Day, even for the Fashion's Cause; but wot ye who is amongst you the Day? Even the meikle horned Devil; though you cannot see him, yet I do; I see him, Sirs, by the Eye of Faith: But you'll say, now that we have him here, what shall we do with him, Sirs; (Humph) What Way will ye destroy him; some of you will say we will hang him; ha! ha! my Beloved. there are not so many Tows in all the Parish as hang him; besides, he's as light as a Feather: What then will you do with him? for he will not hang. Then some of you will say, we will drown him. (Humph) my Beloved, there is too much Cork in his Arse; he's as souple as an Eel, he will not sink. Others of you will say, we will burn him: Na, na, Sirs, you may scald yourselves, but you cannot burn him, for all the Fire of Hell could never yet singe a Hair of his Tail. Now, Sirs, you cannot find a Way among you all to kill him, but I will find it: What Way will this be, Sirs? We shall even shoot him: Wherewith shall we shoot him? We shall shoot him with the Bible. Now, Sirs, shall shoot him presently. So (presenting the Bible as Soldiers do their Muskets) he cries out, Touff, Touff, Touff. Now he is shot, there lies the foul Thief as dead as a Heron. Some Eye-witnesses report of another that was to give the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper, such as they can give; and having got into the Pulpit, he looks about him and says, Sirs, I miss somebody here the Day, I miss Christ here the Day, I think he will be as good as his Word: However, I will go out and see if he be coming. He at this went out of the Pulpit, and staying out some little Time, he comes in, and tells them, Now, Sirs, Christ is coming, I saw him on his white Horse coming to you. Now what Entertainment will you give him? I will tell you, Sirs, Will you get among you all but one Pint* of Faith, a Gill of Grace. and a Mutchkin† of Sanctification, and this will make a good Morning Draught for him. In the Mers there was a Communion given lately, and, as it is ordinary, there is a Discourse for every Table. One of the Preachers that's most cried up for his Eloquence, said, You that are Wives, ye will be saying ordinarily when ye meet, Cummer, have you spun your Yarn yet? But alas! I fear there are few of you that have spun a Wedding Garment for Christ the Day. But Christ will be among you, and see who is his wellbusked Bride: He'll say to them that have not on their Wedding Garment, Is that nasty Slut there my Bride? Shame and Lack fall that Bride; go nasty Slut, sway'd away to Hell. It is ordinary among some Plebeians in the South of Scotland, to go about from Door to Door upon New-Year's Eve, crying Hagmane, a corrupted Word from the Greek Hagia mena, which signifies the Holy Month. John Dickson, holding forth against this Custom once in a Sermon at Kelso, says, Sirs, do you know what Hagmane signifies? It is the Devil be in the House, that's the Meaning of its Hebrew Original. Another Time he told his Hearers what an Idolatrous Church the English + English Pint. Two English Quarts. Church is; for lay two Eggs in a Dish, and the one is not so like the other, as the Church of Rome and the Church of England are to one another. I know a Minister that went purposely to hear this Man, and declared upon his real Truth, that he held out a nonsensick Rhapsody for an Hour and an half's Time, on the Third of Matthew. This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased: All the Graces of the Spirit (said he) are Mysteries, Faith is a Mystery; there is a Faith that is not saving, but that's no Mystery. I believe if I should ask any of you whether or no ye believe the Words that I read to you, you will all say (Hum) we all believe that. Sirs, the Devil does more, and yet he is not saved, nor like to be in haste. This is a Passage of our Saviour's Transmigration; Sirs, (says he). It tells how our blessed Saviour was reform'd like an Angel of Light; when his Disciples saw that glorious Sight, they were all like a Countryman that had never tasted Outlandish Wine before, the Wine runs up into his Head, and makes him dizzie; so the Disciples were dizzie, the 17th Ver. They knew not what they said, that is, they were dizzie. From the Words we learn this Note of Doctrine, That Christ he is lovely, O he is lovely! O he is lovely! First, as he is the Son of God, 8 Prov, Ver. 15. By me Kings reign, and Princes decree Justice: That is, lovely Christ hath Authority over all the Kings of the World: The great Turk can do nothing without him: The meikle Deel and the black Pape can do nothing without him. There were a Pack of Deel's Limbs a Year or two ago here, and they thought forsooth all would be their own; and now, lovely Christ, in his providential Providence, is like to disappoint them all; and who kens but they'll come begging Pease and Pottage at our Doors yet. Christ is lovely, as he is Mediator; cut him all in Pieces, from Head to Foot, every Bit of him is lovely. They'll tell you now the young Prince is banished Britain, but I'll tell you of a young Prince that has been banished Britain these twenty-eight Years, by the incoming of the perjured Prelates and drunken Curates: Lovely Christ is that young Prince, and now he is like to come back again to get his Crown: O take him now, now when he is coming with a Whip in his Hand to scourge out the cursed Curates, &c. This was preached in the Parish of Smallum in Teviotdale, and the Effect this Preaching followed the next Sabbath, for the Rabble came and pulled the Minister out of his Pu!pit in the time of his Sermon. One Mr. Thomas Ramsay, in Mordington, within the Shire of Berwick, said in a Sermon upon the Foolishness of preaching, these Words: There are two sorts of preaching, Sirs; there is a Gentle-manny Preaching, and a ' Common-manny preaching; for Gentle-manny preaching they'll feed you up with penny Whistles, or Nigg-nays bonny wallies:* At which he perceiv'd one of the Commons laugh. He points out to him, and said, Man, do not thou think to gullt one of God's Ministers that way, lift up your Bonnet off your Face, think no shame of your Shape. I tell you Sirs, there is a Gentle-manny preaching and Common-manny preaching; I will give you common-manny preaching, Sirs, I will give you milk-pottage, and this will make you bonny, fat, and lusty, in your Journey to Heaven. Ye ken* Sirs, ye ken; to my great grief, I may say ye ken no: Bnt I tell you there is Gentle-manny preaching, and Common-manny preaching. There are three sorts of Men that despise Common-manny preaching. 1. The Politician. 2. The Gallant. 3. The Ignorant Man. First, for the Politician, he will go Twenty Miles to hear a Gentle-manny preaching; What cares he for Common-manny preaching? Secondly, for the Gallant, give him a Glass of Wine to drink, and give him a Lady to kiss, and what cares he for preaching? Thirdly, for the Ignorant Man, give him a Cogfnlt of Broset to his Belly, and a pair of Breeks|| to his Arse, what cares he for preaching. A little thereafter he saw a little Child looking to and fro; he said, Sit still little Rogue, else I'll cut a Lug out. of your Head Sirrah. O the Glorious Days of the Gospel, the very Wee-ones§ were then so serious that they would rug¶ Christ out of my Heart, but now they are all bawdy-fac'd, they look as if the Curates and their Mothers were overgreat.** This was written from his own Mouth, by a Person that is ready to declare the Verity of it, were he to die just after. Mr. John Veach in Wool-struthers, in a Nonsensical and incoherent Discourse, at the Opening up of a Presbyterian Synod at Jedburgh, said, "That one Duty of Ministers was not to preach close and neat Discourses; "his Reason was this, Men use not to bring the Spits and Racks to the Table, when they bring the Meat to it." * Know. + Deep Dish. Little Children. A Strong Pottage, || Breeches. CHAP. II. T HERE are many in Edinburgh who heard Mr, James Kirton, in a Sermon, concerning Joseph and Mary, say, "The first Night, "said he, that they met together, he laid his Hand on her Belly, and "found her with Bairn*; the honest Man turn'd very angry, and would put her away, as any of us all would have done, had we met with the like; " and who is it that ever would suspect that the Holy Ghost should have "another Man's Wife ?" 66 66 66 66 One Mr. John Hebburn, lecturing on the Second Psalm, told, "There was a Dialogue betwixt the Father and the Son in Heaven; the Son said, Father will you give me my Portion now? Your Portion, Son, says the Father, indeed shall you; thou hast been a dutiful Son to me, "thou never angered me in thy Days; what Portion will you have, Son? "Will you give me poor Scotland, saith the Son? Scotland, said the "Father, truly thou shalt get poor Scotland, and he proved that it was Scotland he sought, from ver. 8. I shall give thee the outmost parts of the Earth for a Possession. Now, Sirs, Scotland is the outmost Part of "the Earth; and therefore it was given to the Son for a Patrimony. 66 66 66 One Mr. Mossman in Newbotle, past this Compliment upon himself in a Sermon. "All the World knows that I am a learned Man, and a judicious Man, and a Man that can clear the Scriptures well; but there are some in the Parish that have not such Thoughts for me; as for them I pity "them, for they must be very silly." At that Time he was Preaching against taking God's Name in vain; he told, “O Sirs, this is a very great great Sin; for my own part, I rather steal all the horned Nout in the "Parish, beforme I took God's Name in vain once." 66 One Mr. Robert Steideman, in Carriden, told once, "That the People of "God had many Doubts about their Election; for Proof of this, sce (says he) the 2 Cant. v. 16. My Beloved is mine, and I am his." 66 Another Time he told, "That the best of God's Saints have a little Tinc"ture of Atheism; for a plain Proof of this, you may see, says he, Psal. "xiv. 1. The Fool hath said in his Heart that there is no God." Another Time he tells, "That Christ was not Proud nor Lordly, for he "rode upon an Ass, which is a Laigh* Beast; and wherefore think ye did "he this? It was Sirs, for the Conveniency of the old Wives that followed "him, that he might kuttlef in the Gospel in their Ears as they went along." One Mr. Murry, marrying a Couple, call'd the Man the Head, and the Woman the Tail: In the Name of God, then, says he, I join Head and Tail together, Sirs, let no Man ever separate them. The same Person preaching at Hadden, said, Christ is a great Stranger to you these twenty-eight Years, but I have brought him to you the Day, Sirs, and if ye will have him, I will take him with Horning and Caption for you. One Mr. Shields, preaching at Borthwick, said, Many had Religion the Day, but will have none the Morn; their Religion was gone like a Woman's Virginity. One Wedderburn, preaching in Irvin, said, Lord, we have over foul|| Feet to come so far benn as Heaven, but yet as broken a Ship has come to Land. Mr. Rutherford, preaching at Jedburgh, said, These twenty-eight Years the Grass has grown long betwixt Jedburgh and Heaven. Mr. William Stuart preaching lately in Fores, upon these Words: Our God is a consuming Fire, said, "Sirs, I will explain these Words in a very homely Manner: There was a godly Man of my Acquaintance, Sirs, he "had a young Bairn that was dying, and he comes to him, and said, Sandy, 66 now my Cockie, believe in God now, for ye will not live long: No, no, "said the Bairn, I will not believe in God, for God is a Boo; but I will "believe in Christ, for he is sweet, Daddy, and he is good. Now you may by this see Sirs, that God without Christ is a Boo." Boo is a Word that's used in the North of Scotland to frighten crying Children. 66 66 Mr. William Vetch preaching at Linton in Tiviotdale, said, “Our Bishops 'thought they were very secure this long Time: Like Willie Willie Wastel, I am in my Castel, A the Dogs in the Town, "Yea, but there is a Doggie in Heaven that has dung them all down." Another, preaching of the Dialogue betwixt God and Adam after his Fall, "Adam, (said he) went to hide himself. God comes to him, and said, Where art thou, Man? I am courring§ here, Lord. I'll hazard twa "and a plack saith God, there is a Whap in the Kape** Ede; has thou 66 • Low. + Whisper. Letters of Arrestment. || Nasty. Absconding. |