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and fixty; a trifle! Find me ten more than mine, and I will give you ten guineas for the eleventh. Mine are all down, and only twelve, which are not entered in a letter; which I will fend you when health permits, and I have nothing else to do; and that may be a twelve. month hence, if my diforder will let me hold out fo long. You were born to be happy, for you take the leaft piece of good fortune chearfully. I fuppofe your arithmetic is, that three boys a week are a hundred and fifty-nine in a year; and feven guineas a-week are three hundred and fixty five per annum. Can you reckon, that the county, and the next, and Dublin, will provide you with thirty lads in all, and good pay, of which a dozen fhall be lodgers? Does the cheapness of things answer your expectation? Have you fent away your late younger-married daughter? and will you fend away the other! Let me defire you will be very regular in your accounts ; because a very honeft friend of your's and mine tells me, that, with all your honefty, it is an uneafy thing to have any dealings with you that relate to accounts, by your frequent forgetfulness and confufion; for you have no notion of regularity; and I do not wonder at it, confidering the scattered, confufed manner in which you have lived. Mrs Whiteway thanks you for the good opinion you have of her; and I know the always loved and defended you. I cannot tell when I fhall be able to travel. I have three other engagements on my hands, but the principal is to fee the Bishop of Offory. Yet I dread the lying abroad above five miles. I am never well. Some fudden turns are every day threatening me with a giddy fit; and my affairs are terribly imbroiled. I have a scheme of living with you, when the Collegegreen club is to meet for in thefe times I deteft the town, and hearing the follies, corruptions, and flavish practices of thofe mifreprefentative brutes; and re. folve, if I can ftir, to pass that whole time at Bath or Cavan. I fay again, keep very regular accounts, in large books, and a fair hand; not like me, who, to fave pa per, confuse every thing. Your mind is honest, but your memory a knave; and therefore the Scotch mean the fame thing by minding, that we do by remembering. Sirrah, faid I to a Scotch footman, why did you not go
that errand? Because I did not mind it, quo' Sawny. A curfe on these twenty foldiers drumming through my liberty twice a-day, and going to a barrack the government hath placed juft under my nofe. I think of a line in Virgil Travefty. The d-l cut their yelping weajons. We expect Lord Orrery and Bishop Rundle next week.
This letter was intended for last post, but interruptions and horses hindered it. Poor Mrs Achefon is relapsed at Grange, and worse than ever. I was there yesterday, and met Dr H-m, who hopes fhe was a little better.- 16. Here has no body been hanged, married, or dead, that I hear of. Dr Grattan is confined by a boil; if you ask him where, he will fell you a bargain. My chief country-companion now is philofopher Webber; for the Grattans and Jackfons are neither to be found at home or abroad, except Robin, who cannot ftir
Dr SWIFT to Dr SHERIDAN.
April 9. 1737. Bout a month ago I received your last letter, wherein you complain of my long filence; what will you do when I am fo long in anfwering? I have one excufe which will ferve for all my friends; I am quite worn out with disorders of mind and body; a long fit of deafness, which still continues, hath unqualified me for converfing, or thinking, or reading, or hearing; to all this is added an apprehenfion of giddinefs, whereof I have frequently fome frightful touches. Befides, I can hardly write ten lines without twenty blunders, as you will fee by the number of fcratchings and blots before this letter is done in to the bargain, I have not one rag of memory left; and my friends have all forfaken me, except Mrs Whiteway, who preferves fome pity for my condition; and a few others, who love wine that cofts
* Called now the poddle-guard, and kept within the liberties of St Patrick's to fuppress riots,
them nothing. As to my taking a journey to Cavan, I am juft as capable as of a voyage to China, or of running races at Newmarket. But to speak in the Latinitas Grattaniana, Tu clamas meretrix primus; for we have all expected you here at Eafter, as you were used to do.
Your mufter-roll of meat is good, but cf drink in fup port able. Yew wann twine. My ftrefs Albavia has eaten here all your hung beef, and said it was very good. The affair of high importance in their family is, that Mifs Molly hath iffued out orders, with great penalties, to be called Mrs Harrison: which caufeth many fpeck you'll afh owns.— I am now come to the noli me tan jerry, which begg inns wyth Mad dam.- - So I will go on, by the strength of my own wit, upon points of the high eft imp or taunts. I have been very curious in confidering that fruitful word ling; which explains many fine qualities in ladies; fuch as, grow ling, ray ling, tip ling, (feldom) toy ling, mumb ling, grumb ling, curr ling, pufs ling, bufs ling, firow ling, ramb ling, quarry ling, tat ling, whiff ling, dabb ling, doubling. Thefe are but as ample o fan hunn dread mower they have all got cold this winter, big owing tooth in lick lad ink old wet her, and dare ink you rabble. -Well, I triumph over you, Is corn urine cap a city. Pray tell me, does the land of Quilca pay any rent? or is any paid by the tenant ? or is there not any part of 50l. to be got ? But before you make complaints of ill payments from your school, I will declare I was never fo ill paid as now, even by my richer debtors. I have finished my will for the last time; wherein I left fome little legacy, which you are not to receive till you fhall be entirely out of my debt, and paid all you owe me to my executors. And I have made very honourable mention of you in the will, as the confideration of my leaving thefe legacies to you.
Explain this proverb. Salt dry fish, and the weddinggold, is the vice of women both young and old. Yes, you have it i nam o mento time. The old huncks Shepherd has buried his only fon, who was a young huncks come
Here is a rhyme; it is a fatire on an inconftant lover.
You are as faithlefs as a Carthaginian,
To love at once Kate, Nell, Doll, Martha, Jenny, Anne.
A fpecimen of Latinitas Grattaniana.
E Voca Super me cras.
GO ludam diabolum fuper duos baculos cum te.
Profecto ego dabo tibi tuum ventrem plenum legis.
Ego faciam te fumare.
Duc uxorem veni super.
Ego dabo tibi pyxidem in aure.
Ego faciam te fecare faltum.
Veni, veni, folve tuum Jcotum, et fac non plura verba. Id eft plus expenfi quam veneratio.
Si tu es pro lege, dabo tibi legem, tuum ventrem plenum. Ut diabolus voluit habere id.
Quid eft materia tecum ?
Tu habes vetus proverbium fuper tuum latus:
Nihil eft nunquam in periculo.
Cape me apud illud, et fufpende me.
Morfus: Efne tu ibi cum tuis urfis?
· Ille eft ex fuper fuam fervationem.
Tu eft carcer avis.
Ego amo mendacem in meo corde, et tu aptas me ad crinem. Ego dicam tibi quid: Hic eft magnus clamor, et parva lana. Quid! tu es fuper tuum altum equum.
Tu nunquam fervasti tuum verbum.
Hic eft diabolus et omne agere,
Vifne tu effe tam bonus, quam tuum verbum ?
Ego faciam porcum vel canem de id.
Ego fervo hoc pro pluviofo die.
Ego poffum facere id cum digito madido.
Profeo ego babui nullam manum in id.
Efne tu in aure nido?
Tu eft homo extranei renis.
Ego intro non in tuas querelas.
Ego feci amorem virgini bonoris.
Quomodo venit id circum, quod tu ludis flultum ita?
Vos ibi, fac viam pro meo domino.
Omnes focii apud pedem pilam.
Fæminæ et linteum afpiciunt optime per candelæ lucem.
Dr SWIFT to Dr SHERIDAN.
Will on Monday (this is Saturday, May 22. as you will read below in the date fend or talk to Mr Smith but I diftruft your fanguinity fo much, (by my own defponding temper), that I know not whether that affair of your jufticeship be fixed; but I fhall know next week, and write or act accordingly. I battled in vain with the Duke and his clan against the lowering of gold, which is just a kind fettlement upon England of 25,000l. a year for ever. Yet fome of my friends differ from me, though all agree that the abfentees will be juft fo much gainers. I am exceffively glad that your difficulty of breathing is over; for what is life but breath? I mean not that of our nostrils, but our lungs. You must in fummer ride every half-holiday, and go to church every Sunday fome miles off. The people of England are copying from us to plague the clergy; but they intend far to outdo the original. I wish I were to be born next century, when we fhall be utterly rid of parfons, of which, God be thanked, you are none at prefent; and until your Bishop give you a living, I will leave off (except this letter) giving you the title of Reverend. I did write him lately a letter with a witnefs, relating to his printer of quadrille, (did you ever fee it), with which he half ruined Faulkner.
*This should have been dated 22d May 1737, but is not.