abroad th' intoxicating toaft goes round
Of Celia, sportive lass,
Or bouncing Nan,

With pun and quaint conundrum crown'd
Brifkly circulates the glass,
Or foamy can:

When lo! by mighty Tom, the fignal given,
Recalls their long forgotten cares,

Sends every thought to heaven,

And warns the Maudlin ftudent home to prayers.
This sketch of Tom I leave thee to apply

To

That one huge uniform absurdity:

But, Peter, have a care,

Soft and fair,
Mention no hallow'd name;
The whole fuppose,
Under the rofe,

A dream.

Alas! I wish it were a phantafy,

A whim-begotten bantling of the brain,
Stranger to all reality,

And fo wifh hundreds more,
But wifh in vain :

Well, like the pliant ore,

He was a Jack of many a trade,

A cracking, bouncing hero.of the blade*,
Could feare the watch and bilk a whore,
But when war's real voice was heard,

And virtue's pulfe beat high for fame,
He by his beard

Swore ftoutly 'twas a shame,

*The late Dwas in the army.

}

And

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