PART III.

Containing OBSERVATIONS on the foregoing NARRATIVE.

My design in writing this accout of myself, and my religious inquiries, and change of sentiments, was as follows. I considered myself a singular instance of a very unlikely person, in an uncommon manner, being led on from one thing to another, to embrace a system of doctrine, which he once heartily despised. And as I de assuredly believe, that this change hath been effected under the guidance and teaching of the Holy Ghost; so I verily hoped, that a circumstantial relation of it might be an encouragement and comfort to those, who know and love the Lord, and from them levy a tribute of gratitude, and praise to our gracious wonderworking God; and that it also might be instrumental, by the convincing Spirit, to awaken others to a serious review of their religious sentiments; to put them upon the

same earnest inquiry after the truth, as it is in Jesus; and to influence them to the diligent use of the same blessed means, in which the Lord directed me to be found. In order to forward this effect, I would offer a few observations, upon what has been related, to the attentive and impartial consideration of the reader; and may the Lord guide both the writer and reader of these sheets to the saving knowledge of himself, and of the ways of truth, and peace!

Now 1st. I think it must be evident to every unprejudiced reader of this narrative, that at the time this change commenced, I was, humanly speaking, a most unlikely person, to embrace this system of doctrine. This will appear from the following considerations.

1. By reason of my religious opinions at that time, which had been for many years directly contrary thereto. Being always of a reflecting turn, I had exceeding high notions of the powers of human reason, and a very favourable opinion of my own understanding; and I had, upon reasoning prin

ciples, embraced a system of religion, which, whilst it soothed my conscience, flattered this self-conceit. After some trivial alterations, I seemed to myself, upon mature deliberation to have come to a settled determination, and had bestowed considerable pains in making myself acquainted with those arguments, and interpretations of Scripture, wherewith that system is usually defended; and I had raked together many of those plausible objections, and high charges, which are by reasoning men brought against the doctrines, and persons of the Calvinists. But, on the other hand, I was in a great measure a stranger to what the Calvinists could say for themselves; because I thought the matter too plain to bear an argument, and therefore did not think their answers worth reading. In short, I was fallen so very low, that very few have ever been recovered from that abyss of error, into which I had been permitted to sink. Full of confidence in my cause, and in the arguments, with which I was prepared to support it, with the most sanguine expecta

tions of success, I was eager to engage in controversy with the Calvinists. In this confidence I frequently harangued against them from the pulpit, and spared not to charge upon them consequences both absurd, and shocking. And yet, at length, after much, very much anxious, diligent inquiry, I have embraced, as the sacred truths of God's unerring word, every doctrine of this despised system.

2. From my natural spirit, and temper, I was a most unlikely person thus to change. Few persons were ever more self-sufficient and positive in their opinions, than I was. Fond to excess of entering into argument, I never failed on these occasions to betray this peculiarity of my character. I seldom acknowledged or suspected myself mistaken; and scarce ever dropped any argument, until either my reasonings, or obstinacy had silenced my opponent. A certain person. once said of me, that I was like a stone rolling down the hill, which could neither be stopped, nor turned. This witness was true; but those things which are impossible

with man, are easy with God. I am evidently both stopped, and turned. Man I am persuaded could not have done it; but this hath God wrought, and I am not more a wonder to others, than to myself. Indeed I carried the same obstinate, positive temper into my religious inquiries; for I never gave up one tittle of my sentiments, till I could defend them no longer, nor ever submitted to conviction, till I could make no longer resistance. The strong man, armed with my natural pride, and obstinacy; and having with my vain imaginations and reasonings, and high thoughts, built himself many strong holds, kept his castle in my heart; and thus garrisoned, when the stronger, than he came against him, he stood a long siege; till being by superior force driven from one to another, and all his armour wherein he trusted, being at length taken from him, he was constrained to recede. And the Lord having made me willing in the day of his power, I was forced to confess; "O Lord, thou art stronger than I, and hast prevailed."