Cries, "Sir, good b'ye; ben't angry that we part,
"I trust the child to you with all my heart:
"But, ere you get another, 'ten't amifs
"To try a year or two how you 'll keep this."

THE VESTRY.

WITHIN the Shire of Nottingham there lies

A parish fam'd, becaufe the men were wise :

Of their own ftrain they had a teacher fought,
Who all his life was better fed than taught.
It was about a quarter of a year

Since he had fnor'd, and eat, and fatten'd there;
When he the house-keepers, their wives, and all,
Did to a fort of Parish-meeting call;

Promifing fomething, which, well understood,
In little time would turn to all their good.

When met, he thus harangues: "Neighbours, I find, "That in your principles you 're well inclin'd : "But then you're all folicitous for Sunday; "None seem to have a due regard for Monday, "Moft people then their dinners have to feek, "As if 'twere not the first day of the week; "But, when you have hafh'd meat and nothing more, "You only curse the day that went before. "On Tuesday all folks dine by one confent : "And Wednesdays only fast by Parliament, "But Fafting fure by Nature ne'er was meant.

"The

"The Market will for Thursday find a dish,
“And Friday is a proper day for fish;
"After fish, Saturday requires fome Meat;
“On Sunday you 're oblig'd by law to treat;
"And the fame law ordains a Pudding then,
"To children grateful, nor unfit for men.

"Take Hens, Geefe, Turkies, then, or fomething light,
"Because their legs, if broil'd, will serve at night,
"And, fince I find that roaft Beef makes you fleep,
"Corn it a little more, and fo 'twill keep.

"Roast it on Monday, pity it should be spoil'd;
"On Tuesday Mutton either roast or boil❜d.
"On Wednesday should be fome variety,
"A Loin or Breaft of Veal, and Pigeon-pye.
"On Thursday each man of his dish make choice,
"'Tis fit on Market-days we all rejoice.

"And then on Friday, as I faid before,
"We'll have a difh of Fifh, and one difh more.
"On Saturday ftew'd Beef, with fomething nice,
"Provided quick, and tofs'd up in a trice,
"Because that in the afternoon, you know,
"By cuftom, we must to the Ale-house go;
"For elfe how fhould our houfes e'er be clean,
"Except we gave fome time to do it then?
"From whence, unless we value not our lives,
"None part without remembering first our Wives.
"But these are standing rules for

every day,
"And very good ones, as I fo may say:
"After each meal, let's take a hearty cup;
"And where we dine, 'tis fitting that we fup.

"Now

"Now for the application, and the use:

"I found your care for Sunday an abuse:

"All would be asking, Pray, Sir, where d'you dine? "I have roast Beef, choice Venifon, Turkey, Chine:

"Every one's hawling me. Then say poor I,

"It is a bitter bufinefs to deny;

"But, who is 't cares for fourteen meals a day,

"As for my own part, I had rather stay,

"And take them now and then, and here and there,

"According to my prefent bill of fare.

"You know I'm fingle: if you all agree

"To treat by turns, each will be fure of me."

The Veftry all applauded with a hum,
And the feven wifeft of them bad him come.

THE MONARCH.

WHEN the young people ride the Skimmington,

There is a general trembling in a town:

Not only he for whom the perfon rides
Suffers, but they fweep other doors befides ;
And by that hieroglyphic does appear
That the good woman is the master there.
At Jenny's door the barbarous Heathens fwept,
And his poor wife fcolded until the wept;
The mob fwept on, whilft fhe fent forth in vain
Her vocal thunder and her briny rain.

Some few days after, two young fparks came there,
And whilft fhe does her Coffee fresh prepare,

One

One for difcourfe of news the mafter calls, T'other on this ungrateful subject falls. "Pray, Mrs. Jenny, whence came this report, "For I believe there's no great reason for 't, "As if the folks t'other day swept your door, "And half a dozen of your neighbours more?" "There's nothing in 't," fays Jenny; "that is done "Where the wife rules, but here I rule alone, "And, gentlemen, you 'd much mistaken be, "If any one should not think that of me. "Within these walls, my fuppliant vassals know "What due obedience to their prince they owe, “And kiss the shadow of my papal toe.

My word 's a law; when I my power advance, "There's not a greater Monarch ev'n in France. "Not the Mogul or Czar of Mufcovy,

"Not Prefter John, or Cham of Tartary, "Are in their houses Monarch more than I. "My House my Caftle is, and here I'm King, "I'm Pope, I'm Emperor, Monarch, every thing. "What though my wife be partner of my bed, "The Monarch's Crown fits only on this head.” His wife had plaguy ears, as well as tongue, And, hearing all, thought his difcourfe too long: Her confcience faid, he fhould not tell fuch lyes, And to her knowledge fuch; fhe therefore cries, "D'ye hear • you Sirrah - Monarch - there ? "Come down

"And grind the Coffee

-or I'll crack

your

Crown."

JUST

JUST AS YOU PLEASE;

OR,

THE INCURIOUS.

A VIRTUOSO had a mind to fee

One that would never difcontented be,
But in a careless way to all agree.
He had a Servant, much of Æsop's kind,
Of perfonage uncouth, but fprightly mind:
"Humpus," fays he, "I order that you find
“Out fuch a man, with such a character,
"As in this paper now I give you here;
"Or I will lug your ears, or crack your pate,
"Or rather you shall meet with a worse fate,
“For I will break your back, and set you ftrait.

"Bring him to dinner." Humpus foon withdrew,
Was fafe, as having fuch a one in view
At Covent Garden dial, whom he found
Sitting with thoughtless air and look profound,
Who, folitary gaping without care,

Seem'd to fay, "Who is 't? wilt go any where ?"
Says Humpus, "Sir, my Master bade me pray
"Your company to dine with him to-day."
He fnuffs; then follows; up the stairs he goes,
Never pulls off his hat, nor cleans his fhoes,
But, looking round him, saw a handsome room,
And did not much repent that he was come;
Clofe to the fire he draws an elbow-chair,
And, lolling eafy, doth for fleep prepare.

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