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on my bended knees, feveral times, to confider what I had said, and not kill me with cruel denials. She told me, that though fhe was fenfible of my merit, and efteemed my judgment and piety, and loved me next to her dear deceafed friend, whose remembrance could never be erafed from her mind; yet she could not bring her heart to acquiesce in my proposals. .“ No, Sir," the continued; ' " it is not in my power. The image of the dear youth is fo ftrongly impressed on my mind, that it can'never be effaced. I cun. not bestow that love on you which was lavilhed on him. I wish to forget him, but I cannot. I'am fenfible, Sir, you love me, and wish I could give you a return of affection : but it is not in my power; I am dead to the feelings of love to any man, now fince the dear youth, whom I doted on, is no more. O Sir, endeavour to forget me, and cherish not an unavailing paffion. I with you happy in die poffeffion of a virtuousand 'amiable lady; but I don't think I will ever be your wife, or that of any other man.” I used all the most moving entreaties and expoftulations I could think of, to conquer the averfion and frigidity of this amiable lady, whom I viewed as the fair queen of love, and with whofe beauty and excellent accomplishments I was deeply fmitten ; but the proved relentlets, and deaf to all I could fay. I therefore determined to leave this family, and return to my own house, avishing I had never "feen the lovely charmer, as I could with no fatif faction abide in a place where the sole object of
my affection would not give me even a diftant hint of encouragement. 1. intimated to Mr
T- and his lady on Saturday my intention of returning home on Monday morning; at which they were excessively grieved, and used every argument to diffuade me, saying, they were happy
in my company and conversation, and would be quite unhappy without me. They imputed my sudden departure to the coldness of Miss C-m, and threatened to chide her; which I earnestly begged them not to do. They then desired it as a very singular favour if I would promise to return in three weeks, and honour them with my company at Miss T-s's marriage; expressing their hopes, that that event might possibly be a means of altering the mind of their dear, but stubborn niece. I answered, that I would consider of the kind invitations, and return them an answer in due time.
I took my leave of this worthy family on Monday after breakfast, which was very affecting, every one as well as myself shedding many tears. Miss Cm was sensibly grieved at my abrupt departure, and told me she was forry at my hafty resolution, for which the blamed herself, and afsured me she should endeavour to think of what I had faid. I reached my own house in the evening, being greatly fatigued, and grieved at my unsuccessful journey. I dedicated the most part of my time to reading, meditation, and prayer, besides taking a ride or walk every day, except on the day of facred rest. That week all my baggage from arrived, as did that of Mr T5, at his father's houle; wbo immediately gave me notice of it, and desired leave to send the books, agreeably to his son's will. But I absolutely refused to receive them, saying, I was obliged to the deceased and to him, but I had enough of my own. I then sent him all the bundles of letters which I found in his son's cabinet, except those written by the decealed, moft of which I had burnt before I left -, keeping nothing but the effays. - My refusal was taken in very ill
part by the worthy gentleman; but I would not yield to his moft presfing solicitations.
The week before Mifs T-s's marriage, Mr T-s sent me a very presling letter, earnestly defiring, if I was riot quite alienated froń his family, of which the coldness of his piece and my refusal of the books were but too plain evidences, as he alleged, I would come once more, and honour his daughter's nuptials, declaring that Miss Cm heartily concurred in the invitation. I wrote him an anfwer, very shortly, that I would come. I went accordingly to his houfe the day before that folemnity, and was joyfully received by the whole family, not excepting Miss Cm; who did not look near so well as when I saw her before. I had a long conversation with her that evening : in which, I represented the real injury fhe was doing to herself, by roining her health, and offending her Maker, by an immoderate and finful grief for the act of God in removing a young gentleman from a finful and vain world, to a ftate of complete felicity; that he
could not now be the object of human love, and could feel none of the pasfions of poor mortals ; that reason and feripture loudly called on her to alter her sentiments and behaviour, and not deliberately shorten a life, which might be employed in a way tending to the glory of God, and the benefit of her fellow-creatures. I'obtefted her to act rationally, and confider what she was doing ; for if she continued obstinate in this extravagant course of vain grief, the would repent it when it was too late. She made me a very polite reply, but declared she could not forget the dear youth now deceased, and could not be reconciled to the thoughts of admitting another lover. This cold reserve determined me to make my stay here very short. · Accordingly next day I witnessed the nup
tials of the amiable couple, which were conducted with great decency and regularity, but with innocent mirth and festivity. And the day following, notwithstanding the most importunate solicitations to honour them with my company for fome time longer, I set out on my return home. I carried on an epistolary correspondence with both Mr T-s and his son, much to my satisfaction. I also wrote several letters to Miss C -m, ufing every argument reason or scripture could suggest, to induce her to abandon her immoderate grief, and admit me to a fhare of her affections; defiring her every day to read the latter part of Mr T-s's letter to her, and seriously ask her own heart, how she could anfwer to God for destroying, with her own hands, the life which the greac God bad given her! Though she had now loft the company of Miss T-s, who had gone to
with her husband, and had no companion but Miss Jeffy, who was indeed a very sensible girl, yet fhe continued obstinate. Though the wrote me very polite answers to my several lettečs, yet the gave me no hint of encouragement whatever. At last I wrote her a letter, in which I told her, that fince the obstinately refused my honourable and affectionate propofáls, I should give her no further trouble, nor ever again court one of her sex. This letter I fent unsealed under cover to Mr T- -s, that he might see it, and present it to her. He wrote me, he was exceedingly vexed at the unaccountable conduct of his piece, and at my precipitant resolution, as he defired nothing more earnestly than to have me joined in affinity with his family,
I staid at home for nine months after this, without vifiting Mr T-s's family, and feldom went abroad, except to sec Mr M, who had
taken his degree of Doctor in Medicine, and fet. tled at
about forty miles from me, and practised with great reputation and success. He married a very amiable lady, and I witneffed his nuptials. He continued to have the fame faa voury impressions of religion, and we took great pleasure in one another's company. I visited him at least four times every year. Just nine months after the date of my last letter to Miss C-m, The wrote me, acquainting me, that her exceflive grief for the death of her dear lover had thrown her into a consumption; that she was now brought very low, and had, in appearance, but a few days to live; that she was sensible of her error now when it was too late, earnestly defiring the Lord might forgive her ; that she begged pardon for her coldness and indifferency to me, whom she now saw it was her duty, and would have been her interest to encourage; and concluded with entreating, that if I had the smallest spark of affection remaining in me to her, that I would visit her before she died. Though I knew that a visit from me would be to little purpose, and would only serve to augment my grief, I yet resolved to visit the lovely, unfortunate lady. I found her indeed, very ill, worn to a skeleton, but sen@ble, and exercised to religion. She received me in the most affectionate manner, expreffing her deep sorrow for her 'harsh and ungenerous treatment of me, saying, if the were to live, she would receive my proposals with oper arms; but that now death, alas! would foon bring her to her long home, and she must bid an eternal farewell, to all human connections and earthly objects. She earnestly begged I would forgive her the injuryshe had done me, blaming her own folly in the most moving terms. I told her, that from the bottom of my heart I for