But to return to the will:

of whom hear the poet :

Mammas atque tatas habet Afra: sed ipsa tatarum
Dici et mammarum maxima mamma potest.

Her paint she left to one of those ladies; and her nose she knew not whether to leave to Mr. Loftus or Mr. Lloyd, but at last ordered it for the former; and out of her great charity, gave permission to the latter (I mean Mr. Lloyd) to furnish himself after the Hudibrasian manner with a supplemental snout out of her posteriors.

Lastly, she bequeathed all her money for the founding and endowment of a new college, and therefore ordered that there be a fair tract of ground purchased out of Jack Cusack's estate, on a convenient part whereof there be erected a stately pile of building, after the model of Mr. Allen's mansion-house. That sir Butler's famous library be bought for the college use, together with Stillingfleet's and Tillotson's Sermons for the assistance of young divines. That Mr. Doyle, for his excellent morals and profound learning, be provost; and Mr. Boreman,b for the same reasons, be vice-provost. That Nickumbottom be university orator; sir Stampe, singing-master and magician; and that ingenious bachelor of arts, who read out all Gassendus's Astronomy in a week, but the a's and b's, if sir Moore pleases, be mathematic professor; and Dr. Mercer be bursar. Several officers are yet wanting, as divinity professor, preachers, physicians, lecturers, surgeons, historians, chemists, civilians, register, linguist, and many others, all which are to be supplied by that colossus of learning, Mr. Foley.

Hic vero dubium oritur; num Dr. Mercer, cum sponsa sua (satis eleganti) inhabitare possit academiam ; si negatur, tunc actum est de bursario, qui adeo integer vitæ, scelerisque purus: si affirmatur, dii boni, quam clamosum necnon rixosum habituri sumus collegium! nam fama refert esse inter illos conjugium conjurium, quod Martiali parum credibile videtur, ut ex his versiculis constat :

Cum sitis similes, paresque vita, !
Uxor pessima, pessimus maritus,
Miror, non bene convenire vobis.

It was first ordered that Mr. Lloyd should be the university poet; ferunt autem, Magister, te quondam pessimum egisse poetastrum, ideoque

Qui Bavium non odit, amet tua carmina, Mævi.Nam tu, Cosconi, disticha longa facis. Hanc igitur provinciam habeat dean Glandee, vel Mr. Hewetson.

Ordered, moreover, that all the fellows dine and sup constantly in the hall, uti apud nos moris est. Hortemur etiam, ut præpositus parcius absit,d and to be strictly observed that all the students in the hall, especially at meat, speak Latin, as we do.

It was lately ordered that, for the honour and dignity of the university, there should be introduced a society of freemasons, consisting of gentlemen, mechanics, porters, parsons, ragmen, hucksters, bailiffs, divines, tinkers, knights, thatchers, coblers, poets, justices, drawers, beggars, aldermen, paviours, sculls, freshmen, bachelors, scavingers, masters, sow-gelders, doctors, ditchers, pimps, lords, butchers, and tailors, who shall bind themselves by an oath never to discover their mighty no-secret; and to relieve whatsoever strolling a Perhaps Coghill.

b Edward Boreman, admitted 11th June, 1678: his name was taken off the books on 15th October, 1686.

Timothy Stampe, admitted 16th May, 1682.

d It appears from the buttery books that provost Huntington had generally a non co., and therefore was absent from the hall.

lege, by whom a collection was lately made for, and the purse of charity well stuffed for, a reduced brother, who received their charity as follows in this list of benefactors :

From Sawney Richardson, a bottle of ale and two rolls.

From Mr. Hassit, a pair of old shoes.

From a kind-hearted butcher at Lazy Hill, a calf's

countenance.

From the right honourable lord Charlemont, a cast hat.

From Long Lawrence, an inch of tobacco.
From Mr. Ryder, a groat.

From Dr. Gwithers, an old glister-pipe.

From Mr. Marsh and sir Tenison, a bundle of godly ballads.

From Mr. Smith, an old pair of quilted stockings. From a tapster at the sign of the Hog in Armour, a

comfit.

From sir Goodlet,a a piece of an old smiglesius for a natural use, cunningly procured by the means of

sir Goodlet.

From sir Warren, for being freemasonized the new way, 58.

From Mr. Edward Hall, a pair of cast night-gloves. Lastly, from Mr. Hancock, a slice of Cheshire cheese; which the hungry brother eat up with such a gusto, and liked so well, that he stole away the rest in his breeches.

Tam liberâ potitus contributione, frater scoundrellus sarcinulas suas discessurus colligit, et vultu hilari, ori solito, quadrangulum transit; dumque præ nimio gaudio porrectiore incedit fronte, altioresque tendit gressus, quisnam inter homines obviam dedit illi, nisi frater fraterrimus Cooper ; qui ut fidelem novit hominem, festinatius accurrit, humaniter corripit dextram, utque moris est, spississimo conspuit basio: deinde Bibliothecam versus, comiter ambulant, ut inter cætera admirabilia Ridlæum visitent: quem dum hospes curiosis lynceis oculis perscrutatur, et diligentius rimatur, quantum homuncionis judices, carnifex, et medici, reliquerunt; proh dolor, inter partes an nobiliores, an posteriores nescio privatum fraternitatis notavit signum (Anglicè, the freemasons' mark). Quo viso, Dii boni, quanto clamore totam infecit domum. Ter et sæpius pulsavit pectus, exsangues dilaniavit genas, et eheu nimium dilaceratas dilaceravit vestes. Tandem vero paulo modestius insaniens, hujusmodi versiculis ridiculum effudit dolorem.

EULOGIUM RIDLÆANUM. AN ELEGY UPON RIDLEY.
Unhappy brother, what can be

In wretchedness compared to thee?
Thou grief and shame of our society!
Had we in due time understood
That thou wert of the brotherhood, '
By fraud or force thou had'st got loose
From shameful tree and dismal noose:
And now perhaps with life been blest,
As comely a brother as the best,
Not thus exposed a monumental jest;
When lady longs for college beer,
Or little dame or country squire
Walk out an afternoon, to look
On thee, and devil-raising book;
Who kindly rather chose to die,
Than blemish our fraternity;

The first of us e'er hang'd for modesty.
And now, alack and welladay,

Thy parchment hide is stuff'd with hay:

a James Goodlatt was admitted in February, 1683-4: elected scholar in 1687.

b We must not confound this person with one of the same name among the then junior fellows. This last was Dr. John Hall, whom Swift, in his account of lord Wharton, mentions with approbation. To him the Tripos nowhere alludes.

I find a person named Nat. Cooper, who, with Edward Hall, commenced A.B. in February 1682-3.

d Said to have been an informer against priests.

Nay, worse; the Esculapians,
Thy mighty misery to enhance,

Have cruelly cut thee out of countenance;

And, to show witty spite, at once
Preserved thy skin and lost thy bones.
Thus here in wooden hatch you stand,
With scornful musket at your hand:
The mice and rats' mock sentinel,
A poor ridiculous spectacle
To gibing Joan, to Kate and Nan,
Thou worse than skeleton of man-

So does he measure out his grief,
For loss of brother and of thief.
Nor less concern'd does Cooper stand;
But sobbing with his clout in hand,
And destitute of consolation,

Kept time with all his tribulation.

Their grumbling woe runs through and through them,
If all were known 'twould quite undo them.
The sighs which up and downward go
Their unfeigned sorrow show;
For the devil's in't, if they pretend
Who vent their grief at either end.

Hoc munere elaborato, non diutius lacrymis indulgent, sed dolore police suppresso, taciti discedunt. Protinus lodgum convocant, fratresque omnes certiores faciunt, quantum sibi infamiæ, et quantum miseriæ infelicissimo accedit fraterculo; graviter luget fraterculus et societas; et suspiriis ex imo pectore petitis, statim provisum est in posterum, nominem qui crucem meretur, vel qui suspendendus est, in societatem freemasonorum admitti: quo authoritate statuto, et albo lodgi prolato, singuli, tam generosi quam scoundrelli, solidissimis basiis promiscuè dicunt valedictionem. ACT III.

Enter a waddling Doctor, and his man JAMES. Doctor. James, have you read out the chapter, and can you tell how many days' work was the Creation? James. Marry, here's so many hard words, I can't remember.

Doctor. Well, but this is not the business now: you must get things in readiness against to-morrow.

James. Master, what's the matter with to-morrow more than another day?

Doctor. (Aside.) Oh, the ignorance of those people who are not mathematicians!-I tell you a supernatural thing will happen.

James. (Aside.) Oh, oh! this is the eclipsea now, I warrant.-Nay, master, as you say it, it is as sure as a gun. Then what mun I do, say you?

Doctor. Go to the steward and provide double commons; and be sure you call at the chandler's, for tomorrow I dine by candlelight.

James. Oh, the wonderful wonderfulness of you schollards! And what mun I bring drink in?

Doctor. A material question:-in the tankard, and do that in the morning.

James. Marry, but I had better buy a pitcher, so I had; and then I need not go so often as I do. This tankard, I wish it were hanged, so I do.

Doctor. What ails you at it? Why do you grumble? James. Grumble, quoth-a? I am sure it wears me more shoe-leather than a little; and I cannot say my prayers in a morning for it, so I can't.

Doctor. If I thought it did you any injury, or contributed to the doing you any harm, or were an irregular vessel, I would part with it; I would entertain it no more than I did my bed: go, then, and bring a pitcher. [Exeunt severally.

Enter SAINTY ASHE, and SAMUEL FOLEY, Senior
Fellows.

Sainty. Where do you keep your eclipse to-morrow?

In the Art of Verifying Dates," mention is made of an eclipse of the sun on the 5th November, 1686, and of another eclipse on 30th April, 1688. One of them is probably alluded

to here.

b The rev. St. George Ashe, Swift's tutor.

In the Philosophical Transactions we have an account of an eclipse observed at Dublin in 1684, by Ashe and Molyneux.

Sam. In my chamber. I do not care for groping my way to my dinner.

Sainty. What, will it be total? No gliminering to be allowed to eat our meat by?

Sam. So it seems. I have taken a great deal of pains to calculate it, and can now demonstrate it.

Sainty. If you please, I would be very glad to see your calculation.

Sam. Thus then :-Invenitur ex tabulis plenilunium medium, additâ, dimidia, lunatione; et tunc, ex postaphæresi et motu lunæ horario, inveniantur digiti ecliptici et parallexis altitudinis.

Sainty. Tis wonderful well; from whence I conclude, we are all like to be in the dark.

Sam. Ay, doubtless; or I'll burn my books. I would not want this little smattering in astronomy for a great deal, I protest.

Sainty. I confess there's some advantage in it.

Sam. Advantage! I could not live without it. I cut my hair by the stars; and will tell the physiognomy and sex of my child before my wife's brought to bed. Sainty. But do the planets never wander? are you not sometimes mistaken?

is

as easy to calculate an eclipse as to curl; and if Sam. Oh, never; at least in things of this kind: it you doubt in any point, I'll

Sainty. No, no, I'm satisfied: 'twill be as clear as the sun. [Exeunt.

The Scene, DROGHEDA. Enter MR. DOYLE and his Damsel NELLY: after them the Tapster, with a porringer of burnt brandy and a mutton-pie.

Doyle. Come, Nelly, sit down, and give me a kiss. Nelly. Fough, sir, stand off. I protest you smell so strong of brandy and tobacco, a body can't endure

you.

Doyle. Nay, leave this peevish humour, and sit down: if you knew who I'm to be, you'd be as kind to me as to the smith's boy.

Nelly. Pr'ythee, let go my apron, and do not pull

me so.

Doyle. But you won't hear me !-I tell you, woman, as simple as I stand here, I'm to be a fellow of Dublin College.

Nelly. You a fellow! Never the sooner for an hasty word. Pray keep your filthy hand away, or I'll cry

a We are now come to the infamous Bernard Doyle, who is the next person censured in the Tripos. He was admitted as a sizar on 14th April, 1678, under the tuition of Richard Acton, at the age of nineteen, and was born at Athione. On 11th July, 1685, he had the grace of the House for A.M. " per specialem gratiam." He was usher of the school at Drogheda; and on the merit of conforming to the religion of James II. sought to be admitted to the place of a Fellow of Trinity College, Dublin. To this end he presented a mandamus from the king on February 13, 1687-8, directed to the provost and senior fellows, and dated January 11, 1687-8, which required them to admit the said Doyle to a fellowship, then vacant (by the cession of Dr. George Mercer, who is mentioned also in the Tripos), or the first that should become so, without taking any oath but that of a fellow. When this oath was tendered to him by them, he refused to take it, as it was inconsistent with the religion he professed. And it having been represented by the college to the lord-lieutenant that Doyle was a person of shameful ignorance and scandalous immorality, he was pleased to order the mayor of Drogheda to take examinations upon oath relative to Mr. Doyle's conduct while usher of that school. For this purpose Mr. Downes, one of the fellows, went down thither; and it was proved, by examinations taken on the 9th, 10th, and 11th of March, that Doyle was guilty of tornication (having had two bastards), drunkenness, theft, and other crimes, such as violently assaulting and beating various persons. Notwithstanding this representation, Doyle persevered in his applications to lord Tyrconnel, and spared no kind of scandalous assertions against the college; but, in the mean time, Mr. Arthur Hasset procured a mandamus in his own favour, which he presented to the provost and fellows on the 16th April, 1688, and having satisfied them on the points which they proposed to him, he was sworn and admitted as fellow. He is mentioned in the Tripos, as is also Eleanor Wall, who was one of Doyle's mistresses-DR. BARRETT.

out, so I will. Come, come, sir, don't think you are with Peggy what-do-you-call-her.

Doyle. But I'll tell you, Nelly,

Nelly. Tell me no tellings; keep down your fingers and do not you tear my petticoats. I'm afraid 'twas for what you did in the blankets the dean made you stand in the white sheet.

Doyle. Here, drawer, t'other porringer of brandy, and so to pay. That, and this quarter cob, will put you into a little better humour. Come let us now let us

Nelly. In verity, Mr. Doyle, you have the cunningest way with you of pleasing a woman.-You see how loth I am to refuse a gentleman that's just on the point of preferment but hold, there's somebody coming. Enter the Drawer.

Drawer. This makes two and twopence now, besides the nineteen and sevenpence before; and my mistress bid me tell you she can trust no longer. Doyle. Why so, you scoundrel?

Drawer. Because you put her off with mandrakes from the king.

Doyle. Bid your mistress go hang herself; and look for her money, you whore's kitling. (Throws the mutton pie at him.) (Exit Drawer, maundering. Nelly. Why so sleepy, Mr. Doyle? Doyle. Oh, this scowering and lying most plagues me. Here, Nelly, here's to you. Aw, aw, I am damn'd sleepy, e'gad, damn'd sleepy. (Drops asleep. Nelly. Lie there, for a drunken sot. The collegians are like to have a sweet tool of thee for a fellow. But let me see what we have got in his pockets. Out upon the scoundrel! nothing but a pair of beads, two inches of tobacco and one of pipe. (The scene closes.

And here we leave him, and as he sleeps, take a view of his breeches, which I would describe, but they have so many ends, I know not where to begin. He that would presume to mend them would run the risk of a tinker botching a kettle; for, hydra-like, out of one hole would come three or four. You may compare

them to Jason's ship, they have not one jot of their primitive stuff left; or to Dr. Mercer's yarn stockings that were darned into worsted. The lining had served a long apprenticeship for itself, and therefore away it crept to set up for itself at the paper-mill. They were most worn at the codpiece and least at the pockets. The crow that borrowed feathers from her neighbours is the living emblem of these. Should every tailor's boy take his own cabbage, Mr. Doyle would be an heathen philosopher. Doll Kitchen coming into his kennel before he rose thought he had purloined her mop. By their shreds of all nations you would have thought they belonged to one of the freemasons that built Babel; but by the multiplicity of white fleas you would swear they had been campaigning with the Vacancy. 'Tis almost incredible so many cattle should thrive on so bare a pasture. Every night he dares venture them off he's in danger of losing them. Once when he lay without them they crept from the garret to the street-door, and had bid him adieu for ever, but his landlady seized them by an habeas corpus, and brought them to him with a pair of tongs. believe the ladies for once are tired of the breeches; and therefore, as dean Glandee says, "This one word of comfort and so have done." One morning, crawling their progress, they were devoured by a monkey, and the next day poor pug died of Pym's disease.

I

Quid obstat, Dii boni, quominus Dr. Bladen fiat Episcopus? Why should not Nick Knight be dean of St. Patrick's? En hominem, qui sodalitium ambit! (ut inquit Mr. Griffith) qui licet socius sit, nollem tamen ut socius esset meus. Et jam in mentem venit mihi, unde est quod nondum reddit socius ille erraticus; ni fallor, causam assignat Barclæus poeta hunc in modum:

* Tobias Pillein, the great patron of Doyle, until the enormiLes of the latter caused him to withdraw his protection.

Urbs spatiosa, potens opibus, tectisque superba,
O et præsidium, deliciæque meæ.
Quicquid mortalis fingit solertia curæ,

Vel natura suo parturit alma sinu;
Hæc tu sola dabis, &c.

Anglicè."

Let formal priests look grave and dull at home,
To whom the worth of a licentious town
Nor the gay blessings of a court are known.
Thither my wiser inclinations tend,
Where I a chirping bottle with a friend
May drink without control, nor stand in fear
Of every saucy ill-bred censurer;
Where I may strut along the mall, look big
In point cravat, and toss a flaxen wig.
Dress in a gawdy waistcoat, and may wear

A sword, cock'd hat, gold fringe, and whatsoe'er
The libertine town affords, to charm the fair.
Miror quod his de causis Magister Patrickson non
huc usque commoratus est Londini: sed

Quantum quisque sua nummorum servat in arca,
Tantum habet et gaudii.

Salve, Magister, gratulor tibi reduci; sunt qui affirmant te pedestri itinere Londinum versus ambulasse, quod mihi equidem vix credibile videtur; perfacetus etenim Milest se tibi socium præbuit, et jucundus comes est pro vehiculo (a good companion is as good as a coach).

Enter SIR MICHAEL CREAGH, and another Alderman.' Alderman. I have been man and boy in this town, let me see, some six-and-fifty years, and never knew the penny so hard to be got as now.

little

Sir Michael. Never despair, old boy. We have a brave young prince, and the world's our own.

Ald. Nay, I have not remembered salt butter so scarce a commodity, I know not the day when.

Sir M. Hang sorrow! Boy, fill me a glass of wine; more, more yet, fill it higher still. So here, father Greybeard, here is a health to the family of the Creaghs. Ald. I pledge you if it be sack. But now I think

on't, sir Michael, who was your father? Sir M. My father was a worthy gentleman, inferior to none of his rank, upon my honour. Ald. Adsheartlikens, you may be mistaken in that, I

assure you.

Sir M. Mistaken? No, sir; he was a travelling merchant; one that saw more towns than you have done chimneys.

Ald. But, under favour, sir Michael, I have heard scollards say he was a losopher?

Sir M. Ay, that may be too: he always took delight to carry books about with him.

Ald. But take me along with you: you reprehend me not; they say he carried books on his back. Sir M. say, I say, he was a north-country merchant, as I told you before. Come, drink your wine, and let us begone. (Exeunt.

Now you'll ask to what end I brought all these on the stage: to which I answer, I brought them in by head and shoulders, and out by head and shoulders, for nothing at all, as Mr. Bayes did his beasts.

Plurimis denuo salutatis et tot hominum ordinibus comiter exceptis, videor forsan reprehensione dignus, quod Machaonas omnes (Anglicè, the Simplers) negligenter prætermisi. Cur autem tristia horum fata et lacrymabilis nova metamorphosis non vos diutius latent,

This piece of poetry seems levelled at John Griffith, a senior fellow, then absent by a king's letter.-D. BARRETT. b I suppose the person here alluded to may have been Miles Samner, who originally received his education in Trinity College: after leaving it he had a command in the army of the parliament during the civil wars. He was made. by the then ruling powers, a fellow of Trinity College, Dublin, in 1652. He died shortly before the delivering of this piece. See more of him in the Harleian Miscellany. -DR. BARRETI.

Sir Michael Creagh was lord mayor of Dublin in 1688. and represented that city in the parliament of 1689. He was paymaster-general of king James's army.-DR. BARRETT.

The son of James II., born 10th June, 1688.-DR. BARRETT

cum certiores facti eritis ingenuos hosce Esculapii filios in plantas transmigrasse; injurià tamen non sum arguendus, quod schemate mortuos non excepi, the sad causes of whose death are at large described in this HEROIC POEM.

A worthy sage dwelt at All-Hallows,
That did defy all gaols and gallows:
His punctual honesty was such,

Some authors write, he had too much:
And lo! Actonio was his name,

Actonio loudly sung by Fame:
A wight inferior to none

For ponderosity of bum,

And that took more pains to go

Than coarse Jephsonio would to plough;
A mortal enemy to punning,
Nor mightily inclined to running.
He still with care did guard his heart
From all the wounds of Cupid's dart,
And yet was plump and soft confess'd,
All but his petrified breast,

That still, alas, did stubborn prove
To all the charming powers of love:
In town or court, no beauteous dame
E'er fann'd his passion to a flame;
For though he enjoy'd luxurious peace,
Melting his hours in holy ease,

He ne'er was vex'd by that unruly member,
But lived as chaste as cold December:

Though Cupids in his eyes did play,

Yet in his heart Diana lay.

Lively and sanguine was his face,
Though phlegmatic the other place;
Colour as good as ever struck,
But other things belied his look.
When drowsy Aurora rubb'd her eyes,
And came down stealing from the skies,
While that Sol's nags at mangers tarry,
Before the clerks say, Ave-Mary,
Actonio with his learned friends,
From soaking downy bed descends,
And, with the charioteer's assistance,
Heaving himself with all puissance,
He waddles into coach marine,
And jogs his way, a-simpleing.

And now they reach the enchanted shore,
Where Circe, in the days of yore,
By powerful herbs disposed of doom,
And magic spells did charm the moon;
Whilst tired here with the toils of day,
Our hero picking scious lay;
Rolling securely on the grass,
Too nigh a fatal precipice,
Adown, badown he drops,

"Twixt cruel unrelenting rocks:

Three times he made effort to rise, But thrice and thrice would not suffice; His weighty crupper kept him down, To seas and rocks to make his moan. Dumque hic vicini maris auget murmura, dum liquido dolore tristissimum plorat fatum, et philosophorum adagiis se miserum solari conatur, Esculapius filii sui querelis mitem præbens aurem, et paternâ commotus misericordia, heroem nostrum in umbilicum Veneris transformavit.

Socii nequicquam plorant amissum :
Non illos Cereris, non illos cura quietis
Abstrahere inde potest.

Sed iteratis clamoribus surdum feriunt littus: ægra terque quaterque pulsant pectora: altâ voce deorum proclamant tyrannidem; nec diutius insano luctui indulgent, sed pedibus telluri affixis, pellibusque in cortices mutatis,

-nulli color qui fuit ante, manet." Singulis novæ subeunt formæ ; et mirâ quadam metamorphosi in plantas proinde, ut hic sequitur, transmu

tantur :

Magister Downes in cupressum; Magister Smith in In a satire written in 1682, upon the members of the college, Acton is thus described:

Next him sat Acton's belly, big as tun.

b In "The Lady's Dressing-room," we have an instance of Swift using this uncommon word, adown.

e These lines strongly resemble the style of John Barclay. At the beginning of the ARGENIS we find the words," sermonem occupavit," as in this Tripos, in Act I. we find "totum occupare

sermonem."

Nescio an inspexti Narcissi, Posthume, fontem :
Hoc scio, deliras, Posthume, amore tui.
Ille tamen meritò: nam quod malesanus amavit,
Ante quidem id multis causa furoris erat.
At tua non paulo est major vesania, qui te,
Sed sine rivali, Posthume, solus amas.

Sed dicat mihi quis, quod in totâ hâc corona, vel potius crowdo et presso, nondum vidi dominum Terrill: ni fallor, if he be not here, he's at home with his wife, who, to gain entirely his affections, sent him this stratagemical epistle.

The quondam widow, sir Terrill's mistress, hearing he had laid siege to the bookbinder's sister, and therefore fearing he should give her the willow, partly to be revenged of her rival, partly to secure him to herself, writes to him this epistle :

Sir, I am informed you design to bind yourself to the stationer's sister; if so, take it from a friend, she's a gentlewoman in folio, and consequently will be very tedious to a young student. I was concerned to hear the crafty citizen intended to put into your hands the lumber of his shop; and therefore entreat you, if you have any kindness for yourself, to have nothing to do with that musty piece, whose worm-eaten cover may inform you she has been cheapened above these twenty years; and the reason she did not go off is, she was found so old and thumbed that she was not fit to be perused, and of so little value that none thought her worthy the press. Besides, sir, she has lived some time in a learned house, where, it may be presumed, for good reasons, that some of the young scholars, for their curiosity, might ruffle her leaves.-If what I've said cannot dissuade you, do but turn her over carefully, and 'tis very probable you'll find she has been abused, at least in the sheets, if not in the setting forth of a new edition blotted in the impression.

Sir, your humble servant, JANE BANKS. And now, belike I have made a fair afternoon's work on't. I have not left myself one friend of the mammon of unrighteousness. If I go to the kitchen, the steward will be my enemy as long as he breathes; if to the cellar, the butler will dash my ale with water; and the clerk of the buttery will score up my offences five-fold. If I betake myself to the library, Ridley's ghost will haunt me for scandalizing him with the name of freemason. If I fly to the divines for succour, dean Manby and archdeacon Baynard will pervert me; Dr. King will break my head because I am a Priscian; and Dr. Foy is so full of spleen he'll worry me. Mrs. Horncastle and sir Maddison will talk with me. Mother Jenkinson won't furnish me with cale and bacon on Christmasday, and Dr. Loftus will bite me. The virtuosi will set their brains a-work for gimcracks to pull my eyes out. The freemasons will banish me their lodge, and bar me the happiness of kissing Long Lawrence. And the astronomers won't allow me one good star, nor inform me when the sun will be totally eclipsed that I may provide myself with candles. Mr. Loftus and Mr. Lloyd will nose me; Mr. Allen will eat me without salt; Dr. Acton too I fear will fall on me. Nay, the very provost will shake his head at me, and scour away from me.-But that which makes my calamity most insupportable and me weary of your company is, that in all my tribulation you do nothing but laugh at me, and therefore I take my leave.

A LETTER TO A MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT IN IRELAND,

ON CHOOSING A NEW SPEAKER THERE IN THE YEAR 1708.

[The Whig ministers were determined to abolish the sacramental test, and Swift finally succeeded in frustrating their plan. This letter has immediate reference to the controversy.]

SIR,-You may easily believe I am not at all surprised at what you tell me, since it is but a confirmation of my own conjecture that I sent you last week, and made you my reproaches upon at a venture. It looks exceedingly strange, yet I believe it to be a great truth, that, in order to carry a point in your house, the two following circumstances are of great advantage; first to have an ill cause, and secondly to be a minority. For both these circumstances are extremely apt to invite men to make them assiduous in their attendance, watchful of opportunities, zealous for gaining over proselytes, and often successful; which is not to be wondered at when favour and interest are on the side of their opinion. Whereas, on the contrary, a majority with a good cause are negligent and supine. They think it sufficient to declare themselves upon opinion in favour of their party; but sailing against the tide of favour and preferment they are easily scattered and driven back. In short they want a common principle to cement, and motive to spirit them: for the bare acting upon a principle from the dictates of a good conscience, or prospect of serving the public, will not go very far under the present dispositions of mankind. This was amply verified last session of parliament upon occasion of the money-bill, the merits of which I shall not pretend to examine. It is enough that, upon the first news of its transmission hither in the form in which it afterwards appeared, the members, upon discourse with their friends, seemed unanimous against it; I mean those of both parties except a few who were looked upon as persons ready to go any lengths prescribed them by the court. Yet, with only a weak canvassing among a very few hands, the bill passed after a full debate by a very great majority. Yet I believe you will hardly attempt persuading me or anybody else that one man in ten of those who changed their language were moved by reasons any way affecting the merits of the cause, but merely through hope, fear, indolence or good manners. Nay, I have been assured from good hands, that there was still a number sufficient to make a majority against the bill if they had not apprehended the other side to be secure; and therefore thought it imprudence by declaring themselves to disoblige the government to no purpose.

Reflecting upon this and forty other passages in the several houses of commons since the revolution makes me apt to think there is nothing a chief governor can be commanded to attempt here wherein he may not succeed with a very competent share of address, and with such assistance as he will always find ready at his devotion. And therefore I repeat what I said at first, that I am not at all surprised at what you tell me. For, if there had been the least spark of public spirit left, those who wished well to their country and its constitution in church and state should, upon the first news of the late speaker's promotion, (and you and I know it might have been done a great deal sooner,) have immediately gone together and consulted about the fittest person to succeed him. But by all I can comprehend, you have been so far from proceeding thus, that it hardly ever came into any of your heads. And the reason you give is the worst in the world: That none offered themselves, and you knew not whom to pitch upon. It seems however the other party was more resolved, or at least not so modest: for you say your vote is engaged against your opinion, and several

gentlemen in my neighbourhood tell me the same story of themselves. This I confess is of an unusual strain, and a good many steps below any condescensions a court will I hope ever require from you. I shall not trouble myself to inquire who is the person for whom you and others are engaged, or whether there be more candidates from that side than one. You tell me nothing of either; and I never thought it worth the question to anybody else. But in so weighty an affair, and against your judgment, I cannot look upon you as irrevocably determined. Therefore I desire you will give me leave to reason with you a little upon the subject; lest your compliance or inadvertency should put you upon what you may have cause to repent of as long as you live.

You know very well the great business of the highflying Whigs at this juncture is to endeavour a repeal of the test clause. You know likewise that the moderate men, both of high and low church, profess to be wholly averse from this design, as thinking it beneath the policy of common gardeners to cut down the only hedge that shelters from the north. Now I will put the case: If the person to whom you have promised your vote be one of whom you have the least apprehension that he will promote or assent to the repealing of that clause, whether it be decent or proper he should be the mouth of an assembly whereof a very great majority pretend to abhor his opinion! Can a body whose mouth and heart must go so contrariwise ever act with sincerity or hardly with consistency? Such a man is no proper vehicle to retain or convey the sense of the house, which in so many points of the greatest moment will be directly contrary to his. It is full as absurd as to prefer a man to a bishopric who denies revealed religion. But it may possibly be a great deal worse. What if the person you design to vote into that important post should not only be a declared enemy of the sacramental test, but should prove to be a solicitor and encourager, or even a penner, of addresses to complain of it? Do you think it so indifferent a thing that a promise of course, the effect of compliance, importunity, shame of refusing, or any the like motive, shall oblige you past the power of retracting?

Perhaps you will tell me, as some have already had the weakness, that it is of little importance to either party to have a speaker of their side, his business being only to take the sense of the house and report it; that you often at committees put an able speaker into the chair on purpose to prevent him from stopping a bill. Why, if it were no more than this, I believe I should hardly choose, even among my footmen, such a one to deliver a message whose interest and opinion led him to wish it might miscarry. But I remember to have heard colonel Birch of Herefordshire say, "That he was a very sorry! speaker whose single vote was not better than fifty common ones." I am sure it is reckoned in England the first great test of the prevalency of either party in the house. Sir Thomas Lyttleton thought that a house of commons with a stinking breath (supposing the speaker to be the mouth) would go near to infect everything within the walls, and a great deal without. It is the smallest part of an able speaker's business what he performs in the house, at least if he be in with the court, when it is hard to say how many converts may be made in a circle of dinners or private cabals. And you and I easily call to mind a gentleman in that station in England who, by his own arts and personal credit, was able to draw over a majority, and change the whole power of a prevailing side in a nice juncture of affairs, and make a parliament expire in one party who had lived in another.

I am far from an inclination to multiply party causes; but surely the best of us can with very ill