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MARIUS SITTING AMID THE RUINS OF CARTHAGE.

Hail! Carthage, hail! ruin triumphant reigns

No walls, no tow'rs, no consecrated shrine,

Thy mighty bulwarks strew the ravag'd plains,

Crushed by the vigour of an arm-like

mine.

Here then let Marius pause.-Tis good, 'tis great;

[lie, Pillars of pow'r in scatter'd fragments Mark'd, mark'd in dust, I read the warrior's fate;

Cities and kingdoms, hosts and heNoble in council, noble in the fight, roes die.

No lofty birth, no high patrician name, No chief, no consul back'd my glorious right,

But native merit nobly soar'd to fame; No danger awes my soul, no fear appals, But mid the crash of empires Marius falls

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PUBLIC LIBRARY

THE EMERALD.

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ORIGINAL PAPERS.

FOR THE EMERALD.

THE WANDERER,

No. 70.

THROW PHYSIC TO THE DOGS-I'LL

NONE OF IT.

Shakespeare's Macbeth.

THIS is sometimes the language of presumption and sometimes of prudence. The physician, either of the mind or the body, generally prescribes a better draught, and it is vastly more agreeable to "throw it to the dogs" than be under the necessity of taking it; yet there are some people so fond of the phial that if they should distribute a portion in the same uncourteous manner it would be found no disservice to them.

the medicine in his shop. It is a pity that with all her takings she would not take Macbeth's advice. It is a sovereign specific for nervous ladies. Throw physic to the dogs-I'll none of it.

When I see a man preaching moderation and reason to a political enthusiast, wasting his strength in a fruitless attempt to explain the inconsistency of party prejudices with the public good, proposing an armistice to intolerance, and disclosing the advantages of "an union. of all honest men" I cannot help smiling in pity at his mistaken honesty and wasted time. Throw physic to the dogs-your patient will have none of it.

When I read a long list of astonishing cures, the innumerable virtues of a patent medicine, how many lives it has saved, how much disorder it has prevented; when I am informed of the wonderful invention of some self-taught genius, who in the midst of his mechanical ocMrs. Splenetive, for instance, is cupations has discovered a barrier always complaining. Like Lord to the progress of disease and death, Ogleby she cannot come down in a and invites you with generous libmorning without previously break-erality to purchase its advantages, fasting on pills, potions and pow ders. She has as many disorders as are to be found in the catalogues of disease, and has taken at one time or another all the prescriptions of the dispensatory; very much resembling an apothecary's tunnel, through which passes by turns all

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I cannot help exclaiming with Horace, Credat Judeus appela-Throw physic to the dogs-I'll none of it.

The other day, very good natur- . edly we attempted something in the medical way ourselves. We were desirous of making some emollient

Emerot

THE EMERALD.

applications to pride and Bringing after having cut, purged, sweated and down the swellings of inflated van-blistered the poor author from top ity. Take physic, POMP, said the to bottom without his being able to Wanderer, but he lolled at ease in perceive the least possible advanhis chariot and bid the coachman tage, no wonder he should be willgo on. Throw physic to the dogs-ing to throw, not only the physic, I'll none of it. And Pomp was but the doctors, to the dogs, and beg right-Who would permit a dabling they'll let the patient minister to physician to purge one of his dig-himself" nity?

Here is our neighbor and friend received as advice unsolicited. EvThere is nothing so ungratefully Mr. ORDEAL. I know not whether ery man has sufficient vanity to suphe is more appropriately termed a physician or a surgeon, but certain duct of his own concerns, and feels pose himself competent to the conit is he is thorough in his work the interference of others as an imhe has been laboring with much pertinence, which he ought not to zeal and ability for the poor "actor permit, and an arrogant censure of men" almost through the winter, his own understanding which is but he has given one prescription after little entitled to his respect. Yet another, and some of them most bitter doses, the public have watch-quantity of judgment that he willevery man has such a superfluous ed the efficacy of his medicines and admired the theory on which he practised, his patients have been sometimes cured of their malady, but oftener outrageous against the physician, and his medicines have exclaimed with Macbeth-Throw physic to the dogs-We'll none of it.

ingly imparts it to his neighbors, and however economical he may be in other acts of charity, finds himself able to be a SAMARITAN in advice. He is willing to spend his breath for his fellow-being, although his breath is a man's very existence. Like Coleman's good "lady of the Physicians have long been con- RED Cow" though he gives nothing sidered merely as a necessary evil else he "will give a little air.”and however solicitous we may be People who would not move a foot in a moment of danger to call them to assist you in distress are yet willin and ask their assistance, yet no ing enough to give you the benefit one is desirous of their professional of their advice, and to do it with so visits without particular invitation, little prudence that your only secunor willing to follow their prescrip-rity arises in following a directly tions when there are other means opposite course.

of health. The Reviewers howev- To those, however, who are thus er have long been known in the lit-affectionately concerned for every erary world as a college of physi-body's good, who propose remedies cians who insist on administering when the patient is in love with his physic whether the patient will take disease, and are willing to cure him it or not, and are ever ready to am- of disorders which he has no wish putate any limb in his body which to remove, may very often and very they think deformed, however ex-properly be addressed the language cruciating the pain it occasions, or of Macbeth,

imperfect the poor fellow may be without it. They will cure a man's infirmity in spite of himself. But

THROW PHYSIC TO THE DOGS-I'LL

NONE OF IT.

E.

For the Emerald.

REVIEW.

"The Miseries of Human Life; or the Groans of Samuel Sensitive, and Timothy Testy. With a few supplementary sighs from Mrs. Testy. In twelve dialogues. First American from the third London edition-Boston: Published by Grenough, Stebbins, & Hunt, and Belcher & Armstrong. 1807."

THE man, that can make the petty objects of irritation and annoyance tributary to enjoyment, is entitled to no little gratitude from a

fretful creation. We may attempt

in our closets nicely to balance our
judgments and settle in the void of
abstraction the weight of those
trifles, that trouble us abroad, that
tease into ill humour, or vex into
petulance. The difficulty is, we
are not beings that can be always
abstract, We leave our closets,
and mix again with the world, and
find, trifling as they are,
"These little things are great to little

man."

How many can each individual enumerate within the circumscribed 'circle of his own acquaintance, who are really wretchedly miserable, without ever having met, in the whole course of their lives, a single circumstance, that had the weight of calamity or the magnitude of misfortune. The events, which have made them mope and moan, are beneath the dignity of distress or the majesty of affliction. It is the little vexations of life; vexations, that, from their insignificance, wait not for uncommon occasions; that may happen every day and every moment; that make up in number what they want in weight; it is these vexations, that are the grains of dust, which principally constitute the mountain of human infelicity.

The author in the persons of Messrs. Sensitive and Testy has

undertaken to move this mountain, not by faith, but wit. He falls to work upon it with irony, humour and ridicule, and the hill fairly trembles. To bury metaphor in the hill; his design seems to be, to place in the most ludicrous light the minor vexations, which by way of eminence he styles The Miseries of Human Life." Method is not very compatible with mirth; the plan therefore is simple. A couple of wretches get together in sweet community of suffering, and we hear in every one of the "Dialogues,"

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Moody madness laughing wild
Amid severest woe !!"

At the second dialogue Testy introduces his son, of whom he said in the first, that he determined to take him from Eton, because old Busby, the head pedagogue there, pronounced him half mad, without any other reason, than because "from dint of good memory, without brains enough to ballast it, he flirted out his crude scraps of authors upon all occasions, without stopping to think where he was or who were his hearers." It is natural and convenient to have one of the disputants married, and Mrs. Testy comes in by way of appendix. Sensitive senior brings up the rear and explains and elucidates the whole:

The production before us is hardly a fit subject for analytical criticism. Effusions of humour are aptly termed sallies of wit. not in their nature to regard rules · It is and forms. In the direct and gross violation of these, their point often consists. These sallies are not confined to the enumeration of "Miseries." They also abound in the Dialogues. Of these the first is perhaps the most pithy and finished. In no one page of the book are the anthor's forces more condensed,than

in the 10th. He gives a summary of the miseries of each individual.

are equally apt. The great object is to hit this unit. Probably of all the combinations of English language the author has struck the happiest possible in the following instance.

"Sen. I will now give you a ballroom " Groan," with which nothing in Holbein's "Dance of Death” can stand a moment's comparison :

:

When you have imprudently cooled yourself with a glass of ice, after danc

"What my poor Sir, are the senses, but five yawning inlets to hourly and momentary molestations ?-What is your House, while you are in it, but a prison filled with nests of little reptiles; of insect annoyances; which torment you the more, because they cannot kill you? and what is the same house, when you are out of it, but a shelter, out of reach, from the hostilities of the skies?-What is the Country, but a sandy desert at one season, or a swallowing quagmireing very violently, being immediately at another?-What the Town, but an upper Tartarus of smoke, and din What are Carriages, but cages upon wheels ?-What are riding Horses, but purchased enemies, whom you pamper into strength, as well as inclination, to kick your brains out ?-What are Theatres, but licensed repositories for ill told lies, or stifling shambles for the voluntary sacrifice of time, health, money, and morals-A Senatorial Debate (when you have fought your way to it) what is it but a national Main of Cocks What are Games, Sports, and Exereises, but devices of danger and fatigue to the performers, and schools of surgery to the practitioner who may hap-man!"&c. &c.”`` pen to look on ?-What are Society and

told by a medical friend, that you have
no chance for your life but by continu-
ing the exercise with all your might:-
then, the state of horror in which you
suddenly cry out for "Go to the Depil
and shate yourself," or any other such
frolicsome tune, and the heart sinking
apprehensions under which you instant-
ly tear down the dance,and keep rousing
all the rest of the couples (who, having
taken no ice, can afford to move with
less spirit)-incessantly vocifer
as you ramp and gallop along,
across, Sir, for heaven's sake!"
corners, ladies, if you have any
els!"-" Right and left-or I'm t

There is one misery wee Solitude, but, each, an alternate hiding for the benefit of some of our Com place from the persecutions of the other ?

Libraries!-What are they but the sepul-mon pleas lawyers.
chres of gaiety, or conservatories for the
seedlings of disease?-Nay, to descend
still lower, what are the indispensable
processes of Eating and Drinking, but
practical lectures on the art of spoiling
food-or what even the familiar opera-
tions of Dressing and Undressing, but
stinging remembrancers of the privi
leged nakedness of the savage ?"

"Sen. Hearing bad grammar, bad emphasis, &c. from persons who ought to know much better-without the lib erty of interfering.

Among other verbal inaccuracies in the perusal of this volume, any considerable part of which for the reason above suggested we shall not attempt to point out, we observed the word "rightest." Right admits not comparison. We hint this merely because in serious composition there is so general a laxity of style with respect to comparatives,

It is a trite, but true remark, that there is only one way to convey an idea. No two modes of expression

Tes. Yes, though you long to cry out
"malè nominatis
Parcite verbis."

Hor.

The author's wit is most brilliant in classic allusions and in introduc ing the best vernacular writers.— As instances take these:

"Tes. Walking obliquely up a steep hill, when the ground is what the vulgar call greasy.

Ned Tes. Sad work!—"Labitur et labetur !"

Hor.

"Sen. As you are walking with your charmer-meeting a drunken sailor, who, as he staggers by you, ejects his reserve of tobacco against the lady's drapery.

Now is not this too much, Sir?
Ned Tes. Yes, that's exactly what it

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