TO BE DELIVERED AT THE ROYAL SOCIETY OF LITERATURE, - (OF BERLIN). "HUMBUG is as universal as light-all recognise it, all practise it to a greater or less extent none understand it. To understand it, it must be considered as a science. Formula are required, as also dataof these mankind are ignorant. Professor Wolfgang von Bibundtücker has made it a study, — it has been the study of his life, he has the formula and data, which these lectures are to be the medium of spread ing over the civilised world. A clever writer has said, 'Deceit is the strong but subtle chain which runs through all the members of a society, and links them together; trick or be tricked is the alternative; 'tis the way of the world, and without it intercourse would drop.' Deceit is the daughter of Humbug-need more be said? "Humbug has fallen into disrepute because many ignorant pretenders (odi profanum vulgus!) have taken to the practice without previously qualifying themselves. Why have they not succeeded? Because the Philosophy of it was to them a sealed book! A sickle may be a very convenient instrument to clean hedges with; but it requires a steady hand and a razor for a chin. "What is the fruit of all experience (that expensive schoolmaster), of all the boasted knowledge of the world, but to learn how to rule mankind ?—and how can you rule mankind but by Humbug? 66 Humbug is knowledge, and knowledge is Humbug; an antithesis worthy note. The science of flattery is one branch of the Philosophy of Humbug, and will be fully explained. "In the course of twelve lectures every point of the Philosophy of Humbug will be developed, and rules laid down for the judicious practice of it, such as cannot fail to contribute towards the welfare of the individual in particular, and that of the world in general. Tickets for the course, Ten Guineas. "Vivat Regina!" Such is this extraordinary specimen, -a fresh indication of the "march of mind." To add a comment would be superfluous. The best I can do is to give what "notes" of these intended lectures I may have. Here they are. "Humbug in emergencies - how useful.- Domitius Afer, the celebrated orator, a genius and a Humbug, on being publicly contradicted by Caligula, was silent, affecting to be overwhelmed by the tyrant's eloquence. Why, gentlemen, did he not try his accustomed rhetoric in defence? Because he was a Humbug. Had he replied, he would have lost his head." I can fancy the Professor eloquently expanding on this illustration. Again "On the expression of opinion.-Always ascertain people's opinions, that you may regulate the expression of your own. Do not always assent to the opinions of others, or in time your assent will not be worth having; but differ with science." In another place I find a note on "The science of differing in opinion.-Before you argue with a man, ascertain whether the opinion he is advocating is a rooted one, or merely struck off in the heat of the moment. If the former, you can scientifically humbug him. An ignoramus would under such circumstances agree with this rooted opinion. Short-sighted folly! You, instructed in the science of flattery, would boldly differ with him; for what do u gain by acquiescence? The subject drops, but you differ. This draws him out to establish and defend his position. This is all you can desire. You continue the attack; but, after a vigorous resistance, you gradually yield. You see the perspicacity of his reasoning, the applicability of his analogies, the depth and acuteness of his analysis, the beauty of his synthesis, the severity of his induction, and the irresistibility of his conclusion! "Do this with science, and you have conquered nobly. His amour propre how exquisitely gratified!-he has convinced you! The scientific Humbug will make himself acquainted with the characteristics of those with whom he mingles. To those proud of ancestry, in what a lofty and sublime strain of panegyric can he soar ! -and so on with the rest." Another is headed "The Humbug of Poetry.-People admire the deep feeling, the exquisite pathos, the sublimity, and fanciful touches of poetry. All Humbug, I assure you, gentlemen! A man sitting down writing feelings which he does not feel,-labouring sentiment and sublimity in ten feet, -drawing upon Walker's Dictionary of Rhymes' for assistance,— blotting, and blotting, and altering,-this they call poetry. I say, gentlemen, it is Humbug!" Another has merely these fragmentary expressions! "What a profound Humbug is a patriot, and a physician, and a lawyer, and a lecturer !" The last I cannot understand. Query-Did he intend, in his zeal for the exposition of Humbug, to expose himself? Of deep significance, no doubt, are these fragments of a great mind, could we but fairly penetrate them; but if they have important significance, what must have been the value of the "Lectures," had he lived to deliver them! My arithmetic will not carry me far enough to calculate it. My task is ended-I have shown the world what manner of man it had, and what it has lost! A marble tablet ought to be erected to his memory in every Royal Society in Europe, and no doubt will soon be. THE INQUEST. 66 BY RICHARD JOHNS, AUTHOR OF LEGEND AND ROMANCE, AFRICAN AND EUROPEAN." IN the year 1793, the population of a small borough town in a western county of England was thrown into a most extraordinary state of excitement. A coroner's inquest was about to be held at the Crown Inn, the principal house of entertainment within its precincts, on the body of a stranger, name unknown, which had been discov, ed in the abode of a person who had but recently become an inhabitant of the place. The great room in the Crown was too small to hold the crowd that pressed into it, and it was with no little difficulty that the chief constable of the borough could preserve a space for the coroner and jury. On a cumbrous table lay the body of the deceased, towards which all eyes were directed; for in those days, in provinces distant from the mighty heart of the kingdom, the jury did not merely visit the body, and, leaving the sad wreck of mortality to the silence of a deserted chamber, solve, or attempt to solve, in another room the cause of death. No!-there lay the deceased -a sheet lightly fell on the rigid form in thin folds, which even in shrouding made painfully evident the nature of the object concealed. Many a time during the morning had that sheet been lifted to satisfy the curiosity of the horrorlovers of H―; but now the jurors had arrived, and, after greeting their acquaintances in the room, had taken their places near the table. They were most of them tradesmen of the town, or small farmers from the neighbourhood. There were only two or three of a superior grade, and one of these was an old man, who, had he so chosen, might well have claimed exemption from serving on juries and filling parish offices, by reason of age; but his youth had been a season of constant employment, and having retired from business, for the sexagenarian had been a merchant of Liverpool, he found a relief from idleness in the civic duties of his native town. He was foreman of the grand jury at the quarter sessions,-twice had he served as overseer of the poor,-he was a perpetual churchwarden. Indeed, though his incapacity from advanced age was latterly perceptible to most of his friends, he would not allow himself to be unfit for any office, however onerous, except that of special constable. The jury were now waiting the coming of the coroner. At length the hum of the eager crowd and the more subdued converse of the jury were stilled by the appearance of this functionary, escorted by the landlord. Mr. Greene, who was a very important-looking and somewhat bustling man, commenced business directly; the jury was sworn, and the sheet withdrawn from the body. The jurymen gathered round the table a corpse was extended before them, the blue livid tint of which might have belonged to a cholera subject. A few darker spots were thinly scattered about the ghastly frame, as though decomposition had commenced; still no effluvium arose from the body, and the flesh was firm and elastic under pressure; but the features and head were frightfully swollen, presenting an appearance scarcely human. Mr. Parr, the old man we have before mentioned, was one of the few who had not until that moment seen the corpse uncovered. That some very powerful poison had caused the stranger's death there could be no doubt; and, on this being communicated to Mr. Parr, he had, previously to the coroner's entrance, been instancing a curious case of poisoning which had come under his notice on an inquest some five-andtwenty years ago, the poison used having been of a character then new in England, and, indeed, he believed the method of producing it was still unknown; yet had it been found in the possession of a mere lad, who, it was supposed, obtained it from some sailor belonging to one of the Liverpool slave-traders, for the purpose of destroying his master. It had several times been the lot of the worthy merchant to be summoned on inquests; but now he stood at the feet of the deceased appalled and trembling, unlike the experienced juror who had looked upon death in many of its most hideous shapes. The gaping throat of the suicide was not here-here was no trace of the murderer's bloody hand. Had death been compassed by the subtle influence of poison, the old man had seen sterner sights than even the blue and spotted corpse before him. But the hue of that corpse, the swelling of those features, reminded him of the inquest of which he had been but the moment before speaking. The past seemed suddenly recalled to him he could almost have believed that he again looked upon the body of one whom he had loved when living, and when dead had, in conjunction with others, solved the cause of his dissolution, and delivered the author of it up to condign punishment. A feeling of sickness crept over him, and he would have fainted had he not been supported by several of the jurymen who came to his assistance. Amid the cries of "Poor old Mr. Parr ! - poor old gentleman !— take him out of the room,-loosen his neckcloth, he is in a fit,”—and other exclamations of sympathy and advice, the ancient juror was removed from the apartment; Mr. Greene snappishly remarking, that old men were no better than old women, and ought to give up public business. As if to contradict him, and before a substitute could be chosen, Mr. Parr returned. He looked very pale, and his step was unsteady; but he walked to his seat, and apologizing for the interruption he had caused, declared himself well enough to perform his part in the inquest. The first witness called was an elderly female, who gave her name Sarah Hodge, servant to Mr. Morton, in whose house the dead man was found. The deponent stated that she had lived six months with her master, who was a gentleman of independent fortune, residing in a very quiet way within half a mile of the town, her only fellow-servant being a male attendant of Mr. Morton, called James, she did not know his other name. Her master was a great invalid, and, to use her own words, seemed "very troubled in his mind ;" but the deponent seldom saw him, her duty being to keep the house clean, and perform the office of cook; while James waited on Mr. Morton, and slept in the next room to him, that he might be ready at all calls. On the morning previous to the night when the body of the deceased was found on the premises, James informed her that he had leave to go and visit his friends, whom he had only seen once since he had returned with his master from abroad. Witness naturally asked how Mr. Morton could do without him; and James answered, that their master had said he was better, and could well spare him for a few days. He further remarked, that she would now have to make Mr. Morton's bed, and wait upon him, as well as look to the housekeeping. Deponent had occasion to go out on an errand towards evening, and, on returning, went into the parlour, where she saw her master, who told her that James was gone, and that he should not want her any more that night, as he was going to bed. About twelve o'clock on the night in question, or it might be early in the morning of the following day, witness was awoke by the cries of Mr. Morton. Thinking he had been taken suddenly ill, she quickly went to his assistance, but found the door of the dressing-room locked. Her master was talking loudly in the bed-room, which communicated with the dressing-room. He was imploring for mercy, and occasionally uttered the word "murder;" but this was not as an exclamation. At length all became silent, and the witness, who was a woman of strong nerve, continued knocking at the door, but without succeeding in obtaining admittance. Just as she had made up her mind to seek the aid of their nearest neighbour, a farmer, who lived about two hundred yards off, her master came out of the room, looking as pale as a ghost." Without uttering a syllable, he beckoned her in; he then shut the door, and confronting her, deliberately said, "Before you go into the other room, I must tell you that I have had a visitor since you went to bed." At this moment the calmness which he had assumed passed away, and the deponent declared that his eyes rolled, and he gnashed his teeth horribly. "This visiter has been taken ill," he continued, "has died-has poisoned himself!" According to witness's account, her master then became more and more violent, and talked a great deal about murdered bodies not resting in their graves, and of brother slaying brother. Fully convinced that Mr. Morton was deranged, and that the visitor he talked of was but a fancy of his diseased brain, she begged him to go to bed. No, no! not I!" he exclaimed. "Go you and close the eyes of the corpse." And then he caught hold of the deponent's hand, and grasped it convulsively. Witness, alarmed as she felt, was impelled by curiosity, together with a wish to discover if her master were labouring under a mental delusion, to enter the bed-room. She there found the deceased stretched on Mr. Morton's bed; the body was in every respect as though it had been just laid out, except that the jaw had no sustaining band; and the eyes were nearly closed; the arms and legs were straightened; and the whole figure was completely naked. Deponent stated that she was so frightened at the unexpected appearance of such a spectacle, that she rushed from the room. Mr. Morton tried to stop her as she passed him; but his grasp was feeble, and she succeeded in escaping from the house. Having reached the neighbouring farm, she told her story; and before daybreak Mr. Morton was arrested on suspicion of murder. On the witness being asked if she could in any way identify the deceased as her fellow-servant, who was supposed to have left the house the evening before the finding of the body, she deposed that, from the swollen state of the features, she should not have known her "own father under the like circumstances;" but that James wore whiskers, while the face of the dead man was closely shaved. In fact, she could not for one moment entertain the idea that it was the man-servant ; and she doubted not he would return in a few days, when he had expended the leave given him by his master, with whom he was on the best possible terms, having, witness believed, lived with him many years. It further appeared that sundry articles of wearing apparel had been taken from James's room, which witness supposed he had now |