tended to my helping myself, than what I had done; that I had made all the pleas I ever could have made to all eternity; and that all my pleas were vain. The tumult that had been before in my mind was now quieted; and I was something eased of that distress which I felt, whilst struggling against a sight of myself, and of the divine sovereignty. I had the greatest certainty that my state was for ever miserable, for all that I could do; and wondered, and was almost astonished, that I had never been sensible of it before. In the time while I remained in this state, my notions respecting my duties were quite different from what I had ever entertained in times past. Before this, the more I did in duty the more I thought God was obliged to me, or, at least, the more hard I thought it would be for God to cast me off; though at the same time I confessed, and thought I saw that there was no goodness or merit in my duties: but now the more I did in prayer, or any other duty, the more I saw I was indebted to God for allowing me to ask for mercy; for I saw it was self-interest that led me to pray, and that I had never once prayed from any respect to the glory of God. Now I saw there was no necessary connection between my prayers and the bestowment of divine mercy that they laid not the least obligation upon God to bestow his grace upon me; and that there was no more virtue or goodness in them, than there would be in my paddling with my hand in the water, which was the comparison I had then in my mind; and this because they were not performed from any love or regard to God. I saw that I had been heaping up my devotions before God, fasting, praying, &c. pretending, and indeed really thinking, at some times, that I was aim

ing at the glory of God; whereas I never once truly intended it, but only my own happiness. I saw that as I had never done any thing for God, I had no claim to lay to any thing from him but perdition, on account of my hypocrisy and mockery. O how different did my duties now appear from what they used to do! I used to charge them with sin and imperfection; but this was only on account of the wanderings and vain thoughts attending them, and not because I had no regard to God in them-for this I thought I had; but when I saw evidently that I had regard to nothing but self-interest, then they appeared vile mockery of God, self-worship, and a continual course of lies; so that I saw now, there was something worse had attended my duties than barely a few wanderings; for the whole was nothing but self-worship, and a horrid abuse of God.

'I continued, as I remember, in this state of mind, from Friday morning till the Sabbath evening following, July 12, 1739, when I was walking again in the same solitary place, where I was brought to see myself lost and helpless, as was before mentioned: and here, in a mournful melancholy state, was attempting to pray, but found no heart to engage in that or any other duty; my former concern and exercise, and religious affections, were now gone. I thought the Spirit of God had quite left me; but still was not distressed, yet disconsolate, as if there was nothing in heaven or earth could make me happy.

And having been thus endeavouring to pray, though being, as I thought, very stupid and senseless for near half an hour, and by this time the sun was about half an hour high, as I remember-then, as I

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was walking in a dark thick grove, unspeakable glory seemed to open to the view and apprehension of my soul. I do not mean any external brightness, for I saw no such thing; nor do I intend any imagination of a body of light, somewhere away in the third heavens, or any thing of that nature; but it was a new inward apprehension or view that I had of God, such as I never had before, nor any thing which had the least resemblance of it. I stood still, and wondered and admired; I knew that I never had seen before any thing comparable to it for excellency and beauty; it was widely different from all the conceptions that ever I had had of God or things divine. I had no particular apprehension of any one Person in the Trinity, either the Father, the Son, or the Holy Ghost; but it appeared to be divine glory that I then beheld; and my soul rejoiced with joy unspeakable, to see such a God, such a glorious divine Being; and I was inwardly pleased and satisfied, that he should be God over all for ever and ever. My soul was so captivated and delighted with the excellency, loveliness, greatness, and other perfections of God, that I was even swallowed up in him; at least to that degree, that I had no thought, as I remember, at first, about my own salvation, and scarce reflected there was such a creature as myself.

'Thus God, I trust, brought me to a hearty disposition to exalt him, and set him on the throne, and principally and ultimately to aim at his honour and glory, as King of the universe.

'I continued in this state of inward joy and peace, yet astonishment, till near dark, without any sensible abatement; and then began to think and examine what I had seen, and felt sweetly composed in my

mind all the evening following. I felt myself in a new world, and every thing about me appeared with a different aspect from what it was wont to do.

'At this time, the way of salvation opened to me with such infinite wisdom, suitableness, and excellency, that I wondered I should ever think of any other way of salvation; and was amazed that I had not dropped my own contrivances, and complied with this lovely, blessed, and excellent way before. If I could have been saved by my own duties, or any other way that I had formerly contrived, my whole soul would now have refused. I wondered that all the world did not see and comply with this way of salvation, entirely by the righteousness of Christ.

The sweet relish of what I then felt continued with me for several days, almost constantly, in a greater or less degree; I could not but sweetly rejoice in God, lying down and rising up.'

It is evident that this young man was not an ordinary Christian. He was called to run a short, but vigorous course of service; and his preparation for this service was of no common kind. They who have not passed through his conflicts, may feel some surprise at the vivid manner in which he depicts his discovery of the merciful remedy of the gospel. But it must be observed, that there is nothing here which savours of a heated imagination. The struggling mind is assisted in forming just conclusions from scripture. Here is no pretence to any special revelation of any new truth from God: but "the Spirit helpeth our infirmities!" And, by his gracious aid, the soul is brought to an entire surrender to the divine will, and to an unlimited admiration of the

divine glory: the highest state to which mortal man can be raised!

We shall here, for the present, leave this exalted man. He had now attained a composure of mind to which he was before a stranger. He felt himself as in a new world. The divine method and plan of salvation opened before his mind with such infinite wisdom, that he was amazed he should have so long resisted. His whole soul now refused and abhorred those various contrivances, by which he had endeavoured to lay claim to some share in the glory of his own salvation; and he wondered that all the world did not see and comply with that way of salvation which God had revealed.'

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