Page images
PDF
EPUB

Sometimes I read a book with pleasure, and detest the author.

At a bookfeller's fhop, fome time ago, I faw a book with this title, Poems by the author of the Choice*. Not enduring to read a dozen lines, I asked the company with me, whether they had ever feen the book or heard of the poem from whence the author denominated himfelf; they were all as ignorant as I. But I find it com mon with thefe fmall dealers in wit and learning, to give themselves a title from their first adventure, as Don Quixote ufually did from his laft. This arifeth from that great importance which every man fuppofeth himfelf to be of.

One Dennis, commonly called the critic, who had writ a three-penny pamphlet against the power of France, being in the country, and hearing of a French privateer hovering about the coaft, although he were twenty miles from the fea, fled to town, and told his friends, they need not wonder at his hafte; for the King of France having got intelligence where he was, had fent a privateer on purpofe to catch him †.

Dr Gee, prebendary of Weftminster, who had writ a fmall paper against Popery, being obliged to travel for his health, affected to difguife his perfon and change his name, as he paffed through Portugal, Spain, and Italy; telling all the English he met, that he was afraid of being murdered, or put into the inquifition. He was acting the fame farce at Paris, till Mr Prior (who was then fecretary to the embaffy) quite difconcerted the Doctor, by maliciously difcovering the fecret, and offering to engage body for body, that not a creature would hurt him, or had ever heard of him or his pamphlet.

A chambermaid to a lady of my acquaintance, thirty miles from London, had the very fame turn of thought. When talking with one of her fellow. fervants, fhe faid, "I hear it is all over London already, that I am going "to leave my lady." And fo had a footman, who being newly married, defired his comrade to tell him freely what the town faid of it.

*The Rev. Mr Pomfret, a diffenting mister.

Sec An account of the phrenzy of John Denis, in vɔl. 5. p. 308.

When

66 a

When fomebody was telling a certain great minister, that people were discontented; "Poh," faid he, "half dozen fools are prating in a coffeehouse, and pre"fently think their own noife about their ears is made "by the world."

The death of a private man is generally of fo little importance to the world, that it cannot be a thing of great importance in itself; and yet I do not observe, from the practice of mankind, that either philofopy or nature have fufficiently armed us against the fears which attend it. Neither do I find any thing able to reconcile us to it, but extreme pain, fhame, or despair; for poverty, imprisonment, ill fortune, grief, fickness, and old age, do generally fail.

Whence comes the custom of bidding a woman look upon her apron-strings to find an excufe? Was it not from the apron of fig-leaves worn by Eve, when fhe covered herself, and was the first of her fex who made a bad excufe, for eating the forbidden fruit?

I never wonder to fee men wicked, but I often wonder to fee them not afhamed.

Do not we see how eafily we pardon our own actions and paffions, and the very infirmities of our bodies; why fhould it be wonderful to find us pardon our own dul. nefs?

Dignity and station, or great riches, are in fome fort neceffary to old men, in order to keep the younger at a distance, who are otherwise too apt to infult them upon the fcore of their age.

There is no vice or folly that requires fo much nicety and skill to manage, as vanity; nor any which by ill management makes fo contemptible a figure.

Obfervation is an old man's memory.

Politics are nothing but corruptions, and are confe quently of no ufe to a good king or a good ministry ; for which reafon all courts are fo full of politics.

Eloquence fmooth and cutting, is like a razor whetted with oil.

Imaginary evils foon becomes real ones, by indulging our reflections on them; as he who in a melancholy fancy fees fomething like a face on the wall or the wainfcot, can, by two or three touches with a lead pencil,

make

make it look vifible, and agreeing with what he fancied.

Men of great parts are often unfortunate in the management of public business, because they are apt to go out of the common road, by the quickness of their imagination. This I once faid to my Lord Bolingbroke, and defired he would obferve, that the clerks in his office used a sort of ivory knife with a blunt edge, to divide a fheet of paper, which never failed to cut it even, only requiring a strong hand; whereas, if they fhould make ufe of a fharp penknife, the fharpnefs would make it go often out of the creafe, and disfigure the paper.

He who does not provide for his own houfe, St Paul fays, is worse than an infidel. And I think, he who provides only for his own house, is just equal with an infidel.

Jealousy, like fire, may thrivel up horns, but it makes them stink.

A footman's hat fhould fly off to every body; and therefore Mercury, who was Jupiter's footman, had wings faftened to his cap.

When a man pretends love, but courts for money, he is like a juggler, who conjures away your fhilling, and conveys fomething very indecent under the hat.

All panegyrics are mingled with an infufion of

poppy. I have known men happy enough at ridicule, who, upon grave fubjects, were perfectly ftupid; of which Dr Echard of Cambridge, who writ The contempt of the clergy, was a great inftance.

One top to Apollo.

of Parnaffus was facred to Bacchus, the other

Matrimony hath many children; Repentance, Dif cord, Poverty, Jealoufy, Sicknefs, Spleen, Loathing, &c. Vifion is the art of feeing things invisible.

The two maxims of any great man at court are, Always to keep his countenance; and, Never to keep his word.

I asked a poor man how he did? He said, he was like a wahball, always in decay.

Hippocrates, aph. 32. fe. 6. obferves, that ftuttering people are always fubject to a loofenefs. I with phyficians had power to remove the profufion of words in many people to the inferior parts.

VOL. VIII.

Сс

A

A man dreamed he was a cuckold; a friend told him it was a bad fign, because when a dream is true, Virgil fays it paffes through the horned gate.

Love is a flame; and therefore we fay, beauty is attractive; because physicians obferve that fire is a great

drawer.

Civis, the most honourable name among the Romans; a citizen, a word of contempt among us.

A lady who had gallantries and several children, told her husband, he was like the auftere man, who reaped where he did not fow.

We read that an afs's head was fold for eighty pieces of filver; they have been lately fold ten thousand times dearer, and yet they were never more plentiful.

I must complain the cards are ill fhuffled, till I have a good hand.

Very few men do properly live at present, but are providing to live another time.

When I am reading a book, whether wife or filly, it feems to me to be alive, and talking to me.

Whoever live at a different end of the town from me, I look upon as perfons out of the world, and only myfelf and the scene about me to be in it.

When I was young, I thought all the world, as well as myself, was wholly taken up in difcourfing upon the laft new play.

My Lord Cromarty, after fourscore, went to his country houfe in Scotland, with a refolution to stay fix years there, and live thriftily, in order to fave up money, that he might spend in London.

It is faid of the horses in the vifion, that their power was in their mouths and in their tails. What is faid of horfes in the vifion, in reality may be faid of women.

Elephants are always drawn fmaller than the life, but a flea always larger.

When old folks tell us of many paffages in their youth between them and their company, we are apt to think how much happier those times were than the prefent.

Why does the elder fifter dance barefoot, when the younger is married before her? Is it not that he may appear fhorter, and confequently be thought younger than the bride?

No

No man will take counsel, but every man will take money; therefore money is better than counsel.

I never yet knew a wag (as the term is) who was not a dunce.

A perfon reading to me a dull poem of his own making, I prevailed on him to fcratch out fix lines together ; in turning over the leaf, the ink being wet, it marked as many lines on the other fide; whereof the poet complaining, I bid him be eafy, for it would be better if thofe were out too.

At Windfor I was obferving to my Lord Bolingbroke, that the tower where the maids of honour lodged (who at that time were not very handfone) was much frequented with crows. My Lord faid, it was because they fimelt carrion.

The STORY of the INJURED LADY.

SIR,

Written by herself.

In a Letter to her FRIEND.

With his ANSWER.

Eing ruined by the inconftancy and unkindness of a

my miffortunes may be of ufe and warning to credulous maids, never to put too much trust in deceitful men.

*

A gentleman in the neighbourhood had two miftreffes, another and myself; and he pretended honourable love to us both. Our three houses stood pretty near one another. His was parted from mine by a ri ver, and from my rival's by an old broken wall. But before I enter into the particulars of this gentleman's hard usage of me, I will give a very juft impartial character of my rival and myself.

England.

Scotland and Ireland.

The Irish fea.
The Picts wall.

Cc 2

As

« PreviousContinue »