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year for ever, by lowering the gold coin, against the petition of all the merchants, fhopkeepers, &c. to a man. May his own eftate be lowered the other forty parts; for we now lofe by all gold two and a half per cent. He will be a better (that is to fay, a worfe) marr by 60,000 1. than he was when he came over, and the nation better (that is to fay worfe) by above half a million ; befides the worthy method he hath taken in difpofal of employments in church and ftate. Here is a curfed long libel running about in manufcript on the legion club. It is in verfe, and the foolish town imputes it to me. There were not above thirteen abufed (as it is faid) in the original; but others have added more, which I never faw; though I have once read the true one. I have often given my opinion, that an honest man never wifhed himself to be younger. My fentiment, I find, ought not to have been univerfal, because, to my forrow, I have lived to change. I have feen fince the death of the late Queen (who had few equals before her in every virtue, fince monarchy began) fo great a contempt of religion, morality, liberty, learning, and common sense, among us in this kingdom; a hundred degrees beyond what I ever met with in any writer, ancient or modern. I am very confident, that a complete hiftory of the foolish, wicked, weak, malicious, ruinous, factious, unaccountable, ridiculous, abfurd proceedings in this kingdom, would contain twelve large volumes in folio, of the smallest letter in the largest paper. What has Fowlbrother * done to provoke you? I either never heard, or have forgot your provocations; but he was a fellow I have never been able to endure. If it can be done, I will have it printed; and the title fhall be, Upon a certain bookseller (or printer) in Utopia.- Mrs Whiteway will be here to morrow, and she will answer your fincere, open-hearted letter, very particularly; for which I will now leave room. So adieu for one night.
I AM most fincerely obliged to you for all the you have faid to me, and of me to the Dean. I found the
good effects of them this day: when I waited on
him, be re
Fairbrother. See the laft letter, and the fubfequent part of this
ceived me with great good humour; Jaid fomething had hap pened fince be faw me laft, that had convinced him of my merit; that he was forry he had treated me with fo little diftinction, and that hereafter 1 should not be put upon the foot of an bumble companion, but treated like a lady of wit, and learning, and fortune; that if he could prevail on Dr Sheridan to part with his wife, he would make ber kis friend, his nurse, and the manager of his family. I approved entirely of his choice; and at the fame time expressed my fears, that it would be impoffible for you to think of living without her. This is all that flicks with me. But confidering the friendship you express to me for the Dean, I hope you will be perfuaded to confider bis good rather than your own, and fend her up immediately; or else it will put him to" the expence of giving three fhillings and four pence for a wife; and he declares, that the badness of pay of his tithes, fince the refolutions of the parliament of Ireland, puts this out of his power.
I could not guess why you were fo angry at Fowlbrother; till Mrs Whiteway, who you find is now with mne, faid it was for publishing fome works of yours and mine like a rogue; which is fo ufual to their trade, that I now am weary of being angry with it. I go on, to defire that Mrs Donaldfon* will let me know what I owe her, not in juftice, but generofity. If you could find wine and victuals, I could be glad to pafs fome part of the fummer with you, if health would permit me; for I have fome club-enemies, that would be glad to fhoot me, and I do not love to be fhot: it is a death I have a particular averfion to. But I fhall henceforth walk with fervants well armed, and have ordered them to kill my killers; however, I would have them be the beginners. I will do what I can with Mr R—, who (money excepted) is a very honeft man. How is your breathing? As to myfelf, my life and health are not worth a groat. How fhall we get wine to your cabin? I can spare fome; and am preparing diaculum to fave my skin as far as Cavan, and even to Belturbut. Pray God preferve you.
*An inkeeper at Cavan.
I am, &c.
Dr SWIFT to Dr SHERIDAN.
Dublin, June 5. 1736.
must pay your groat (as if you had been drunk laft night) for this letter; because I am neither acquainted with any frank cur, nor the
frank king. I am glad you have got the piles, because it is a mark of health, and a strong conftitution. I believe what you fay of the legion club poem; for it plainly appears a work of a legion club; for I hear there are fifty different copies; but what's that to me? And you are in the right, that they are not treated according to their merit. You never writ fo regularly in your life; and therefore when you write to me, always take care to have the piles; I mean any piles except thofe of lime and stone; and yet piles are not fo bad as the flone. I find you intend to be here (by your date) in a dozen days hence. The room fhall be ready for you; though I shall never have you in a morning, or at dinner, or in an evening; at all other times I fhall be peftered with you. John R- (for he does not deferve the name of Jack) is gone to his fix miles off country-feat for the fummer. I admire at your bill of 101. odd; for I thought your firft was double or is it an additional one? When you fatisfy me, I will fend down to him with a vengeance; although, except that damned vice of avarice, he is a very agreeable man.As to your venifon, vain is one who expects it. I am checking you for your chickens, and could lamb you for your lambs. Addenda quædam.
My wife a rattling,
My children tattling,
My money spent is,
And due my rent is.
The author held puns in contempt, but would fometimes make himself merry with them,
My School decreafing,
My income ceafing.
All people teafe me,
Your geefe are old,
Your wife a scold.
You live among ill folks in a dungbill.
You never have an old friend at Cavan. Mrs Whiteway is ever your friend; but your old ones have forfaken you, as mine have me. My head is very bad; and I have just as much spirits left as a drowned mouse. Pray do not you give yourself airs of pretending to have flies in fummer at Cavan; and fuch a no fum. mer as this. I, who am the best fly-catcher in the kingdom, have not thought it worth my time to fhow my skill in that art. I believe nothing of your garden-improvements; for I know you too well. What you fay of your leanness is incredible; for when I saw you last, you were as broad as long. But if you continue to breathe free, (which nothing but exercife can give), you may be fafe with as little flesh as I, which is none at all.. I had your letter juft before this was fealed i but I cannot answer it now.
Dr SWIFT to Dr SHERIDAN.
July 10. 1736.
Latin and English, one following the other: now
• Dr Jofiah Hort, then Bishop of Kilmore.
I fcorn that way, and put both languages in one. However, for the fake of order, I will begin with answering your fecond letter before the firft, because it deferves one on account of your prefents. From bogs, rivers, mountains, moffes, quagmires, heaths, lakes, kennels, ditches, weeds, &c. &c. &c. &c.- Mrs Whiteway was pleafed, although very unjustly, to criticife upon every curiofity. She fwears, the paper of gravel was of your own voiding, as the found by the fmell: that your whole artichoak leaf fhows its mother to be smaller than a nutmeg; and I confefs you were fomewhat unwary in expofing it to cenfure. Your rafberry the compared with the head of a corking-pin, and the latter had the victory. Your currants were invifible, and we could not diftinguish the red from the black. Your purflane paffed very well with me, but fhe fwore it was houfe-leek. She denies your Cavan fly to be genuine ; but will have it, that, for the credit of your town, you would have it born there, although Mrs Donaldfon confeffes it was fent her in a box of brown sugar, and died as it entered the gates. Mrs Whiteway proceeds fur• ther in her malice, declaring your nafturtium to be only a p.fs a-bed; your beans as brown as herself, and of the fame kind with what we fatten hogs in Leicesterfhire. In one thing the admires your generofity, that, for her fake, you would fpare a drop or two of your canal water, which by the fpongy bottom needs it fo much. The only defects of them all were, that they wanted colour, fight, and fmell; yet, as to the last, we both acknowledged them all to exhale a general fustinefs, which however did much refemble that of your Cavan air.
Dr SWIFT to Dr SHERIDAN.
Received your letter, which begun with lings *: You have thirteen in all, and I have got but a hundred
A termination whimsically applied. See the next letter.